timchambo Posted January 23, 2011 Posted January 23, 2011 Girl left me about a month ago after over 7 years out of the blue. She was already talking to new guy from work when she broke it off. Also evidence of other flirting (and possibly more) over the course of the relationship came to light after the break up. Last week she called a couple times and sent a couple texts which I never responded to. Basically the standard "I miss you", "your my best friend", etc... I find myself a week later wanting to at least communicate with her that I may not ever be able to be her friend after all that. And maybe if she can fix her lying/cheating ways we can talk one day. How can I communicate this to her without looking desperate for contact? Right now my dignity is intact since she reached out the last 3 times. I plan to wait a couple weeks, but if she doesn't make contact I don't want to have to lose my dignity by email/text/phoning her to get this message across.
gator12 Posted January 24, 2011 Posted January 24, 2011 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t81399/ Read this guide right here, it will tell you everything you need to know, whatever you do, don't talk to her. If she wants you back she'll come back begging. Until then you don't owe her anything
FreeToBe Posted January 24, 2011 Posted January 24, 2011 Girl left me about a month ago after over 7 years out of the blue. She was already talking to new guy from work when she broke it off. Also evidence of other flirting (and possibly more) over the course of the relationship came to light after the break up. Last week she called a couple times and sent a couple texts which I never responded to. Basically the standard "I miss you", "your my best friend", etc... I find myself a week later wanting to at least communicate with her that I may not ever be able to be her friend after all that. And maybe if she can fix her lying/cheating ways we can talk one day. How can I communicate this to her without looking desperate for contact? Right now my dignity is intact since she reached out the last 3 times. I plan to wait a couple weeks, but if she doesn't make contact I don't want to have to lose my dignity by email/text/phoning her to get this message across. Tim - 7 years is a long time, sorry... First, good job not replying to her texts. That's not easy to do especially when you are feeling the way you must be feeling... I don't think there is anything you can say or do that will get what you want across to her. The best thing you can do is be stone-cold silent to her... THAT is the loudest message you could send her - that you will not tolerate being cheated on and lied to. If you reach out to her in any way, you are showing her that you are still willing to communicate with her - even after she treated you like garbage... after she disrespected you and your relationship with her poor behavior. Do not reach out to tell her anything - ESPECIALLY to let her know that there is any possibility (no matter how small) that she could come back in the future. I hate to say this, but you should walk away from this with the intention of healing and never returning to the relationship. It is far too soon for you to communicate the message you want to her right now. In fact, after what she has been doing, I would say that it would be far too soon to communicate with her in the next three to six months. For your sake, do everything you can to fully divest yourself from this relationship... Move on. Perhaps somewhere in the future the relationship could be revisited, but there is NO short-term fix here. Even if she comes back fully apologizing, swearing she will change, would you believe her? Would you be willing to take her back knowing what you know? Could it be the same? Could you trust her FULLY and COMPLETELY as you should be able to do in a healthy relationship? It hurts, but keep reminding yourself that this was her choice to make, not yours. Her behavior has caused the relationship to fall apart, not yours - you owe her nothing... You owe her no explanation. Nothing.
Author timchambo Posted January 24, 2011 Author Posted January 24, 2011 Sorry maybe I was a bit unclear. I have no intention on it ever being anything more than friends. It's just so crazy how one day we are best friends the next she drops this on me. In the way it all came about she continues to try to make it appear there is some transition period from me to him. I almost think she thinks I believe her. I want it to be 100% clear that I'm not being silent because we split. Sure that is an added benefit for me as I need the no contact. But I want her to know that she's not fooling anybody. I know there is a bit of guilt on her part as she has been calling me and my fam. I want her to get the message that I know everything and she lost all my respect and not just because we broke up.
gator12 Posted January 24, 2011 Posted January 24, 2011 OOO well in that case Tim, by all means message her and tell her that. If you really feel she needs to know that and you don't want to date her it obviously can't hurt. But at the same time if you don't want to hurt her feelings I'd understand.
Recommended Posts