how do i get him back? my heart is breaking & he doesnt seem to care..

January 22, 2011

2 nights ago, my bf of more than a year broke up with me out of the blue. this is the second time he's done something like this, we got back together 4 months ago & everything was perfect, until that night.

he was helping me clean my room after he came home from work. since we got back together, i moved out of my parents house & got my own apartment. even though he has his own house on campus, he would constantly stay at my place. in fact, for the last 2 months, we were basically living together. it was much more convenient for him to go to work from my place.

anyways. about 3 weeks ago i started taking a birth control pill & i became a little conscious about my weight, since it seemed to me like i was gaining some. i talked to him about it many times & he knew i was having a problem with it.

well, when we were cleaning, i was in his way & he said to me "move, fat ass." i couldnt believe he just said something so mean to me like that. so i dropped wtvr i was hanging & i walked into the kitchen, picked up a magazine & just sat there looking through it. in about 3 minutes, he came out of my room, sat down on the floor in front of me & started asking me what was wrong, what happened, why'd i get so pissed. but i ignored him. then i told him, if he doesnt know, i cant help him. he then stood up, said, "im so sick & tired of this constant sh*t" & walked away, slamming the door.

a couple minutes later i came in & i asked how in the world he couldve said something so mean to me. he started yelling at me that thats his sense of humor, we've been together for a year already & i should know that by now. i said that idc, i dont consider jokes like that funny & he knows that very well. it became a huge fight.

i guess the backstory to this is, im the kind of person, that whenever somethings bothering me, i tend to keep it to myself, even when he would keep asking me about it. this pissed him off to no end. but when we got back together, he made me promise to tell him anything that bothered me. & i tried. but every single time, i'd tell him even the dumbest thing, & he'd get mad & yell at me, turning it into a fight. so i would just back down again. also, he's a paranoid schizophrenic, or was, when he was diagnosed at 17. so he has a very short fuse & constantly has this idea that im only with him to get back at him for breaking up with me the first time.

anyways, so during this fight 2 nights ago, idk when it happened, since he was packing his stuff to take to his house & do laundry, but all of a sudden, he started packing his bags, all his stuff, computer, alarm clock, deodorant. & he started saying how he lied when he told me he was happy. then 5min later he said he didnt lie. he was actually very happy but he cant stand it anymore how i never talk to him (even though i do! i try!). i tried to hug him, even hold his hand, he told me to get off him.

the strangest thing is, when we got back together & ever since, all he would do is tell me how im the love of his life, how hes an idiot for taking so long to realize it, how he sees the rest of his life with me, married, kids, everything. he told me he would spend the rest of his life apologizing to me for hurting me so bad the first time. & literally in about half an hr, he made a decision to leave. even when i told our mutual friends, they were shocked! we had hung out with them the night before & we were fine. our friends gf works with my bf & she was floored! she had seen him just a couple hrs ago at work & he was fine! but nobody was more shocked than i was. it hit me out of nowhere.

then he started yelling at me that no matter what he does, i always get mad at him for the smallest things. calling your gf fat ass isnt small!!

i would be sick, along with him & i'd be taking care of hi, making him tea, soup, wtvr he wanted. he'd just be there complaining about how sick he is. i'd make him food whenever he asked, i'd give him my car to take to work when he didnt have a ride. hell, he works all day! 8am-6pm! i'd be stuck at home! but hey, anything for the love of my life. & he'd just come home from work, turn on the tv & ignore me. of course that would bother me, regardless if you bought milk like i asked you to!

then he told me that he didnt realize until now that when we got back together, i 'told' him it'd be different. that i made a deal that i wouldnt get mad & would tell him everything. he told me hes done, nothing changed since the first time he broke up with me & that its over, he doesnt see us together with a family for the rest of our lives anymore.

& now, its almost been 48 hrs & all i do is cry. i cant sleep. sure as hell cant eat. i tried txtn him. i asked him if he got over me already. he once told me that its so easy for him to get over a relationship. he was taught to control his feelings by his psychiatrist. but when he broke up with me the first time, he never could get over me. he slept with other girls! he drank his life away! but nothing helped. he couldnt get me off his mind. but i forgave him for everything, i did. but i havent gotten a response. i wrote him a long fb msg basically telling him exactly how i felt. ik he read it. but nothing. but now, it just feels as dark as i used to feel 4months ago. i wake up in the morning with a feeling like someone is reaching into my chest & pulling something out, every single second. its so lonely without him, i hate my room, i just want to run away. whats more is, his best friend lives right next to my building...& borrows his car to go to work every single day. & every single car i hear in the street, my heart skips a beat & i keep hoping its him coming back to apologize.

