How Do You Actually Overcome Insecurity?

[USMCHokie]

Ok, so this is my newest, latest, and greatest series of questions arising from what has turned into quite the public LS debacle of my personal affairs.

 

How do you actually overcome insecurity?

 

Is it something you just do? That is, is it something you just have to commit your mind to and then simply execute, correcting for any errors along the way?

 

Or is it something you must "train" for? That is, do you do exercises or repetitious movements (and things of the like) in order to become secure? Or do you have to "practice" being secure?

 

Is security/insecurity discrete or continuous? That is, are there varying levels of insecurity that you have to progress through, or are you either completely secure or completely insecure?

 

Is there a waiting period for obtaining security? That is, does one have to go through a certain amount of trials and tribulations before reaching a heightened sense of security?

 

Who is the judge of your security? Is it you yourself? Or someone else? Perhaps a stranger?

 

----------------------------------------

 

We all talk about how detrimental insecurity is to a person's life and well-being, but there is rarely any talk about how you actually go about overcoming it...

 

Disclaimer: I hope to keep this discussion general and non-personal, so I will not be providing any personal examples and details. However, I am genuinely interested in learning more about this topic, so please provide your insights and personal opinions. Thanks.

[january2011]

In my opinion, you can't. You can lessen its effect and/or reduce its duration through gaining more experience and success/confidence in the areas that you feel insecure, but it can't be completely overcome so that you never feel insecure about anything ever again for the rest of your life.

 

Not sure about the judging security question and who decides. Insecurity does seem to be a label that is thrown about quite freely these days, as though it were a catch-all diagnostic term. If only there were a pill or vaccine for it, perhaps *then* we'd be rid of it for good.

[quankanne]

fantastic questions you've posed here, and I'm hoping a lot of people weigh in on the topic. Especially when a good number of us have lived through the worst thing a person can experience: Adolescence and middle/high school years.

 

IMO, moving past insecurity is a mental commitment, and you fortify yourself by continually reminding yourself (at first anyway) that you are more than the insecurities you possess. And that there's something so incredibly unique about yourself that you've got to offer the world and as time goes and people DO recognize those gifts you possess, your levels of insecurity start to lessen because confidence is being built.

 

I won't lie by saying it totally goes away, but after you've hit a certain age, you realize that those insecurities are nothing more than self-induced bullshxt perpetuated by others' attitudes. The best part is that you no longer have to give a damn if you don't want to, because YOU are in control of your life.

 

... too bad it's not knowledge we can arm others with, because I guarantee it'd make those teen-angst years so much more enjoyable!

[rafeal]

Put yourself out there and give it a shot, it will get easier with time. If your not failing, your not trying...

[USMCHokie]

In my opinion, you can't. You can lessen its effect and/or reduce its duration through gaining more experience and success/confidence in the areas that you feel insecure, but it can't be completely overcome so that you never feel insecure about anything ever again for the rest of your life.

 

So is insecurity an innate attribute that can only be "controlled," where people are born with varying degrees of baseline insecurity? Or is everyone equally insecure or secure and have tempered themselves to resist it to different degrees?

 

Also, when you mention "gaining more experience" and "success," are you implying that insecurity is correlated to external factors which determine said experiences and successes? Isn't it harped on LS that security is something that should come from "within" and not be reliant on external validations?

 

Insecurity does seem to be a label that is thrown about quite freely these days, as though it were a catch-all diagnostic term.

 

Agreed, which is why I asked these questions.

 

EDIT: I am going to BOLD all the new questions that I'm raising based on posts in this thread. This is something I legitimately want to learn more about.

[USMCHokie]

IMO, moving past insecurity is a mental commitment, and you fortify yourself by continually reminding yourself (at first anyway) that you are more than the insecurities you possess. And that there's something so incredibly unique about yourself that you've got to offer the world and as time goes and people DO recognize those gifts you possess, your levels of insecurity start to lessen because confidence is being built.

 

Another vote for the necessity of external validation to "overcome" insecurity?

