Ross PK Posted January 21, 2011 Posted January 21, 2011 Is it not wanting to go for anyone you aren't attracted to? Only being attracted to a small proportion of people? Only being attracted to people who are out of your league? Personally, I would never go for a woman who I'm not physically attracted to, even though I am extremely desperate. But, I am attracted to the majority of women, even ones who I can see would be considered as ugly by society. Does this mean I have high or low standards?
Nightsky Posted January 21, 2011 Posted January 21, 2011 You’ll be best off dating people you are genuinely attracted too. That doesn’t mean who your parents choose, it doesn’t mean who your friends would choose, and it certainly shouldn’t include what society would choose.
Nexus One Posted January 21, 2011 Posted January 21, 2011 Is it not wanting to go for anyone you aren't attracted to? Only being attracted to a small proportion of people? Only being attracted to people who are out of your league? Personally, I would never go for a woman who I'm not physically attracted to, even though I am extremely desperate. But, I am attracted to the majority of women, even ones who I can see would be considered as ugly by society. Does this mean I have high or low standards? Perhaps the question shouldn't be whether you have high or low standards, but how high your success rate is with the women you DO like. Isn't that the only thing that matters in the end? Because if you know the answer to that, then you could pretty much answer yourself whether you have high or low standards. But, I am attracted to the majority of women, even ones who I can see would be considered as ugly by society. That's not having high standards. That's a big pool to fish in mate. even though I am extremely desperate That's not good, but I don't know your situation. I'm guessing this could shine through into your behavior and women can sense it, potentially turning them off.
Author Ross PK Posted January 21, 2011 Author Posted January 21, 2011 You’ll be best off dating people you are genuinely attracted too. That doesn’t mean who your parents choose, it doesn’t mean who your friends would choose, and it certainly shouldn’t include what society would choose. I am genuinley physically attracted to the majority of women, even the ones who I can see would be considered as ugly to most people. Heck I even genuinley feel more attracted to below average women than the ones who look like models. Not sure why.
Author Ross PK Posted January 21, 2011 Author Posted January 21, 2011 Perhaps the question shouldn't be whether you have high or low standards, but how high your success rate is with the women you DO like. Isn't that the only thing that matters in the end? Because if you know the answer to that, then you could pretty much answer yourself whether you have high or low standards. My success rate is 0, even with women I don't find attractive. I'm not sure how knowing the answer to this would mean I'd know the answer to whether I have high or low standards. That's not having high standards. That's a big pool to fish in mate. All the more sad that I've never been able to get a woman, not even an IOI from any woman whether I'm attracted to them or not. I guess if I was a normal guy, the fact that I find the majority of women attractive, even ugly ones, would mean that I could have a field day. Unfortunatley, I'm not that lucky.
Jazzari Posted January 21, 2011 Posted January 21, 2011 If you are basing your attraction only on physical looks, then I would say you have low standards. To me, a high standard is when you want it all. Looks, personality, intelligence, etc..
paddington bear Posted January 21, 2011 Posted January 21, 2011 Does it matter? I would say actually you are in a fantastic position. Not overly picky, not wanting only women who look like this or that. Means that the world is your oyster. Beyond looks. (Yes, there is a 'beyond looks' part). Find the ones you can have fun with, that you can make laugh and vice versa. And then standards don't matter. All that matters is the person there before you who you are physically and mentally attracted to.
Author Ross PK Posted January 21, 2011 Author Posted January 21, 2011 If you are basing your attraction only on physical looks, then I would say you have low standards. To me, a high standard is when you want it all. Looks, personality, intelligence, etc.. Personality can be attractive too, but I could never french kiss someone who I don't find physically attractive, no matter how attractive their personality is. I think that's pretty normal.
Author Ross PK Posted January 21, 2011 Author Posted January 21, 2011 Does it matter? I was curious. I was wondering what to say to someone, if, when telling them about my problem, their answer is to lower my standards. I would say actually you are in a fantastic position. Not overly picky, not wanting only women who look like this or that. Means that the world is your oyster. Unfortunatley it isn't, as women aren't attracted to me back. The fact that I like most women and they don't like me, even ugly ones, makes me feel even worse than if I only liked a small proportion of women. Beyond looks. (Yes, there is a 'beyond looks' part). Find the ones you can have fun with, that you can make laugh and vice versa. And then standards don't matter. All that matters is the person there before you who you are physically and mentally attracted to. I've never been able to find any women that I can click with for soem reason. I've only been friends with around 2 women in the whole of my life, even though I've easily been able to make male friends, have had plenty of male friends, and have hung around in quite a few large social circles. It's like I find it very hard to have things in common with a girl, as they're into girl stuff, and I'm into guys stuff. What the hell do we talk about? Flower arranging? Sports?
