MrsDamaged Posted January 23, 2011 Posted January 23, 2011 My husband says it is over, yet he talks still about us in the future. I found out last week he was having an EA with his brothers wife, since then she has decided to stop talking to my H and work on her marriage. My question is , do I ask H to move out in hopes that he will change mind or do I let him stay here and we life like friends in hopes I can talk to him about having a second chance. I told him last not that he was not being fair about any of this cause I had no idea how bad it was. He said moving into our new home in October he was hoping things would change. I explained to him that how can you change something if you don't know it is broken. He said he understands that. I don't want to give up , but I also don't want to hurt my kids anymore. They know something is going on and they seem to think things are well cause we still talk, laugh, go places together. I'm trying not to say to much till tomorrow when I talk to my MC Please any advice would be great , I'm such a basket of nerves my have been having panic attacks like crazy
Duckduckgoose Posted January 23, 2011 Posted January 23, 2011 Oh God... his brother's wife... This could make for really uncomfortable family gatherings... You should kick him to the curb... dunno if you want to tell his brother or not... other more experienced LSers will be able to give their 2cents on that one.
hensley258 Posted January 23, 2011 Posted January 23, 2011 My husband says it is over, yet he talks still about us in the future. I found out last week he was having an EA with his brothers wife, since then she has decided to stop talking to my H and work on her marriage. My question is , do I ask H to move out in hopes that he will change mind or do I let him stay here and we life like friends in hopes I can talk to him about having a second chance. I told him last not that he was not being fair about any of this cause I had no idea how bad it was. He said moving into our new home in October he was hoping things would change. I explained to him that how can you change something if you don't know it is broken. He said he understands that. I don't want to give up , but I also don't want to hurt my kids anymore. They know something is going on and they seem to think things are well cause we still talk, laugh, go places together. I'm trying not to say to much till tomorrow when I talk to my MC Please any advice would be great , I'm such a basket of nerves my have been having panic attacks like crazy Being a victum of adultery by my wife I know how you feel. Difference is my wife was hell bent on continuing the affair so their wasnt much I could do to save the marriage. From what you said it sounds like your husband wants to save the marriage and that part is good. I would say let him stay and work things out only if he is willing to take part in marriage counsoling with you. There may be many things you both are doing wrong that if modified could bring you closer than ever before. I think in your case you can salvage your marriage if you both get help. It's worth it to try. Wish you the best.
Author MrsDamaged Posted January 23, 2011 Author Posted January 23, 2011 Does his brother know? From what she has told me he knows that they talked alot. I don't think he knows the degree of how much they talked. I'm pretty sure he doesn't know that they talked every morning, lunch , after work and bedtime
hopesndreams Posted January 23, 2011 Posted January 23, 2011 she has decided to stop talking to my H and work on her marriage. So she says. Keep in mind they are both masters of deceit. It is possible they will now take their A further underground. in hopes I can talk to him about having a second chance. Where did you do anything wrong? It should be he begging for another chance. Why give the power to him? If there are no consequences and no remorse from him, his cheating behaviors will continue to happen whether it be with his brother's W or with someone else. He has a broken moral compass. I don't believe in EA's like some others do. EA's turn to PA's quite quickly. Those in PA's lie and say it was just an EA. Maybe a kiss here or there and a few lunch dates will be all they ever admit to. Exposure is so crucial if you want to save the M. A's thrive in secrecy. Your H has been dishonest and has proven to be untrustworthy. They must suffer the consequences for their actions otherwise they learn nothing. He was in an A with his brother's W and for all you know, still is. Is he deserving of your love? My husband says it is over, yet he talks still about us in the future. He is either in or out. If he can't decide, make the choice for him.
Yasuandio Posted January 26, 2011 Posted January 26, 2011 "Marriage Builders" has some great free articles and blueprints to negotiate a reconcilation (which recomends exposure in some cases). Don't just mindlessly give out "cheap forgiveness" as the previous writer refers to. It will get worse as this person says, and the anger that you unknowingly repress in your gut will reveal itself in deep depression or other health related matters. Please do reseach on both topics.
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