sweet sugar Posted January 22, 2011 Posted January 22, 2011 Considering going out with a man 16 years older than myself. I am not really attracted to him, but he could grow on me (has happened before). I am 38 years old, FWIW.
Titania22 Posted January 22, 2011 Posted January 22, 2011 I don't see a problem. I don't think 16yrs is a big age difference, especially in that direction. It's all up to you. You could go out with him once, and consider whether the idea of sex with someone that age is a turnoff. And some people look really good for their age. Advantages of people in their 50's, is they have generally figured life out. They know themselves, and have settled into a lifestyle that suits them. Which means if you find out you gel with them in beliefs, lifestyle, attitude etc, they probably won't suddenly change on you. Honestly, if I wasn't obsessed with youth, I would date in that age range, because most of my friends are in that age range, and I think humans in their 50's are pretty cool. BTW I am around your age.
hopesndreams Posted January 22, 2011 Posted January 22, 2011 Considering going out with a man 16 years older than myself. I am not really attracted to him, but he could grow on me (has happened before). I am 38 years old, FWIW. Oh h*ll no. Let the old and wrinkled have him. You are destined for someone of your own age that you can relate to.
denise_xo Posted January 22, 2011 Posted January 22, 2011 Considering going out with a man 16 years older than myself. I am not really attracted to him, but he could grow on me (has happened before). I am 38 years old, FWIW. I would be more worried about the 'I am not really attracted to him' bit than the '16 years older than myself'. I don't think there's a fixed answer to this. My ex was 12 years older than me and it was never an issue for us. 16 years would be approaching a difference where I'd have a think about the implications, but it definitely wouldn't be a deal breaker if 'all else' was right. For me personally, the important question would be whether we would be aiming for the same kind of life styles over the next 10 or 20 years - e.g. I would want to be with someone who would be up for travelling a bit and go hiking and stuff like that - so energy levels and continued desire to be a bit physically active would matter to me. The exact number, not so much. I'm mid thirties.
Author sweet sugar Posted January 23, 2011 Author Posted January 23, 2011 Wow, thanks. He is a friend of a friend's and has been pursuing pretty heavily. I am intrigued and probably would be more attracted if he wasn't really downing the vodka. That really worried me, and we would have very different lifestyles if he does vodka shots like that. I enjoy wine and a cocktail, but definitely am not a heavy drinker. Thanks, everyone, it's not the age, it's the lifestyle.
denise_xo Posted January 23, 2011 Posted January 23, 2011 Wow, thanks. He is a friend of a friend's and has been pursuing pretty heavily. I am intrigued and probably would be more attracted if he wasn't really downing the vodka. That really worried me, and we would have very different lifestyles if he does vodka shots like that. I enjoy wine and a cocktail, but definitely am not a heavy drinker. Thanks, everyone, it's not the age, it's the lifestyle. I'm biased because I've dated an alcoholic and had issues with alcohol myself. But that sounds like a red flag.
Cee Posted January 23, 2011 Posted January 23, 2011 I married a guy 16 years older than myself. I don't know if I would do that again, but age is relatively fluid thing. Some 50 year guys are youthful and some 30 year olds are sticks in the mud. But the not being attracted to him & vodka shots info is a real deal killer.
Author sweet sugar Posted January 23, 2011 Author Posted January 23, 2011 Thanks, Cee. I would be attracted to him, except the way he was heavy drinking was a real turnoff.
pilotgrove Posted January 23, 2011 Posted January 23, 2011 I can't understand why you would want to go out with someone you're not attracted to and who has an objectionable lifestyle to you. If you could not resist this man, I'd say 16 years isn't a problem, but in your case it is. I wouldn't want to go out with anyone I didn't want to fall in love with, b/c you're taking that risk with any date you go on.
LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted January 23, 2011 Posted January 23, 2011 It's not the age difference that worries me, it's the drinking. A relationship with an alcoholic could turn disastrous! Just be very, very cautious.
Emilia Posted January 23, 2011 Posted January 23, 2011 Thanks, Cee. I would be attracted to him, except the way he was heavy drinking was a real turnoff. alcoholism is a slow developing disease. what starts off as partying and bingeing in your 20s and 30s can turn into heavy full on alcoholism by your 50s. most men learn how to control their passions in their 30s (womanising, drinking, drugs, gambling, etc). if a person isn't able to do this as a mature adult, it's a big red flag in my opinion.
EasyHeart Posted January 23, 2011 Posted January 23, 2011 I agree that the drinking/lifestyle issue is much bigger than the age issue. At your ages, 16 years isn't that big of a deal; you're both grownups and can decide for yourselves. But my answer would be very different if you were 16 and he was 32. jes sayin'.
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