MovingOn13 Posted January 21, 2011 Posted January 21, 2011 Hello everyone, I dated a girl for 5 years ever since being a sophomore in HS. Things had there ups and there downs. I think we were able to last so long mainly because I think we did love each other but also because we went to different high schools and only had 1 year of college together. I transfered to her college, not because of her but mainly because it is a better school. Slowly but surely things started to go down hill. Less sex, not seeing each other as much and towards the end of the break up she increased her outings with her friends. Eventually i had to bring something up, and then she said she could see her self with me, but she need to be sure. This was a big red flag...and we hardly ever texted after that until a week later when she took the relationship thing off facebook without saying anything else to me. She had the hardest time wanting to deal things formally which really pissed me off. Its been like 4 days since we broke up...and i was the one that had to go to her house and just get closure. She was emotional, and i was emotional. My biggest question is why do women have a hard time being upfront with their men? Why do you all think she would pull me in then push me back in a constant cycle? I understand at this age, ( we are both 20) you want to live and i understand that, but what i cant understand is why if she was so sure of her feelings, did it take so long to half ass take action? At this point, i have so many unresolved thoughts i want to ask her, but i have been NC since then and plan to be for a long time...but i really want to vent my frustrations was to why what was once so good had to die in such an inconsiderate fashion. I saw the red flags but i thought it was part of a relationship. I've learned a lot but its hard to not have one's questions answered. Thanks for your inputs, this is my first break up!
frd150 Posted January 21, 2011 Posted January 21, 2011 I'm sorry that your having to deal with this... It's always the hardest the first time. Sounds like you are doing all the right things and I'll bet it will not be long before someone new comes along to make you forget. I mean...your in college,it will happen. To answer your question... She was afraid on confronting and by not doing so she was protecting herself from the possibility of a big break up blow up. Being passive aggressive is the path of least resistance in these matters. The biggest example is the Facebook relationship status. I'm sure she was sending other signals as well but I believe that it's not in the male DNA to pick up on them. All I can say is to learn from this one. Be more receptive an aware in your relationships. Doing so may help you head off a bad situation at the pass or allow you to prepare for the inevitable.
Author MovingOn13 Posted January 21, 2011 Author Posted January 21, 2011 Thanks for the reply. Yeah, i guess some people are not brave enough to accept the realities. What is interesting is that she is having a hard time with me completely blocking her out of my life. She conveyed her distress to her best friend, not understanding why I did such a thing. She doesnt understand why an amicable break up cant result in her having contact with me? Is she holding on to something? I think so. She has a lot of insecurities and self esteem issues. I honestly think she has an internal struggle and thinks that I'll be on the side when she's done partying or solving her issues. I'm learning that when you lose something, sometimes it makes you realize that what you lost wasn't so great.
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