Followup Sexting Boyfriend Story....and why second chances are no bueno

[Loquacious Miss L.]

To preface: I had posted a week or so ago about a sexting boyfriend who I broke up with after I found nude photos and text messages. But....

 

.... against my better judgment I was going to give dude a second chance. Dumb I know but the heart wanted what the heart wanted.

 

....but I thought better of it. It was just too painful for me to try to be with someone who knowingly did the things that he did and to pretend that nothing happened.

 

He told me that he would do anything to have me trust him again and he loved me more than anything. However...Thursday I decided it was good to just be civil....no more funny stuff. He agreed and seemed cool with it.

 

Follow this up with the fact that I was supposed to hang out with him this weekend and with his kids. I cancelled and pulled away Friday because that's what you do when you segue from a relationship to a friendship, establish that boundary and take some time away from that person so you can heal. And not do the things you normally used to do as a couple, ie spend the whole weekend together.

 

He was PISSED.

 

He told me that he was going to "go out and meet 'good Christian women'" to be platonic friends with because he's in this program right now for sexaholics essentially. Which tells you precisely NOT to do that and uses God as the centerpoint. He's deflecting blame here.

 

Then today he tells me he misses me and wants me. When I didn't return the sentiment he told me, "You were always so wishy washy. Because of your disorder (bipolar) it's no wonder you haven't had longer than a three month relationship." To which I retorted, "If you love someone and want them you wouldn't say those things." You never use someone's challenges against them! Anyway, he then said, "Goodbye Megan," to which I said, "good luck to you," (never once cracking)...

 

And that was that.

 

I am so relieved to be out of this situation.

 

However, I am aware that my problem was that I was considering giving him a second shot (shakes head) but thankfully I thought better of it as his true colors came out today.

[Duckduckgoose]

Awww he got butthurt because you told him no.

[0hpenelope]

Then today he tells me he misses me and wants me. When I didn't return the sentiment he told me, "You were always so wishy washy. Because of your disorder (bipolar) it's no wonder you haven't had longer than a three month relationship." To which I retorted, "If you love someone and want them you wouldn't say those things." You never use someone's challenges against them! Anyway, he then said, "Goodbye Megan," to which I said, "good luck to you," (never once cracking)...

 

That... that is so wrong. I'm upset about my break-up, I badmouthed my ex for a while, but I will never, ever use any of his known medical conditions to throw at his face.

 

What a classy person.

[Loquacious Miss L.]

Thank you, my thoughts exactly! How messed up is that. I'm still reeling from the fact that someone can be so mean.

[0hpenelope]

Thank you, my thoughts exactly! How messed up is that. I'm still reeling from the fact that someone can be so mean.

 

It's a matter of being responsible with what we say, too. I don't like being angry because I can't think straight and whatever comes out of my mouth, I usually regret them after cooling down. In his case, he just reminds me of a petulant child that didn't get what he wanted from you. Badmouthing's normal, but it stops. Insulting someone because of a medical condition? That's low and unnecessary.

[Loquacious Miss L.]

Ya I can't lie, it really hurt.

[Loquacious Miss L.]

And today I realized those comments were just a form of manipulation.

[aerogurl87]

Good for you. I broke things off with my ex (the soldier) for good and he told me the same crap, that I was wishy washy and everything always had to be on my terms. This all coming because I told him I needed space and time because I'd just broken up with the guy I was in love with for one year and wasn't sure of lots of things. In the end I am so happy I ended things with him because no good would've come of it anyway.

 

But I definitely understand where you're coming from, but you did the right thing and good riddance to him!

[Loquacious Miss L.]

How ironic. My guy was a former Marine. He said I was wishy washy and all of that other stuff after I called him out on some stuff. He really didn't like what I had to say but at the very worst I was still a lot more civil than he was to me.

[aerogurl87]

How ironic. My guy was a former Marine. He said I was wishy washy and all of that other stuff after I called him out on some stuff. He really didn't like what I had to say but at the very worst I was still a lot more civil than he was to me.

 

The blame shifting sounds very familiar. With my ex when I'd try and point out some of the horrible things he said or did to me, he'd always say I was "wishy washy" or use his job as an excuse for his behaviour. His favourite excuse was "I don't remember doing that to you. I black out when I'm angry sometimes" and then apparently I was just supposed to forgive him because it wasn't the real him speaking.

[Loquacious Miss L.]

Wow. How lame people are. I'm sorry that you had to go through that. Maybe it's a military thing? Lol.