shawna92 Posted January 23, 2011 Posted January 23, 2011 (edited) argh where do i begin. First off.. im a very beautiful woman but i cant meet a guy...everyone is very intimidated by me and if anything people insult abuse treat me like sh*t. My life is a horrid nightmare. Men do not pamper me and please me the way you think they'd do to a hot pretty girl--they only use/abuse me and treat me in thst most disgusting of ways. My life is a never ending horror nightmare. My ex sociopath bf plays some part in it as for 3 years he was with me....he never had sex with me and just rejected and tormented me. Everyone torments me b/c im beautiful and sweet...i get abused and treated so badly i cant describe how bad my life is. Ive never had a boyfriend--every man hates me...they treat me in the cruellest of ways. My ex bf/sociopath...plays all sorts of sick mind games with me though we are not together or anything. He's also a witch and does black magic on me--sounds nuts but its' true...he torments me mentally and does sick things...energetically (for people involved in the metaphysical they wud understand). Hes an energy vampire and tortures/leeches me....he's into dark arts, various forms of projection and has some very odd metaphysical abilities which he talks about, laughs, mocks me about how im in pain, how i need to focus on the 'moon' how my pain is worse during my period. He has some abilities ive never seen before in a person but ive met people who have minor parts of them. He connects to me to torment/traumatize me and make me suffer. He does bizarre things to me energetically...and basically is a full fledged sadist who gets off on literally causing me extreme suffering. In 3 years my ex also never had sex with me and just mentally tortured me-- he was just a sadistic freak who for some reason wanted me to remain a virgin, didnt want to give me any pleasure and wanted to put horror traumas in my mind and body--that haven't really ceased to this day apparently, though I thought i was over it all. He also was rarely around me and wasnt a boyfriend but mostly a predator/stalker just wanting to terrorize/harass/abuse me long distance...(yes people will say oh its all in your head theres no such thing as black magic blah blah) but this isnt true---there is such thing and energy is real...of course and there aer lots of evil people out there who manipulate energy andmess with people control and torture them...i even had a counselor once who said she had a priest who did the same to her--tortured her with energy and she had to learn to defend herself through energetic techniques, but i dont think she was in a relationship type thing with him, and have known many others. Energy vampiers exist but this is more along the lines of overall abuse/torture/sadism done by this person and others...also when my mother wasin another country talking to healers--all of them said he's a really bad person (no duh of course) but several said he's stealing her energy...and uses her to steal her energy and her power--hence one of the possible reasons he wanted me to remain a virgin and didnt have sex with me...b/c virgins have adifferent energy from non-virgins etc... last week he came over...and began a game of leading me on torturing me with energy and messing with my head. He will deprive me of touching/affection...make me think hes going to give it to me--instead he came over, picked a fight and I believe slashed my tires. I was really sick too and he didnt give me the 'massage' he said he would but just left. As the days went by I desperately began needing affection---this is partly due to his mind games and deprivation (and energy leeching)....you become so tortured there is nothing you can do. He also laughs and mocks me and writes in emails...how hes' going to leech me or drain me, how bad im going to feel and how hard its going to be for me to wake up in the morning and the days i was suffering i couldn't get out of bed and couldn't go to work...I was in excruciating 'metaphysical energy' pain and he was draining me terribly. He began torturing me through energy and it kept getting worse--he kept writing me emails or laughing stating that as long as i dont admit that I love him, it's only going to get worse...then He kept acting as if he was goign to come over..kept leading me on messing with my head and saynig he was going to come over and do this and that..and not do it or lie and each day he wouldnt but was messing with me metaphysically--extreme black magic etc...i was tortured and in pain and desperately needed some touching. Each day got worse and I was starting to get desperate. He I think just wanted me to suffer or was hoping i'd get with another guy-- he has done these things before and played different types of cruel sadistic games with me like this and no matter what--he always wins or gets the result he wants---magic/energy or whatever it is is very powerful and after a while I just couldn't fight it--everyday got worse...and i suffered more and the breaking point finally came to today where i couldn't bear it any longer... I texted a guy I met years ago....and he was a jerk but he said he'd come over. I dont have sex with random people and im a virgin...this is a nightmare for me. PRior to that, I had a date last minute from craigslist. The guy seemed nice, but then he turned into a jerk...i knew he was going to be. He began insulting me, calling me names, anything i said he put me down for- he tried to make me drink alcohol and get me drunk....durin the date he said "youre so sexy, you're really hot, and u seem realyl amazing." He put me down more in other ways saying i seemed nervous i was a germophobe, and kept beign rude and weird...finally then leaving. At one point when he left-- i thought...he bailed b/c i knew he was the type who'd just walk out on someone--he was pretty mean. I said we could go to a restaurant then go back to my place for 'cuddling'...