Jazzari Posted January 22, 2011 Posted January 22, 2011 If a guy offers to buy something for you, is it rude to turn it down? The guy I'm dating has a massage person come to his home about once/twice a month. Anyway, I'm going up there next week (LDR) and he offered to have the massage person come back (even though its not a scheduled time) just so she can do me. We both started a new exercise routine so we're both often sore. I have no idea how much it costs to have someone come to your home, but I'm sure its not small. I always feel uncomfortable having someone spend money on me. But is it rude to turn it down? I finally replied that I would love a massage, but would rather it come from him. Did I do right? Or should I have graciously accepted the offer? I can't afford to pay her myself so I can't offer to do that. I can graciously accept a gift if he just gave it to me. But by asking me first, I feel very uncomfortable about it.
xpaperxcutx Posted January 22, 2011 Posted January 22, 2011 How long have you guys been dating? Typically when people are in a relationship, they follow a " what's mine is yours" mentality. If he's willing to have his masseuse come, I guess you can always repay him in kind with a home cooked meal.
Nexus One Posted January 22, 2011 Posted January 22, 2011 I finally replied that I would love a massage, but would rather it come from him. Did I do right? I think that'll do just fine.
Author Jazzari Posted January 22, 2011 Author Posted January 22, 2011 We've been emailing (minimum of 3 times a day) and video chatting for almost 4 months. I've spent 2 weekends with him and met his family. This next trip will be for a full week. We sleep together, but haven't had sex yet. We've not talked about being exclusive. I feel like I know him and am very comfortable with him but in actual physical time, not much has been spent (6 nights). When people talk about where a couple should be in terms of how long they've been together, I get confused. Because I don't know if I've been with him for 4 months or 2 extended dates?
zengirl Posted January 22, 2011 Posted January 22, 2011 I don't think you were rude, but I don't think you need to keep the hangup you have either. He offered. He isn't worried about the cost. I think the reason he asked was just to make sure you'd find it helpful (I do this when I buy gifts too). I know it seems considerate for you to worry about it, but as someone who enjoys giving gifts, I'd say: Don't. It's more considerate to take the gift. UNLESS -- and this is a big deal -- it's something you sincerely don't want (i.e. massages from strangers really creep you out). In that case, I'd want my SO to tell me rather than be unhappy with the gift. That said, I think your response was perfect---warm, not defensive, and kept you in your comfort zone, which is absolutely fine. No worries. I just wanted to point out that a lot of the feeling bad about accepting gifts is usually for nothing.
depplover_1980 Posted January 22, 2011 Posted January 22, 2011 I think you did the right thing by suggesting one from him, which will be much nicer to you and may lead to a spot of something else!!
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