 

I won't lie by saying it totally goes away, but after you've hit a certain age, you realize that those insecurities are nothing more than self-induced bullshxt perpetuated by others' attitudes. The best part is that you no longer have to give a damn if you don't want to, because YOU are in control of your life.

 

Hmmm, this is interesting. So are you saying that you are the sole arbiter of your own security? But everyone who thinks they are secure would never admit to being anything but secure. So how do they truly know whether they are in fact secure? Is self-belief enough?

[AverageJoe]

You spend time alone. That's right, alone. I don't mean a few weeks, I mean months if need be.

 

How many of you have ever tried to do that? Not many is my guess.

 

You cant be involving someone else in your life when you don't even know your own-self. Too many people get caught up in the trend of getting into a relationship without ever really identifying who, they themselves, are. This breeds insecurity.

[OceanGirl]

I don't have much time so I will only answer a portion of your OP. I do think that insecurity is highly correlated with external experiences.

 

People get more and more insecure in areas of life where they encounter repeated failures. For example, I am highly insecure when it comes to having intimate relationships. I am very secure when it comes to academic success.

 

I just don't see myself becoming more secure and confident in the intimate relationship arena until I encounter at least some success. I can't be brainwashed into being more confident unless I have some concrete proof that I am not always a failure. My solution to this was to throw myself into dating and try and try again.

 

I know that external validation is frowned upon here, but I believe that internal and external are very intertwined.

 

As for security/insecurity being discrete or continuous - it's definitely continues.

 

As for being born with base level insecurity, I believe that people are born with varying degrees of sensitivity to external events. If a very sensitive person by pure stroke of bad luck experiences a number of repeated failures, it can be a start of a negative spiral that's difficult to get out of.

[USMCHokie]

I don't have much time so I will only answer a portion of your OP. I do think that insecurity is highly correlated with external experiences.

 

People get more and more insecure in areas of life where they encounter repeated failures. For example, I am highly insecure when it comes to having intimate relationships. I am very secure when it comes to academic success.

 

I just don't see myself becoming more secure and confident in the intimate relationship arena until I encounter at least some success. I can't be brainwashed into being more confident unless I have some concrete proof that I am not always a failure. My solution to this was to throw myself into dating and try and try again.

 

It seems like there is a high potential for an endless, inescapable loop here. Let's start with the assumption that insecurity will absolutely wreak havoc on whatever you're trying to do. Let's use a non-dating example, such as an athlete; perhaps a basketball player who simply cannot make a shot. He becomes terribly "insecure" about his play, and he consistently fails to perform. As time goes on, he becomes more insecure, and his play gets worse. At what point can he begin to succeed? Does he change by believing and feeling confident that he can make baskets, or does he wait until he gets lucky and begins hitting shots?

 

It's the chicken or the egg...

[january2011]

So is insecurity an innate attribute that can only be "controlled," where people are born with varying degrees of baseline insecurity? Or is everyone equally insecure or secure and have tempered themselves to resist it to different degrees?

 

Also, when you mention "gaining more experience" and "success," are you implying that insecurity is correlated to external factors which determine said experiences and successes? Isn't it harped on LS that security is something that should come from "within" and not be reliant on external validations?

 

We're made up of biological systems but we are not yet able to drill down to that level when it comes to something like insecurity. Therefore, I'm going to stick my neck out and say that it's mostly learned based on our environment and upbringing. And individual differences will play a part in determining baseline security for the innate component.

 

However, whilst the experiences might be external, our individual perceptions of those experiences are internal and individual differences will determine whether or not we view those experiences as successes or not.

 

Regarding what LS posters harp on about, I don't think we can confidently use statistical terms based on such a sample. Nonetheless, I believe that whilst it's a good aim to look for security within ourselves, we cannot help but be affected by other people and their opinions of us. Whether we take on board their opinions and advice is another matter though.

