I think I might be in trouble.

[radrluv72]

I started posting here about 3-4 weeks ago--maybe longer--but it was shortly after my most recent ex and I had broke up. It's been almost 7 weeks now since he dumped me 2 days before deploying to Afghanistan. I've been in NC for 21 days now. Since before I implemented it, I met someone new through the personals who I'm still talking to...he broke up with his shortly after my ex broke up with me. We talk to eachother every day in some form or another, and in the past couple of weeks, I felt myself finally get past the trauma of my breakup so I could start to open myself up to my new "friend". I haven't heard a peep out of my ex since I implemented NC, which was the day I sent his gifts back to him in Afghanistan...those of which he should be getting back very soon, if he hasn't already. So that's where I'm standing right now.

 

The reason that I'm writing is that something happened 2 days ago which threw me totally off-kilter. Another ex of mine, who I hadn't heard anything from in probably 8 years or so, apparently found me on Classmates.com and e-mailed me. I was floored. This guy had literally disappeared off the face of the earth. I didn't know if he was in jail, running around the country again, or if he wad dead. He was always bad news from the start, but my only excuse if that I dated him back when I was in my twenties, and really had crap taste in men back then. Anyways...

 

He told me that he'd been looking for me off & on for quite a long time. He said that he knew that I had treated him good back when we were together, and that he had never given me the same treatment. He said that if I had forgotten about him, that I had ever right to do so, but the reason he wanted to find me was because he had wanted to tell me how sorry he was for how he treated me back then...and he said it repeatedly throughout the e-mail.

 

Well of course, I hadn't forgotten about him...but I wasn't exactly missing him either. A long, long time ago, I thought I was in love with this man, only to find and realize years later, it wasn't love that I felt. I was in love with the idea of the man he could have been if he would have cleaned up his act. But after constant disappointment, I let the idea, and him, go, a long time ago. I wrote him back briefly that while I appreciated his wanting to make amends, I wasn't interested in having him back in my life because I didn't trust him. I told him that I wasn't anywhere near the person that he remembered. I also told him that I didn't believe that he had been looking for me all this time just to apologize...I knew him too well for that. I asked him to think about the real reason why he was seeking me out, and when he could answer that question honestly, to let me know. I haven't heard back, but then again, it's only been 2 days. Between you and me, I hope he doesn't contact me again.

 

But the reason that I was so disturbed by this, is because when this happened, I was suddenly struck by a panic. Not because this ex had contacted me out of the blue after so many years...but because this whole incident started to bring up feelings about my most recent ex in Afghanistan. I'm starting to question myself in the respect that maybe I haven't gotten over my hurt from my recent breakup like I thought I had...I almost feel as if I've simply swept my hurt under the rug and just pretended none of it was there. I've said before that if my recent ex contacted me today, I don't know what I would say, do, or handle it. I was so unsettled by this person coming out of my past, that it almost had a foreboding feel to it. Like something or someone was telling me that this was an easy practice run for soon-to-occur events. This old ex was a bad guy, and easy to dismiss. My recent ex wasn't. He was my first love, and an incredible person, despite that he was cowardly in how he handled breaking up with me.

 

On top of these feelings of anxiety over my recent breakup coming up, it also put me in a small tailspin over my growing affection for my new friend. I struggled for a while to allow myself to be open to him. I mean, the man is a catch...he's tall, dark & handsome, he's smart, he's successful, he's my age, and he seems incredibly fond of me. He's know about my recent ex and my struggle to get past the breakup from the very start, and he waited for me. But I can tell that he's concerned. When I told him about what happened a couple of days ago, he immeadiately assumed that the contact was from my ex in Afghanistan until I clarified who it actually was that contacted me, and that I wanted nothing to do with him. This morning he asked me again was my old ex had to say when he contacted me...I told him what happened & told him again that I wanted nothing to do with my old ex. I can't tell at this point if this is just general concern or possible jealousy, but I know at this point from now on I should probably keep my mouth shut. I like this guy, and I don't want to ruin things by potentially putting him on edge.

 

I'm a type of person that when it rains, it pours, whether it's good or bad...it never matters. I don't consider this unwelcome blast from the past to be a good thing. But I can't help but feeling like the other shoe is going to drop, and it's going to make a big fat thud when it does. It takes 3 weeks for flat rate priority mail packages to make it to military addresses in the Middle East. I mailed my recent ex's things back to him on NYE, including a very personal, handwritten letter. I'm now feeling that sending that letter may have been a big mistake. I still love my ex, but in a place in my heart that I have pushed to the wayside. And now I'm superstitious that it's going to push me right back.

 

Someone please tell me I'm being paranoid, because I'm not a big believer in coincidence. S**t happens for a reason.

[stopthemadness]

I started posting here about 3-4 weeks ago--maybe longer--but it was shortly after my most recent ex and I had broke up. It's been almost 7 weeks now since he dumped me 2 days before deploying to Afghanistan. I've been in NC for 21 days now. Since before I implemented it, I met someone new through the personals who I'm still talking to...he broke up with his shortly after my ex broke up with me. We talk to eachother every day in some form or another, and in the past couple of weeks, I felt myself finally get past the trauma of my breakup so I could start to open myself up to my new "friend". I haven't heard a peep out of my ex since I implemented NC, which was the day I sent his gifts back to him in Afghanistan...those of which he should be getting back very soon, if he hasn't already. So that's where I'm standing right now.

 

The reason that I'm writing is that something happened 2 days ago which threw me totally off-kilter. Another ex of mine, who I hadn't heard anything from in probably 8 years or so, apparently found me on Classmates.com and e-mailed me. I was floored. This guy had literally disappeared off the face of the earth. I didn't know if he was in jail, running around the country again, or if he wad dead. He was always bad news from the start, but my only excuse if that I dated him back when I was in my twenties, and really had crap taste in men back then. Anyways...

