Ross PK Posted January 21, 2011 Posted January 21, 2011 I always hear that to attract a woman you need confidence. So I'm wondering, is it actually possible for a guy to attract a woman if he has no confidence?
AD1980 Posted January 22, 2011 Posted January 22, 2011 its an overused vague fluff cliche term in the dating world,people make it seem like u can be ugly yet if u have this magic thing called confidence women will flock to u which is bs if youre good looking basically just dont be socially retarded and youll be more then fine
AverageJoe Posted January 22, 2011 Posted January 22, 2011 its an overused vague fluff cliche term in the dating world,people make it seem like u can be ugly yet if u have this magic thing called confidence women will flock to u which is bs if youre good looking basically just dont be socially retarded and youll be more then fine Quoted for complete garbage.
Star Gazer Posted January 22, 2011 Posted January 22, 2011 if youre good looking basically just dont be socially retarded and youll be more then fine If you're good looking/hot bod, you will attract women at first. But once they figure out you lack confidence and are insecure, they'll likely bail. Well, unless they're insecure themselves. So perhaps that can be a target demographic.
january2011 Posted January 22, 2011 Posted January 22, 2011 Confidence might increase your chances but on the other hand, I wouldn't say that without it your chances are set at zero.
NoMagicBullet Posted January 22, 2011 Posted January 22, 2011 I agree with the others -- it's not all about confidence (good social skills are very important!), but having confidence improves your chances, and most people aren't going to stay with someone who's insecure. Or I should say, someone who displays that insecurity or lack of confidence and lets it routinely affect how they go about life. No one feels 100% confident all of the time, but one can choose to behave in a way that doesn't let a lack of confidence negatively affect themselves or others. I could list specific negative behaviours, but I'd be typing all night.
Author Ross PK Posted January 22, 2011 Author Posted January 22, 2011 I agree with the others -- it's not all about confidence (good social skills are very important!), but having confidence improves your chances, and most people aren't going to stay with someone who's insecure. Or I should say, someone who displays that insecurity or lack of confidence and lets it routinely affect how they go about life. No one feels 100% confident all of the time, but one can choose to behave in a way that doesn't let a lack of confidence negatively affect themselves or others. I could list specific negative behaviours, but I'd be typing all night. In what way would someone behave to stop a lack of confidence negatively affect themselves or others?
jelissa Posted January 24, 2011 Posted January 24, 2011 Just believe that you are capable of talking to a girl you find attractive and whatever happens, happens. All you can do is give it your best shot.
xpaperxcutx Posted January 24, 2011 Posted January 24, 2011 Actually a better question is, would being unconfident make you more effeminate? Confidence and masculinity technically, goes hand in hand. Ff you're not very confident in yourself, your attractive value goes down. Most girls are already insecure, especially when it comes to looks. That is why they tend to seek out men with all the right packages- good looks, body, and confidence. If you're not the polar opposite of an insecure female, would that any less of a man? Something to think about. Also, most ( insecure) girls certainly wouldn't want an insecure man, it'll be like dating themselves.
Nightsky Posted January 24, 2011 Posted January 24, 2011 A lot of unconfident people men and women give off a certain vibe. That vibe is “why are you with me? You could do better.” You have the power to enjoy your life, instead of saying sorry for it. Just believe that you are capable of talking to a girl you find attractive and whatever happens, happens. All you can do is give it your best shot. If he can believe this his problems will be solved.
xpaperxcutx Posted January 24, 2011 Posted January 24, 2011 A lot of unconfident people men and women give off a certain vibe. That vibe is “why are you with me? You could do better.” QUOTE] Quoted for the truth.
OmegaSol Posted January 24, 2011 Posted January 24, 2011 It isn't impossible. But having confidence helps. Not all women are the same. Sort of like how they say being physically fit helps. It may be something that would be looked at positively but it isn't necessary and to some women it may even be a turn off. Confidence is a positive trait but not a required one. But I'd suggest reaching your potential in as many thing as possible to increase your chances.
Littlemadam Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 This is a really tricky one, and think it's so wrong for many reasons. Due to evolution or what have you, women are attracted to the "alpha male" there is no question about it. These men exude confidence, and attract women no end. I dont even think you have to be overly good looking, as long as you have that confidence about you it's so much easier. What annoys me though, is you can still have the kindest heart, be the nicest man and lack the confidence and find it hard to find a woman. My brother is a prime example of this. Would be a great caring loving boyfried/husband, yet finds it hard to approach women. I would rather someone caring than maybe a player who knows he can have pretty much whatever woman he wants.
Eeyore79 Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 There's no doubt that confidence and good looks are both attractive. These things are evident as soon as a guy walks into the room, so women are attracted to him. Qualities such as a kind, caring nature, a sharp mind, decency and trustworthiness are also attractive, but these qualities don't stand out until you get to know a guy. Unfortunately a guy who lacks confidence is probably pretty shy and quiet, so women don't find out that he has these positive qualities, and therefore aren't attracted to him. The moral of the story is that nobody will find you attractive unless you give them the opportunity to know your good qualities. This is easy if your good quality is an obvious one like looks, but much harder if your good quality is something less obvious like kindness. If your good qualities aren't obvious external ones, you need to focus on getting to know people and showing your inner good qualities in other ways.
