J0N Posted January 21, 2011 Posted January 21, 2011 I have been thinking recently. One of the reasons that I have had such a hard time getting over my ex-gf, is that I just cannot not let go of the possibility of reconciling. Even though I know it’s impossible. I just want her back in my life, she made me so happy, I felt so complete around her. Every time somebody even mentions her name it stops me in my tracks, and usually ruins my day. It has been three months (of total NC) and I feel like we just broke up last week. She was special to me. I know that in the near term, there is only one thing that is going to make me feel better, and that is reconciliation which I know will never happen. I know that getting over somebody takes time, but from what people say about her she hasn’t slowed down even a step. She looks and acts totally normal like nothing even happened. I don’t even bring her up, but for some reason, somebody always brings her up and lets me know how great she is doing. *Then I think about me, I am getting by but doing great would be quite an overstatement. Why was this so easy for her, and so %^&$^&% difficult for me? This girl really stole something from me, I feel like at this point I may never get over her. I still love the sh** out of her. I cannot get her off my mind, and she still keeps me up sometimes at night. *I dream about her constantly. Her on my mind has become a real distraction at work, and has affected my productivity. I have followed all the steps, and I feel like I have just been spinning my wheels. I have thought about calling her, but if she is really the way everyone says she will only laugh in my face and want even less to do with me. I guess my main problem is that I really thought I was going to marry this girl, so I totally let my guard down to her. Then she dropped this bomb on me. I had nearly half of the money saved to buy her a ring; I wanted to get her a really nice one because she deserved it. She even asked me once, I wonder if there is a way I can “more than love you.” She was so cute. This is destroying me; I just want my life back. I want to be able to go a whole day without her clouding my mind. I want to sleep through the night. I want somebody to mention her in front of me and not care at all. It has been three months; does it take everybody this long to get over someone? I have also been thinking recently that maybe I am not ready to meet any new girls, but I would like to be friend some instead. Just as friends. I haven’t hung out with any girls in a long time, but that has more to do with my living situation which I am stuck in. Maybe I read too much into this and should give this forum a break. I do not know anymore. I know that no matter what I do; only time and NC are going to fix this. I can post 100,000 times and get all the great advice in the world, but ultimately it won’t be as good as her love was. She is not the first girl I have ever dated, or even been serious with, but she is the first girl I ever truly loved. L I feel like a lost child in the grocery store.
Author J0N Posted January 21, 2011 Author Posted January 21, 2011 I got a little bored at work and Googled how to get over somebody and I found this. It is just a wiki how article, and its probably directed at HS kids. But since my ex was my first *true* love. It made me feel a little better. I thought I would post it. http://www.wikihow.com/Get-Over-Your-First-Love
bl22 Posted January 21, 2011 Posted January 21, 2011 iknow how your feeling buddy im in the same boat as you but my attitude has changed a hell of a lot over these past few weeks. Yes she was my first love, yes im not over her yet and yes i miss her so much but.....she left me for someone else. Even if she did come back now, itd never be the same, i wouldnt trust her. We only get 1 life....we're only here for a very, very short time, you gotta make the most of it , and im sorry to say but what your ex and my ex has done, they dont deserve us. So for now put time into treating yourself and being the best you that you can be. When you get there, i gurantee you wont think about your ex who abandoned you, youll be looking forward to the lucky lady who will get you next.
0hpenelope Posted January 21, 2011 Posted January 21, 2011 Feel better, J0N. Don't worry about walking away from LS. A lot of us take occasional breaks and when I'm not in the break-up forum, I'm hanging out at the Water Cooler. The mainstayers of LS are cool people. It's ok. Take your time. She meant a lot to you, so it's no wonder it's hard to let go. I chose to dwell on a relationship once and it got me nowhere. This time, I'm not going to and I'm dating around. Does this mean I'm over my ex? Absolutely not. I just know that I have to keep moving on because there's no other way I'll feel better or recover faster. I want to see if I learned my lessons, so what better way to test if I have by meeting new guys?