[Eeyore79]

I think insecurity is strongly related to self esteem. That is, if you feel that you're worth something and your partner is lucky to have you, then you will feel secure. But if you have low self esteem and think your partner could do better, then you'll assume they feel the same way, and will be insecure.

 

Have you ever noticed that you feel more secure in relationships where you're a much better catch than the other person? You don't feel insecure because you have no expectation of the other person leaving you; why would they leave you when you're a good catch and they're unlikely to be able to do better? Insecurity is highest when the other person seems like a better catch; you think they could do better than you so you feel insecure. This is where self esteem comes in; how insecure you feel depends on how much better than you the other person is (in your opinion). With high self esteem you can date more attractive people without worrying about whether they could do better.

 

Overcoming insecurity is basically about building self esteem to the point where you feel awesome enough that you don't expect to be dumped by good partners. Only you can judge how secure you feel; it's subjective. However if you're feeling insecure it's apparent to others in your behavior, and can be a turn-off because it's indicative of low self esteem.

[Eeyore79]

People get more and more insecure in areas of life where they encounter repeated failures. For example, I am highly insecure when it comes to having intimate relationships. I am very secure when it comes to academic success.

Yep, failure can damage your self esteem. It sets up an expectation that nobody will want you because you're worthless, and this expectation is founded on past experiences of people not wanting you. In contrast, success builds self esteem because it increases your confidence that you are attractive and people do want you.

 

As for being born with base level insecurity, I believe that people are born with varying degrees of sensitivity to external events.

Yep, some people are thicker skinned than others. Some people absolutely love themselves and are cocky and confident because they expect everyone else to love them too. This confidence and high self esteem is actually extremely attractive!

[NoMagicBullet]

Great topic of discussion... my two cents, based on different experiences and things I've been insecure about:

 

1) Not exactly something that I've just set out to do, and I'm not sure it could be overcome this way. Then again, maybe for some who can develop a plan and commit to it, it might work. I can't say.

 

2) I kind of did this, not so much as an exercise to overcome insecurity, but repeatedly doing things that I had to do -- or wanted to do -- even though I felt insecure. With repetition, my insecurity related to those things diminished. I'd say repetition works!

 

3) Varying levels, and sometimes very situation/context specific insecurities.

 

4) No, I don't think so. It will depend on the person and what the insecurity revolves around. I don't think a waiting period or a "Trial & Tribulation" punch card is required, but it could be quite a while before a person starts feeling more secure about whatever it is.

 

5) I'd say you are the final judge of your security or lack thereof, not that you or anyone else can ever put a stamp on your forehead and say "100% Certified Secure". I think usually the best most of us can do is continually make progress in becoming more secure. Ongoing process.

 

That's the other thing -- I don't think that being secure or having overcome an insecurity is a permanent accomplishment. If all goes well, we get to where we are more comfortable and don't feel we need to "work" on that particular issue, and if we're lucky, it stays like that.

 

But life happens, and even a single event can set us back in the hard work we've done to overcome an insecurity, or even give us something new to be insecure about that had never been a problem for us before. Being insecure about something, on some level, just goes with being human.

 

To sum up, I think overcoming insecurity is a matter of continually doing whatever it is that gets the job done and makes things better than if you chose the "path of least resistance". What to do specifically depends on the person and what they're insecure about. The external can positively or negatively affect our security, but insecurity wins when we let it dictate our choices. That basketball player may feel insecure, but he has a choice to keep practicing and trying to improve or to quit. Insecurity would dictate the latter, but he doesn't have to choose that.

 

Now to consider how I’m going to practice what I preach….

[EricaH329]

You spend time alone. That's right, alone. I don't mean a few weeks, I mean months if need be.

 

How many of you have ever tried to do that? Not many is my guess.

 

You cant be involving someone else in your life when you don't even know your own-self. Too many people get caught up in the trend of getting into a relationship without ever really identifying who, they themselves, are. This breeds insecurity.

 

I very rarely agree with your posts, but this one deserves a +1 million!!