(i never say that ever but i was so desperate for human affection I had no choice)....we went to the restaurant and i already had a feeling....he could bail but didnt think he'd do at the restaurant. At the restaurant, we walk in and look at menus...he looks at the 'cheap' prices...then says he forgot his wallet...then runs out. I left and then texted him saying he was a jerk and nutjob...he then proceeded to harass me calling me 'crazy' and thats why i was single-- im crazy, a weirdo, a germophobe (he claimed i was a germophobe cuz when he was mixing his drink with his finger i said 'eww)...he was very mean and cruel....kept insulting me sayin "i'd NEVER **** you"....and youre so WEIRD....i said...im a model and im really beautiful and wtf...u insult beautiful women u are crazy....he was so sick and finally he wrote in text "wow u really wanted to get laid--give me your ADDRESs and i'll be there" i said if he text me again i'll call the police. Why the cruelty and abuse and horror treatment? Finally i was so desperate i called my 'friend' over who was in his 50's and a jerk. He came over and we had some form of oral sex...that he gave to me. The worst part was---he didnt want to make me cum but just use me--which many men will do....just use my genitalia so they can do what they want to it....for me this was horror again...b/c i dont do this-- i dont have random oral sex....i had no choice i was suffering so badly b/c of what my ex did...but worse another man using me to not really try to get me off.. when i desperately needed that..and i almost began crynig like..why is this happening to me? why do men do this to me...they only want to hurt or punish me and put me in pain--many guys ive known have abused/terrorized me..wont give me any sexual pleasure...ive met two extreme sociopaths who've been energy vampire weirdos who have used me to sadistically terrorize, and others are just jerks who act very cruel to me....many men don't and they just try to use me in any way possible....i had a horrid traumatic night/day...b/c of my cruel ex....who sadistically torments me in various ways. the metaphysical stuff most peopel wont understand but its real....i dont know what to do.....why men treat me like this...abuse and torture me yet im beautiful makes no sense---i told the guy how to get me off but he ignored me and beat me up....my (pus**)...he didnt want to get me off or pleasure me....these sick men do this to me and i dont know what to do...i cant get a boyfriend either b/c men hate me b/c im really beautiful and they just abuse me and treat me in cruel ways like the date did earlier...the rest use me for sex for 'tehir' own gratification.....im a nice sweet beautiful girl yet go through the worst kind of trauma....or bad trauma.....it doesnt seem fair...and my sick ex...he is some kind of satanic person who cruelly tortures me long distance, deprives and does some severely bad energy stuff to me....i dont know what to do.... Edited January 23, 2011 by shawna92
angelboots Posted January 23, 2011 Posted January 23, 2011 (edited) wow... i think, perhaps, a therapist seems like it might be a good idea, to help you understand why people treat you the way you say they do and to help you heal and become stronger, there are lots of different problems with society these days and a good therapist will help heal you from what ever trauma you are experiencing. um.... Sometimes even the strongest and most beautiful people in the world need external help to heal. I am sorry your in so much pain. good luck. Edited January 23, 2011 by angelboots
Feelin Frisky Posted January 23, 2011 Posted January 23, 2011 Yeah, I'm with angelboots. You need some help and help soon. What you describe is a life so full of extremes that I can't imagine any advice I could give would do much for you. If you at least see a professional who absolutely has no stake in anything but helping you, you will get a real flesh and blood opinion as to the actions you should probably take first off to change your living situation. Change for the better will be hard unless you remove yourself from the influences of people who have some kind of power over you. If you have insurance or Medicaid check for mental health and schedule an appointment as son as you can. You don't have to have a mental illness to be helped--you can simply be a person victimized by mental illness in others or trauma at the hands of cruel persons. There's no admittance of weakness or fault in getting help to straighten out your life. Please do so and don't procrastinate. Be well.