Author J0N Posted January 21, 2011 Author Posted January 21, 2011 Yea man. Its like I just want her to go away. I have been NC this whole time, so SHE has not actually done or said anything to me. This is all in my big dumb head. I just wish it wouldn't consume my thoughts on a day to day basis. Sort of like how they say that you are an alcoholic when it begins to affect your everyday life. Well I am a pine-o-holic i think. I know its only been 3 months and I will need to give it more time. I have broken up and been broken up with before but none were ever like this. As far as her coming back, I know she wont, she would never admit that she made a mistake (she did, I can assure you). If she did, I am sure that everything would be sunshine and lollypops for a few days but then I would never be able to trust her, and we would end up splitting again. She has already pushed the big red button, once you do that there is no going back. ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
GreenPolicy Posted January 21, 2011 Posted January 21, 2011 A lady I work with went through a very painful divorce with a child involved. Now she has a wonderful boyfriend who is a good father figure to her son. Was the divorce wrenchingly painful? Yes, but ask her what she would rather have: the wonderful boyfriend who is good to her and her son, or being back together with her POS ex-husband? One of my best friends had a relationship right after college with this girl. They were together for two years. They were deeply in love with her. You could tell from the way they acted around each other. They seemed like a perfect match. Well, the girl had some family drama, some issues, and she dumped him. He said it tore him up for about 4 or 5 months. About a year and a half later he met the woman he ended up marrying. What he went through was painful. But ask him now, who would he rather be with? His wife or the ex? He told me something else: when you're with somebody, your emotions and feelings are caught up in it, and you think you're perfect for each other and meant to be. That's "The One" crap. He said later on when he thought back to his ex, he realized that they were NOT perfect for each other, and that what he got out of it was valuable relationship experience that benefited his relationship with the woman he ended up marrying. Your ex was in your life for a reason, but not for the reason you thought. One of two things are going to happen: you are going to go on and meet somebody else, and it will be a better relationship than the one that you had with your ex, or one day you and your ex will get back together, and it will be better than what you had before. Now, the chances of the latter happening are between slim and none, but I just want you to understand that no matter what, you are headed for a win-win scenario. My ex got in touch with me to get her bike back, and it was difficult seeing her again, but the episode actually gave me some closure that I had been lacking. I feel a little bit better actually. I still hurt a lot. I still tear up a bit every day. I still feel a grief and disillusionment over things not working out the way that I wanted them to. I still miss her. But I think the difference is that I am steadily gaining control over that sadness and grief, rather than it controlling me. You don't sound like you are at that place yet. We have to give up control. We cannot control how our exes think, feel and act. We can only control how we think, feel and act. There is an opportunity here for you. Are you religious? Find a church home and get involved in a singles ministry. If not, find some meetup groups, get a volunteer activity going, or find some self-help groups. I know you set up an online dating profile. That's a good positive step. Go to the bookstore and find some books on spirituality and relationships. From what you've described about your relationship, it sounds like you're a great guy and you treated her well. And even though the end of the relationship isn't your fault, you need to work on yourself and heal before you get involved with somebody else. You're great, but you're not perfect. You made mistakes in your last relationship, and you need to learn from them. Be well.
GreenPolicy Posted January 21, 2011 Posted January 21, 2011 I just wish it wouldn't consume my thoughts on a day to day basis. Sort of like how they say that you are an alcoholic when it begins to affect your everyday life. Well I am a pine-o-holic i think. I know its only been 3 months and I will need to give it more time. I have broken up and been broken up with before but none were ever like this. In time your ex will subside from your thoughts. Your brain will eventually get bored of the subject because there will be no new information and emotions to process. Also, considering how much you loved her, you need to be patient. When you love somebody as much as you loved her, it just takes time to let go. Be easy on yourself.