 

In my experience, taking time alone = learning who you are. You get the time to sort through your issues, and figure out how to over come certain flaws (or insecurities). The more people you involve in your life during this time, the more 'muddled' your perception and focus will be.

[paddington bear]

I'm the same as Ocean Girl in that I need concrete evidence that my insecure fears are not justified.

 

I posted on here that just being myself was perhaps offputting for men. Then I met a guy who that wasn't a problem for at all. I thought "I am as I am and that is good enough. I've just had proof" - then I never heard from him again and feel utterly crappy again.

 

When you succeed your body is flooded with feel-good chemicals, which prompts you to succeed again to re-attain that high. The same is true when you fail (but you get the feel-bad stuff) this is supposed to be a deterrent from failing again "see how bad this feels? never do it again", but all it does is make you fear experiencing that horrible feeling again, so you are less likely to try.

 

I'm not sure if insecurity is the right word in the context you are using it, low-self esteem? Lack of confidence? Maybe they are all one and the same.

[denise_xo]

Ok, so this is my newest, latest, and greatest series of questions arising from what has turned into quite the public LS debacle of my personal affairs.

 

How do you actually overcome insecurity?

 

Is it something you just do? That is, is it something you just have to commit your mind to and then simply execute, correcting for any errors along the way?

 

Or is it something you must "train" for? That is, do you do exercises or repetitious movements (and things of the like) in order to become secure? Or do you have to "practice" being secure?

 

Is security/insecurity discrete or continuous? That is, are there varying levels of insecurity that you have to progress through, or are you either completely secure or completely insecure?

 

Is there a waiting period for obtaining security? That is, does one have to go through a certain amount of trials and tribulations before reaching a heightened sense of security?

 

Who is the judge of your security? Is it you yourself? Or someone else? Perhaps a stranger?

 

----------------------------------------

 

We all talk about how detrimental insecurity is to a person's life and well-being, but there is rarely any talk about how you actually go about overcoming it...

 

Disclaimer: I hope to keep this discussion general and non-personal, so I will not be providing any personal examples and details. However, I am genuinely interested in learning more about this topic, so please provide your insights and personal opinions. Thanks.

 

IME, it's both about 'just doing it' and about 'training'. It's about 'just doing it' from the POV that insecurity is often down to over-thinking/ heightened and negative thought patterns that work over time at the expense of your ability to take action. So in some ways, I have found that dealing with insecurity is about thinking less and doing more - about not getting hung up in negative mental patterns and just acting and seeing how it goes, and being able to tune out of your brain and in to the environment around you and going with the flow more. There is, however, a practice element to that. The first time you try to do that, it's much more difficult than the tenth or the fiftieth time. It's a bit as if you're working with a therapist to overcome negative thought patterns. The first time you try to break out of it is generally much more difficult than the fiftieth time, or whatever.

 

Depending on which approach you want to take to these kind of issues, there are also 'exercises' that you can take - those would include yoga, physical exercise (which I guess you have covered...), meditation, etc. There's a book I like by Patsy Rodenburg called Second Circle (US)/ Presence (UK). She has worked with everything from famous Hollywood actors to business executives and prostitutes on enhancing people's 'stage presence' ('stage' here being literal in the case of actors and more metaphorical for other professional groups), and she gives a set of practical, physical exercises that one can do every day in order to work on becoming and projecting confidence. This is primarily internal work - i.e. you project the 'stage presence' (security, confidence) because it originates from the inside.

 

As to the discrete/continuous, I think it can be both and you have to analyse for yourself if there are particular situations in which your sense of security is affected much more than others. I have some odd compartmentalisations that I can't fully figure out - e.g. I feel very confident when I'm teaching, but am much less confident when I give presentations at work - two seemingly very similar situations which are both about public speaking, but there are contextual factors there that affect my confidence levels quite differently. Then there are other areas where my insecurity is more an 'across the board' feature, and yet other areas where I don't really feel insecure at all. I would assume this 'map' varies with every individual, and a bit of analysis is in place to figure out one's configuration. IME of people I have met, I would say that even those who have been severely pyschologically damaged at a general level and suffer from extreme loss of self esteem, still have aspects of their lives in which they feel much more secure and at ease.

