jessy1 Posted January 23, 2011 Posted January 23, 2011 (edited) Can you please tell me why someone could be so blatently hurtful?!?! Today the guy whom I love said some of the most hurtful things This guy who had been my 'unofficial bf' for months seems to want to hurt me and I just don't know why. I would bend over backwards and can honestly look back and say I was so dam nice and supportive to him. He was 'unnoficial' to me but were were basically together. We were inseperable. He would call and txt everyday. Say I was the only girl for him and that I was the only one allowed to have him and he didnt expect me to share him bla bla bla. He would send me the most cute messages and I had no reason not to believe them at the time. He would cuddle me all the time. Our friends refered to us as a couple and he got upset when I talked to other guys. He would talk to our friends about us and told him family I was his gf. So yes we were unnofficial but I guess I could be forgiven for thinking otherwise. I loved this guy. We honestly had the most fun together ever!! Anyway maybe two weeks ago or so he invited himself round. He was all over me and we were cuddling on the couch for hours then all of a sudden he got up and left and txt me later saying, 'im sorry your so amazing and im scared im guna hurt you'. When he said he was worried about hurting me I straight away thought that was a way of him breaking it off with me. I replied and said I dont understand and was confused but he didn't clarify it further. I was pretty hurt. I stayed right away from him but later that day he kissed me on the lips infront of our entire workforce and was all touchy and cuddly all day. We went to a party together that night but I left early as I was still hurting from the txt. He called me three times that night and then once again in the morning. He also took my bestfriend aside at the party and talked about 'us' and said how awesome I was, how he really really me likes and how well we get along BUT that hes really scared he will do something stupid and hurt me as he has a MASSIVE reputation for getting drunk and cheating on girls. I stayed away but the cute txts continued and phone calls continued as normal so I guess you could forgive me for being confused. However all of a sudden he stops with the txting and calling. I have no idea whats going on. It lasted about a week and I got only one txting during that time sayin 'xxx miss you xxx:)'. I was very confused until the next day he comes into our work and annoucnes (not to me but other work mates) that he has a new gf. He never once spoke to me about it. I was so unbelieveably hurt that I cant describe it! This happened about a week ago and we havent spoken since. I cant even look at him. He came up to me once and said he is sooo happy and loves his life at the moment. I was very very hurt. Today while I was in ear shot he was telling every one he loved his new gf sooo much and he doesn't care if he never has sex again cause he just loves her so much. He said he is never going to drink again cause he never wants to cheat on her or hurt her. I went out the back and cried after that one. Can someone please tell me why someone would be this hurtful? And how could someone just switch onto another girl and not even speak to the previous one about it. I mean I was 'unnofficial' so I guess he was in his rights but I thought he should have stopped things with me and talked to me about it first or something? I just don't understand and Im so hurt. I can't stop thinking I am not good enough and he doesn't love me anymore (yes thats right, once he sent me a card saying he loved me). He even told me he never wanted to lose me as he has never been so close to someone but he must have known he would lose me if he did this?! P.s sorry if its the same thing over and over again Im just so dam confused and hurt and there is noone I can talk to Edited January 23, 2011 by jessy1
Jonno_S Posted January 23, 2011 Posted January 23, 2011 Wow, poor dear. Sorry for this. You're hurt because you did nothing wrong - everything right in fact, and this bum didn't think of his feelings with his little school-boy crush. He needs to think about other's feelings. Just stay away from him, you'll see his true colors soon enough and when you do, you'll thank God you didn't get too involved with him.
gator12 Posted January 23, 2011 Posted January 23, 2011 He tossed up the read flags hon im sorry =/. When he was saying he sdidn't want to hurt you that was probably genuine, because he had this other girl that he was talking to. So in a sense he's a good guy for not hurting you but an a** for leading you on. He also self proclaimed himself a cheater which is a BIG read flag. If you say that you have a habit of cheating then you def have a problem with it. My advice is to stay away or you're going to get hurt more so than you are now. I am sure you are a beautiful girl and will have no trouble finding a new guy who's right for you =].
Author jessy1 Posted January 23, 2011 Author Posted January 23, 2011 I thought that to gator but he invited himself round in the first place with no prompting from me, he then came over to my couch and did all the cuddling. I never initiated any of it I dont understand why he would do all that if he had another girl? Wouldn't he just not bother in the first place? And why he would take my bestfriend aside and talk about how awesome I was. She said he talked non stop about me and never mentioned anyone else at all. And he still continued to call and send me really cute messages. I just don't understand I asked him to clarify and he could have if he wanted to!!