Disillusioned Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 There probably are women who'd be attracted to a guy who appears to lack self-confidence, if they're looking for a "fixer-upper".
Author Ross PK Posted January 25, 2011 Author Posted January 25, 2011 Actually a better question is, would being unconfident make you more effeminate? Confidence and masculinity technically, goes hand in hand. Ff you're not very confident in yourself, your attractive value goes down. Most girls are already insecure, especially when it comes to looks. That is why they tend to seek out men with all the right packages- good looks, body, and confidence. If you're not the polar opposite of an insecure female, would that any less of a man? Something to think about. Also, most ( insecure) girls certainly wouldn't want an insecure man, it'll be like dating themselves. What about confident women who know what they want and get it?
Author Ross PK Posted January 25, 2011 Author Posted January 25, 2011 Just believe that you are capable of talking to a girl you find attractive and whatever happens, happens. All you can do is give it your best shot. If he can believe this his problems will be solved. I believe I am capable of talking to an attractive woman, in fact I know I can, as long as I don't feel shy. As I'm capable of talking to anyone whether they're attracive or not as long as I don't feel shy. Problem is, I always feel shy around women, so it does make talking to them feel hard.
I am healed Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 (edited) Ross I believe that shyness can fade with experience. You have to push yourself out of your comfort zone and talk to women despite the fact that you feel uncomfortable doing it. Confidence isn't something that just materializes when you read something on LS either, not to discredit anyone on loveshack or your efforts learning here it's good to start with support. Confidence comes from putting your butt in the redzone and messing up and learning until you get it right, it only truly comes from experience. Think about learning how to ride a bike, people can sit there and explain it to you over and over again, but getting on that bike and falling here and there until you gain your balance is where the confidence comes from, not from the initial explanantion the person gave you. In other words I think you should start forcing yourself to talk to women on a regular basis literally practice it daily, and not wait for the perfect insight (it doesn't exist) to come your way before you start because this may cause you to procrastinate a long time. Pretty much push yourself past your fear little by little, and as you do it also ask for advice, and use LS as your basis for support. Self respect, self image, and self love however are things you must build yourself and will contribute to your overall success with women and areas of your life. good luck Edited January 27, 2011 by I am healed
Author Ross PK Posted January 27, 2011 Author Posted January 27, 2011 It now turns out that I may not be able to wear contact lenses anymore and have to permenatnly wear glasses, so that will now destroy what little confidence I had in the first place. I tried on lots of different types of glasses yesterday, but no matter what I tried, I just looked like a complete idiot. I just don't look good in glasses, period. If I did have any chance with women, which would've been completely small, it'll be 99% close to impossible to impossible now.
I am healed Posted January 29, 2011 Posted January 29, 2011 with that kind of attitude you'll never find a girl. You need to take some time away from worrying about girls and re-establish a new relationship with yourself. A new relationship in which you actually are confident and comfortable with who you are. confidence and self respect come first, then you will be able to approach girls, and then with experience you'll gain confidence in the area of attracting women. good luck don't work backwards.
WTRanger Posted January 29, 2011 Posted January 29, 2011 Put it this way. No girl will date you if you wouldn't date yourself.
Analog Man Posted January 29, 2011 Posted January 29, 2011 You can "look" attractive to women if you have the confidence to do so. Looks attract at first sight, but confidence is what keeps attraction long lasting.
Author Ross PK Posted January 29, 2011 Author Posted January 29, 2011 I don't think any girl would find me attractive in glasses though.
Author Ross PK Posted January 29, 2011 Author Posted January 29, 2011 (edited) Ross I believe that shyness can fade with experience. You have to push yourself out of your comfort zone and talk to women despite the fact that you feel uncomfortable doing it. Confidence isn't something that just materializes when you read something on LS either, not to discredit anyone on loveshack or your efforts learning here it's good to start with support. Confidence comes from putting your butt in the redzone and messing up and learning until you get it right, it only truly comes from experience. Think about learning how to ride a bike, people can sit there and explain it to you over and over again, but getting on that bike and falling here and there until you gain your balance is where the confidence comes from, not from the initial explanantion the person gave you. In other words I think you should start forcing yourself to talk to women on a regular basis literally practice it daily, and not wait for the perfect insight (it doesn't exist) to come your way before you start because this may cause you to procrastinate a long time. Pretty much push yourself past your fear little by little, and as you do it also ask for advice, and use LS as your basis for support. Self respect, self image, and self love however are things you must build yourself and will contribute to your overall success with women and areas of your life. good luck Hey IAH. I was actually thinking of starting to do that a few days back. As I know that with other situations where I felt shy or didn't have much confidence, the more I did them, the more confident I got. Edited January 29, 2011 by Ross PK
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