Steadfast Posted January 26, 2011 Posted January 26, 2011 (edited) Facebook rocks...but so do automobiles, cell phones and airplanes. Good things directly implemented by cheaters, or anyone dishonest. Really, is anyone here shallow enough to believe nothing isn't done by choice? As far as the internet goes, Facebook has nothing on the crap that google was pulling shortly after it caught on. Using their search engine, not only was my name, address and telephone number listed, but a GOOGLE MAP showing the exact location of my home! I had a seven year old girl in that house! And done without my permission. Well, direct permission, as google saw it. My ex's weapon of choice was her trusty Envy, and a secret Yahoo messenger account. Do I loathe Verizon? No. In fact, they were very helpful in sending me copies of my bill (mysteriously missing from my mailbox...) and other handy items that, as it turned out, I didn't need. But I might have. Funny, I asked a representative once if this kind of searching and questions were common. His answer? "All day, every day". I flirt with my sweetie all the time, and laugh remembering how much I once hated 'the text'. Edited January 26, 2011 by Steadfast
Author YellowShark Posted January 26, 2011 Author Posted January 26, 2011 As far as the internet goes, Facebook has nothing on the crap that google was pulling shortly after it caught on. Using their search engine, not only was my name, address and telephone number listed, but a GOOGLE MAP showing the exact location of my home! I had a seven year old girl in that house! And done without my permission. Well, direct permission, as google saw it. Well as I posted above how do you know that app your using on Facebook isn't transmitting all your data to god knows who? You don't. And how do you know your Facebook data isn't being hacked by someone overseas? YOU DON'T. Nothing online is secure or safe from hackers. The bank's servers are not, the government's servers are not and Facebook's servers are not. Yet people voluntarily put their entire lives on Facebook like mindless drones and don't give any thought to the vulnarability they have exposed themselves to. So to me, Facebook doesn't "rock."
Steadfast Posted January 26, 2011 Posted January 26, 2011 The only information on Facebook is what you place on there. I don't have any 'apps'...well, not the kind you're talking about. I have some stored on my HD tho, and if this economy get much worse I'll be digging them out!
Tayla Posted January 26, 2011 Posted January 26, 2011 well by golly if one in five divorces are from the application of facebook then let Facebook pay the alimony and child support ! Sorry but I dont "buy into" the mentality of social medium giving way to more cheaters. Most find ways as its in their misguided nature. Cheating has been going on for ages , we just have the ability to mass communicate that data of information to others instead of the town gossip of years gone by.
Author YellowShark Posted January 26, 2011 Author Posted January 26, 2011 well by golly if one in five divorces are from the application of facebook then let Facebook pay the alimony and child support ! Sorry but I dont "buy into" the mentality of social medium giving way to more cheaters. Most find ways as its in their misguided nature. Cheating has been going on for ages , we just have the ability to mass communicate that data of information to others instead of the town gossip of years gone by. As I said Facebook doesn't "cause" cheating. It facilitates it, fa·cil·i·tate (f-sl-tt) tr.v. fa·cil·i·tat·ed, fa·cil·i·tat·ing, fa·cil·i·tates To make easy or easier: .. it is now "a tool" for cheaters cited in 1 out of 5 divorces in the USA according to a new survey by the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers.
Trimmer Posted January 26, 2011 Posted January 26, 2011 As I said Facebook doesn't "cause" cheating. It facilitates it .. it is now "a tool" for cheaters cited in 1 out of 5 divorces in the USA according to a new survey by the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers. Ah, and I bet the statistics for the involvement of tools like telephones, automobiles, showers, and the easy availability of hotel rooms in affairs are each much higher than the 1 in 5 facebook statistic. I worry much more about these dangerous affair-facilitators than I do about facebook. Having said that in somewhat glib fashion, I do share concerns about the way facebook and social media are altering our social interactions, especially among adolescents while they are still developing their emotional and social identities. I'm not "all pro" or "all con"; just watching the situation - and my own children - with interest and caution.
