TrishKiss Posted January 23, 2011 Posted January 23, 2011 This is kind of a vent. I met this guy and initially I wasn't attracted to him not as far as looks but personality wise. Over time I get to know him and start liking him a lot! He, 'Zack' says he wants to take things slow so we go on several dates for several months, talk almost everyday but are not 'official'. I meet this other guy who is more my typical type and so I go on a couple dates with him without telling Zack. Zack finds out through a friend that I am dating another guy. Now honestly since we talked and dated for several months I understand that he wants to take things slow, but I figure maybe this guy doesn't really like me, or at least not the same way I like him. The day after Zack finds out about this other guy he deletes me on a couple networks. I apologize trying to explain the situation to him and get no response. A wait a bit and send him a text However I find out later that Zack showed and told his friends about the text and email I sent to him, not like it's any of their business and is like oh she said and sent me this almost like he's showing off or making fun of me because of it. By now i'm annoyed and feel like Zack is being kind of immature about the situation. I think it's one thing if he's mad and upset with me and another for him to tell his friends all about it. I still like him a little bit and would like to be on good terms but I don't want to look pathetic or have him going to his friends and them laughing about the situation. I'm just confused and don't understand why he's so upset about it. Maybe it's his pride....It made me think if he was that upset maybe he really liked me but if he did surely he would have asked me out already?! Does his behavior sound weird to anyone else?
Nexus One Posted January 23, 2011 Posted January 23, 2011 (edited) By now i'm annoyed and feel like Zack is being kind of immature about the situation. Did you tell him you were multi-dating, was he aware that you were doing this throughout your dates with him? If not, then render me unsurprised about his reaction. I think it's one thing if he's mad and upset with me and another for him to tell his friends all about it. Fair enough. I'm guessing it's his way of venting and dealing with it, but it is immature to laugh at you with his friends. Edited January 23, 2011 by Nexus One
Lovelybird Posted January 23, 2011 Posted January 23, 2011 By now i'm annoyed and feel like Zack is being kind of immature about the situation. I think it's one thing if he's mad and upset with me and another for him to tell his friends all about it. I still like him a little bit and would like to be on good terms but I don't want to look pathetic or have him going to his friends and them laughing about the situation. I'm just confused and don't understand why he's so upset about it. Maybe it's his pride....It made me think if he was that upset maybe he really liked me but if he did surely he would have asked me out already?! Does his behavior sound weird to anyone else? Did you realize that his PRIDE has sacrificed your best interest? And why do you want this man for a long term sense? so he can sacrifice your best interests as long as it concerns his pride and ego?
spiderowl Posted January 23, 2011 Posted January 23, 2011 If you have not made an agreement between you to be mutually exclusive, then he can't expect you not to date others. I get the impression that you wanted such an agreement? If not, then it was all a bit too vague really. Showing off a private email to friends is totally childish. I think he probably thought he could have the fun of being with you on his terms and then when you showed quite clearly it wasn't on his terms, he was angry and upset. He knows he blew it with you by not making it official so now he's blaming you for your indiscretion. If you really want to re-build something with him, you could give him a brief message saying you're sorry if you upset him but you were under the impression there was no commitment to exclusivity. If he does want to be exclusive and make it official, then he should contact you and talk about it. If he doesn't, just leave it.
Nexus One Posted January 23, 2011 Posted January 23, 2011 Did you realize that his PRIDE has sacrificed your best interest? And why do you want this man for a long term sense? so he can sacrifice your best interests as long as it concerns his pride and ego? I'm getting the idea she did not inform him about the fact that she was dating multiple people. Look, most guys have no idea that multi-dating even exists. So if they find out without having been informed about it naturally they will respond in the only way they know.
Lovelybird Posted January 23, 2011 Posted January 23, 2011 I'm getting the idea she did not inform him about the fact that she was dating multiple people. Look, most guys have no idea that multi-dating even exists. So if they find out without having been informed about it naturally they will respond in the only way they know. have they even discussed about exclusivity? Even they did, what he did just show her his characters, and his pride can make him put her down if it is necessary for him
Nexus One Posted January 23, 2011 Posted January 23, 2011 (edited) If you have not made an agreement between you to be mutually exclusive, then he can't expect you not to date others. have they even discussed about exclusivity? Are you both serious? Most unsuspecting, regular, run of the mill men do not know what multi-dating is. They know nothing about potential agreements of "mutual exclusiveness", they simply assume she's dating only him and that it's mutually exclusive. Some women are way too deep into some of this stuff. What I'm getting from all of this is that men actually should just assume the worst case scenario, otherwise he might get surprised she's either multi-dating or not mutually exclusive. The majority of men though, have no concept of any of that and do not live by the worst case scenario. And who would want to live and date like that anyway, assuming the worst all the time? Edited January 23, 2011 by Nexus One
Stonewall Posted January 23, 2011 Posted January 23, 2011 Did you tell him that you're dating other people before you started dating? These things should be disclosed before you start dating somebody. Some people have an old school outlook on things. i.e dating one person at a time rather than multiple people, especially if they're new to the game. Now there is one caveat... Online Dating. I think it's safe to assume if you meet somebody through an onlline dating site that they're dating other people. Also about the Email thing.. that is totally unacceptible. You need to talk to him about that.
