Only Regret Posted January 23, 2011 Posted January 23, 2011 Hi everyone, This is my first time posting and I'm in need of help. A couple of days ago, my girlfriend cheated on me. She said she was hanging out with a friend. They went to grab a bite, and went for a few drinks after. It was getting late and both of them were drunk so her friend didn't want to let her go home like that. So, he brought her home and they slept together. She says she doesn't remember some of the stuff that happened and as soon as she woke up, she got dressed and left. She said she started crying. She told me the morning after whatever she could remember and I was devastated. She told me she loves me and I still love her and that if she was sober, that would never have happened. What should I do? I trust her and this was never an issue or anything. She used to drink a good bit, but cut back when we met. I drink a little, but have never been drunk. I know that alcohol impairs judgement, but at anytime that it was happening, do you think she would have enough sense of mind what was happening and just stopped? Any and all help is greatly appreciated. Thanks.
gator12 Posted January 23, 2011 Posted January 23, 2011 Welcome to the site Only Regret. I;m sorry for your situation Like you I've been cheated on so I know the pain you're going through. Unlike you my ex was very much sober and it was not a one time thing. Now if she was drunk then yes that could have played a large part, and the fact is you should never trust your woman around another man because other men are not to be trusted. They are pieces of s*** That being said, she told you the day after and if she cried she could genuinely be very sorry however. You need to talk to her about the whole thing you have to let her know exactly how it makes you feel and how much it hurts you, but not to the point of making her feel like she should kill herself. You just need to let her know that id did hurt you and that it can't happen again. You need to be careful though, if you feel like you can really forgive her for this you need to know it's not gonna happen overnight, you're gonna be bothered by this for some time to come, and it could end up ruining your relationship. If you really want to have a chance at your relationship to work it's going to take a lot of communication and work on both of your sides. If the trust of the relationship is never fixed, the relationship itself will never be fixed.
Author Only Regret Posted January 24, 2011 Author Posted January 24, 2011 Thanks Gator. Sorry about what happened to you, but thank you for your thoughts. I agree that it's not going to happen overnight and communication is going to play a huge role in getting past it. One of the great things was that we were so open and honest about anything, able to talk to each other about whatever. Hope everything is going okay with you and your current situation and thanks again for your advice.
Author Only Regret Posted January 24, 2011 Author Posted January 24, 2011 Also, she tried to call me while she was there, to pick her up, I guess, but I was sleeping and missed her call; my only regret.
Stilicho Posted January 24, 2011 Posted January 24, 2011 honestly man, i went through a similar situation 1 month ago, except my ex kissed the guy, didnt sleep with him(weve been together over 2 yrs), and i tried to make it work, but its not worth it. Its not the same anymore after the cheating occurs, youll see that she will feel less special too you, and the lack of trust will eventually fade everything, and it will end in a worse way. do yourself a favor and leave her, keep your power and integrity. she ****ed up, not you. leave now.
gator12 Posted January 24, 2011 Posted January 24, 2011 Also, she tried to call me while she was there, to pick her up, I guess, but I was sleeping and missed her call; my only regret. Man that's harsh, honestly it may have just been because she was drunk. Like my ex when she's drunk I make sure I'm there. Not because I didn't trust her, but because guys are a**holes who will take advantage of a girl with impaired judgement. And I have to agree with stilcho to an extent. It won't ever be the same, at least not in the short run. The breaking of your trust will always nag in the back of your head, at least for a little while. It takes time to get oversomething like that. But in your defense, she was drunk so it would be easier to get over than if she just went home with a guy and slept with him of her own accord. Honestly I'd find the guy and punch him in the face if I were you. Lol, he's a prick who knew exactly what he would get by being the "nice guy" and taking your girl home. I'd say if you really love her, talk this out with her. Let her know eactly how it makes you feel, and if you think you want to keep the relationship going then go for it. Sometimes the easier way isnt always the way your heart wants to go you know. But be prepared for some hard times. O and if you do keep a relationship going, you're going to have to really forgive her, I mean really. She already might be guilty for what she did and after you've made her realize how much it hurt you, you can't keep punishing her for it you know? That isn't fair to either of you, but of course if it continues to bother you talk to er about it, but don't let it consume the relationship.