Nexus One Posted January 22, 2011 Posted January 22, 2011 It's like I find it very hard to have things in common with a girl, as they're into girl stuff, and I'm into guys stuff. What the hell do we talk about? Flower arranging? Sports? If you're really into a woman/girl you could decide to jump into any topic she mentions to find even remotely interesting. Even if it's just to keep a conversation going. You could throw in some humor, some witty remarks, some insightful remarks, some remarks that give some information about yourself. Just as long as you keep it natural, i.e. don't pressure yourself into faking it, they'll notice anyway if you did.
paddington bear Posted January 22, 2011 Posted January 22, 2011 I'm guessing you are a lot younger than me...but nonetheless, come on! Flower arranging, are you kidding me? Well 'the click' is the difficult bit. When I click with someone, it's great...but sometimes the click is only one-sided too. I've clicked with people, or so I've thought, and they are still not interested. Sorry to be so negative. Key thing to remember is: most people are mostly interested in themselves! Ask lots of questions. Listen to the answers. Ask more questions based on the answers. In the end, they realise that they know nothing about you, but yet feel close to you because you listened to them and took an interest in them.
love_xs Posted January 22, 2011 Posted January 22, 2011 I feel like having high standards is when nobody is good enough for you unless they have everysingle quality you want in a partner i dont think its a bad way of picking but you gotta give everybody a chance!
AD1980 Posted January 22, 2011 Posted January 22, 2011 too high standards would thinking a person without flaws exist me im 30 and ever even been kissed my standards arent extremely high but id rather be alone the rest of my life then be with somebody i have zero attraction too just because its all i can get
paddington bear Posted January 22, 2011 Posted January 22, 2011 too high standards would thinking a person without flaws exist me im 30 and ever even been kissed my standards arent extremely high but id rather be alone the rest of my life then be with somebody i have zero attraction too just because its all i can get I don't know about this. I know the first kiss/losing your virginity is supposed to be some magical experience blah blah. For me, with both, I just wanted to get the deed done and get it over with. Nope, not so great on both counts. But it got my over my fear that I hadn't done it and felt confident then afterwards that I could proceed with people I was attracted to. You need to get a kiss! Go for it! Do it! Don't wait for some fulfilling your standards person to come along.
AD1980 Posted January 22, 2011 Posted January 22, 2011 I don't know about this. I know the first kiss/losing your virginity is supposed to be some magical experience blah blah. For me, with both, I just wanted to get the deed done and get it over with. Nope, not so great on both counts. But it got my over my fear that I hadn't done it and felt confident then afterwards that I could proceed with people I was attracted to. You need to get a kiss! Go for it! Do it! Don't wait for some fulfilling your standards person to come along. i cant make out with someone who i squirm at the thought of being intimate with, plus theyres a good chance they wouldnt be attracted to me either
paddington bear Posted January 22, 2011 Posted January 22, 2011 i cant make out with someone who i squirm at the thought of being intimate with, plus theyres a good chance they wouldnt be attracted to me either Yes you can, we've all done it ....okay, maybe just me. Hell, I even went through an incredibly minor phase of having sex with men I found repulsive (that way, when I never heard from them again, it didn't hurt so much - this was true, but not really a good ploy long term), But you know what I discovered? Sometimes people you find physically unattractive turn you on. Must be a chemical thing. Ultimately, if they are a pain in the ass, boring, you have nothing in common...this is the deal breaker, but if you physically gel, even if you found them unattractive at first, that can be surprising and therefore intriguing. So write no one off. If it is on offer, go for the kiss with someone that is not your ideal. All part of the learning experience. If they kiss you back they are attracted on some level (perhaps not marriage and kids...but it is just a kiss we are talking about) and then start kissing others with confidence.
AD1980 Posted January 22, 2011 Posted January 22, 2011 Yes you can, we've all done it ....okay, maybe just me. Hell, I even went through an incredibly minor phase of having sex with men I found repulsive (that way, when I never heard from them again, it didn't hurt so much - this was true, but not really a good ploy long term), But you know what I discovered? Sometimes people you find physically unattractive turn you on. Must be a chemical thing. Ultimately, if they are a pain in the ass, boring, you have nothing in common...this is the deal breaker, but if you physically gel, even if you found them unattractive at first, that can be surprising and therefore intriguing. So write no one off. If it is on offer, go for the kiss with someone that is not your ideal. All part of the learning experience. If they kiss you back they are attracted on some level (perhaps not marriage and kids...but it is just a kiss we are talking about) and then start kissing others with confidence. as i said its not a guarantee they would say yes.besides im not around single women to try to build that type of chemistry
hopesndreams Posted January 22, 2011 Posted January 22, 2011 Is it not wanting to go for anyone you aren't attracted to? Only being attracted to a small proportion of people? Only being attracted to people who are out of your league? Personally, I would never go for a woman who I'm not physically attracted to, even though I am extremely desperate. But, I am attracted to the majority of women, even ones who I can see would be considered as ugly by society. Does this mean I have high or low standards? It means you could be desperate and craving for attention from just about anybody. One person's ugly is another person's beautiful.
Author Ross PK Posted January 22, 2011 Author Posted January 22, 2011 I'm guessing you are a lot younger than me...but nonetheless, come on! Flower arranging, are you kidding me? I'm 35. Flower arranging was just a crappy example. I know it's unlikely that girls would talk about it.
Author Ross PK Posted January 22, 2011 Author Posted January 22, 2011 It means you could be desperate and craving for attention from just about anybody. One person's ugly is another person's beautiful. Yes, I do feel desperate for female attention, since they have never so much have even shown interest in me ever in the whole of my life. But I when I say I find most women physically attractive, I do genuinley find them physically attractive. Usually very physically attractive.
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