thats not even the worst part. when it was about 1 month since we got back together, he enlisted in the army. i told him i'll support him, ill write to him, everything! everyone thought we'd break up, but i'd go to hell & back for this boy. he even talked about marrying me before he left, so that i could follow him to his bases. well, he leaves in april. & i feel like i'll never see him again. he's the love of my life. idk how to live without him. i can't just let him go.

please help me, give me some advice on how to get him back. ik he loves me. & i love him more than life itself. how can someone just cut another person out of their life when theyve been together for so long. & over something so stupid!!

what do i do? how to i get him back to me? or at least to talk to me, so we can talk it out??? please.

January 22, 2011

when we got back together, he told me that im the only girl that has truly loved him for him, with all his faults. his paranoia causes him to constantly conjure up ideas on how im cheating on him. he once told me he hates calling me on his way home from work because he feels like when i find out he's on his way, im kicking out the guy i was just having sex with before he gets home. but i told him, i'll love him no matter what. i would never cheat on him or ever do anything to hurt him. after he'd accuse me, i'd tell him i love him, put his head on my chest & hug him. but i shut down when he yells at me for being bothered & he doesnt accept me.

January 23, 2011

You're relationship is deeply unstable to start off. Part of it may be because of his schizophrenia and anger problems but your biggest problem is communication. Communication is what ruins any good relationship and girls are terrible at. Guys, we're like children we need to be told something directly, clearly and sometimes repeatedly for it to stick in our head. For instance I made jokes at the expense of my ex and didn't realize how much it hurt her until after the break up because she never told me how it really made her feel other than maybe one or two times. You need to communicate if you ever want a relationship to work, if something bother you it needs to be know.

Guys on the other hand, are terrible with emotion, we don't take a lot of things as seriously as women do so sometimes we don't even know the things we do hurt the people we love because we think "ooo hey that doesn't bother me." So you cant expect a guy to be able to read you're mind all the time, we're not in touch with our emotions to the extent you guys are, it sucks but this combined with poor communication is why most relationships fail.

As for getting back together, let me start by telling you something your not going to like. You're gonna think I'm crazy, but immediately stop all contact with him right now, no letters, no texts nothing. Don't even tell him you're not gonna talk to him, just stop. See right now he expects you to contact him, he expects you to fight for the relationship. And the thing is, every communication you have with him is actually pushing him farther away from you.

When you go into no contact you go into it with the goal of moving on,and that should be your ultimate goal. It'll help you heal and stop being so emotional, it'll also help you to get a neutral persepctive on the relationship. Now here's the second side of no contact. He's going to start noticing that you aren't talking to him, and after a week or two he will text you, but it's gonna be something like "hey just wanted to see how your doing"

DO NOT REPLY TO THAT. That right there is him testing you, throwing the line in the water seeing if you're still gonna bite. Keep ignoring him, and keep moving on. And eventually he may miss you and realize he may lose you forever and he might just decide he made a mistake and will come back, and how will you know? It'll be obvious, eh will go out of his ay to say I'm sorry I made a mistake. He will literally beg for you back. At that point you can't make it easy for him, if you decide you want him back that's great but you may just be moved on to something better, either way you win.

Yea I know it all seems crazy and hard, but you have to do it. It is the best possible way to get someone back and to move one. I highly reccommend you do it if you want to begin healing. Ooo and I'm going to post a link to a guid by CaliGuy, it really is a great guide to this system I suggest you read it.

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t81399/

January 23, 2011

This guy reminds me of my ex, who was a bonafide narcissist. He would scream at me when I would tell him what's wrong, and get mad at me when I wouldn't. He would accuse me of overreacting, and yet he was the one getting pissy all of the time. He also broke up with me several times.

If someone breaks up with you once, ok, maybe you can consider giving them a second chance if you both work hard on what made the relationship go south. But a second time, a third time? F that.

And the fact that he did it after things seemed perfectly fine is even worse. Clearly this is someone who either is hiding his true feelings from you, or someone who is so unstable that you should be running away.

This is NOT a good person. I say go no contact, go about your life, get the hell out of your room, and go out and do things. Join a gym, exercise every single day, create goals and start working on them, put the focus on YOU.

He is NOT the love of your life. I thought my ex was, too. Oh, by the way, I was with my ex for six years, and he broke up with me SIX times. ALL out of the blue. So yeah, I've been there.

