One in five American divorces now involve Facebook

[carhill]

This is the most on-topic thread I've ever read on LS and my affair and divorce did not involve Facebook

[sumdude]

I am the same way. If someone is important enough for me to stay in touch with I call them on the phone, or go out for beers. Social interaction takes work and is very rewarding, face to face time is important to me. And I don't "collect" friends as virtual trinkets, friendship to me means so much more than that.

 

Agreed on the value and work of social interaction. However making the assumption that everyone on Facebook is being shallow and collecting friends as trinkets is condescending. Who are you do judge the value of my friendships? What real information other than your emotional bias and smugness to you have to prove that your friendships are better and more valuable than those that are on Facebook?

 

I also have friends and family who choose not to be on Facebook. Most state privacy concerns or just not being into it. Most are simply not very interested in the internet for much anyhow. If it's not your cup of tea then fine don't use it. But to condemn all the users as narcissistic and semi literate? BAH! Get over yourself.

[Owl]

And that's what I keep having to repeat, over and over and over again. It's not Facebook that makes people cheat. It just makes it easier to cheat. So much so that it is cited in 1 out of every 5 divorces in the US now.

 

But again...it's not even that "Facebook" makes it easier to cheat. Technically, it's the internet. It's the fact that you can communicate at all.

 

Previously, chat rooms were blamed in a similar fashion...to the point where the very concept conjured pictures of some sleazy middle-aged man trolling for women from behind a keyboard.

 

ANY communication media can be used in this fashion, and can be 'blamed' for "making cheating easier". Texting, cellphones, home phones...heck, I'd bet that the invention of the automobile had impact on infidelity if you think about it. Now there was no need to looking for a room...it's like a mobile one!

 

 

I am the same way. If someone is important enough for me to stay in touch with I call them on the phone, or go out for beers. Social interaction takes work and is very rewarding, face to face time is important to me. And I don't "collect" friends as virtual trinkets, friendship to me means so much more than that.

 

True...and you could start or continue an affair via phone conversations too.

 

In fact, that was the escalation point for my wife's EA...it went from online to via the phone.

 

I get that you don't enjoy Facebook, and that's fine. No point in trying to convince everyone else that they're wrong/shallow/whatever for enjoying it.

 

As far as its contribution to infidelity...that's nothing new or surprising either. Five years from now it'll be something completely different that's the "contributing factor".

[YellowShark]

However making the assumption that everyone on Facebook is being shallow and collecting friends as trinkets is condescending.

 

I didn't say "everyone on Facebook is being shallow and collecting friends as trinkets." But some people do. I mean really who has 200+ real friends. Come on...

 

Why are you so darn defensive about Facebook?

 

Who are you do judge the value of my friendships? What real information other than your emotional bias and smugness to you have to prove that your friendships are better and more valuable than those that are on Facebook?

 

Where do I post that "the value of your friendships are less than my friendships?" I didn't. I was speaking about how I feel. Once again why you so darn defensive about Facebook?

 

But to condemn all the users as narcissistic and semi literate? BAH! Get over yourself.

 

I can see that Facebook has become your god and if I say something about your god you want to crucify me!

[trippi1432]

Oh my word!! I do hope you read the whole article Yellowshark....

 

An American minister also made the headlines recently when he called Facebook a ‘portal to infidelity’ and insisted that his congregation delete their accounts after revealing that 20 couples attending his New Jersey church had been led astray through the site.

 

 

Rev. Cedric Millier, who runs the Living World Christian Fellowship Church in Neptune, New Jersey, said Facebook enabled spouses to reconnect with former lovers, leading to rows and bitterness.

 

 

But Rev. Miller was forced to take a leave of absence after his own non-Facebook transgressions were revealed in an admission that he took part in three-way sexual trysts in the past.

 

Marriage counsellor Terry Real said he believes some users go on Facebook to create a fantasy life and escape the drudgery.

‘There is nothing more seductive that the ‘one that got away’ fantasy that’s always better than someone who is up to her eyeballs in bills,’ he told ABC News in the U.S..

 

 

But he said Facebook is not really to blame.

 

 

‘Before it was email, then before that it was the phone. The problem is not Facebook, it is the loss of love in your marriage,’ he said.