Jesse_R Posted January 23, 2011 Posted January 23, 2011 You think beauty is all that matters? Beauty may make them look at you initially but a shrew with nice fur is still a shrew. You seem to think that because you have beauty now that means everybody is supposed to treat you like a goddess - get over yourself. You need professional help.
Author shawna92 Posted January 23, 2011 Author Posted January 23, 2011 thanks...I think a therapist would help...anyone but definitely yes i need one badly...but im so confused as to why these things happen to me---its so weird and makes no sense---ive had lots of guys act this way---that's why when the date was acting funny and putting me down....anytime someone does that-- I know they are going to run out on me-- b/c so many people have. Once I went on a date and the guy was so so rude to me...kept putting me down, asking me to repeat myself..said he cudnt hear me--in the end...he just left rudely...i texted him like..you're so rude i dont get it? he began harassing me incessantly...cruelly...just like this person and like so many have...a lot of guys who also insult me like this...are generally attractive ok looking guys...they seem to hate my guts b/c im pretty or are insecure and go out of their way to treat me so badly i cant describe it....they treat me in the cruellest ways possible...and my ex and others---and my ex acts as fi he was obsessed with me, he worshipped my legs, he jerked off to my pictures...he would talk about how hot I am...how i was the love of his life-- yet torture me in ways that are so inhumane and horrid....and being a victim of all this is so hard....i wish there was a way to fight these people their bad treatment of me b/c i dont see other women getting treated this way--and its backwards to treat nice sweet girls with such unnecessary cruelty and contempt....
Author shawna92 Posted January 23, 2011 Author Posted January 23, 2011 get treated like a goddess---hmm let's see...most beautiful women DO get treated like goddesses---Nah i only expect...KIND treatment the way others get treated--my problem is that for being beautiful i get treated like a LEPER...thats the problem...its mean people who hate me b/c of how I look....who treat me in cruel ways...so NO i dont expect to get treated like a goddess by any ***ing means you jerk, but i expcet to get treated like a human being-- my reality is such that...i DONT get treated anywhere near human...i get treated like a monster and animal and in the most horrible ways ive ever seen an effing person get treated--THTS how i get treated---so if natalie potrman who is pretty is getting treated like sh*t everywhere FOR being pretty....its not fair to her....though thats not her life...that's my life... i get treated like sh*t FOR BEING PRETTY...rather than good treatment i get the sh*t treatment....so if youre gettnig treated like crap based on your looks....and its the opposite of what should be---and cruelty anyway...thats not right or fair...and i dont care about "looks"...im not shallow by any means....but i get treated like dirt for teh way I look....so thats other people's problem not mine....and its not outer beauty either-- its inner beauty and im a beautiful nice person inside....but honestly...if i saw an angelic looking pretty girl...i cant imagine why for being nice/normal...shes being treated like hell for no reason by mean sick people...its not right or fair....and that girl who gets treated like sh*t for being pretty...is obviuosly not the shallow one so get a clue seriously--- this is the stupidest most horrid society to ever exist with honestly some of the worst people ever.... and most WOMEN get treated like goddesses regardless of how they look... any woman does...but a hot woman--getting treated like **** just for being hot....or pretty...thats not Ok...and not fair to her...