My ex wasn't the love of my life. He was a narcissistic, whiny, pathetic momma's boy. Your ex is NOT the love of your life, and you should NOT value him above yourself. Your parents or whoever raised you did NOT want this for you. They didn't want their little girl to make a single human being the center of her universe, by which she lives or dies. That's just bullsh*t.

Your ex is a BAD PERSON. I know you don't realize that now, but he is. The sooner you decide that you aren't going to allow him into your life ever again, the sooner you can heal.

My psychologist had told me, after my breakup, that one of the things he wanted me to do was exercise every single day. It helped tremendously. You should do it too.

January 23, 2011

As for getting back together, let me start by telling you something your not going to like. You're gonna think I'm crazy, but immediately stop all contact with him right now, no letters, no texts nothing. Don't even tell him you're not gonna talk to him, just stop. See right now he expects you to contact him, he expects you to fight for the relationship. And the thing is, every communication you have with him is actually pushing him farther away from you.

When you go into no contact you go into it with the goal of moving on,and that should be your ultimate goal. It'll help you heal and stop being so emotional, it'll also help you to get a neutral persepctive on the relationship. Now here's the second side of no contact. He's going to start noticing that you aren't talking to him, and after a week or two he will text you, but it's gonna be something like "hey just wanted to see how your doing"

DO NOT REPLY TO THAT. That right there is him testing you, throwing the line in the water seeing if you're still gonna bite. Keep ignoring him, and keep moving on. And eventually he may miss you and realize he may lose you forever and he might just decide he made a mistake and will come back, and how will you know? It'll be obvious, eh will go out of his ay to say I'm sorry I made a mistake. He will literally beg for you back. At that point you can't make it easy for him, if you decide you want him back that's great but you may just be moved on to something better, either way you win.

Yea I know it all seems crazy and hard, but you have to do it. It is the best possible way to get someone back and to move one. I highly reccommend you do it if you want to begin healing. Ooo and I'm going to post a link to a guid by CaliGuy, it really is a great guide to this system I suggest you read it.

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t81399/

thank you. what you said actually made a lot of sense. its just a damn shame that he cant work on it...much less give me a chance to work on my problems.

the only thing is, though, ik hes not going to txt me back. the first time he broke up with me, his work buddies told him to ignore me, no matter what, it'll help me get over it. fat chance. just made me hurt worse. so i have a feeling hes doing the same thing.

the sad thing is, i still have hope. i still have faith that hes gonna realize what he did & come back...i mean, hes going into the army for gods sake. thats a huge life decision...i just feel like he'll be extremely unhappy. its also sad that none of his so called 'friends' are the kind of friends that would say 'dude, wth did you just do? you ruined a great thing, wth happened?' theyre the kind of friends who say, 'oh you broke up. cool, youre better off. lets go get you drunk & laid.' it just sucks.

This guy reminds me of my ex, who was a bonafide narcissist. He would scream at me when I would tell him what's wrong, and get mad at me when I wouldn't. He would accuse me of overreacting, and yet he was the one getting pissy all of the time. He also broke up with me several times.

If someone breaks up with you once, ok, maybe you can consider giving them a second chance if you both work hard on what made the relationship go south. But a second time, a third time? F that.

And the fact that he did it after things seemed perfectly fine is even worse. Clearly this is someone who either is hiding his true feelings from you, or someone who is so unstable that you should be running away.

This is NOT a good person. I say go no contact, go about your life, get the hell out of your room, and go out and do things. Join a gym, exercise every single day, create goals and start working on them, put the focus on YOU.

He is NOT the love of your life. I thought my ex was, too. Oh, by the way, I was with my ex for six years, and he broke up with me SIX times. ALL out of the blue. So yeah, I've been there.

My ex wasn't the love of my life. He was a narcissistic, whiny, pathetic momma's boy. Your ex is NOT the love of your life, and you should NOT value him above yourself. Your parents or whoever raised you did NOT want this for you. They didn't want their little girl to make a single human being the center of her universe, by which she lives or dies. That's just bullsh*t.

Your ex is a BAD PERSON. I know you don't realize that now, but he is. The sooner you decide that you aren't going to allow him into your life ever again, the sooner you can heal.

My psychologist had told me, after my breakup, that one of the things he wanted me to do was exercise every single day. It helped tremendously. You should do it too.

wow. didnt know it could be possible to have it worse than me. if i may ask, why did you keep on taking him back? what were his reasons for breaking up with you in the first place?

as with the NC thing...i have no other choice. he wont respond to my txts. or my fb msg. its just so hard. i constantly want to txt him.

he practically lived at my house for the last 2-3 months...& now that hes gone, its so empty. & everything reminds me of him.

sad thing is, after all this, i'd still give him a chance. i'd make him work his ass off, but i just wish he would contact me & apologize. fat chance of that happening.