loveforever Posted January 26, 2011 Posted January 26, 2011 That's why I call it F*ckbook..... My ex-husband got hooked on FB shortly before he asked for divorce....I'm sure the former hottie-girlfriends of his made him realize I wasn't what he wanted anymore.....IDK... He de-friended me on FB....then he asked for divorce...
trippi1432 Posted January 26, 2011 Posted January 26, 2011 (edited) fa·cil·i·tate (f-sl-tt) tr.v. fa·cil·i·tat·ed, fa·cil·i·tat·ing, fa·cil·i·tates To make easy or easier: A. Wife doesn't meet her husband's emotional or sexual needs and a woman with no morals or a woman that is unhappy with her husband not meeting her needs, talks him up to feed his ego. B. Husband doesn't meet his wife's emotional or sexual needs and a man with no morals or a man who is unhappy with his wife not meeting his needs, talks her up to feed her ego. C. Man or woman who never took marriage seriously and have no idea how to meet anyone's needs other than their own. I'm sure that the list could go on and on...but the fact is, people facilitate cheating using any medium whether it is meeting someone at work, a common interest, through other people....Facebook is just the flavor of the year to pick...next year it will be something else. What it really comes down to is a lack of morals, or a lack of respect or just out right unhappiness that facilitates cheating....and I've been cheated on Yellowshark...but FB didn't cause it. Edited January 26, 2011 by trippi1432
SincereOnlineGuy Posted January 26, 2011 Posted January 26, 2011 So what did people do for centuries before Facebook was invented 6 years ago? Well, in Canada, where she's from, they obviously hung out at the Hudson's Bay Company (it was the only thing there)
Els Posted January 26, 2011 Posted January 26, 2011 Once again I agree. But it's weird because the Earth functioned pretty darn well for centuries prior to Facebook being invented six years ago. But so many people - (not you) - really take offence when one points out the damaging aspects of Facebook. Personally I think it is creating an entire generation of semi-literates who are unable to digest more than 140 characters at a time. That makes me sad. That's what people have been saying about ALL new technological advances for centuries. The Earth functioned pretty darn well before cellphones, telephones, aeroplanes, cars.... And all of those can be used to cheat, too! Blame the user, not the tool.
Author YellowShark Posted January 26, 2011 Author Posted January 26, 2011 (edited) What it really comes down to is a lack of morals, or a lack of respect or just out right unhappiness that facilitates cheating....and I've been cheated on Yellowshark...but FB didn't cause it. No where in this thread did I post that Facebook "causes" cheating. People keep beating that dead horse but that's not the jist of the thread. What we are talking about here is Facebook has become a really popular way to cheat. Look at loveforever's post above, her husband's former girlfriends used Facebook to seduce him. They didn't use a cellphone or the telephone. Her husband was able to re-connect with his old flames via Facebook because it makes it so easy to do so. That's what people have been saying about ALL new technological advances for centuries. The Earth functioned pretty darn well before cellphones, telephones, aeroplanes, cars.... And all of those can be used to cheat, too! Blame the user, not the tool. Facebook doesn't destroy relationships, people do. Agreed. Cheating existed long before Facebook. Agreed. But I don't think many people here are getting it. I can't sit on my couch at home and find old flames with an aeroplane, I can't sit on my couch at home and find old flames with a car... and the term "old flame" was coined for a reason. While I can find old flames just by typing in a few keystrokes on Facebook. Then I can flirt and continue to use Facebook chat to have an emotional affair. All from the comfort of my own home while my spouse is literally in the other room. Edited January 26, 2011 by YellowShark
denise_xo Posted January 26, 2011 Posted January 26, 2011 But I don't think many people here are getting it. I can't sit on my couch at home and find old flames with an aeroplane, I can't sit on my couch at home and find old flames with a car... and the term "old flame" was coined for a reason. While I can find old flames just by typing in a few keystrokes on Facebook. Then I can flirt and continue to use Facebook chat to have an emotional affair. All from the comfort of my own home while my spouse is literally in the other room. But you can also do that with google, email, IM and skype. It's not restricted to social networking sites. It's the internet that is the fundamental tool here, not FB.