Author shawna92 Posted January 23, 2011 Author Posted January 23, 2011 get treated like a goddess---hmm let's see...most beautiful women DO get treated like goddesses---Nah i only expect...KIND treatment the way others get treated--my problem is that for being beautiful i get treated like a LEPER...thats the problem...its mean people who hate me b/c of how I look....who treat me in cruel ways...so NO i dont expect to get treated like a goddess by any ***ing means you jerk, but i expcet to get treated like a human being-- my reality is such that...i DONT get treated anywhere near human...i get treated like a monster and animal and in the most horrible ways ive ever seen an effing person get treated--THTS how i get treated---so if natalie potrman who is pretty is getting treated like sh*t everywhere FOR being pretty....its not fair to her....though thats not her life...that's my life... i get treated like sh*t FOR BEING PRETTY...rather than good treatment i get the sh*t treatment....so if youre gettnig treated like crap based on your looks....and its the opposite of what should be---and cruelty anyway...thats not right or fair...and i dont care about "looks"...im not shallow by any means....but i get treated like dirt for teh way I look....so thats other people's problem not mine....and its not outer beauty either-- its inner beauty and im a beautiful nice person inside....but honestly...if i saw an angelic looking pretty girl...i cant imagine why for being nice/normal...shes being treated like hell for no reason by mean sick people...its not right or fair....and that girl who gets treated like sh*t for being pretty...is obviuosly not the shallow one so get a clue seriously--- this is the stupidest most horrid society to ever exist with honestly some of the worst people ever.... and most WOMEN get treated like goddesses regardless of how they look... any woman does...but a hot woman--getting treated like **** just for being hot....or pretty...thats not Ok...and not fair to her... reality wise...most beautiful women... dont have these major problems... most women can get a boyfriend easily---pretty or not... its really odd and messed up that there are pretty women being abused jsut for being pretty....i dont walk aroudn thinking...wow im so hot...i could care less...but some lady in the corner will talk sh*t about me or do something bad to me....why...yeah after a while i began to figure it out--jealousy...but if humans hate you b/c youre pretty...and you have been through so many bad experiences...b/c of people's jealosuy-- all the time 24/7....that's your life-- then yeah ur going to focus on why..and people's issue with it....its not my shallowness...its the fact that other people are so mean cruel and shallow they have to abuse the crap out of me just cuz im pretty?? not other pretty girls just me apparently, mi the 'special pretty person'...who has to get ****ed with or just the 'special' person....and that kind of discrimination and abuse isnt ok...and yeah b/c im human i expect kind treatment...not abuse just cuz im pretty....but try being pretty who people are jealous of and u dont get humane treatment-- you get contempt jealousy and cruelty which is what i experience and its not ok or fair...
Author shawna92 Posted January 23, 2011 Author Posted January 23, 2011 no the common denominator is not me...thas what a jerk says to a blame a victim..you need help seriously... there are lots of nice people who get abused by others...but innocent people getting treated badly by mean people and to try to put the blame on them--thats the problem with this twisted world-- so many jacked up bad people who do this to others....there are lots of people who get abused by bad people... its called abuse and mistreatment....only other bad people say its their fault...you are a total jerk and a loser....
Author shawna92 Posted January 23, 2011 Author Posted January 23, 2011 (edited) yes it is very extreme...its awful....maybe it happens to others but i doubt it....its also hard to suffer through and cope with with no help and most people cant understand it b/c i doubt it happens to them on this level....but it is my awful awful reality....the mistreatment from men is one of the most bizarre aspects of it....and yeah i can think maybe some guys go 'crazy'...maybe...but ive seen prettier women and less crazy guys...ive seen super hot women with boyfriends....everyone can get a boyfriend...most people can I think, and even if theyre single, they arent suffering or beign abused/destroyed by people. My life story is a nightmare on another level....with my 20's...and not only my ex but many others have gone out of their way to destroy me. I even tried being a model and many photographers...went out of their way to try to get me to quit....my ex was a photographer...he spent the last three years ruining my life...in all sorts of ways....he even said he has planend a lot of things...to ruin me and he even had false charges pressed on me...and so much more...and i have to get a restraining order on him but im scared to ....the things people have done to me are extreme and so sick and out there...and why i dont know...why this sick man has spent his years dsetroying me...the things he has wanted to do to me...and the nature of his abuse....yes sadistic narcissistic but still very extreme-- no sex.. just mental torture in bizarre ways... along with others....i dont think a therapist cud answer 'why' this is happening to me...but maybe solutions on how to cope or get out of it....but being the unfortunate person to have to live through this hell is the hard part...and its not just my ex..my mother was an extreme narcissist who spent years destroying my life too and there are many more awful horror stories...but ive had to suffer thru it alone and still being abused by anyone i know or meet which is the craziest part and it makes no sense.. im also a good person nice normal..and why all this abuse and hell is happening makes no sense...the extreme mistreatment and hatred from people and weird situations....and i dont think people would understand b/c most people in the wink of anything...get boyfriends, girlfriends, relationships, friends...normal lives...something...for me i mostly suffer....and suffer...and every situation is like a hell...and some is my fault--medium for meeting guys online bad choice.....but still ...even offline...its the same experience...its jus the same experience no matter what happens....its hell and bad.... Edited January 23, 2011 by shawna92
Feelin Frisky Posted January 23, 2011 Posted January 23, 2011 You think beauty is all that matters? Beauty may make them look at you initially but a shrew with nice fur is still a shrew. You seem to think that because you have beauty now that means everybody is supposed to treat you like a goddess - get over yourself. You need professional help. You could use some help too. The original poster has issues and the first two posters, angelboots and myself, urged getting help without passing any unhelpful judgements. In-as-much as trauma and abuse seem to be at issue--whether they are real or imagined--a little sesnitivety would go a long way. "Get over yourself" is a rude and judgemental thing to say. And apparently it registered because the OP has given you way more consideration that you've given her. If you can't get into the spirit of helping, why not just bugger off.