January 23, 2011

Dear exquisite,

let me tell you something: NC is for you to heal as fas as possible, not to get him back. BUT, chances are that he really come back to you. So, don't use NC to play mind games.

Being said that with my experience with NC is good enough to recommend you to use it.

Bests regards!

Oscar Wilde.

January 23, 2011

well, when we were cleaning, i was in his way & he said to me "move, fat ass." i couldnt believe he just said something so mean to me like that. so i dropped wtvr i was hanging & i walked into the kitchen, picked up a magazine & just sat there looking through it. in about 3 minutes, he came out of my room, sat down on the floor in front of me & started asking me what was wrong, what happened, why'd i get so pissed. but i ignored him. then i told him, if he doesnt know, i cant help him. he then stood up, said, "im so sick & tired of this constant sh*t" & walked away, slamming the door.
a couple minutes later i came in & i asked how in the world he couldve said something so mean to me. he started yelling at me that thats his sense of humor, we've been together for a year already & i should know that by now. i said that idc, i dont consider jokes like that funny & he knows that very well. it became a huge fight.

Okay, it wasn't funny and jokes are supposed to be funny. I am curious, however, why you didn't react like this: "I know, I'll lose some weight," or, "Be nice" or something else rather than get so upset about it? You say yourself you might have gained weight. I am not at all saying that what he said was right. But I think if you took a less sensitive reaction it seems that much of this would not have even occurred. Second, I find that many people are extremely (and overly) sensitive about weight, which baffles me. I will be the first to admit if I have to lose weight and if someone jokes about it, I would just kind of joke back and use that as motivation to hit the treadmill. Curious about your reaction.

Edited January 23, 2011 by Jonno_S

January 23, 2011

Stop and think about this rationally. He has a serious mental illness which includes hallucinations, voices and serious paranoia.

Sounds like he did you a favour by walking away. Don't take him back. You're looking at a lifetime of hell if he comes back, medication or not.

January 23, 2011

thank you. what you said actually made a lot of sense. its just a damn shame that he cant work on it...much less give me a chance to work on my problems.
the only thing is, though, ik hes not going to txt me back. the first time he broke up with me, his work buddies told him to ignore me, no matter what, it'll help me get over it. fat chance. just made me hurt worse. so i have a feeling hes doing the same thing.
the sad thing is, i still have hope. i still have faith that hes gonna realize what he did & come back...i mean, hes going into the army for gods sake. thats a huge life decision...i just feel like he'll be extremely unhappy. its also sad that none of his so called 'friends' are the kind of friends that would say 'dude, wth did you just do? you ruined a great thing, wth happened?' theyre the kind of friends who say, 'oh you broke up. cool, youre better off. lets go get you drunk & laid.' it just sucks.

You never know if he will text you back or not NC is nto a game as Oscar said. You need to go into it with the goal of moving on and bettering yourself. It will have the effect of clearing your head of emotions though so that if he ever does come begging back you'll be able to really decide if that's what you want. By then one of two things will happen, you'll be in a wonderful relationship and won't care if he comes back, or you'll decide to give him another shot, who knows. All that matters right now is you.

January 23, 2011

Didn't see the army reference. Since when does the military accept paranoid schizophrenics?

January 24, 2011

Okay, it wasn't funny and jokes are supposed to be funny. I am curious, however, why you didn't react like this: "I know, I'll lose some weight," or, "Be nice" or something else rather than get so upset about it? You say yourself you might have gained weight. I am not at all saying that what he said was right. But I think if you took a less sensitive reaction it seems that much of this would not have even occurred. Second, I find that many people are extremely (and overly) sensitive about weight, which baffles me. I will be the first to admit if I have to lose weight and if someone jokes about it, I would just kind of joke back and use that as motivation to hit the treadmill. Curious about your reaction.

you know, after i read that, i actually agree with you.it just that he knew i was self conscious about it lately. & it was an insensitive thing to say on his part. i shouldve said 'that was mean' or 'thats not funny', but hey, i didnt. & thats something im gonna have to live with...we all make mistakes..its just sad that he left after such a little mistake.

Dear exquisite,

let me tell you something: NC is for you to heal as fas as possible, not to get him back. BUT, chances are that he really come back to you. So, don't use NC to play mind games.

Being said that with my experience with NC is good enough to recommend you to use it.

Bests regards!
Oscar Wilde.

it actually is working, more or less. its just so f'ing hard...

