rueben Posted January 21, 2011 Posted January 21, 2011 Well my names' rueben and I've been in a relationship for 6 1/2 years...I got married in february 21st of 2009...I'm 27 years old and my wife is 25. When we 1st met our relationship was awesome...we socialized with friends went out all the time spent time with eachtoher...when we got married things changed. We lost our social life we lost a lot of friends and now we r losing interest in eachother...we been seperated for 4 days and it kills that I don't have any answers...she tells me she's depressed and just can't find the love for our marriage...she keeps telling me that she wants space to find herself. I asked her if there was another guy involved and she said no I would never do that to u. I know I haven't been there for her because I've changed myself, I've become a person that's just givin up on everything, I'm depressed because I tend to keep things inside and not talk about it...I been depressed for about 15 years just because of what I saw my mom go through when I was younger. I'm currently going to a therapist cuz I wanna change and get my wife to fall in love with me again. I asked her if she wanted a divore and her reply was "what if, during this seperation we get help for eachtother and end up falling in love again"...that is my only hope I have I have right now in seeing this marriage work and I'm not gonna let it go...she is my 1st girlfriend and wife...I always knew how not to treat a woman but I never knew how to treat 1. I'm doing everything I can to get her to fall in love with me again...ANY HELP WOULD B APPRECIATED AND IS THERE ANY1 OUT THAT WENT THROUGH this AND IT ENDED UP BEING A GOOD THING FOR THE MARRIAGE?
vtbrokenhearted Posted January 21, 2011 Posted January 21, 2011 Only my advice...If you truly want to work on things and she's made the comment that she has, go to MC and continue IC. Start talking. It's so so important to have communication. It sounds like you love her and she loves you. Try it. Good luck!
Author rueben Posted January 21, 2011 Author Posted January 21, 2011 That's what it sounds like to me also...I've been out of the house for almost 5 days...on the 3rd day of seperation I went to talk to her in person. We talked about what to do with bills and our car. I asked her if she wanted her head rubbed cuz she was tired. So I did it...she asked me to rub her back in bed till she fell asleep and I said ok. When I was done she started crying, I asked y r u crying and she responded "cuz ur leaving"...1 thing led to another and we had sex...I'm so confused
hopesndreams Posted January 21, 2011 Posted January 21, 2011 That's what it sounds like to me also...I've been out of the house for almost 5 days...on the 3rd day of seperation I went to talk to her in person. We talked about what to do with bills and our car. I asked her if she wanted her head rubbed cuz she was tired. So I did it...she asked me to rub her back in bed till she fell asleep and I said ok. When I was done she started crying, I asked y r u crying and she responded "cuz ur leaving"...1 thing led to another and we had sex...I'm so confused She was the one that wanted to separate. It should be her that leaves the home. Don't take her word for it that there isn't an OM. Investigate. Move back into your house. "Honey, I'm home!!"
Author rueben Posted January 21, 2011 Author Posted January 21, 2011 She wanted to move out but I chose to do it instead...om? I'm assuming that means other male. No...not any a million years, I know her to well and she is a very strong individual, she would of told me. Her past relationships have been ****, from verbaly abusing her to doing sexual things that she didn't want to. She keeps telling herself shes lost her social life and lost many friends and that she doesn't know what she wants. We r also firm believers in god and believe he can cure anything...we r going back to church to get christ back in our lives and marriage and I kinda know y she wanted this seperation...BECAUSE OF ME...I couldn't get myself right and I know she saw that...maybe once she sees that I'm getting help from a counseler and god, maybe she'll fall in love again
hopesndreams Posted January 21, 2011 Posted January 21, 2011 maybe she'll fall in love again Stop beating yourself up. You were depressed for 15 years you say but have known her for almost 7 years. Once you got married, in 09, things started settling down. Less parties. Less fun. Maybe she wasn't getting as much attention from you and started looking somewhere else for it. What personality changes has she gone through lately? Let's start there.
Author rueben Posted January 21, 2011 Author Posted January 21, 2011 I saw a big personality change when her grandma passed away in front of her in 2009...I know she would never cheat on me...she stopped going to the gym, she not satified with the way she looks...she's lost tons of friends...and she lost love for our marriage but not for me...she stopped going out dancing all the time cuz that was her thing to do was to dance
hopesndreams Posted January 21, 2011 Posted January 21, 2011 Does she have a history of depression? Does she work? Does she ever go out with friends? Was she on the computer constantly?
Duckduckgoose Posted January 21, 2011 Posted January 21, 2011 Why did you both stop doing things you liked? Just because you are married doesn't mean you can't have separate interests. Its good to have separate friends and mutual friends. What made you both withdraw? You can't expect marriage to keep you happy, you gotta do stuff that makes you happy.
Author rueben Posted January 21, 2011 Author Posted January 21, 2011 Her job of 3 years working as a call center made her really depressed...she went on meds cuz she was so depressed from her job We both stopped having interest in the things we did cuz of work money and then depression started taking over
hopesndreams Posted January 21, 2011 Posted January 21, 2011 Is she financially independent? Is she still working at the call center? Since you are both living apart, is she receiving money from you?
Author rueben Posted January 21, 2011 Author Posted January 21, 2011 She don't work there anymore...but we are both ahring our money keep our house
hopesndreams Posted January 21, 2011 Posted January 21, 2011 You are paying for the house and have every right to be there. Go home rueben. If she doesn't like it, she can leave. A marriage is not recoverable while separated. Especially so if there is an OM. I know you love her and your both God fearing and have backslid, and with that comes opportunities that are hard to resist for some. "what if, during this seperation we get help for eachtother and end up falling in love again"... She is giving you false hope. While you are wherever you are she can do whatever and with whomever she likes.
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