 

I think 'trials and tribulations' are part of most, possibly all, forms of 'expertise'. There is various research in the field of learning that suggests that you will not excel unless you have emotionally put yourself out there and taken risks in your endevour to learn. Those who are extremely good at what they are doing, are good at it partially because they have ****ed up at critical junctions during their 'training'.

 

To your last question, you are your own judge, and you will know. It's about tuning in to your body and sensing your state of mind, and you will KNOW if you are feeling secure or not. Whatever anyone else tells you is just his/her perception. But IME, there's a close correlation between the two - except that I think people often feel more insecure on the inside that what is visible on the outside.

 

In sum, I think the key issue is naming it and facing it head on.

 

Interesting thread, Hokie.

Edited January 22, 2011 by denise_xo

[Pyro]

Too much read so my apologies if this is a repeat, but you overcome insecurity through trial and error.

 

I read a great book (which I would gladly recommend if you are interested) and I went from there and applied myself. When I goofed up or relapsed I thought about the situation and how I can improve on it next time I am in that same scenario.

 

You are the judge of your own insecurity. Once I stopped caring what others thought of me the rest was cake.

 

It wasn't that difficult for me once I was ready.

Edited January 22, 2011 by Pyro

[dispatch3d]

 

How do you actually overcome insecurity?

 

Is it something you just do? I think it is yeah. I think it's a change in focus. Like before you were insecure and constantly thought about x y and z, then you became more secure and don't think about those things because a b and c are more fun and interesting.

 

Or is it something you must "train" for? I would say with constant self improvement an insecure person would become a secure person. I think "insecure" and "secure" are extremely poorly designed. I would also say everyone is insecure, its just a matter of what they are insecure about and whether they show it on the outside. The people who don't show any insecurities (either through actions or words) are the ones who are "secure". Anyhow, this is another topic altogether.

 

Is security/insecurity discrete or continuous? That is, are there varying levels of insecurity that you have to progress through, or are you either completely secure or completely insecure?

 

The words don't match the description of discrete or continuous. Discrete numbers are 1 2 3 4 5. Continues numbers are, for example, all numbers in the range 1->6.

 

I think there are varying levels of insecurity. There's definitely also a switch, from being insecure to being secure. To me it's like there are two scales, some people are on the "insecure" scale while others are on the "secure" scale.

 

Is there a waiting period for obtaining security? If your parents were both "secure" people then you would probably be a secure person. I would assume most parents are insecure about at least a few things, and therefore very few people are secure right from the get go.

 

Who is the judge of your security? I'm generally my only judge. Not to say I don't use others reactions or thoughts as inputs. I think the answer is really both though. If you are secure both yourself and other people will notice it.

 

 

be happy/be positive all of the time increased my own personal security level. Or however you want to word that. Haha "security level" sounds pretty ridiculous.

 

I think "binary" would be a better description for that question "discrete" was mentioned.

[dispatch3d]

Too much read so my apologies if this is a repeat, but you overcome insecurity through trial and error.

 

I read a great book (which I would gladly recommend if you are interested) and I went from there and applied myself. When I goofed up or relapsed I thought about the situation and how I can improve on it next time I am in that same scenario.

 

You are the judge of your own insecurity. Once I stopped caring what others thought of me the rest was cake.

 

It wasn't that difficult for me once I was ready.

 

What's the name of the book?

[hydorclops]

Insecurity, as referenced in the OP, sounds bad, unnecessary, and reversible. It might be seen or diagnosed in a variety of ways but I'd assert that it is a mildly neurotic dysfunction.

 

It's treated successfully every day all over the world. CBT, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, has shown over 30 years to be very effective.

 

Briefly, the theory is that problems are caused by thoughts. These thoughts (cognitions) lead to feelings, which lead to behaviors and more thoughts. It's a cycle that can be broken by examining the thought themselves. Changing some behaviors can also help change some thinking which also can break the cycle.