Didn't see the army reference. Since when does the military accept paranoid schizophrenics?

i knew he was a paranoid schizophrenic when i went into the relationship. he never hid it from me..i just fell in love with him, so i learned to accept it. it was something i could live with..i'd do anything for the one i love...

actually, he didnt even tell the army that. when he was 18 or 19, his psychologist signed him off as normal..he used to smoke a lot of pot between 15 & 17, & thats what screwed him up, so he stopped smoking, took pills, and would go to a psychologist 24/7...which helped him get over most of it.. but he never trusted me. even when he got back together, he would tell me that he thinks i dont rly love him, that im just with him to get back at him, to cheat on him or rip his heart out like he did mine. he had this idea that i was doing it for revenge. he isnt a schizophrenic anymore, just when it comes to things he rly cares about..or sometimes he'll get a twinge of paranoia for no reason, like someone is working against him, but it isnt a daily thing. he even stopped taking his medication a long time ago & hes been fine...although he deals with it with alcohol, cigarettes, & meaningless hook ups with random drunk girls.

You never know if he will text you back or not NC is nto a game as Oscar said. You need to go into it with the goal of moving on and bettering yourself. It will have the effect of clearing your head of emotions though so that if he ever does come begging back you'll be able to really decide if that's what you want. By then one of two things will happen, you'll be in a wonderful relationship and won't care if he comes back, or you'll decide to give him another shot, who knows. All that matters right now is you.

i honestly dont think he'll ever come back...maybe after he comes back from the army..but thats 4 years from now..who knows where i'll be then.

January 24, 2011

just as an update:

i broke NC...yes, ik, im terrible at this. but actually it was all very innocent. i asked him if he accidentally took something of mine that i couldnt find. he said no, he didnt. but then he txtd me again & said he doesnt want to lose me. he wants us to attempt to be friends, to not hate each other & see each other as enemies, like we did the first time around. & i said we'd have to talk some things out first. he told me ok, that we should..& i asked when. & he said now. so last night, while he was drunk, i came over to his house & we just sat down & talked. just talked. i told him all i had to say, logically, emotions aside, no tears, nothing. we actually even met up today for coffee. & i realized from what he was saying that it's hopeless to keep on hoping for us getting back together. he told me he's not doing ok (which made me happy...im a terrible person lol). i told him i wasnt either. i asked him if he still loved me, he told me thats not fair to ask. but later, he said, "i still do, uk, wtvr." but he said he needs to force himself to get past it, he needs to force himself to move on.

in fact, he admitted that maybe most of the problems in the relationship were because of him, that maybe he is selfish & just not right in the head. that he would pick out little things that would bother him, he'd always try to find something wrong. he told me that we're very different. i hate the idea of hooking up with people for random sex, he thinks its ok to screw random girls. he likes loud obnoxious parties, where he'd get wasted to the point of passing out, i just like sitting with some friends drinking some alcohol. he also told me that we had immense trust issues. i didnt trust him with other girls. & he certainly didnt trust me with anything...not even guys, just in general, he constantly thought i would cheat on him. & its not that i didnt trust him. i did. its the girls i wouldnt trust. my biggest trust issue was that he was going to leave me again. but i cant be in a relationship where i put only 50% in jsut because im terrified of being hurt by him again. in fact, my only issue with him flirting & looking at other girls was because it was rude to me..he wouldnt just look, he would stare, over & over again. it was just painful, it was a put down to me. not because i thought he didnt think i was beautiful, but because i thought that it was rude & it made me uncomfortable. & i had issues with other girls making comments to him...one of our female friends once said to me, "did you know i was the one that got away? he was chasing me for so long, but i just wouldnt go for it, eesh. but hey, you got him." seriously, what "friend" says that to the gf? but i was always on the defensive with girls & him because i have a list of girls that started hating me with a passion after we got together. because he never gave them the time of day. but he fell in love with me. girls would always flirt with him right in front of my face. one b*tch actually continuously was hitting on him at a party at his house once, even though even a blind person could see we were together. i had my reasons for not trusting girls.

but ive been through this before. where after he leaves, he finds every little tiny reason to not be together, every excuse. he makes an elephant out of a mole hill. & ik thats not him..or maybe it is, i guess. but i feel like its just his paranoia.

he told me that maybe he wasnt happy, in reality. maybe he was just acting & fooling himself into thinking he was. he learned that from his psychologist, to tell himself something, so it'll make him believe its really ok. & maybe he didnt even realize he was doing it. but ik he was happy.

