Quiet Storm Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 I think you should just focus on moving your life forward. Accept the fact that there are ****ty people in this world. This guy and your wife are two of them. Many men, especially player types, don't abide by the "don't mess with another man's wife" code. In his mind, if he casts the line and she takes the bait...she's just another ho. He may even feel like he did you a favor by showing you what kind of wife you truly had. Trust me, if she had poor enough boundaries to fall for his BS, it would have only been a matter of time before she cheated with someone else. There are players everywhere. It's up to the married woman to have boundaries. As an attractive woman, men try to charm me on a regular basis. I recognize it for what it is and let them know through my body language and short, curt responses that I am not interested. It's called having boundaries. Your wife played along, and showed him through her actions that she liked this attention. She gave him the greenlight to continue with her body language and verbal responses. If it makes you feel better to go after him, then do it. But you will never eradicate all the players from the world. I get that you were hurt, and your ego can't handle this guy getting away without consequences. But the energy you are wasting on him could be put to much better use. Instead of being bitter and entertaining thoughts of revenge, focus on making your life better. Do positive things with your time. Work out, run, surround yourself with positive people, etc.
Lucky_One Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 However, the guy really generates no real revenue since he's partnered with a realtor who is the one providing all the leads and listings. He had no listings in his own name last year and I hope the broker will see how dispensable he is. You do the bookkeeping for the real estate firm? You know this HOW? Honestly, back when I was in real estate, if a guy like you had come in and wanted my broker to invest a lot of time looking through old records and time sheets (when we had dozens of lock boxes and hundreds of homes on the market, and thousands of showings a month by all the Realtors in the city) in order to prove that an agent was behaving in a way that you suspected was inappropriate, he would have been exceedingly polite and would have sent you on your way. And then laughed his butt off at you once the door was shut and you had driven off. I know you are humiliated, but there is no sense in spreading your humiliation all across the city where you live - which is exactly what you would be doing.
Lucky_One Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 I have no idea what happened in any of those houses and I don't think I'll ever know. My wife is still, to this day, not strong enough to tell me anything about what happened. I know for sure she didn't actually have sex with him but everything between kissing and actual sex was definitely possible given the way she was dressed the final time I busted her in Aug of last year. Between that time until today, we've made slow but steady progress and my wife is slowly waking to how much damage she has caused. I'm almost fully convinced she's no longer seeing him and things are slowly warming between us but very fragile. As much as I don't want to risk rocking the boat while we're recovering... Am curious as to now you know for sure that she didn't have intercourse with him, if she spent every weekend night with him for months and months? And it is apparent that you want to reconcile with your wife. Your anger, however, seems a bit misplaced. Are you seeing a marriage counselor, as well as a therapist just on your own?
Author RaysofHope Posted January 27, 2011 Author Posted January 27, 2011 You do the bookkeeping for the real estate firm? You know this HOW? Honestly, back when I was in real estate, if a guy like you had come in and wanted my broker to invest a lot of time looking through old records and time sheets (when we had dozens of lock boxes and hundreds of homes on the market, and thousands of showings a month by all the Realtors in the city) in order to prove that an agent was behaving in a way that you suspected was inappropriate, he would have been exceedingly polite and would have sent you on your way. And then laughed his butt off at you once the door was shut and you had driven off. I know you are humiliated, but there is no sense in spreading your humiliation all across the city where you live - which is exactly what you would be doing. There a huge difference between "suspected of wrongdoing"and "know, but just need access to records to prove". In any case, things are already developing nicely and we'll see how things go next week. Like I said, this guy was a friend that I knew quite well. To this day, one of our good mutual friends still doesn't know what has happened between us and he still tells me a lot about things going on with him. The only reason he even has a career is because he's a "partner" of an actual realtor. This partner is the only reason he has any semblance of work. You can see how many houses he has for sale by visiting his own personal webpage and the MLS system is setup to automatically display listings under his name on his website. He never has any listings. Even before I found out about the A, and my "wife" and I were looking for our house through him, I would look at his personal webpage and always found it odd that he never has any listings. His partner is the one generating all the leads which turn into listings which he keeps underneath his own name. Any excess work he's too busy to handle get tossed off to the OM. However, the OM never gets any recognition because the listings are all still under his partner's name from beginning to end. If the broker were to pull up how valuable this guy was to the office, his name would show up with zero sales and zero listings since all the transactions were handled under his partner's name. In other words, he's still just an assistant hiding behind a 'realtor' title. The guy sure knows how to lie about his success though. Our mutual friend told me that to afford the one year old luxury car he's driving right now, he had to buy it with 56,000mi on it