bl22 Posted January 21, 2011 Posted January 21, 2011 In time your ex will subside from your thoughts. Your brain will eventually get bored of the subject because there will be no new information and emotions to process. Also, considering how much you loved her, you need to be patient. When you love somebody as much as you loved her, it just takes time to let go. Be easy on yourself. Great advice
chloe56 Posted January 22, 2011 Posted January 22, 2011 Hey, I am feeling the same as you Jon. I haven't been able to not think about him at all, then this week, for some reason has just been like going backwards to bu for me. Don't know why. Now, all I can think of is, I really loved this guy and he didn't want me. Really just miss him. I guess the good news is that my family seems to be over the hurt and now I can start talking to them about how I feel. Weird situation.
stopthemadness Posted January 22, 2011 Posted January 22, 2011 I have been thinking recently. One of the reasons that I have had such a hard time getting over my ex-gf, is that I just cannot not let go of the possibility of reconciling. Even though I know it’s impossible. I just want her back in my life, she made me so happy, I felt so complete around her. Every time somebody even mentions her name it stops me in my tracks, and usually ruins my day. It has been three months (of total NC) and I feel like we just broke up last week. She was special to me. I know that in the near term, there is only one thing that is going to make me feel better, and that is reconciliation which I know will never happen. I know that getting over somebody takes time, but from what people say about her she hasn’t slowed down even a step. She looks and acts totally normal like nothing even happened. I don’t even bring her up, but for some reason, somebody always brings her up and lets me know how great she is doing. *Then I think about me, I am getting by but doing great would be quite an overstatement. Why was this so easy for her, and so %^&$^&% difficult for me? This girl really stole something from me, I feel like at this point I may never get over her. I still love the sh** out of her. I cannot get her off my mind, and she still keeps me up sometimes at night. *I dream about her constantly. Her on my mind has become a real distraction at work, and has affected my productivity. I have followed all the steps, and I feel like I have just been spinning my wheels. I have thought about calling her, but if she is really the way everyone says she will only laugh in my face and want even less to do with me. I guess my main problem is that I really thought I was going to marry this girl, so I totally let my guard down to her. Then she dropped this bomb on me. I had nearly half of the money saved to buy her a ring; I wanted to get her a really nice one because she deserved it. She even asked me once, I wonder if there is a way I can “more than love you.” She was so cute. This is destroying me; I just want my life back. I want to be able to go a whole day without her clouding my mind. I want to sleep through the night. I want somebody to mention her in front of me and not care at all. It has been three months; does it take everybody this long to get over someone? I have also been thinking recently that maybe I am not ready to meet any new girls, but I would like to be friend some instead. Just as friends. I haven’t hung out with any girls in a long time, but that has more to do with my living situation which I am stuck in QUOTE .Maybe I read too much into this and should give this forum a break. I do not know anymore. I know that no matter what I do; only time and NC are going to fix this. I can post 100,000 times and get all the great advice in the world, but ultimately it won’t be as good as her love was. She is not the first girl I have ever dated, or even been serious with, but she is the first girl I ever truly loved. L I feel like a lost child in the grocery store.[/] I know what you mean about thinking of giving this forum a break. I too think that being on here may be dragging out the healing process. Although I have been on here for a few months and I definitely feel like am getting over this break up.The first few months I look back and it was as if I was in a fog. But the fog has lifted and am starting to feel like my self again. I knew some were gona give me crap about not always agreeing with N/C, but what ever. Am even starting to feel like I wanta start dating again.If you feel like you need to take some time off from here, do it. You can always come back. Have you thought about seeing a therapist. I see one, its helped me. hang in there..Good luck
tobydog1 Posted January 22, 2011 Posted January 22, 2011 Green policy You are right, it took me about 3/4 months to just stop all the over analysis etc, my brain could not do it anymore I had done it too much and there was nothing else to go over and I began to heal.....Until the Bastard threw stupid old me a few crumbs last week and I feel back to square one. I found a bit of anger a good thing to help, not too much and also to think about how they were not actually that perfect. In fact my stbx was lacking in lots of ways, as I am too, but I still love him dearly, it's just a nightmare to get through. Worse if you eat the crumbs like I did. Take care x
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