i actually have been thinking & ik why we made the same mistakes that we made in the past. we promised each other we were gonna work on your problems, work through them. but when we got back together, we were so incandescently happy about being with each other again, that we worked through our problems for about a week or 2, then we just forgot about everything & went back to square one without even realizing it. we didnt really take time & work through our issues, our problems, we jsut put them aside to focus on our happiness. but if you sweep all the dust under the carpet, its still going to be there. & our problems were still there, under the rug.

he said he hates everything now..that he cant wait for the army so he can get away from it all. he told me that maybe after he comes back in 4 yrs, things will be different for everybody. i almost feel bad for him..but ive learned from my mistakes.

i do agree with him, that theres no sense in cutting out our mutual friends from our lives just because we're not together. but ironically...after everything, i still love him..i just am not in love with him anymore. its too hard. i cant keep giving & giving when he refuses to take. i feel like i almost shut down.

i cant say it doesnt hurt...after talking last night i had a dream that he was trying to get back together with me...maybe thats what my mind rly wants, but idk if my heart does anymore, it cant take anymore. its just too hard. & too painful.

Edited January 24, 2011 by exquisite

January 24, 2011

the funny thing is, even the 2nd time around, we went back into the same place. we were so crazy about each other that we didnt see the warning signs or even heed the warnings signs that we rly arent working anything out, we're just ignoring them.

before the first time he broke up with me, i practically lived at his house. i didnt have a place of my own & didnt want to spend my days at my parents house, which was too far away for us to see each other on a daily basis. so he'd pick me up & i'd spend all week there until i had to go to work on saturday or sunday, then he'd pick me up again & then i spent my time at his place until i had to work again. this was 6 months into our relationship. it took a total of a little more than a month and a half for us to not get along & break up.

this time around, even though he had his own place, he stayed with me ALL the time because it was more convenient for him & for me. but this happened just about a month and a half into our relationship after we had gotten back together. so for about 2 - 3 1/2 months, we lived together at my apartment. again, not working our problems out, not even realizing that they were still there. after a while, seeing each other on a constant basis just got to us, i guess. i mean, we both thought it was so great that since october we havent spent a night apart, minus the 1 week i was on vacation with my family. & even then he stayed holed up in his room, watching tv online, not doing anything..missing me, like i was missing him.

the more i think about it, the more i realize that, yes, our relationship was flawed, but who's isnt. there are married couples who've been together for 60 years & even they had and have problems. i knew it back then, during our first break up, that we were simply spending too much time together when our relationship was just an infant. it hadnt matured. we werent ready for the huge step of moving in together. & this time around, during the 4 months we were together, i even knew it, i constantly had it in the back of my head, that we're going in the same direction, off a cliff, because we werent ready to live together then & we're not ready now. & i even mentioned it to him a couple times just last month. i said to him, "you've just been acting differently, more into the tv & me bringing you food, then actually talking to me, going for a walk, getting some coffee, sitting at the dining table & talking, instead of eating in my bed while watching tv. do you think maybe we're spending too much time together, we see each other too often?" he said, "what, no, of course not, do you??" with this hurt look on his face. he said "i want to spend every minute with you!" & i would just say, "no, of course not, i love spending time with you, i just thought maybe thats how you felt." i shouldve said something. i shouldve told him how i felt. but i was afraid that he would just take it that i was getting sick of him, that we were spending too much time together & i wasnt happy with it. i knew the warning signs, i saw it coming, i just ignored them. again.

we werent ready to be living together. we werent ready the first time, why in the heck would we be ready now, when we have so many unsolved problems? god, if only i listened to my insticts....

January 24, 2011

good lord, i wrote too much. sorry guys. :/

January 25, 2011

you know, after i read that, i actually agree with you.it just that he knew i was self conscious about it lately. & it was an insensitive thing to say on his part. i shouldve said 'that was mean' or 'thats not funny', but hey, i didnt. & thats something im gonna have to live with...we all make mistakes..its just sad that he left after such a little mistake.

God freakin' bless you for at least admitting that. Man do I wish a girl would just once, please God just once, say that to me!

And in your defense, I don't think you overreacted. You reacted but then he escalated it, didn't he? You tried to talk to him - to tell him that it offended you (and he should have known anyway), so instead of just saying, "Sorry dear," he blows up. You should have said, "Well at least I can lose weight, you can't lose psycho."

Edited January 25, 2011 by Jonno_S

January 25, 2011

God freakin' bless you for at least admitting that. Man do I wish a girl would just once, please God just once, say that to me!