 

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1334482/The-marriage-killer-One-American-divorces-involve-Facebook.html#ixzz1CB34DhDp

 

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1334482/The-marriage-killer-One-American-divorces-involve-Facebook.html#ixzz1CB2SRkiK

[YellowShark]

I get that you don't enjoy Facebook, and that's fine. No point in trying to convince everyone else that they're wrong/shallow/whatever for enjoying it.

 

OMFG! Where in this thread do I say "everyone else is wrong/shallow/whatever for enjoying it?" Seriously. I've never give advice anywhere in this thread as to how OTHER PEOPLE need to "feel."

 

But he said Facebook is not really to blame.

 

And how many times have I posted that Facebook doesn't cause infidelity in this thread? 10? 20? 30? times? I never once said Facebook CAUSES infidelity. It facilitates it. In fact 1 out of every 5 divorces in the USA cite Facebook. PERIOD. END OF SENTENCE.

 

(Now another poster will come along, not read what I have been repeatedly posting and tell me Facebook doesn't cause infidelity. Wait for it. )

Edited January 26, 2011 by YellowShark

[Owl]

OMFG! Where in this thread do I say "everyone else is wrong/shallow/whatever for enjoying it?" Seriously. I've never give advice anywhere in this thread as to how OTHER PEOPLE need to "feel."

 

You do this by implication...by making comments like this:

 

I am the same way. If someone is important enough for me to stay in touch with I call them on the phone, or go out for beers. Social interaction takes work and is very rewarding, face to face time is important to me. And I don't "collect" friends as virtual trinkets, friendship to me means so much more than that.

 

You're implying that people who use FB don't take their friendships as seriously, that they "collect friends as virtual trinkets".

 

You try to make it sound like people who use FB don't have a "real" life.

 

C'mon man...you've spent enough time on infidelity sites to recognize the tactics that you're employing here, the same as the rest of us.

 

You make comments like what I quoted above and then plead that you're being misunderstood when you're called out on it.

 

I really don't give a rat's butt about FB...but I don't care for the method for trying to make it out like the everyone else is crazy for pointing this out to you.

[YellowShark]

You do this by implication...by making comments like this:

 

You are free to draw whatever "conclusion" you like as I am allowed to post whatever opinion I have.

 

You're implying that people who use FB don't take their friendships as seriously, that they "collect friends as virtual trinkets".

 

Some do. What's wrong with saying that? Seriously. Why can't I say that? Nobody has 200+ "friends." Facebook has blurred the definition of what a friend really is.

 

You try to make it sound like people who use FB don't have a "real" life.

 

Please quote the post where I say people who use FB don't have a "real" life. I'm standing by for it.

 

C'mon man...you've spent enough time on infidelity sites to recognize the tactics that you're employing here, the same as the rest of us.

 

Once again because I have a poor opinion of Facebook I now have "an agenda." This is becoming ridiculous. I've never seen so many people defend an online social network like it was the bloody ten commandments!

 

You make comments like what I quoted above and then plead that you're being misunderstood when you're called out on it.

 

No. I am defending my right to have an opinion about something WITHOUT the rest of you skipping over the OP - (that one in five divorces involve the social networking site Facebook) - and flaming me because I don't like what you like.

 

I really don't give a rat's butt about FB...but I don't care for the method for trying to make it out like the everyone else is crazy for pointing this out to you.

 

I don't like Facebook and I am ENTITLED to not like it. While on the other hand almost all of you are making me out to be a douche for having a poor opinion about Facebook. Perhaps you'all need to reevaluate your unquestioning allegiance to Facebook.

 

Meanwhile I didn't INVENT the OP that one in five divorces involve the social networking site Facebook, according to a new survey by the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers.

Edited January 26, 2011 by YellowShark

[Owl]

You're right, you're entitled to your opinion.

 

I know I've certainly formed one from reading this thread.

 

I'm out...good luck to you, my friend.

[Owl]

One last thought...

You are free to draw whatever "conclusion" you like as I am allowed to post whatever opinion I have.

 

 

 

Some do. What's wrong with saying that? Seriously. Why can't I say that? Nobody has 200+ "friends." Facebook has blurred the definition of what a friend really is.