Els Posted January 26, 2011 Posted January 26, 2011 Dude, when they first invented the telephone, you can sit and chat with old flames from the comfort of your house as well, whereas you couldn't before. When they first invented the car, I'm sure it got a helluva lot more convenient to sneak out for a quickie if the OM/OW lived a distance away. Should I go on? Look, you were hurt by someone who used FB for it. You're understandably pissed. But you're just attacking the wrong damn thing.
Author YellowShark Posted January 26, 2011 Author Posted January 26, 2011 But you can also do that with google, email, IM and skype. It's not restricted to social networking sites. It's the internet that is the fundamental tool here, not FB. I can't type in an old flame's name in my email account and find them. I can't type and old flame's name into IM and find them. And I can't type an old flame's name into Skype and find them. But yes, you are correct denise_xo, I can use all three of those avenues to chat with them. ( But I can't find them unless I ALREADY KNOW their email account address, IM handle, or Skype user name.) Dude, when they first invented the telephone, you can sit and chat with old flames from the comfort of your house as well... Yes. But I cannot chat and flirt with old flames on the phone while my spouse is A) home, or B) in the same room. When they first invented the car, I'm sure it got a helluva lot more convenient to sneak out for a quickie if the OM/OW lived a distance away. Yes. I can transport myself to MEET with an old flame using a car. But I had to find them first and then use a means to contact them. So "a car" does not help me find old flames. Look, you were hurt by someone who used FB for it. You're understandably pissed. But you're just attacking the wrong damn thing. I am not "attacking" Facebook. Gosh people defend Facebook like it's almost a religion! My original post was very clear. This thread is about how Facebook is now cited in 1 in 5 divorces in the USA according to a new survey by the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers. That's not an attack but a fact.
denise_xo Posted January 26, 2011 Posted January 26, 2011 I can't type in an old flame's name in my email account and find them. I can't type and old flame's name into IM and find them. And I can't type an old flame's name into Skype and find them. But yes, you are correct denise_xo, I can use all three of those avenues to chat with them. ( But I can't find them unless I ALREADY KNOW their email account address, IM handle, or Skype user name. We're getting nitpicky now, but yes it IS pretty easy to find people's email addresses through a google search, or to find people's skype account just based on their names. It's not a sure bet, but I've done it several times to several people (not old flames ), and I highly doubt I'm the only one.
Author YellowShark Posted January 26, 2011 Author Posted January 26, 2011 We're getting nitpicky now, Not nitpicky at all. Facebook is specifically designed so that you can find people. That's what is is all about. Type in a name and if they are on Facebook, POOF! There they are. Their location and distance is irrelevant. Takes about 30 seconds of effort. ...but yes it IS pretty easy to find people's email addresses through a google search, or to find people's skype account just based on their names. Not in argument. ..It's not a sure bet, but I've done it several times to several people (not old flames ), and I highly doubt I'm the only one. That's the point. With Facebook it *is* a sure bet. Your boyfriend can type in his last girlfriends name into Facebook while your sitting across from him watching Glee and connect with her. Or she can type your boyfriend's name in Facebook and send him a flirty email. It's become so easy via Facebook that 1 in 5 divorces now involve the social networking site Facebook.
denise_xo Posted January 26, 2011 Posted January 26, 2011 That's the point. With Facebook it *is* a sure bet. Your boyfriend can type in his last girlfriends name into Facebook while your sitting across from him watching Glee and connect with her. Or she can type your boyfriend's name in Facebook and send him a flirty email. It's become so easy via Facebook that 1 in 5 divorces now involve the social networking site Facebook. Nothing's a sure bet. Some people (myself included) are not searchable on FB. Some people (like my H) aren't on FB at all. My work email address, however, is readily found on the internet. So if someone wants to find me, a google search is a sure bet. FB isn't the be all/end all in this equation.
Els Posted January 26, 2011 Posted January 26, 2011 Oh c'mon, your tone here is a definite attack/blame. And a ridiculously single-minded one at that. I'm no huge fan of FB. Trust me, I would react the same way if someone did that with brussel sprouts, and I hate brussel sprouts. I hate to see people fixating on one statistic that they believes proves everything they have to say, and ignoring context, more than I hate brussel sprouts. There was myspace and friendster before FB, anyhow.