 

He told me that he'd been looking for me off & on for quite a long time. He said that he knew that I had treated him good back when we were together, and that he had never given me the same treatment. He said that if I had forgotten about him, that I had ever right to do so, but the reason he wanted to find me was because he had wanted to tell me how sorry he was for how he treated me back then...and he said it repeatedly throughout the e-mail.

 

Well of course, I hadn't forgotten about him...but I wasn't exactly missing him either. A long, long time ago, I thought I was in love with this man, only to find and realize years later, it wasn't love that I felt. I was in love with the idea of the man he could have been if he would have cleaned up his act. But after constant disappointment, I let the idea, and him, go, a long time ago. I wrote him back briefly that while I appreciated his wanting to make amends, I wasn't interested in having him back in my life because I didn't trust him. I told him that I wasn't anywhere near the person that he remembered. I also told him that I didn't believe that he had been looking for me all this time just to apologize...I knew him too well for that. I asked him to think about the real reason why he was seeking me out, and when he could answer that question honestly, to let me know. I haven't heard back, but then again, it's only been 2 days. Between you and me, I hope he doesn't contact me again.

 

But the reason that I was so disturbed by this, is because when this happened, I was suddenly struck by a panic. Not because this ex had contacted me out of the blue after so many years...but because this whole incident started to bring up feelings about my most recent ex in Afghanistan. I'm starting to question myself in the respect that maybe I haven't gotten over my hurt from my recent breakup like I thought I had...I almost feel as if I've simply swept my hurt under the rug and just pretended none of it was there. I've said before that if my recent ex contacted me today, I don't know what I would say, do, or handle it. I was so unsettled by this person coming out of my past, that it almost had a foreboding feel to it. Like something or someone was telling me that this was an easy practice run for soon-to-occur events. This old ex was a bad guy, and easy to dismiss. My recent ex wasn't. He was my first love, and an incredible person, despite that he was cowardly in how he handled breaking up with me.

 

On top of these feelings of anxiety over my recent breakup coming up, it also put me in a small tailspin over my growing affection for my new friend. I struggled for a while to allow myself to be open to him. I mean, the man is a catch...he's tall, dark & handsome, he's smart, he's successful, he's my age, and he seems incredibly fond of me. He's know about my recent ex and my struggle to get past the breakup from the very start, and he waited for me. But I can tell that he's concerned. When I told him about what happened a couple of days ago, he immeadiately assumed that the contact was from my ex in Afghanistan until I clarified who it actually was that contacted me, and that I wanted nothing to do with him. This morning he asked me again was my old ex had to say when he contacted me...I told him what happened & told him again that I wanted nothing to do with my old ex. I can't tell at this point if this is just general concern or possible jealousy, but I know at this point from now on I should probably keep my mouth shut. I like this guy, and I don't want to ruin things by potentially putting him on edge.

 

I'm a type of person that when it rains, it pours, whether it's good or bad...it never matters. I don't consider this unwelcome blast from the past to be a good thing. But I can't help but feeling like the other shoe is going to drop, and it's going to make a big fat thud when it does. It takes 3 weeks for flat rate priority mail packages to make it to military addresses in the Middle East. I mailed my recent ex's things back to him on NYE, including a very personal, handwritten letter. I'm now feeling that sending that letter may have been a big mistake. I still love my ex, but in a place in my heart that I have pushed to the wayside. And now I'm superstitious that it's going to push me right back.

 

Someone please tell me I'm being paranoid, because I'm not a big believer in coincidence. S**t happens for a reason.

Wow I wish i have as many men in my life as you do!!(Playing) But really theres way too many people in that story. You should start by dealing with one man at a time. When you meet some one one line you really dont know them. The only man thats really in your life is the one in Afghanistan. The rest are just on line and arent real relationships. I know cause Ive met smone from a dating site. No it didnt wk out. we were friends on the phone but in person its a whole different ball game. Am just saying.....

[radrluv72]

Wow I wish i have as many men in my life as you do!!(Playing) But really theres way too many people in that story. You should start by dealing with one man at a time. When you meet some one one line you really dont know them. The only man thats really in your life is the one in Afghanistan. The rest are just on line and arent real relationships. I know cause Ive met smone from a dating site. No it didnt wk out. we were friends on the phone but in person its a whole different ball game. Am just saying.....

 

Well, let me clarify then...my old ex actually lived here when I met him, and then a month after we had started dating, he moved to Hawaii for 6 months go "find himself"...whatever that meant at the time. But he never came back. Our relationship consisted, for the majority, of a lot of long-distance phone calls & letters. My new friend, I never said that I was in a relationship with. He's a friend at this juncture, and he does want to hop on his bike one day & drive to Omaha so we can have dinner, but it's just a lot of talking to eachother at this point. He's very sweet & interesting, but we're still at the point of finding out things about each other.

 

Trust me, I'm no stranger to the online dating process. I've had several occassions where you chat with someone online or talk to them on the phone, and when you finally meet them, it turns out they're something completely different than what they had originally presented themselves to be. But I think maybe you kind of missed the point of my connundrum here...it was the fact that someone who used to be in my life who I had put to bed as someone who would never return, came back out of the blue. When this happened last Wednesday, I started to question myself as to if I was really over my most recent ex. Like...maybe that I hadn't actually dealt with all the grief I was feeling over the breakup. When my old ex contacted me, I immeadiately started thinking about my ex in Afghanistan. There mere idea of him contacting me again briefly put everything in tailspin. And if the idea of it alone does that...I hate to think what kind of shape I'd be in if he actually did.