Dating has never been easy or fun: a history of the lonely hearts ad 1695-2010

[january2011]

From the Daily Mail:

 

The vast majority of these women describe themselves as widows; hardly surprising when life expectancy for men was less than 40 years old. One histrionic advert from a widow in her 20s ‘very candidly acknowledges that without a husband she cannot be happy; her evenings are spent in contemplations dictated by nature, which reason cannot obliterate, and her nights are passed in sighs and lamentations’.

 

 

Perhaps aware it was a buyers’ market, most women were modest in their demands.

Of all the letters, none is sadder than the one from a 22-year-old former governess with ‘not the least pretension to beauty’ who was scrabbling a living for herself and an illegitimate daughter through needlework.

 

Her pregnancy, she explained, was the result of ‘deviation from rectitude, which was occasioned by the too easily listening to the flattery of one whose vows I foolishly believed to be true’.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1349471/History-lonely-hearts-ads-From-hilarious-heartbreaking.html

 

 

• What are your general thoughts and experiences about dating in the 21st century? Successes? Failures?
  

 

• How much does the medium of meeting influence your personal experiences of success and failure?
  

 

• Write your own lonely hearts ad
  

 

---------------------------------

 

Prompted by this post from Paddington Bear in the men's interest level thread:

 

And yes, january, it should be fun. It's not fun at all any more. Mind you, maybe it never was. I read today about a book coming out about personal ads in the newspapers in the 1600's up up to the 1800's and it seemed then, as now, there were lots of lonely people wanting to meet up.

Edited January 22, 2011 by january2011

[zengirl]

Interesting stuff.

 

I think it's easier for women now, maybe, because we don't need a man to meet the financial needs (some may still choose this, but they had options), so we can look for what we really need.

 

Dating can be fun. It can be miserable. Is anything important in life ever easy?

[paddington bear]

I think this was interesting to me because I always thought that 'it was easier in the past' - not in the distant past where a woman had no financial security unless she married.

 

I mean more like my mother for instance. In her day there were set concepts as to how things should work. Guy asks girl to dance, girl dances with him, they meet up again and again, eventually guy does the right thing and asks girl to marry him.

 

Now...I feel it's all muddled and I'm lost. I almost wish there was some kind of more defined rules or boundary zone that we were all working within (almost!).

[Els]

I dunno, I find 'relationships' enjoyable most of the time. I don't play the 'dating game' or have ridiculously high expectations or feel entitled to anything though, so I have a feeling it's really a 'glass is half full' thing.

[zengirl]

I mean more like my mother for instance. In her day there were set concepts as to how things should work. Guy asks girl to dance, girl dances with him, they meet up again and again, eventually guy does the right thing and asks girl to marry him.

 

Now...I feel it's all muddled and I'm lost. I almost wish there was some kind of more defined rules or boundary zone that we were all working within (almost!).

 

Not sure how old your mother was, but my parents are divorced. Frankly, my mother ignored red flags and got married because even in the late 70s/early 80s, there was more pressure than there is now to be married at a younger age (especially in the South where she and I are from). I'm so glad not to live back then. I'm happy that now people feel less pressure to marry in general (men too) because less people who shouldn't be married will get married, hopefully. I'd rather be single forever than married to a man who cheats or makes me miserable.

 

And I'm happy I get to make my own rules, to a degree, rather than follow a scripted path. I think it was easy if you wanted the scripted path, but there were probably many people left out of it, who found it much more difficult.

[denise_xo]

I agree with zengirl. I feel extremely grateful to have the choice - I can choose not to date and not to get married. I can choose not to have children. It's not a one size fits all that everyone has to conform to (at least not where I live).