And in your defense, I don't think you overreacted. You reacted but then he escalated it, didn't he? You tried to talk to him - to tell him that it offended you (and he should have known anyway), so instead of just saying, "Sorry dear," he blows up. You should have said, "Well at least I can lose weight, you can't lose psycho."

ahaha i legitimately lol'd when i read this. where were you when this whole thing happened?? i totally shouldve said that haha.

but see, my problem now is that he wants to be friends...& so do i, kinda. but idk if thats a good idea. this thursday, i have a personal class we both used to go to, its jsut 4 people learning about kabbalah & judaism, from a rabbi friend of ours. & the rabbi actually fb msged me & told me that he really wants me to still come. & i even asked my ex & he said hes gonna let me know what time. i just dont know if i should though. i mean, i want to, i enjoy learning & the class, but idk if i can sit there at a dining table with him...should i do it? i mean, this goes against all the rules of NC...

January 26, 2011

should i break NC to go to the class? i mean, technically, its not NC anymore since we had coffee yesterday & talked the night before, heck, even today. but im totally aloof. im not crying, begging, pleading. im actually strangely fine...it almost worries even me.

but again, idk, is this a good idea, to go to the class?

January 28, 2011

ok guys. crisis. i legitimately thought i was over it. last night, i had this one guy over that i kinda have a little crush on. he stayed the night. no sex or anything, just sleeping. well, this morning, he was breathing on the back of my neck & i swear to god, i became so uncomfortable i almost cried. it just sent me back to when my ex used to do that & i almost started crying. but its so weird because for the past couple of days, i was totally fine, no tears, no thoughts of him...except maybe anger. wth?? i even developed a crush on this new guy...who treats me 10000000 times better than my ex ever did. but i just am almost turned off by this new guy now, after this morning.

January 28, 2011

ok guys. crisis. i legitimately thought i was over it. last night, i had this one guy over that i kinda have a little crush on. he stayed the night. no sex or anything, just sleeping. well, this morning, he was breathing on the back of my neck & i swear to god, i became so uncomfortable i almost cried. it just sent me back to when my ex used to do that & i almost started crying. but its so weird because for the past couple of days, i was totally fine, no tears, no thoughts of him...except maybe anger. wth?? i even developed a crush on this new guy...who treats me 10000000 times better than my ex ever did. but i just am almost turned off by this new guy now, after this morning.

Hey exquisite, sorry you're going through this! But I think you only broke up a week ago with your ex, right? That's no time at all! I've been broken up eight weeks and I know that I'd freak out over anyone in my bed at the moment...

Could be way too soon for you - don't beat yourself up about it! Hang out with guys if that helps and make the most of your friends, but remember you're still fragile and in a vulnerable place. These things take time.

January 28, 2011

Hey exquisite, sorry you're going through this! But I think you only broke up a week ago with your ex, right? That's no time at all! I've been broken up eight weeks and I know that I'd freak out over anyone in my bed at the moment...

Could be way too soon for you - don't beat yourself up about it! Hang out with guys if that helps and make the most of your friends, but remember you're still fragile and in a vulnerable place. These things take time.

sad part is, this new guy is moving across the country in 1 month..sucks to be me, right? i just dont know where this happened...i thought i was fine! its the 3rd time he's left me, i thought i was almost expecting it, thats why i moed on so quickly...but im not over it. & idk if i ever will be. he was my first everything..

& i had a class with my ex last night...bad idea. never shouldve gone. i just spent the entire night talking to his friend & the rabbi...thats it. then i get home & i get a txt from him saying 'you were ignoring me all night, why?'...i mean, seriously???? & the rabbi's wife brought their baby out & my ex was holding him all night..which hurt even more. it just made me think of all those times we'd talk about having kids & how happy we were gonna be. this NC thing seems to be the only option..i cant deal with being 'friends' like he wants us to be. we cant be friends.

January 28, 2011

Why do you want this man back? Are you afraid of being alone?

January 28, 2011

Why do you want this man back? Are you afraid of being alone?

no, i have other guys who are crazy about me.... i just love him.

February 4, 2011

about 2 days ago, after i hadnt talked to my ex for a couple of days, he fb im's me, just a normal 'hi'. then he asks me how im doing, i said fine, then he says, 'im sh*tty'... out of nowhere he then says 'i miss you. im not saying we should be together, im jsut saying i miss you, thats all.'...from there we kept on talking for a bit.

but now im confused. wtf? hes the one that broke up with me...its been 2 weeks now & he's not running back to me...but he tells me straight up that he misses me? why? why do that? why say that? is he just playing head games now? just trying to keep me from leaving?

i should also mention that i wrote to him a couple days before this convo & said that although i'll always love him, i just cant keep fighting anymore, thats its just too hard, its too painful. all he said was 'srry'. & then we didnt talk again until he im'd me.

so what gives???