Author YellowShark Posted January 26, 2011 Author Posted January 26, 2011 Oh c'mon, your tone here is a definite attack/blame. If that's what you feel. And a ridiculously single-minded one at that. Once again you are welcome to your opinion. I hate to see people fixating on one statistic that they believes proves everything they have to say, and ignoring context... I am not fixated. I read that according to a new survey by the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers that 1 in 5 divorces in the USA now cite Facebook. So it is very topical in a section focused on Separation and Divorce. It's like saying 1 in 5 people who contract cancer is due to cigarettes, and then you guys are rationalizing 100 ways to Sunday why cigarettes aren't a factor.
sumdude Posted January 26, 2011 Posted January 26, 2011 Originally Posted by Elswyth Oh c'mon, your tone here is a definite attack/blame. If that's what you feel. Nope. I lothe Facebook because it is turning and entire generation into narcissistic, impatient, semi-literates who are either unable or unwilling to digest more than 140 characters at a time. Facebook is making people insecure and they wonder more about who friended and defriended them than people in their real lives. Facebook requires less of you. On Facebook you "think" you are close to someone because they are on your "friends" list yet you barely ever talk to them verbally. They aren't a "friend," they are simply an entry on Facebook. Facebook is also making an entire generation blasé about their personal privacy. Yup, sounds like attack/blame to me. You entitled to your opinion. But don't try to pretend you're just citing something objectively when you most certainly are not. Personally I like Facebook in the way I use it. There are old friends who I normally wouldn't have the time to get in touch with. At least I get to see how they're doing and what's up in their lives. It's also the best way to let people know when I'm playing a gig with my band. Also knowing where there are events going on so I can actually meet up with local friends in real life.
Trimmer Posted January 26, 2011 Posted January 26, 2011 I am not fixated. I read that according to a new survey by the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers that 1 in 5 divorces in the USA now cite Facebook. So it is very topical in a section focused on Separation and Divorce. It's like saying 1 in 5 people who contract cancer is due to cigarettes, and then you guys are rationalizing 100 ways to Sunday why cigarettes aren't a factor. More like saying that since "n" out of 5 lung cancer patients got their cigarettes from a convenience store, that convenience stores are "a factor" in their cancer. Well, yeah, I suppose. Putting your point in terms of "it's a factor" is sufficiently non-specific that it doesn't really mean a lot, and so in order to try to understand your point, people go one of two ways: (1) assuming you are just noting that Facebook is associated with 1 in 5 divorces (and by implication, associated with cheating), and yawning, and saying, yeah, but so are cellphones and cars; or (2) inferring that you are implying more than just an association, which is why the discussion turns, in some cases, to a discussion of causation. The thing is, when somebody says #1, you respond with, essentially "no, it's more than just being like cellphones and cars...", but when somebody replies along the lines of #2, you say "Well, I wasn't saying it causes cheating..." My point being: so what are you saying? Just saying 'it's a factor' is not specific enough to discuss without a wide range of ambiguity... So do you really mean: Facebook is associated with 1 in 5 divorces and I find that fact interesting. (OK, so do I, but I don't have a lot more to say about it than that.Facebook is associated with 1 in 5 divorces and I think it is making it easier for people to cheat on their spouses. (OK, so do I, but I maintain that those people are already poor partners with an inability or lack of desire to enforce boundaries to protect their relationships, and the tool that is Facebook is helping them reveal this more readily than they might have done otherwise.)Facebook is associated with 1 in 5 divorces and I think it is allowing people to cheat who would not have cheated otherwise. (Now, if you go here, you really can't claim you aren't talking about "facebook causing cheating" any more... and here's where I would stop agreeing.)
