ilb Posted January 22, 2011 Posted January 22, 2011 New here but been doing a lot of reading. Not really sure where to start. So I apologize if stuff ends up being confusing and what not. My wife and I have been married for 6ish years and been together for nearly 10. Met in college and got married in college. We have a three year old son and a one year old daughter. After we got pregnant with our daughter our relationship started changing. We grew distant from each other and and the sex stopped completely. Even after our daughter was born this continued. We went nearly an entire year without having sex and I was sleeping on the couch for this duration as well. Our tempers were also very short with each other. We would snap at each other over the most mundane things. After nearly a year without being intimate we did have sex one night. But after that it was another drought. During this time my feelings for her really diminished. And to be honest I thought she felt the same way. Early fall of this year I confronted her about it. Pointed out the fact that we were both unhappy and that perhaps we should consider splitting up. Neither of us had been wearing our wedding rings for a while when this discussion happened. I told her that I no longer loved her like a husband should love his wife. I thought she felt the same but she stated that she still loved me and didn't want to split up and wanted to make it work. I wasn't prepared for her to break down because as I said I thought she felt the same way based on her behavior. I caved and agreed to work on it. After that her attitude changed and she acted like nothing had ever happened. Like we were a happily married couple. Tried showing her affection more which admittedly makes me uncomfortable because those feelings still aren't there for me. Since the initial discussion we have had a few more and I've told her that I still fee like I don't love her. I know she's hurting because I don't show her the affection she wants and deserves. Last night she got drunk and was saying a lot of crazy stuff and some if it actually frightened me. Something about killing herself and even stuff with the kids. I told her again that I feel no romantic love for her. That I'm not excited to see her when we both get home from work. She always asks what she did wrong. I can't say one thing that she did that caused me to feel this way. She says that since I can't say why I feel this way to her it looks like I'm trying to convince myself that I feel this way. From my perspective though we grew apart over the course of a year. I can't seem to get her to understand that maybe we just aren't meant to be together. We're both unhappy but she doesn't want to lose me. Sorry if that seems like a bunch of scattered thoughts. I've read other posts of partners falling out of love. Was anyone able to get their partner to understand? Or do I just have to pull the trigger whether or not she understands? I don't know why she insists on hanging on when it is clearly hurting her a great deal to do so.
Duckduckgoose Posted January 22, 2011 Posted January 22, 2011 Well, why do you feel the way you do? Why are you not telling her? Is it just the sex? You say you've grown apart... can you elaborate? Did the birth of your daughter make you grow apart? Is there more to it? There is so much more to this than what is in the first post.
LittleTiger Posted January 22, 2011 Posted January 22, 2011 Sorry to be blunt but are you 'in love' with someone else?
trippi1432 Posted January 22, 2011 Posted January 22, 2011 ilb - Little Tiger brings up a good question.....is there?
Soxfaninfl Posted January 23, 2011 Posted January 23, 2011 (edited) Have you both tried marriage counseling? How about marriage retreats? Have you seen a counselor on your own or has she? There are also books you both can read to help rekindle the love. There are alot of books to help strengthen and restore a marriage. Edited January 23, 2011 by Soxfaninfl
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