Author TrishKiss Posted January 23, 2011 Author Posted January 23, 2011 No I did not tell him I was dating another guy.....now that I think about it I should have and that's my mistake :-/
Lovelybird Posted January 23, 2011 Posted January 23, 2011 The majority of men though, have no concept of any of that and do not live by the worst case scenario. And who would want to live and date like that anyway, assuming the worst all the time? then your "majority of men" is very different from what I knew "majority of men". Are we living in the same world?
Nexus One Posted January 23, 2011 Posted January 23, 2011 then your "majority of men" is very different from what I knew "majority of men". Are we living in the same world? We are, you just have a different perspective on it. This difference can be solved very easily: 1. If you are or intend to multi-date, then simply say it from the start. 2. If you are or intend to NOT be mutually exclusive, then simply say it from the start. Problem solved. That way they can make up their own minds and don't get surprised by it.
BobSacamento Posted January 23, 2011 Posted January 23, 2011 Men 101: Topic 1: A man's ego is a verrrrrrrrrrrrrry fragile thing.
Nexus One Posted January 23, 2011 Posted January 23, 2011 (edited) Men 101: Topic 1: A man's ego is a verrrrrrrrrrrrrry fragile thing. I'm not sure this is actually an ego issue. If you've never heard of multi-dating and are somewhat unsuspecting and green regarding these things, then finding out your girl has been multi-dating could/might come across as some form of cheating. I'm not saying it is cheating and I'm not saying that it isn't an ego issue, but I just think it's more likely that he felt cheated. And that wouldn't surprise me, because he didn't know she was multi-dating. Edited January 23, 2011 by Nexus One
Author TrishKiss Posted January 23, 2011 Author Posted January 23, 2011 thanks everyone for your replies
BobSacamento Posted January 23, 2011 Posted January 23, 2011 I'm not sure this is actually an ego issue. If you've never heard of multi-dating and are somewhat unsuspecting and green regarding these things, then finding out your girl has been multi-dating could/might come across as some form of cheating. I'm not saying it is cheating and I'm not saying that it isn't an ego issue, but I just think it's more likely that he felt cheated. And that wouldn't surprise me, because he didn't know she was multi-dating. His dramatic reaction makes me think he was operating under the fantasy that she was obsessed with him.
Emilia Posted January 23, 2011 Posted January 23, 2011 Men 101: Topic 1: A man's ego is a verrrrrrrrrrrrrry fragile thing. ain't that the truth
Emilia Posted January 23, 2011 Posted January 23, 2011 The day after Zack finds out about this other guy he deletes me on a couple networks. I apologize trying to explain the situation to him and get no response. A wait a bit and send him a text However I find out later that Zack showed and told his friends about the text and email I sent to him, not like it's any of their business and is like oh she said and sent me this almost like he's showing off or making fun of me because of it. By now i'm annoyed and feel like Zack is being kind of immature about the situation. I think it's one thing if he's mad and upset with me and another for him to tell his friends all about it. I still like him a little bit and would like to be on good terms but I don't want to look pathetic or have him going to his friends and them laughing about the situation. I'm just confused and don't understand why he's so upset about it. Maybe it's his pride....It made me think if he was that upset maybe he really liked me but if he did surely he would have asked me out already?! Does his behavior sound weird to anyone else? I assume you are both fairly young, he certainly must be My experience with younger men is their ego is veeeeeery fragile just like Bob Sacramento said. they constantly worry about how they come across, what their mates would think, what the girl thinks, competition with other males, etc. They can be a pain to date. You need to be upfront in the beginning about your multi-dating otherwise the guy will feel foolish (that's what happened). when he feels foolish he tries to find ways to cope with it, he chose an immature one because he is young and doesn't know any better. live and learn
dispatch3d Posted January 23, 2011 Posted January 23, 2011 lol you're the one who pissed him off, you'll have to be the one to get him unpissed. Concerns like "I don't want his friends laughing at me" don't really enter my head (I'm too dense about things like that). I also just don't bother with any drama. So if I were you I'd just apologize and say I want to date you but feel like we are moving to slow. But then again, I'm a very extroverted guy, so this may not be a realistic solution for you.
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