Author YellowShark Posted January 26, 2011 Author Posted January 26, 2011 Yup, sounds like attack/blame to me. You entitled to your opinion. But don't try to pretend you're just citing something objectively when you most certainly are not. Well you quote what I said about Facebook but didn't point out that in my quote the word infidelity doesn't appear. So once again, you draw a conclusion that I hate Facebook because it makes people cheat. And that assumption is incorrect. I dislike Facebook because it is eroding social interaction, it is making an entire generation blasé about their personal privacy, it is destroying the definition of what a real friend is versus what an online acquaintance is. Personally I like Facebook in the way I use it. There are old friends who I normally wouldn't have the time to get in touch with. At least I get to see how they're doing and what's up in their lives. It's also the best way to let people know when I'm playing a gig with my band. Also knowing where there are events going on so I can actually meet up with local friends in real life. And you are allowed to like Facebook. Where in this entire thread do I ask people to hate Facebook? I don't. Never did. More like saying that since "n" out of 5 lung cancer patients got their cigarettes from a convenience store, that convenience stores are "a factor" in their cancer. Well, yeah, I suppose. Ok. Let's run with that. Why do you think convenience stores won't sell cigarettes to children? Because cigarettes are addictive and cause cancer, so society passed laws to ban the sale of cigarettes via convenience stores to children. Why do you think cigarette advertising is banned? Because cigarettes are addictive and cause cancer so society passed laws to ban cigarette advertising via television and magazines. Society realized that facilitating the sale and advertising of cigarettes increased the levels of cancer. And all I am posting repeatedly is Facebook also facilitates cheating. It doesn't cause cheating, it facilitates it. Period. My point being: so what are you saying? Just saying 'it's a factor' is not specific enough to discuss without a wide range of ambiguity... I am saying what I have been saying for 4 pages now. Nothing more, nothing less. Facebook is now cited in 1 in 5 divorces in the USA according to a new survey by the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers. And instead of going, "Hey, Yellowshark may have a point here that Facebook facilitates infidelity since 1 in 5 divorces now cite Facebook," many of you are defending Facebook like I have insulted your religious beliefs!
Owl Posted January 26, 2011 Posted January 26, 2011 It's not Facebook. Communication in general has gotten much, much easier than it used to be. Heck...how many "romance stories" are there about long-distance love affairs going on by letters that would often take months to arrive back in the 1800's? Now instead of taking months...an exchange of messages takes moments. Finding someone from the past, or someone new is much, much simpler now than it used to be. It's not Facebook's fault. Sure, it's a site that encourages communication...don't take me wrong. My wife's online EA had nothing to do with Facebook...but was conducted online via an MMORPG we used to play back then. And yep...I blamed said game at the time. But more and more I realize that it's not the specific medium that's the problem. There's nothing "evil" about Facebook, or Twitter, or blogging, or online games. The bottom line is that with the improvements in communications, they ALL facilitate the possibility of creating an inappropriate connection with someone else. I've no doubt that the invention of the telephone had a similar effect on marriages back in it's inception. Then cell phones, then the internet, then email, then chat rooms, then online games, then online networking...then whatever comes next. The point blank deal is that cheating is an inherent part of human interaction, and improvements in communication will always facilitate anything that REQUIRES intense communication...like cheating. There's no value in "blaming" anything like FB, or WoW, or MSN, or whatever. The only thing you can do is work to improve your own relationship skills and work to teach your kids good ones.
BlindRage Posted January 26, 2011 Posted January 26, 2011 I agree with you Yellowshark. I don't like the thought of social networks become such a huge part of life oh and well yea people find it easier to cheat because of them. Well to each their own though. I for one don't have a facebook and won't anytime soon. The way I see it is if someone is important for me to stay in touch with then I would have their number. Thats just my opinion which everyone is entitled to.
Author YellowShark Posted January 26, 2011 Author Posted January 26, 2011 It's not Facebook. And that's what I keep having to repeat, over and over and over again. It's not Facebook that makes people cheat. It just makes it easier to cheat. So much so that it is cited in 1 out of every 5 divorces in the US now. I agree with you Yellowshark. I don't like the thought of social networks become such a huge part of life... Ya. The way some folks defend Facebook you'd think it was their religious beliefs I am insulting. The way I see it is if someone is important for me to stay in touch with then I would have their number. Thats just my opinion which everyone is entitled to. I am the same way. If someone is important enough for me to stay in touch with I call them on the phone, or go out for beers. Social interaction takes work and is very rewarding, face to face time is important to me. And I don't "collect" friends as virtual trinkets, friendship to me means so much more than that.
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