how do i get him back? my heart is breaking & he doesnt seem to care..

[optimisticgirl]

This guy reminds me of my ex, who was a bonafide narcissist. He would scream at me when I would tell him what's wrong, and get mad at me when I wouldn't. He would accuse me of overreacting, and yet he was the one getting pissy all of the time. He also broke up with me several times.

 

If someone breaks up with you once, ok, maybe you can consider giving them a second chance if you both work hard on what made the relationship go south. But a second time, a third time? F that.

 

And the fact that he did it after things seemed perfectly fine is even worse. Clearly this is someone who either is hiding his true feelings from you, or someone who is so unstable that you should be running away.

 

This is NOT a good person. I say go no contact, go about your life, get the hell out of your room, and go out and do things. Join a gym, exercise every single day, create goals and start working on them, put the focus on YOU.

 

He is NOT the love of your life. I thought my ex was, too. Oh, by the way, I was with my ex for six years, and he broke up with me SIX times. ALL out of the blue. So yeah, I've been there.

 

My ex wasn't the love of my life. He was a narcissistic, whiny, pathetic momma's boy. Your ex is NOT the love of your life, and you should NOT value him above yourself. Your parents or whoever raised you did NOT want this for you. They didn't want their little girl to make a single human being the center of her universe, by which she lives or dies. That's just bullsh*t.

 

Your ex is a BAD PERSON. I know you don't realize that now, but he is. The sooner you decide that you aren't going to allow him into your life ever again, the sooner you can heal.

 

My psychologist had told me, after my breakup, that one of the things he wanted me to do was exercise every single day. It helped tremendously. You should do it too.

 

 

 

 

T - how did you finally get over him? do you still talk at all?

[gator12]

T - how did you finally get over him? do you still talk at all?

 

Optimistic, my answer for you is time. Time is the only thing that can heal. It sucks but when it comes to love that is the only thing that makes the pain go away.

 

thing is, he's miserable. ik it for a fact. even our mutual friends have told me. all he does is drink to the point of just passing out. he's always depressed. nothing makes him happy. in fact, he doesnt even want a a relationship or another girl..he told me himself, all he wants to do is just go to the army already & leave everything behind. sad part is, ik that its his paranoia thats causing him to act like this. he's done it before, he freaks out, out of nowhere, & then runs away from everything.

 

& its so hard to go NC...recently, he's been txtn me more & more. i mean should i just be ignoring it?

 

Well admittedly that definitly makes things more complicated. I mean in the end it's your choice, but from your other posts it doesn't seem like contacting him is getting you anywhere. He may be miserable but he has not mentioned anything about you two getting back together. I understand your dilemma but just with the fact he hasn't mentioned you two at all shows that he may be sad and depressed, but still has no intention of getting back together with you. I mean I'm a guy and I know when we want something we make it very very obvious. I don't think contact is right for you at this moment, because you are obviously not over him as his contact is still messing with your emotions.

 

And if contact is hurting you then you need to stay in NC for your sake, sometimes (I know it sounds selfish) you need to put yourself first. Especially since he put himself first when he decided to break your heart. I would still advise no contact, until one of two things happens: 1. he comes back and says he miss you and wants you back, or 2. you are moved on. That is the best situation for you. I know you are a compassionate person so this may be hard for you, but this time you have to put yourself first.

 

-Gator