angelboots Posted January 23, 2011 Posted January 23, 2011 Im am not an ugly girl and some guys are jerks but others have been amazing. some women are also bitches and others aren't. Looks aren't the common denominator either...... i do suggest psychological treatment ASAP since you are so badly hurting and confused about everything. At the very least the degree of abuse you have suffered would need to be treated ASAP by a professional with experience in PTSD AND C-PTSD if not also BPD...... basically i am saying Shawna that you need help and nothing anyone can say to you in here will help you in anyway other then by them saying you need outside real world help as soon as possible. good luck xx
angelboots Posted January 23, 2011 Posted January 23, 2011 :You could use some help too. The original poster has issues and the first two posters, angelboots and myself, urged getting help without passing any unhelpful judgements. In-as-much as trauma and abuse seem to be at issue--whether they are real or imagined--a little sesnitivety would go a long way. "Get over yourself" is a rude and judgemental thing to say. And apparently it registered because the OP has given you way more consideration that you've given her. If you can't get into the spirit of helping, why not just bugger off. How are you doing feelinfrisky? Good to see someone thinking the same things as myself. I couldn't have said it better.
Jesse_R Posted January 23, 2011 Posted January 23, 2011 The common denominator is indeed you. Don't give me the victim crud. The men are attracted to you and then after talking to you they walk away? But it's nothing you did or said? I find that extremely hard to believe. One thing I've discovered is that many women think that just deigning to let a man touch them is all they need to do to show that they care about the man's needs - it's not, men have feelings too. If you don't show a concern for them, they won't show any concern for yours. It's a two way street. You are blatantly doing something that is causing them to disrespect you. It seems obvious to me from what you've said. You think your beauty is all you need to bring to the table. Like I said, a shrew with a nice coat is still a shrew. If you examine yourself honestly I am sure you will find the problem. Look to your own behaviour before crying victim. At the moment you are effectively saying "I am not wrong, the rest of the world is."
selena_cat Posted January 23, 2011 Posted January 23, 2011 (edited) Jesse R I beleive you are being very judgmental,sure it is imperative to acknowledge how she is attracting these abusive men. Also how her apparently low self esteem is open game to these guys. There are books written about victim and abuser that are attracted to eachother like moths and a flame. I know speaking from experience. However,that still does not condone these mens' behaviour. I volunteered in a shelter for abused women,do you think its all their fault that their men beat them up? Or they somehow blatantly deserve it? Furthermore the fact that she acknowledges one positive thing which is her physical attractiveness is a plus. Many people,even therapists mind you, consider me very very attractive, I dont see this myself. How many beautiful women end up dying of anorexiia bc they find themselves fat and ugly. Thats besides the point,as i said that is a big plus,instead of blaming and calling herself ugly which is common for people with low self image. Whats your problem with that? We are all entitled to our own opinions,but there is a point that being negative and judgemental doesnt serve any purpose. Edited January 23, 2011 by selena_cat
Feelin Frisky Posted January 23, 2011 Posted January 23, 2011 : How are you doing feelinfrisky? Good to see someone thinking the same things as myself. I couldn't have said it better. Back to ya. You're nice.
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