Author Only Regret Posted January 24, 2011 Author Posted January 24, 2011 (edited) Thank you guys for the responses. Sorry to hear about that Stil, even though you tried to make it work. We already talked about it. We did talk about it before, when she told me, but we talked it out again, about everything. I think we could go back to where we were and what we had. It'll take a long time, a lot of work, and dedication. She admitted it was wrong and totally regrets it. It wouldn't have happened if she was sober and she's willing to work on it, as am I. Obviously, it's going to take time for me to trust her again, but she already agreed to working on it and to stop drinking until we both feel it's ok to. A part of me wants to punch the guy, to beat the sh*t out of him, but a part of me knows that isn't the way to go, and that it isn't worth the repercussions. And i won't make her feel guilty; I'm not that kind of person, but it is going to take time to heal and forgive. Again, I want to thank you both for your time and input and hope you guys are doing well and wish you luck in the future Edited January 24, 2011 by Only Regret
gator12 Posted January 24, 2011 Posted January 24, 2011 Haha I know the punch the in the face thing was a joke.. lol kinda But the best of luck to both of you guys
Chance_taker Posted January 24, 2011 Posted January 24, 2011 Give me f-ing break. Im so sick of cheaters who use the I was drunk card so please forgive me. She knew damn well what she was doing. I had the exact same thing happen to me a few years back with a girl I had been with for 6 months. She says she got drunk and blacked out and would not have done that if she was sober. I wasn't as forgiving as you and split the moment I found that out. The thought of her betrayal would be with me as long as we were together. I have just recently forgiven her for that because we have mutual friends and would see each other occasionally. Well she pulled the same thing with her recent bf who has chosen to forgive her. I know this girl well enough to know she has lost total respect for this guy because he has chosen to stay with her and its only a matter of time until it happens again. I do wish you the best man and I can honestly say I know exactly what you're going through. Keep us posted if things change.
gator12 Posted January 24, 2011 Posted January 24, 2011 Give me f-ing break. Im so sick of cheaters who use the I was drunk card so please forgive me. She knew damn well what she was doing. I had the exact same thing happen to me a few years back with a girl I had been with for 6 months. She says she got drunk and blacked out and would not have done that if she was sober. I wasn't as forgiving as you and split the moment I found that out. The thought of her betrayal would be with me as long as we were together. I have just recently forgiven her for that because we have mutual friends and would see each other occasionally. Well she pulled the same thing with her recent bf who has chosen to forgive her. I know this girl well enough to know she has lost total respect for this guy because he has chosen to stay with her and its only a matter of time until it happens again. I do wish you the best man and I can honestly say I know exactly what you're going through. Keep us posted if things change. Chance taker I sympathize with you because I have also been cheated on. But some girl's like your ex will use the drunk thing as a cop out, but there are some situations where you are literally THAT drunk that you don't remember the night before much less how you go to wherever you are. That's one of the reasons I make sure any girl I'm with never drinks alone but in a big griup of her friends preferably when I'm there so said situations. Your ex is a chronic cheater since she has done it you and her current bf, but not all people are like that. Really it just depends on the case I guess, anyways I'm sorry for what happened to you and I totally understand why you feel the way you do.
Chance_taker Posted January 24, 2011 Posted January 24, 2011 Chance taker I sympathize with you because I have also been cheated on. But some girl's like your ex will use the drunk thing as a cop out, but there are some situations where you are literally THAT drunk that you don't remember the night before much less how you go to wherever you are. That's one of the reasons I make sure any girl I'm with never drinks alone but in a big griup of her friends preferably when I'm there so said situations. Your ex is a chronic cheater since she has done it you and her current bf, but not all people are like that. Really it just depends on the case I guess, anyways I'm sorry for what happened to you and I totally understand why you feel the way you do. I don't buy the whole I was too drunk to stop it. Also if she had an ounce of respect for her boyfriend she would not have gone back to his place in the first place. That right there is total disrespect to the relationship. I can understand that mistakes do happen but she had to have known that nothing good could have come from going home with another guy, friend or not. I just can't see how anybody with any self respect could forgive such relationship treason. I don't know maybe I am biased because of what happened to me but how can things ever be the same once someone crosses that line?
gator12 Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 I don't buy the whole I was too drunk to stop it. Also if she had an ounce of respect for her boyfriend she would not have gone back to his place in the first place. That right there is total disrespect to the relationship. I can understand that mistakes do happen but she had to have known that nothing good could have come from going home with another guy, friend or not. I just can't see how anybody with any self respect could forgive such relationship treason. I don't know maybe I am biased because of what happened to me but how can things ever be the same once someone crosses that line? Well I don't know his whole situation, maybe the guy said he'd take her home, I.e. her bf's house who knows. I'm not trying to defend her all in all this isn't my relationship. I have been through your pain chance, and I understand it. The fact that she went back to her bf immediately in my opinion is a good thing, and she didn't even wait, she just told him. Which I would immediately respect from her. But sh** there's still a long way to go after that. It will be hard for them, something like that is hard to work through. Regainning trust is going to take a long time, but if she is truly sorry it can be done. Idk how I'd go about doing it though. I'm sorry for what happened to you chance, but know not all women are like that.
Author Only Regret Posted January 25, 2011 Author Posted January 25, 2011 Chance, thanks for sharing your thoughts. It's true that some girls use the "I was drunk" card. But, some girls also drink out of control and don't know what they're doing. It was unfortunate that the girl you were dating did that though. But, there are still honest good girls out there that are 100% loyal to their man. You just have to look and when you find her, you should consider yourself lucky, as I did and do. Also, if i didn't mention already, my gf's ex cheated on her and she knows how it feels to be cheated on, so I know she wouldn't have done that to me intentionally. It hurts like a bitch, but it was just a big mistake on her part. I still love her and we're going to work it out. It'll take time, but I remain optimistic
Recommended Posts