suddendumpee Posted January 23, 2011 Posted January 23, 2011 I'm assuming you're pretty young. I may be able to speak to this from experience. When I was in high school, I handled a breakup in a way that seemed like the right thing to do in my immature mine, but I have never forgiven myself for it. I had a girlfriend who was perfect to me in every way. Almost too perfect. She adored me, and was so afraid to make me mad, that she would agree with everything I did or said. It was almost like she lost her ideinty, and this was a big turnoff for me. I was also very young and I knew I wasn't ready to settle down at 18 years old. I looked for a good reason to leave her, but it never came. I felt so guilty about wanting to leave her because I knew I would break her heart. I felt like she would always love me, so in my immature mind, I decided that getting her to hate me would be the best way to give her the freedom to move on. I ended things in the most heartless way. I simply stopped talking to her. Somebody asked her if we were still together, and she said "I think so, but I haven't heard from him in 2 weeks. If you see him, tell him I miss him." I had started dating a new girl and I took her on a date to the restaurant my ex? GF waitressed at. She came out and saw us in total shock, and ran into the back of the restaurant in tears. This is how she found out we were no longer together. I have never forgiven myself for this. The girl ended up dating a total loser after me, who physically abuses her. She is now married to him and has 3 kids. They live at near poverty level and her husband is in and out of jail. The last time I saw her, she had a black eye from him hitting her. I have always worried that I destroyed her self-esteem so badly, that I created this horrible life for her. So the point of this story is that young people can make dumb decisions. He may have felt that this was the best way to help you move on because he knows you are a good person who deserves better than what he can offer you. So pissing you off and making you think he was an ******* all along was his way of trying to make you forget about him. When he becomes wiser...IF he has a soul, he will feel remorse for what he did. Ok, all the women can hate me now.
Author jessy1 Posted January 23, 2011 Author Posted January 23, 2011 (edited) wow maybe so!! But I asked him to clarify what he meant by that txt and he easily could have!! I just cant understand why he would initate everything then suddenly leave Surely he just wouldnt bother in the first place? Then later on that day kiss me infront of everyone and be all cuddly with me. The strange thing is he seems to think he did no wrong. He keeps trying to talk to me as normal and keeps asking why I am grumpy with him I was really good to him and so dam supportive, I dont think I lost my identity with him. I just cant understand why someone would do this. I am SOO hurt that he just replaced me without really talking to me and said some of the stuff he did. I cant describe how much my heart aches And to clarify we are 23 so not to young? I did do a bit of stalking and he does this to every single girl he has crossed paths with! There a lot of broken hearts out there from this guy! Edited January 23, 2011 by jessy1
jenifer1972 Posted January 23, 2011 Posted January 23, 2011 A big mistake I have made many times is to assume that others share my integrity and code of conduct. This is a big mistake in life. There are many cruel people and he is one of them. He likes hopping from girl to girl. And his new girl won't be special for long. She is just next in line for his cruelty.
gator12 Posted January 23, 2011 Posted January 23, 2011 I thought that to gator but he invited himself round in the first place with no prompting from me, he then came over to my couch and did all the cuddling. I never initiated any of it I dont understand why he would do all that if he had another girl? Wouldn't he just not bother in the first place? And why he would take my bestfriend aside and talk about how awesome I was. She said he talked non stop about me and never mentioned anyone else at all. And he still continued to call and send me really cute messages. I just don't understand I asked him to clarify and he could have if he wanted to!! Because maybe to some extent he was interested in you, but clearly he was juggling you and another girl at the same time and eventually chose her instead of you. You cant attempt to understand his actions, there's just no way to. In the end he looks out for himself not for the feelings of others. The best thing for you to do is not talk to him in any way shape or form and go into NC. Heal and move on, someday he may come back but that doesn't matter, all that matters is you.
Sugarkane Posted February 4, 2011 Posted February 4, 2011 Hi I'm the same age as you and my ex also dumped me in a completely callous manner too. I did everything right and I was a great girlfriend. Please don't blame yourself. Not everyone is honest and has values, as we do. Our exes are these people. He's in the "honeymoon" phase with her and will say crap to get into her pants. I bet my money, he will play her aswell. Don't contact him at all. And if he gets sick of her [he will] or is lonely and calls you DONT fall for it!
sammyd Posted February 4, 2011 Posted February 4, 2011 ((hugs)) Well, simply put, this isn't the guy for you. You need to try and move on, no contact, and someone that deserves you will eventually turn up:) It's sad that he put you through this, but, at least it's happened now, and not if you were 'officially' together. Take care.
Eddie Edirol Posted February 4, 2011 Posted February 4, 2011 Well Jessy if youre telling ALL of the story and not leaving out parts that you may have contributed to him wanting to be so vindictive, he's just crazy. Only a person with mental issues would hurt you blatantly if you did nothing to hurt him. But from what I see here, something is missing in this story. We dont often get stories of behavior like this unless the dumpee did something to make him think he needed to hurt you on purpose.
D78 Posted February 4, 2011 Posted February 4, 2011 ...I have always worried that I destroyed her self-esteem so badly, that I created this horrible life for her. OMG suddendumpee this story is so sad! You shouldn't worry that you caused her to go with an abusive guy. Your actions no doubt hurt her, but her self esteem issues existed before you did that to her. You said so yourself. Ok, all the women can hate me now. No one hates you!
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