willpower Posted January 23, 2011 Posted January 23, 2011 First of all hello and thanks to all of you who post on here, I've been lurking and reading stories for a while and the experience of others is always inspiring when in a dark place. So to my story, I just turned 27, started dating a girl 2 years ago when I was 24/25. At the time I was a bit of a party animal. I'm not going to pretend like I could go around getting any girl I wanted, to be honest I'm probably below average looking, but I keep myself in shape, am motivated as hell and have a pretty interesting life day to day which serves me well enough with girls. I was wandering around with about 200 girls numbers in my phone that I had accumulated over the previous 9 months, and when I met this particular girl she was really just another number. So much so it took me 2 and a half months to call her up and take her out (I met her in October 2008, first date in Jan 2009 after calling up some loose ends I never got round to following up on over the xmas holidays). Lots happened in my life again from that Jan to May and we didn't hook up again even tho we both enjoyed the Jan date (she subsequently told me during our relationship that when she went home after that date that she thought she would end up marrying me - noise I know, I'm not naive - lots gets said when in relationships and holding on to it never helps but its part of my story so there it is). I saw her again in a bar in May, and she started txting me through the day after. So we then dated, my frame of mind was that I still loved going out and just wanted to have a bit of fun. She was a cool girl and unusually for me I didn't even have the urge to bed her (normally I'm in a hurry to sleep with girls then quickly lose interest). We dated very casually, once every other week, I still went out loads and was meeting other girls but the more I saw this one the less appealing others seemed. To cut a lot of fluff out things turned into a real relationship and we were into each other. We did the stuff that couples do - went out to concerts, she took me away for the weeekend for my birthday, picnics. My family liked her, I got on well enough with hers. Every tiime we got closer I would find myself distancing myself from her for a while which messed with her head a lot. I did this becuase I feared the commitment. I also still went out lots and wondered if other girls could be better for me. She was fired from her job when i was with her - and I told her i had an idea that she could do and work from home. We put some effort in together and made it work and pretty soon she was working from home earning double the salary of her previous job (for the record I was not employing her - we set a company up jointly, started it from scratch and she is paid from the profit, I'm not into buying girls affection). However there was one factor that stood over our relationship that never changed - my inability to commit. I have a busy life, I run my own business, have a couple of active interests which take 4 evenings a week out of my time and often work late on my PC at home till the early hours. She consistantly told me that I ticked all of the boxes but that she did not feel a big enough part of my life. I consistanly stood firm and told her that she was the kind of girl I wnted to marry but I was at a point in my life when I had a chance of making a real go of my business and that had to come first. We carrid on for a while like this until she finally asked me to come see her last July and said to me she did not feel important enough in my life and that it was time for me to make more room for her or else she would have to find someone else who could give her the love she craved. I said I could not give her that right now, told her she was the right person at the wrong time and that if she wanted to break it was ok. She broke it off. We kept the business we had started going (not my main business but we both knew it was too lucrative to throw away). We still saw each other a couple of times a week with the cloak of saying 'well meet up for business' and in hindsight this was a massive mistake. She used to cry and tell me that we couldnt keep working together like this, I was chill with things and said it will be OK. We carried on until September, we did not sleep together since the break but the tension was building till I went round to her place one night and some things happened that probably should not have. After this night we started txting and calling each other again and flirting. She then said to me the week later "if you tell me you love me then you can have me back". I told her "I can't give you that". 4 weeks later she tells me she has been on 2 dates with another guy. At which point I broke. No sleep and no food for almost a week. Did all of the classic things, went round to her place to talk, told her I thought I made a massive mistake, that I loved her, that if sp[ending time together was all that was needed that we could move in together, wrote her letters, cried in front of her. She said to me "why did it take me breaking up with you to feel this?". I dont know the answer to that question. It was too late, she had given me warnings, given me multiple second chances and to this day continues to be seeing the other guy. The grass was not greener, I went out loads when she broke with me, no girl came close to her. I took her for granted and assumed she would always be there. She had worshipped me throughout our relationship. If I'm honest although I hurt her fellings a lot, I did not treat her immorally, I was always very honest with her, told her I respected her more than anyone else and I meant that. It was just that me being honest resulted in me saying to her I could not be sure she was the one. I refused to tell her I loved her, I wasn't sure I did and I'm not into playing with people (well knowingly anyway). The thing is this - since she left for another guy I've been horrific. All I think about is what a big mistake I have made, she really was a soul mate. We never had a single serious argument over anything other than my lack of willingness to commit to and fight for our relationship. It was the best. I was totally honest with her, told her I still loved her and the door would always be open for her. We keep the business going to this day. I told her only to contact me about business matters, which is pretty much how we have kept things. I cut all comms with her over xmas/new year although I did buy her an xmas present which may have been a mistake (It was a giant 1ft lightbulb with "there is a light that never goes out" written on the box). I'm not as bad as I was, I'm eating well and sleeping well but still dont stop thinking about this girl. I did a one night stand in December and lay in my bed in a ball of tears in the morning. I've also started dating another girl in Jan, I'm not going to mess this girl about - I'm really trying to move on but am finding it real hard to figure out if I like her or not as the ex is still messing my head up in a big way. Why am I posting this? First if my story can help others avoid the mistakes I made then that would give me great satisfaction. Secondly and more selfishly I'm after advice on how to play things to maximise my chance of winning this girl back. At the moment I'm getting on with life, I continue my interested out of work, I'm still working hard. I'm trying to meet other people and give them a chance, but she was so good she's worth it. At 27 I can honestly say I've never met anyone close to her. She was immense. She still is. All throughout this she never messed me around, never played games with me, or led me on even when I was confessing my love to her and writing her letters. She never took revenge on me for hurting her, and that it why she is so great to me. I talk to her a couple of times a week to sort work things out, there is still tension between us, still flirtation but I can see it in her face that she has moved on and is giving the other guy a shot. She told me when I asked her if we would ever have another chance in October : "I could make it work with you, but you have to let me see if someone else can give me the love that you refused to - If I come back I'm yours, if I dont I never was. If you love me, let me go and find out" Deleted her from FB for my own health. My question is how to I maximise my chances of attracting her once again, and also is it wise to date other people while I am still hooked on this girl? I want to know if I can feel this for someone else, but I also dont want to get into something with another person and tell them a month or two down the line that I'm still in love with my ex and cause them heartache. For the record this is was my first serious relationship - nothing prior to this outlasted a couple of months. Thanks for reading all...
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