 

Many people suffer because of cognitive distortions. See the list here. If you're familiar with logic or debate you might recognize some of these mistakes under different names:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_distortion

 

There is nothing mysterious about this therapy. The ideas behind the theory are clear and have appeal to people that value logic. CBT is part of talk therapy but is also effective practiced as a self help program.

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_behavioral_therapy

[sweetjasmine]

How do you actually overcome insecurity?

 

Is it something you just do? That is, is it something you just have to commit your mind to and then simply execute, correcting for any errors along the way?

 

Or is it something you must "train" for? That is, do you do exercises or repetitious movements (and things of the like) in order to become secure? Or do you have to "practice" being secure?

 

Both, I think. Part of being it involves looking at yourself honestly and then accepting the flaws you can't change and working to fix the ones you can and want to change. The "training" part is mostly a cognitive thing: repeatedly giving yourself positive affirmation and not letting your thoughts run away from you and get stuck on a negative "I'm a failure" loop.

 

Is security/insecurity discrete or continuous? That is, are there varying levels of insecurity that you have to progress through, or are you either completely secure or completely insecure?

 

Continuous, IMO. I don't view emotions as discrete.

 

Is there a waiting period for obtaining security? That is, does one have to go through a certain amount of trials and tribulations before reaching a heightened sense of security?

 

Not really a "waiting period", per se, but it takes time and effort to overcome insecurity. You don't just wake up one morning and feel secure. You don't just decide one minute to become secure and *bam* you suddenly are. It takes time to change your thought processes and perceptions.

 

Who is the judge of your security? Is it you yourself? Or someone else? Perhaps a stranger?

 

It depends. Some people will swear up and down that they're totally secure when it's obvious to just about everyone around them that they're not. Some people are very self-aware and will admit their strengths and weaknesses. Some people are good at spotting insecurity in others, and some don't really seem to see it.

 

It's ultimately you yourself who can judge your own level of security, but in my experience, not that many people are honest with themselves. Most people aren't that good at introspection.

 

So is insecurity an innate attribute that can only be "controlled," where people are born with varying degrees of baseline insecurity? Or is everyone equally insecure or secure and have tempered themselves to resist it to different degrees?

 

It depends on the individual: the way their brain is wired, their experiences through life, everything. Some people grow up in environments that trigger a ton of insecurity and very low self-esteem. Others are luckier and grow up in environments where they're nurtured and encouraged. Some people emerge from crappy childhood/adolescence strong and secure. Some people come out of a nurturing environment all broken and full of self-doubt.

 

I think just about everyone in a society deals with some form of insecurity or another. It's part of being a social animal. It's part of being human, in the sense that no two human beings are ever alike, and in a group, people are going to feel "different" for various reasons. Especially as adolescents, people compare themselves to others, and if you're the only redhead kid in school, it might really get to you. If you're "the chubby kid" in a group of skinny kids, you'll be the odd one out who's picked on and you'll feel insecure about your body, but in the group of skinny kids, the one with braces might feel like a weirdo because the other kids don't have metal all over their teeth.

 

Also, when you mention "gaining more experience" and "success," are you implying that insecurity is correlated to external factors which determine said experiences and successes? Isn't it harped on LS that security is something that should come from "within" and not be reliant on external validations?

 

You can't entirely separate external and internal validation, but what people mean when they say you shouldn't rely on external validation is that you can't expect or hope that other people will compliment you so much that you'll overcome your insecurities. That will never work. You'll always be waiting for someone else to say something that will make you feel good, and the second that another person says anything remotely negative, it'll hurt you and rock whatever security you might have pieced together.

 

Look at some of the threads on here. Did you ever notice how when someone's deeply insecure and sensitive about something that they ignore every positive comment and latch on to the negative ones?

 

If you rely on other people to give you self-esteem and security, you're never going to become stable because people are going to give you wildly different opinions, and you'll never know which way is up.

