valdeetz1 Posted January 23, 2011 Posted January 23, 2011 Long back story here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t259859/ Well his mom has been keeping tabs on me- she loves me like a daughter, and I lived with them for about a year in the begining. The whole family is in turmoil over the Jerry Springer like story. Summary- My Ex Fiance is now dating his brother's ex-girlfriend. and his whole family and everyone else that knows him thinks he's an idiot...but that is besides the point. Well his mom called, and since the BU 4.5 weeks ago we haven't much discussed him. She calls to see how I'm doing, and check up on me and all. I don't ask about him, and she doesnt pop out a lot of information thankfully. But she called upset, and pretty much began to rant about the whole situation. She's worried about her son, which is understandable. Evidently the 'happy' couple has been fighting since about 2.5 weeks in on a daily basis- and by fighting I mean he does/says something that makes her go off and bitch him out for 45 minutes to an hour- in front of the parents evidently. And he just sits there and takes it, cow toes up and apologizes. There in lies the mom's concern- that he isnt acting like himself- which I've been saying since he decided to toss away the 6 years we were together and the wedding plans. Anyways... getting off topic: The mom was just wanting my opinion- which I gave with all my anger and resentment- that he was confused, and blinded by new ass. She's shiney and new, and right now he has threw away everything to be with her. It's not in his personality to be submissive, and eventually he will snap on her. Because even though I'm angry at him, and hurt, I know the person I love can be a big *******. I also told her that the girl was probably going off on him because he was doing/saying something that reminds her of either negative or positive traits that his brother has. I was in a rebound many years ago and know I did that to the poor guy I was dating Didn't realize it till a few weeks in, but when I did I broke it off. Well his mom is concerned over his behavior, his sudden change in lifestyle ( i.e. the partying with the 21 year old gf) and his extreme attitude changes- one moment he's happiest he's ever been the next he wishes he had died when he had his accident. I have no idea what to tell her, and I pretty much told her the above, and that even though I wouldn't see the guy I knew for my whole life probably ever again, that one day she would see the person her son used to be again. No one can explain his thought process, or understand why he's doing what he's doing with her and causing so many problems with his brother and family. GIGS or 'What else is out there" or whatever- I didn't deserve what he did, or how he did it. and frankly neither did his brother- and me and his brother loathe eachother and we can agree to that. We both have been shafted. I'd like to say I would tell him to get lost if he ever came back, but I wont know what I'll do till I get to that bridge. I'm in day 25 of NC; actually 30 days in NC verbally. He sent me a text after Christmas. Anyways...what I wanted from this long rant is any advice- cause I can only imagine this phone call will occur again if things keep going in the downward spiral his mom has described. Any thing any of you guys can think for me to offer her over it all?
gator12 Posted January 23, 2011 Posted January 23, 2011 When he broke up with you, he clearly jumped on the rebound train. He's changing all of his behavior for his new girlfriend, but in my opinion she isn't going to last if his entire family dislikes her. His behavior changing could be the result of the breakup or him trying to be "someone new" and forget about the breakup. It's clear that you care about him otherwise you wouldnt be writing on this site and that's a good thing. I don't see any harm in giving your input to his mother so long as she doesn't mention you gave him your opinion as he might see that as you attempting to control him. With this scenario I highly think they won't last once the "honewymoon" phase is over and the luster wears off. After that he may just come back to you, but that's a bridge you cross when you get there. It's very important that you stay in NC with him however, otherwise you'll prevent any of your own healing in the process. He just may regret his decision and come back to you but don't expect it, from what it sounds like you've already accepted that he may be gone forever, which is an important step. But if he ever does want you back, he will come back begging, I promise. But cross that bride when you get to it, until then continue doing your own thing.
Author valdeetz1 Posted January 23, 2011 Author Posted January 23, 2011 Thanks Gator- you're right. I don't think she will mention she spoke to me. She isn't out to make things worse- she wants it to work out. She told me she has my engagement ring. You're right, I do care about him- I love him. He's been a large part of my life and my best friend for a long time. But I know this is a trial he has to go through alone- and if it works out for us in the end it will be great, and if not I know that I can survive. And when I hear about things he's doing, I remind myself that he isnt the person that I know right now. And even if I never see that person again- I enjoy and cherish the time I had with him. I can't turn my feelings off, and a lot about it bothers me. I think I would have rather him told me he never wanted to see me again and junk like that. At least then I wouldnt have gotten all those mixed signals... But yeah- that is what I beleive too- the honeymoon will wear off sooner rather then later I imagine- even though they've been together 4 weeks ( 5 days after BU) they were already fighting 2 weeks in, and now they're moving in together ( no lease thank god- cause when that bomb goes off I'd hate it for him.) I mean...what could possibly go wrong with that? I feel bad wishing for it to hurry up and end, and really I just need to accept it for what it is right now. However seeing as how she's using him as a substitute just irks me. I guess...I could accept it if she really cared for him- it might be harder, but I could accept it. I just pity him that he is going to end up getting his heart broken- but maybe its for the best. Or maybe he'll snap and leave her. only time will tell. And like we both said- no matter what happens, I dont have to worry about that bridge till I get to it thanks for the input.
gator12 Posted January 23, 2011 Posted January 23, 2011 Hey the fact that they're moving in together will most likely work to your advantage. If there's anythig I know about relationships, it's that they get harder when a couple moves in together. The constant contact with one another makes everything harder no matter how good the relationship is, and seeing as there's isn't very good and happened so soon after the break up I doubt it's gonna work out for them. For now though have fun, do things you've been wanting to do for a while but never had the time, enjoy life.
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