February 5, 2011

about 2 days ago, after i hadnt talked to my ex for a couple of days, he fb im's me, just a normal 'hi'. then he asks me how im doing, i said fine, then he says, 'im sh*tty'... out of nowhere he then says 'i miss you. im not saying we should be together, im jsut saying i miss you, thats all.'...from there we kept on talking for a bit.
but now im confused. wtf? hes the one that broke up with me...its been 2 weeks now & he's not running back to me...but he tells me straight up that he misses me? why? why do that? why say that? is he just playing head games now? just trying to keep me from leaving?
i should also mention that i wrote to him a couple days before this convo & said that although i'll always love him, i just cant keep fighting anymore, thats its just too hard, its too painful. all he said was 'srry'. & then we didnt talk again until he im'd me.
so what gives???

I'm going to say something you're not going to like but listen to it. Fact is he is feeding you crumbs right now, all of the things he's saying to you are preparing you for a safety net. He is texting/calling whatever to make sure you're still waiting for him if his next relationship works out. And you are clinging to his every word, he obviously does not want you back right now and you need to accept it. You need to show him you don't need him back, that you don't need him to be happy. You have to be strong above everything!

You need to go back to NC. Right now, no questions about it, he even said he doesn't want to get back together. Go into no contact right now and don't look back. If he ever wants you back he will come back begging. At first it will start with some crumbs that you CANNOT answer, and I mean that. Then phone calls still DONT answer. Eventually he may leave the voicemail you're waiting for that he can't stop thinking about you etc, and want's you back. Until then you have NO REASON to talk to him.

You said yourself you freaked out with the other guy. It is because you're not over your ex, and you never will be if you keep breaking no contact. I know it's hard, believe me I know. But trust me it works. I'm on the verge of getting mine back because of it. Yea i just screwed up again but I've moved on. I still love her, but I no longer cling to her like a sad man. And she mayjust come back again, she came back once and she probably will again. But I don't cling to that

You need to be strong and go into NC, I promise it is the best possible thing for you right now, If you ever want to heal. It is a challange I know but please take my advice. I don't want you to be miserable.

All you're doing right now is pushing him further away, or setting yourself up to be a fall back. Both are not what you want, so please go back to NC.

-Gator

Edited February 5, 2011 by gator12

February 7, 2011

I'm going to say something you're not going to like but listen to it. Fact is he is feeding you crumbs right now, all of the things he's saying to you are preparing you for a safety net. He is texting/calling whatever to make sure you're still waiting for him if his next relationship works out. And you are clinging to his every word, he obviously does not want you back right now and you need to accept it. You need to show him you don't need him back, that you don't need him to be happy. You have to be strong above everything!

You need to go back to NC. Right now, no questions about it, he even said he doesn't want to get back together. Go into no contact right now and don't look back. If he ever wants you back he will come back begging. At first it will start with some crumbs that you CANNOT answer, and I mean that. Then phone calls still DONT answer. Eventually he may leave the voicemail you're waiting for that he can't stop thinking about you etc, and want's you back. Until then you have NO REASON to talk to him.

You said yourself you freaked out with the other guy. It is because you're not over your ex, and you never will be if you keep breaking no contact. I know it's hard, believe me I know. But trust me it works. I'm on the verge of getting mine back because of it. Yea i just screwed up again but I've moved on. I still love her, but I no longer cling to her like a sad man. And she mayjust come back again, she came back once and she probably will again. But I don't cling to that

You need to be strong and go into NC, I promise it is the best possible thing for you right now, If you ever want to heal. It is a challange I know but please take my advice. I don't want you to be miserable.

All you're doing right now is pushing him further away, or setting yourself up to be a fall back. Both are not what you want, so please go back to NC.

-Gator

thing is, he's miserable. ik it for a fact. even our mutual friends have told me. all he does is drink to the point of just passing out. he's always depressed. nothing makes him happy. in fact, he doesnt even want a a relationship or another girl..he told me himself, all he wants to do is just go to the army already & leave everything behind. sad part is, ik that its his paranoia thats causing him to act like this. he's done it before, he freaks out, out of nowhere, & then runs away from everything.

& its so hard to go NC...recently, he's been txtn me more & more. i mean should i just be ignoring it?

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how do i get him back? my heart is breaking & he doesnt seem to care..

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