Movingthrough Posted January 23, 2011 Posted January 23, 2011 I have always tried to single out or identify my main issues during NC and the breakup, then once i find them, fix them. I can say that i was almost done with my "healing" process until my ex tried to reel me in again (My other thread: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t261141/). I really believe she did that to get me to say something to her, feel bad etc. So even after saying all that, my main problem seems to be associating her in everything i do. Example, if i get some days off from work, and i have no plans, sleep in just relax, something most would kill to have. Then just wake up move at my own pace and do what i want, the whole time in the back of my head im thinking "what is she doing? I bet she isnt doing nothing, problably with her guy doing this or that...". Its like a constant comparison because im single, in a new area, and besides getting some beers with my buddies or just hanging out, i feel like im not doing anything - compared to her since she moved right on to another guy. I dont know if this is just being happy with myself, and not always needing something to do or what but i feel she was such a companion to me that i see her in everything i do. If i was to go on vacation, i would spend half the time thinking about man that would have been nice to have her here. This is all actually hard for me to admit because i know it could be some dependency stuff. YET every time i stop and acknowledge it, i dont even know why im doing it. I dont trust her anymore, and i have lost most of my respect for her too, she is good deep down but very shady and its all about her. But my issue seems to be while people will do this or that to "get away" from the thought of their ex, i have nothing that separates things from her. While im not moping around feeling and thinking of her, its still there A LOT of the day. We had a lot in common so if i go to the gym to blow off steam, i think of her, because she is big into the gym. So while i know triggers can remind us of our ex, there should always be an escape or times when the ex has nothing to do with our current moment.....i dont seem to have that. Thoughts? I want to fix this....
willpower Posted January 23, 2011 Posted January 23, 2011 To be honest I'm not sure you can get a "fix" on this as such but you can use things in a constructive way. My current experience. Now almost 4 months on and I still find myself breaking down and crying. I'm no namby pamby love sick puppy locked in my room felling sorry for myself, but even so you can't run away from your feelings when you lose someone so special. If a song comes on the radio, or I drive past her house it brings it all back. Like you many things around the place I live and do are associated with her, there are constant reminders. I do a lot of running, and since we broke I've trained better than ever, and the reason is easy - if I think of her when I'm running then the pain of losing her is way more than the physical pain of running, so I make myself imagine her when I'm repping out on the track and I'm running in PB shape. By the time I'm at the finishing line I'm too tired to get caught up with her and have way too much adrenaline to feel sorry for myself. Also if she's on your mind remember what she fell for, concentrate your efforts on being that person, making them better than before. Could she fall for you again? Could someone else fall for you again? Also let it out from time to time. I've got a playlist of songs guaranteed to make me cry by face off. IF I cant get her out of my head and I've already been out and done things then I'll play this and try and force the emotion out. Only so much crying and felling sad one person can do before they pick up and get on with life. Another helpful thing is to force yourself to meet new people. Not with the veiw to meeting a replacement (though you might) but that time will pass easier if your with other people. This is so hard but playing cards with freinds, going out to pubs and bars and dating may not replace your ex but your less likely to think about her if your doing things with other people. This is the hardest thing I ever went through. To be honest it may stay with us all of our lives, I'm sure we'll all look back on our relationships and you'll wonder about certain ones and how things could have been. If that never goes away then there will always be some pain. All you can hope for is to meet someone new, but it might take ages. Took me lots and lots of searching to find my last GF, I dont fall in love easilyt at all, it would be naive to think I could find that overnight. Till then bury it in your head and move on. Easy to say, almost impossible to do but thats what we have to aim for. Like my ex said to me - "i still cry about us if I let myself think about it, the only way to move on is to block it out". Good advice.
Author Movingthrough Posted January 25, 2011 Author Posted January 25, 2011 To be honest I'm not sure you can get a "fix" on this as such but you can use things in a constructive way. My current experience. Now almost 4 months on and I still find myself breaking down and crying. I'm no namby pamby love sick puppy locked in my room felling sorry for myself, but even so you can't run away from your feelings when you lose someone so special. If a song comes on the radio, or I drive past her house it brings it all back. Like you many things around the place I live and do are associated with her, there are constant reminders. I do a lot of running, and since we broke I've trained better than ever, and the reason is easy - if I think of her when I'm running then the pain of losing her is way more than the physical pain of running, so I make myself imagine her when I'm repping out on the track and I'm running in PB shape. By the time I'm at the finishing line I'm too tired to get caught up with her and have way too much adrenaline to feel sorry for myself. Also if she's on your mind remember what she fell for, concentrate your efforts on being that person, making them better than before. Could she fall for you again? Could someone else fall for you again? Also let it out from time to time. I've got a playlist of songs guaranteed to make me cry by face off. IF I cant get her out of my head and I've already been out and done things then I'll play this and try and force the emotion out. Only so much crying and felling sad one person can do before they pick up and get on with life. Another helpful thing is to force yourself to meet new people. Not with the veiw to meeting a replacement (though you might) but that time will pass easier if your with other people. This is so hard but playing cards with freinds, going out to pubs and bars and dating may not replace your ex but your less likely to think about her if your doing things with other people. This is the hardest thing I ever went through. To be honest it may stay with us all of our lives, I'm sure we'll all look back on our relationships and you'll wonder about certain ones and how things could have been. If that never goes away then there will always be some pain. All you can hope for is to meet someone new, but it might take ages. Took me lots and lots of searching to find my last GF, I dont fall in love easilyt at all, it would be naive to think I could find that overnight. Till then bury it in your head and move on. Easy to say, almost impossible to do but thats what we have to aim for. Like my ex said to me - "i still cry about us if I let myself think about it, the only way to move on is to block it out". Good advice. Thanks for the reply. I guess my issue is not even really in the fact of "oh this reminds me of her" but the fact that anything will give me some sort of "feeling" of her. I could look in my closet and see a stack of clothes, and it will hit me like wow this is really over, kind of like associating the fact that she should be living here or something. Maybe im making this sound to normal but like i said....a stack of clothes?? Its like im so used to having her on my mind during the typical day (we had a l/d relationship so a lot of calls, texts, thinking of her etc) that its still there almost. I dont know maybe im rambling...its just i rarely have this thought of "wow i need her here now" its more of a just weird feeling that our lives dont exist in anything anymore....?? I dont know, if anyone knows what i mean let me know..
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