 

 

 

Please quote the post where I say people who use FB don't have a "real" life. I'm standing by for it.

 

 

 

Once again because I have a poor opinion of Facebook I now have "an agenda." This is becoming ridiculous. I've never seen so many people defend an online social network like it was the bloody ten commandments!

 

 

 

No. I am defending my right to have an opinion about something WITHOUT the rest of you skipping over the OP - (that one in five divorces involve the social networking site Facebook) - and flaming me because I don't like what you like.

 

 

 

I don't like Facebook and I am ENTITLED to not like it. While on the other hand almost all of you are making me out to be a douche for having a poor opinion about Facebook. Perhaps you'all need to reevaluate your unquestioning allegiance to Facebook.

 

Meanwhile I didn't INVENT the OP that one in five divorces involve the social networking site Facebook, according to a new survey by the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers.

 

Actually, you misquoted the article. The article says:

Oversharingon social networks has led to an overabundance of evidence in divorce cases. The American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers says 81 percent of its members have used or faced evidence plucked from Facebook, MySpace, Twitter and other social networking sites, including YouTube and LinkedIn, over the last five years.

 

So the issue clearly isn't Facebook-centric, as your thread makes it appear.

 

It's spread across several social networking (and other types) of sites.

 

And it simply says that they used or faced evidence from...they didn't indicate that these sites were used to facilitate or assist in conducting the affair.

 

The article simply points out that they gathered evidence from them.

 

It DOES say:

About one in five adults uses Facebookfor flirting, according...

 

See the difference?

Edited January 26, 2011 by Owl

[BlindRage]

I don't like Facebook and I am ENTITLED to not like it. While on the other hand almost all of you are making me out to be a douche for having a poor opinion about Facebook. Perhaps you'all need to reevaluate your unquestioning allegiance to Facebook. .

 

 

Haha, this made my day.

Great post Yellowshark

[YellowShark]

Actually, you misquoted the article.

 

No I did not. The Dailymail article written by DAVID GARDNER on the 2nd of December 2010 clearly states:

 

But now one in five divorces involve the social networking site Facebook, according to a new survey by the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers.

 

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1334482/The-marriage-killer-One-American-divorces-involve-Facebook.html

 

I didn't make it up. I didn't misquote it. I don't have an agenda. I don't tell everyone that they don't take their friendships as seriously as I do. I didn't say Facebook causes infidelity. I didn't say people who use FB don't have a "real" life. I am not trying to say everyone else is crazy. And I don't say everyone on Facebook is being shallow.

 

Those are all words and conclusions that you folks have been putting in my mouth for 4 pages now which I refuse to be saddled with since I never said any of them.

 

Haha, this made my day. Great post Yellowshark

 

Ya have to wonder BlindRage what this power that Facebook has over people. I am picturing the movie Frankenstein where the townspeople are trying to run me out of town waving their pitchforks and flaming torches at me!

[trippi1432]

Marriage counsellor Terry Real said he believes some users go on Facebook to create a fantasy life and escape the drudgery.

 

‘There is nothing more seductive that the ‘one that got away’ fantasy that’s always better than someone who is up to her eyeballs in bills,’ he told ABC News in the U.S..

 

 

But he said Facebook is not really to blame.

 

 

‘Before it was email, then before that it was the phone. The problem is not Facebook, it is the loss of love in your marriage,’ he said.

 

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1334482/The-marriage-killer-One-American-divorces-involve-Facebook.html#ixzz1CB34DhDp

 

 

Quote: Originally Posted by trippi1432

But he said Facebook is not really to blame.

 

 

And how many times have I posted that Facebook doesn't cause infidelity in this thread? 10? 20? 30? times? I never once said Facebook CAUSES infidelity. It facilitates it. In fact 1 out of every 5 divorces in the USA cite Facebook. PERIOD. END OF SENTENCE.

 

(Now another poster will come along, not read what I have been repeatedly posting and tell me Facebook doesn't cause infidelity. Wait for it. )

 

Actually, it wasn't me who wrote what you quoted there from me Yellowshark...it was in the article quoted by a marriage counselor himself.

 

I actually agree with you, more attorney's are using Facebook to prove infidelity because users are dumb enough to use it to as a means to do what they would be tempted to do face to face anyways. I mean really, if someone wants to cheat...well, they just will.

