psadvocate Posted January 23, 2011 Posted January 23, 2011 I may have worded the title poorly...my question is...most women I know when they are in a relationship...they LIKE spending time with their man, they WANT to be around them as often as possible... My past relationship and this one..it seems the man is just "okay" with seeing me once or twice a week...I guess I'm looking for that consuming love where someone just WANTS to be with me..i want to be wanted. If the strong need for it isn't here now, will it ever be here for him? Do men just need time to feel that sense of urgency and desire?
january2011 Posted January 23, 2011 Posted January 23, 2011 I guess I'm looking for that consuming love where someone just WANTS to be with me..i want to be wanted. Not a man, so can't speak for them. But what I can say is that whilst it's nice to be wanted, in my experience, it's not healthy to be in a relationship where it's a consuming love. Neither partner can get anything done because they can't focus on anything else other than the other person and the relationship. In my opinion, balance is better and more conducive for the long-term. Otherwise, you burn brightly but briefly.
zengirl Posted January 23, 2011 Posted January 23, 2011 Not a man, so can't speak for them. But what I can say is that whilst it's nice to be wanted, in my experience, it's not healthy to be in a relationship where it's a consuming love. Neither partner can get anything done because they can't focus on anything else other than the other person and the relationship. In my opinion, balance is better and more conducive for the long-term. Otherwise, you burn brightly but briefly. I agree with this. My BF *wants* to see me all the time, I think --- he's expressed as much --- but he knows he can't because of his responsibilities, my responsibilities, his hobbies, my hobbies, and maintaining healthy individual lives. The only way I could see a guy every day would be if we lived together,
january2011 Posted January 23, 2011 Posted January 23, 2011 The only way I could see a guy every day would be if we lived together, Even then, most people would need some time during the day/night to themselves. 24/7 is exhausting, in my experience. Only works for flings and holiday romances, extremely rare for LTRs, in my opinion.
EasyHeart Posted January 23, 2011 Posted January 23, 2011 Even then, most people would need some time during the day/night to themselves. 24/7 is exhausting, in my experience. Only works for flings and holiday romances, extremely rare for LTRs, in my opinion.I agrees strongly. If I ever meet a woman who is "looking for that consuming love where someone just WANTS to be with me", it pushes me away. Or more accurately, I run away as fast as I can.
zengirl Posted January 23, 2011 Posted January 23, 2011 Even then, most people would need some time during the day/night to themselves. 24/7 is exhausting, in my experience. Only works for flings and holiday romances, extremely rare for LTRs, in my opinion. Right---I'd see the person every day but wouldn't spend every waking moment. That's what I meant.
Knittress Posted January 23, 2011 Posted January 23, 2011 I understand both the OP and the reactions from other posters along the lines of "consuming...clingy..RUN!" Yes, a little space is necessary - but if a guy seems more interested in doing his own thing than occasionally checking in with you? That comes across as low interest and doesn't feel very good for the person on the receiving end. I'm not sure I have enough experience to answer this, but it hasn't seemed like emotional unavailability is something that a person 'just snaps out of.'
Author psadvocate Posted January 23, 2011 Author Posted January 23, 2011 Right, and I think I should clarify - I am NOT looking for 24/7, I understand everyone needs space and I need mine too, but I dont think 3-4 days a week, doing dinner or whatever is too much to ask...granted we do work different schedules once and awhile, but in 4 months we've only seen eachother 2 days in a row ONCE - its basically the 1-2 times a week, and I'm lucky if we get to make love once every 10 days?
OceanGirl Posted January 23, 2011 Posted January 23, 2011 I will get back to you on that. I am currently in that all consuming love stage...seen bf on Sat and Sun... then will see him again on Tue and Wed then Sat and Sun again (including sleep overs and spending days together). I am not sure if this will last in the long run, but in my experience seeing someone 1-2x a week indicates low interest/casual dating.
xpaperxcutx Posted January 23, 2011 Posted January 23, 2011 There are actually people who can cope with seeing each other 1-2 times a week. It really comes down to personal priorities and how much you can take out to balance work, family/friends, and relationship. In my personal opinion, if a man/woman can only contribute 1-2 times a week, it means that at this moment, their priorities are work. However, it's possible to let that slide if they still manage to maintain communication throughout the week through texting or calling. The important key is managing contact.
xpaperxcutx Posted January 23, 2011 Posted January 23, 2011 I will get back to you on that. I am currently in that all consuming love stage...seen bf on Sat and Sun... then will see him again on Tue and Wed then Sat and Sun again (including sleep overs and spending days together). I am not sure if this will last in the long run, but in my experience seeing someone 1-2x a week indicates low interest/casual dating. This is what worries me OG. By writing this, I'm getting the impression that you believe the honeymoon phase will fizzle out.
zengirl Posted January 23, 2011 Posted January 23, 2011 Most people I know who are happily married didn't see their SO every day or even close until they moved in/married, unless they happened to work together or go to school together. So I disagree that 1-2x a week = casual dating. Really depends on the people and what they're doing with their other time. That said, I think it's normal in the beginning for two people in the early stages of romance to *WANT* to see each other all the time. Whether that's feasible or not, with the rest of their lives, and whether they choose to do so, is a different story. If your BF is actually disinterested in seeing you---like he feels seeing you too much will dampen the relationship---I'd think that was lame. If he's just an adult who realizes he has to do other **** to keep his life together, I understand it.
carhill Posted January 23, 2011 Posted January 23, 2011 Hmm, four months and maybe once a twice a week and only a couple times with back to back... The obvious question is how's the sex? I can say my exW and I, even though living sixty miles apart, saw much more than that of each other by four months. Both of us had businesses and other social obligations. If in a similar circumstance, as a man, I'd either have low interest or be sensing low interest in my partner at that pace. Heck, I see friends more often than that
Analeigh Posted January 24, 2011 Posted January 24, 2011 It's hard for me the weeks when I can only see my boyfriend once or twice. I know it can be hard on him too. We both travel a lot for work, so there are many weeks where we are not even in the same state (or country) or 4 or 5 days. In my experience seeing someone only 1-2 times a week, unless it is work commitments like this, indicated low interest. I also expect and enjoy daily contact, be it a date, phone call, text, or e-mail. In the beginning, it was always him contacting me - about a 4:1 ratio...worked well for us because he felt like the pursuer.
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