 

When security comes from within, it's because you've figured out who you are and come to peace with it. It's because your thoughts don't follow the "X said I'm unattractive. I'm such a failure" pattern but rather the "X said I'm unattractive. What kind of a jerk would say that? I may not be attractive to X, but I'm attractive to other people" pattern.

 

You spend time alone. That's right, alone. I don't mean a few weeks, I mean months if need be.

 

How many of you have ever tried to do that? Not many is my guess.

 

You cant be involving someone else in your life when you don't even know your own-self. Too many people get caught up in the trend of getting into a relationship without ever really identifying who, they themselves, are. This breeds insecurity.

 

Totally agreed. Worth re-quoting.

[hydorclops]

Despite my detached sounding post above, I have had very positive personal experience with CBT. I've been practicing it for years. It helped me overcome intense suicidal depression. I've seen it help many people I got to know in group therapy settings.

 

It's not just for crazy lunatics. Virtually anyone can benefit from the ideas.

[Jannah]

I think first and foremost - you have to locate the source of where the insecurity comes from.... Not just what triggers it, but the actual source, i.e. starting point. What triggers it, is also an important identification, because it helps to understand the source and also provides us with a better understanding of our own reactionary behaviors.

 

Let's look at a few examples of insecure behaviors:

 

The Overly Critical Person

A person who controls their "inner self" (i.e. insecurities) is full of negative messages under the guise of positive form. In actuality, that guise is hidden with negative messages towards other people around him/her in the form of criticism.

 

The Bully

A person who controls their "inner self" (i.e. insecurities) does so by intimidation towards others. It's a diversion.

 

The Clinger

A person who controls their "inner self" (i.e. insecurities) has a strong desire to be accepted, wanted and reassured. I think this type of insecurity pattern can come under the guise of many different varieties and displays and it's usually done in excess.

 

The Attention Seeker

A person who controls their "inner self" (i.e. insecurities) has a strong desire to be the center of the universe, around which all objects (and people) revolve. It is under the guise of arrogance and an overconfident display of oneself.

 

Certain insecurities may be so deeply ingrained and can become permanent fixtures if they remain unnoticed by the individual himself/herself and/or they remain covered up by ignoring altogether and continuing with behaviors that support it and contain it. How do you correct it? By identifying the source and trigger points. I think once we've identified those key items - we can then begin to pluck at the roots and implement strategies to rebuild from within.

[zengirl]

How do you actually overcome insecurity?

 

Is it something you just do? That is, is it something you just have to commit your mind to and then simply execute, correcting for any errors along the way?

 

Parts of it are just something you do:

Accepting yourself, understanding where the insecurity comes from, correcting anything that let's it leak in.

 

Or is it something you must "train" for? That is, do you do exercises or repetitious movements (and things of the like) in order to become secure? Or do you have to "practice" being secure?

 

Some of it is training---constantly bettering yourself and constantly stopping those insecure thoughts from degrading your progress.

 

Basically, I think that everyone feels insecurity sometimes, but people who are generally secure can recognize those feelings as "unusual" or wrong, work to counteract them, and take positive steps towards security in that situation, whereas insecure people ACT on their insecurities or at least let them remain in the background, buzzing around, constantly infecting their thoughts, actions, and daily life, or life in the situation to which they arise (insecurity can be persistent in all things or it can be simply situational; i.e. feeling insecure with dating, or with group sports, or with tests, etc).

[xpaperxcutx]

In my opinion, you can't. You can lessen its effect and/or reduce its duration through gaining more experience and success/confidence in the areas that you feel insecure, but it can't be completely overcome so that you never feel insecure about anything ever again for the rest of your life.

 

Not sure about the judging security question and who decides. Insecurity does seem to be a label that is thrown about quite freely these days, as though it were a catch-all diagnostic term. If only there were a pill or vaccine for it, perhaps *then* we'd be rid of it for good.

 

I feel like I have to agree with this.