beauty1 Posted January 21, 2011 Posted January 21, 2011 Question for the fellas, I have recently started dating someone new. We went to high school together but that was over ten years ago, so we really don't know each other anymore as we lost touch all those years. We have been having a blast dating, have strong feelings, really enjoy each other's time, however i currently live far away (over 100 miles) so we don't see each other very often. Although we have been dating a little over a month, we have only really spent a handful of time together and 90% is in the company of his friends. Our sex life is sort of non existent because we don't have much time or space to get things done. he had to move back in with his rents due to being laid off from work so for me, its a little hard to get busy with them down the hall. We've only had sex once, and its a little frustrating! Anyway, we spent the other night together and I had no idea he was already pretty drunk when i met him out. By the time we got home after a night of drinking, he was lit up like a christmas tree. we started getting intimate, him on me and then he just stopped. So I tried to return the favor and he just stopped me abruptly. he started saying i didn't have to do that because i obviously didn't want to and maybe i was just inexperienced or just scared of him and he went on and on about how much he liked me but we had only "completely connected' the one other time we had sex and we only see each other every week... etc etc. i got really upset and he started saying oh god now you want to break up with me don't you and got angry! i still had no clue he was THIS wasted until he ended up apologizing and saying he didn't mean everything only a little bit about how we had not connected completely since the last time we had sex and that he really just had flaccid dick and knew he wouldn't be able to perform and got mad and took it out on me. he was completely normal and sweet the next morning but it still shot my self esteem WAY down. is this just a bad example of whisky drunk or what?! Keep the faith.
Art_Critic Posted January 21, 2011 Posted January 21, 2011 (edited) Keep the faith. If this is how the start to your relationship has been then keeping the faith will only lead to more disappointments. Sounds to me that he has let alcohol control his life... I also think there is more under the surface to why you have only had sex once.. like alcohol.. If I was in a new relationship with someone and we were sexually active I wouldn't be able to get enough of her.. 3 times a day wouldn't be enough to satisfy my need. (okay.. 3 times a day is a bit much for you since you live so far away.. but still it should be each time you see each other ) Maybe you should examine what he brings to your life and if he meets all your needs and be honest with yourself and don't make excuses for him or his drinking. Good Luck... Edited January 21, 2011 by Art_Critic
Author beauty1 Posted January 21, 2011 Author Posted January 21, 2011 agreed. i guess i thought we never had sex was because when i come to visit, i stay with family and since he is living with family, there isn't much room for it. yes, there is the car, etc etc. but i felt like when i move back closer in a few weeks it would be a lot different.
Billy_Boy Posted January 21, 2011 Posted January 21, 2011 Alcohol just reduces inhibitions... he probably had an idea he wanted to get across but couldnt effectively. I know when I am drunk if I am feeling emotional I will blubber like a dumbass and say whatever sparks in my mind which isnt always 100% accurate. The flacid thing could be true too, but it could be an excuse he used to embarrass himself after he noticed that he hurt your feelings when he said what he did.
Left in a Lurch Posted January 21, 2011 Posted January 21, 2011 He probably "finished" before he got started and was trying to hide it with excuses instead of telling you.
Author beauty1 Posted January 21, 2011 Author Posted January 21, 2011 ohhh yes billy, he definitely blubbers like a fool when he is drinking! we had some frustration with the last time we tried to have sex, i was just ending my er, time of the month... and could not perform myself. he literally said i gave u a free hall pass last time so u owe me one too! we really did laugh it off the next day, i guess i just still woke up feeling a little insecure. just wondering what you guys thought! everyone that knows us said to relax!
Billy_Boy Posted January 21, 2011 Posted January 21, 2011 ohhh yes billy, he definitely blubbers like a fool when he is drinking! we had some frustration with the last time we tried to have sex, i was just ending my er, time of the month... and could not perform myself. he literally said i gave u a free hall pass last time so u owe me one too! we really did laugh it off the next day, i guess i just still woke up feeling a little insecure. just wondering what you guys thought! everyone that knows us said to relax! Well tbh, it doesnt sound that bad... it sounds like ****ty communication because of the alco, but it does sound like he likes you a good bit, at least enough to shoulder the blame ultimately. Im sure he doesnt want you to feel insecure it was probably just one of those fluke situations. I would let it go, but be mindful of his drinking and see how often the behavior repeats itself, if it becomes a routine, you have other issues to worry about.
Author beauty1 Posted January 21, 2011 Author Posted January 21, 2011 yeah. i do agree... and once again, we see each other on the rare minimum for now until march. it makes sex a little annoying bc it kind of needs to be planned out in advance. we don't have the ability to call each other up to hang out and then let things roll....
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