 

As my daddy told me, "if you ever feel that you would be embarrassed if you were caught, or if it would humiliate your family....then it really isn't worth doing is it?".

 

Honestly, what you are posting here is a lesson to those who are thinking about cheating...CAUTION: use discretion as you can be caught much easier using the social networking sites out there...be warned. :rolleyes:

 

....or maybe I have lost sight of the original point of this discussion.....sigh.

[sumdude]

 

I can see that Facebook has become your god and if I say something about your god you want to crucify me!

 

Well my oh my. Such a high horse you ride. I'm not defending Facebook because it is simply a tool. However I will defend the people who use it. You're using an internet forum which in many ways is similar to Facebook other than the fact it's even more anonymous and less revealing. What does that say?

[Tayla]

As I said Facebook doesn't "cause" cheating. It facilitates it,

 

 

 

.. it is now "a tool" for cheaters cited in 1 out of 5 divorces in the USA according to a new survey by the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers.

 

Well thank you Mr/Mrs Webster! And you "typed" it correctly. A+

[comethemorning]

Facebook is making people insecure and they wonder more about who friended and defriended them than people in their real lives. Facebook requires less of you. On Facebook you "think" you are close to someone because they are on your "friends" list yet you barely ever talk to them verbally. They aren't a "friend," they are simply an entry on Facebook. Facebook is also making an entire generation blasé about their personal privacy.

 

I agree that for many people, that may be the case, but I am unsearchable and only 'friend' people if I choose to. Not being a 17 year old girl anymore I don't need 'quantity' to validate myself. It is now 'quality' that counts .

 

So how did you stay in touch with people before you had a Facebook account?

 

This is where my particular situation becomes very convoluted... About 6 years ago I fell into a deep depression (I am bi-polar and found out recently that my X was messing with my meds so they wouldn't work properly). I stopped leaving my house, speaking on the phone, etc. In the beginning, my friends would call the house and he would tell them I wasn't there and then "forget" to give me any messages. Needless to say, I lost contact with just about everyone because they were thinking I was avoiding them. My X had moved us 2 hours away from everyone we knew about 8 years ago, now I know to isolate myself and my children. In March 2010 when I went onto Facebook and reconnected with my once best friend, she realized what he had been doing and that everything was a massive misunderstanding. Prior to the reconnection via Crackbook she refused to take my calls (due to said misunderstanding). So, like I said, for ME, it was a lifeline, and quite honestly, a lifesaver. Now the problem is Teen Terrors in the house and never even seeing the phone, let alone getting to use it LOL.

 

Well, in Canada, where she's from, they obviously hung out at the Hudson's Bay Company (it was the only thing there)

 

We have Wal-Mart now

 

As for the OP, I agree that Crackbook has certainly played a part in the breakdown (not necessarily breakup) of many marriages. But then again, if someone is stupid enough to flirt or have an EA on a public site (no matter how private you think it is, it is amazing what a divorce attorney can find), said person deserves whatever they have coming to them. My use is to just share with a few close friends and family (and like I said, keep an eye on the kids). That is how I choose to use the "tool".

 

Peace.

[YellowShark]

Posted yesterday on Loveshack at 6:47 PM :

 

 

Married 15 yrs, 4 kids, house mortgage, life is good.

 

2 yrs ago facebook connected me with a flame that was a holiday fling...

 

Now facebook and e-mail have us talking about lots of stuff, wife wants me to stop, but we are in different countries...

 

 

It happens.

[BlindRage]

I wonder if this obsessing will cease anytime in the future, eh, Yellowshark.

[YellowShark]

I wonder if this obsessing will cease anytime in the future, eh, Yellowshark.

 

Actually I'm not obsessed at all. The majority of my posts in this thread were specifically to rebut the words people kept putting in my mouth versus what the OPs intention was. Specifically, that I imply Facebook causes cheating when I don't think that, I feel it simply facilitates it.

 

Then I gave my opinion about Facebook, (which is critical), and then other posters tried to run me out of town like I was the Frankenstein monster.

 

People are allowed to like Facebook as much as I am allowed to dislike it.