Author RaysofHope Posted January 27, 2011 Author Posted January 27, 2011 (edited) Am curious as to now you know for sure that she didn't have intercourse with him, if she spent every weekend night with him for months and months? And it is apparent that you want to reconcile with your wife. Your anger, however, seems a bit misplaced. Are you seeing a marriage counselor, as well as a therapist just on your own? Don't really want to explain because it's getting a little too personal, but I know. If the OM was some random guy who did not know me and I didn't know him, I would agree the anger is misplaced. However, someone who knows me this well and would still do this to me deserves everything he's got coming to him. Put yourself in the same situation. Imagine you found out about your SO doing something behind your back. Now, first imagine it's a random guy and then replace that guy with a close friend. Feels very different, doesn't it? Edited January 27, 2011 by RaysofHope
Lucky_One Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 Yes, I would consider it a DOUBLE betrayal. And ultimately, my fury and hurt would be with my partner, not someone who obviously was not my friend. I would be concentrating on H, not on Xfriend. A listing agent isn't the only agent who makes money for a real estate firm. You said he is in property management, and THAT is where the steady income comes from, for both him and the firm. If he is partners with someone else, then you need to really think hard about this. Do you really think a partner is going to go through the hassle of dissolving a partnership because of some cuckolded husband who has his boxers in a wad? You really think that a broker is going to call 30 other real estate companies and ask for the records of times that their listings were accessed by one of his agents? Seriously, you are coming across as obsessive and bordering on nutty. This is NOT the only real estate agent who has had sex in a home on the market - trust me on that one! Take all this effort that you are wasting on your hurt pride and use it somewhere that is honorable - not in airing your dirty laundry to a gossip-y and business-incestuous industry. 1
Author RaysofHope Posted January 27, 2011 Author Posted January 27, 2011 (edited) Yes, I would consider it a DOUBLE betrayal. And ultimately, my fury and hurt would be with my partner, not someone who obviously was not my friend. I would be concentrating on H, not on Xfriend. A listing agent isn't the only agent who makes money for a real estate firm. You said he is in property management, and THAT is where the steady income comes from, for both him and the firm. If he is partners with someone else, then you need to really think hard about this. Do you really think a partner is going to go through the hassle of dissolving a partnership because of some cuckolded husband who has his boxers in a wad? You really think that a broker is going to call 30 other real estate companies and ask for the records of times that their listings were accessed by one of his agents? Seriously, you are coming across as obsessive and bordering on nutty. This is NOT the only real estate agent who has had sex in a home on the market - trust me on that one! Take all this effort that you are wasting on your hurt pride and use it somewhere that is honorable - not in airing your dirty laundry to a gossip-y and business-incestuous industry. Hes not making any money from the property management either. Our mutual friend told me way back then that the only houses he's managing are the ones that his parents own. Again, the guy is all about appearance with nothing under the surface. Can I ask u something - if the tables were turned and you did this to a friend. Slept with his wife and cheated him out of commission on his new house, what would you expect him to do if he knows you felt proud of what you did to his life? If your house were for sale, and you were still living there, you would think it's completely acceptable that a realtor were using your bed as his own hotel bed? You would be ok to sleep in that bed? You would think no action should be taken against a realtor who repeatedly does this to other peoples houses? Edited January 27, 2011 by RaysofHope
Distant78 Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 Hes not making any money from the property management either. Our mutual friend told me way back then that the only houses he's managing are the ones that his parents own. Again, the guy is all about appearance with nothing under the surface. Can I ask u something - if the tables were turned and you did this to a friend. Slept with his wife and cheated him out of commission on his new house, what would you expect him to do if he knows you felt proud of what you did to his life? If your house were for sale, and you were still living there, you would think it's completely acceptable that a realtor were using your bed as his own hotel bed? You would be ok to sleep in that bed? You would think no action should be taken against a realtor who repeatedly does this to other peoples houses? Don't bother getting heated up from something someone said. She just doesn't understand. Just keep bringing this guy down legally and deal with your wife. If the chance is there to legally bring down pathetic scum who did one of the most disgusting things, take it.
imagine Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 The usual methods for testing infidelity is to polygraph one of the parties and have all her undies tested for alien semen. Which did you use?
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