[BlindRage]

Actually I'm not obsessed at all. The majority of my posts in this thread were specifically to rebut the words people kept putting in my mouth versus what the OPs intention was. Specifically, that I imply Facebook causes cheating when I don't think that, I feel it simply facilitates it.

 

Then I gave my opinion about Facebook, (which is critical), and then other posters tried to run me out of town like I was the Frankenstein monster.

 

People are allowed to like Facebook as much as I am allowed to dislike it.

 

 

Oh, oops. I didn't mean you, obviously my post wasn't written properly. I meant peoples obsession with facebook, not the other way around. Sorry for that I didn't phrase it right and it just didn't send the message I intended lol

[YellowShark]

Oh, oops. I didn't mean you, obviously my post wasn't written properly. I meant peoples obsession with facebook, not the other way around. Sorry for that I didn't phrase it right and it just didn't send the message I intended lol

 

Oh. I see. I agree.

 

It's funny because I have a very good friend who is a highly intelligent mother of three. And she is admittedly addicted to Facebook. So she is currently in a contest through a local radio station that forbids her from using Facebook for the next two weeks. And it's killing her!

 

She is very fun and I guess she came to a point where she realized her obsession was over-the-top and she wanted to do something about it.

 

I am all for networking and staying in touch with friends and family. Personally I use Skype to video chat with all of my friends and family because it's nice to see their faces and talk face to face since we are all over the globe.

 

But there are social networks like Linkedin which is a much more business-oriented networking site rather than Facebook which is a site specifically created for teenagers and college kids.

 

The thing about Facebook that I am most concerned about is privacy. Kids are growing up with Facebook and don't realize the dangers of putting everything about themselves online. With identity theft, online predators, hackers, and employers who use Facebook to vett potential employees... I just don't feel having pictures of you doing belly shots of tequila off some chick is a really a great idea. But that's just me!

[Owl]

I totally agree with your concerns about privacy, especially where kids are concerned.

 

ANY 'networking site' can be used to mine information about others. Even LS, if you get down to it.

 

If someone was so inclined they could piece together quite a bit about someone by reading all of their posts/threads here on LS, especially if they've been here a while.

 

Posting on the internet AT ALL is risky. Facebook is formatted around PERSONAL information, so it's real easy for someone to gather information on compared to other sites.

 

I'm not a fan of FB or pretty much any networking site...I'm not "defending" FB at all...I really don't care about it.

 

I just don't have any animosity against it specifically either. It's no worse than online gaming for example...or all the blogging that some people do.

[2sure]

Not just FB and other social networking sites...but the internet itself has indeed brought the world to your finger tips.

 

And not surprisingly led to infidelity and divorce.

 

When I think about this I wonder...does this mean that if these people had not used FB or the internet...would they not have cheated?

 

I mean, you choose to cheat or you dont. Access and opportunity should have nothing to do with it.

 

But how many of us know people or have ourselves...been almost accidentally drawn into a friendship, relationship, or emotional affair that we would not have had we not been behind the initial and relative safety of a keyboard?

 

Just thinking.

[sumdude]

Not just FB and other social networking sites...but the internet itself has indeed brought the world to your finger tips.

 

And not surprisingly led to infidelity and divorce.

 

When I think about this I wonder...does this mean that if these people had not used FB or the internet...would they not have cheated?

 

I mean, you choose to cheat or you dont. Access and opportunity should have nothing to do with it.

 

But how many of us know people or have ourselves...been almost accidentally drawn into a friendship, relationship, or emotional affair that we would not have had we not been behind the initial and relative safety of a keyboard?

 

Just thinking.

 

Hard to say. Temptation is everywhere and such sites are just another added way to give in to it. But in the end it's up to an individual to make a choice. I know my ex wife used the cell phone (which I was actually able to track) and e-mail (which I'm 90% sure about) when planning her surprise exit to the OM.

[tojaz]

Folks, in the end its the people. FB has nothing to do with it. Does it make it easier, yes, but its easier for someone who is already looking to cheat. FB doesn't flirt on your behalf, or type the name of an old flame into a search bar. Nor does it make you responsive to someone else that does.

 

Making something easy doesn't make it happen. People will use the tools they have on hand, always have, always will, but its the character of the person that makes up the statistics.

 

TOJAZ