shawna92 Posted January 21, 2011 Posted January 21, 2011 Ive been alone pretty much all my life and im 32. I thikn when I was 22 it was really starting to get to me. I couldnt deal with it--I also had few to no friends and as college ended most of my friends left, and then I was totally alone. On top of that-- then my life went to hell and terrible things began happening to me and I went through extreme phases of suffering and loneliness...people I know doing bad things to me and my life, total loneliness etc. In all those years--I never had a boyfriend, relationship, though I desperately searched---online, anywhere. Desperate isnt even what u call someone like me. I dont just sit around hoping for someone to drop by. Ive met 100's of guys off the internet....im a really beautiful girl...you'd think "some" guy on this planet would want to date me, me get lucky and meet a guy--something somewhere....but so oddly it never happened. It happens for every other human but me. Also you think, beautiful girl--guys would be chasing her--not the case. I mostly get abused by guys..and men....and most guys dont hang around longer than like 3-4 days and bail and never talk to me again cuz they either want sex or who knwos what. First off, i jsut want to know how the hell meeting people just 'happens' for every other human but not for really pretty women like me....who are abused tormented harassed made fun of etc....by people....basically for being pretty ive only been abused by people and not much else and everyone is jealous of me and hates my guts....but even women who have 'jealosu others' can still manage to get a boyfriend right...of course every other woman just not me. The irony is that no matter what i cant meet a guy for the life of me yet im beautiful and theres nothing i can do about it b/c its my awful fate apparently. I put myself out there everyday-- i meet guys online, but for the most part every guy either wants a quick lay, or never talks to me again, or insults/dominates/degradse me in some form then bails. I even met a cop recently....he started talking about how maybe we 'both met each other for a reason' then said "well even if we never talk to each other again." We were texting each other for a few days, and he was being really mean and rude--then of course he bailed. He even said "lol u probably hate me by now." ie most guys try to sabotage their own fate with me and just treat me like dirt then bail---why...not that I really liked him but you'd think guys would respect women but in my case they don't. They respect other women though just not me cuz im 'beautiful' so they feel they can disrespect me. Plus im cursed since it doesnt happen to other women like this. So the question is--loneliness plus suffering and hell after 12 years has taken its toll...ive suffered been put through major hell...tons of things...been alone through it all no guys---sexually tormented....i cant even get a guy to have a fun intimate encoutner with--ive tried its all a nightmare....guys even reject me make fun of me, wont do normal things to me---what ive experienced is that being a beautiful woman ive suffered in extreme ways cant get normal fun sex, men just torment reject and degrade me run away make fun of me and women despise me and of course would never be friends with me and just ignore me talk bad about me etc....so im kind of ****ed in life-- i cant make friends, cant get a boyfriend but im super beautiful and 98% of people abuse me and treat me so badly and feel its their right to....the dating part hurts the most....and i cant deal with being alone but its my fate and i cant change it no matter how hard i try-- i only meet the "WRONG" guys....even guys who i think are cute, or would be good for me-- they are the first to reject me....even on dating sites---anyone who i have a connection with, just rejects me and then bails....other guys, who i have nothign with try to get laid, then just bail. Others try to use and degrade and abuse me then bail....and the rest feel they are entitled to geting sex off me and if i dont give it to them then im a user and evil and they bail....no guy acts liek "wow you are an amazing beautiful nice awesome girl...let's try to date." not a single guy in so many males out there....if anything a guy will meet me, insult me...or hang out with me, then say something bad about me or do anything just to do something very abusive to me....one guy i met once i asked him...what do u think of the date/me..he said "i think youre amazing and caring and would make a wonderful wife and teh guy that gets u will be lucky"...then he never talked to me again....wtf?? i dont really get how amazing beautiful women can be eternally single...and worse...how can any human deal with being alone all their life...while searching, suffering and hearing about how every other human can meet any person on this planet...have a relationship yet u can't....the loneliness is unbearable horror...along with the extreme prior suffering and current...so its loneliness plus trauma plus sexual frustruation and horror....and being a virgin with men only trying to use u and bail or mock you.....how do people deal with being abnormally alone....in a society with such narcissistic weird people....cant meet anyone and jsut alone and more alone...while others are having the time of their life...and living normal lives but u cant meet anyone....
Fee Posted January 21, 2011 Posted January 21, 2011 I would suggest buying, reading heck - CRAMMING - the books 'Why Men Love Bitches', 'Why Men Marry Bitches' and 'He's Just Not That Into You'. I was like this right up until my mid-twenties. Contrary to societal beliefs, in long term relationships, looks don't matter to guys, as soon as they see you're an 'easy mark' they'll disrespect you to see how much you'll take. They've had women 'take' it from them all their lives. This is a man's world. As soon as they see you're eager for their time and affection, it's like having 'doormat' tatooed on your forehead. Ever wonder how incredibly plain girls get gorgeous guys chasing them like lapdogs? These girls respect themselves and don't take cr@p. You teach people how to treat you. Get the books, you won't be sorry. Good luck.
oaks Posted January 21, 2011 Posted January 21, 2011 im a really beautiful girl... Also you think, beautiful girl--guys would be chasing her--not the case. i cant make friends, cant get a boyfriend but im super beautiful Sorry for the crude editing... Glad to see you have confidence about your looks, but don't forget that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Also, perhaps guys who want a relationship (rather than just wanting you for your pretty face and some time between the sheets) are looking for more than just physical beauty. What are your other qualities? I click through lots of profiles on some online dating sites, and I definitely look at "beautiful" ones, but I don't always contact those women if I can't see some things we have in common that we could talk about or do together (and I'm looking for a relationship rather than a brief encounter). When you have been out with guys, what part have you played in selecting who you date? Perhaps you're somehow choosing the wrong guys who are only interested in your looks. (P.S. I find the ability to write in paragraphs to be an attractive quality. I bet I'm not the only one.)
Billy_Boy Posted January 21, 2011 Posted January 21, 2011 I would suggest buying, reading heck - CRAMMING - the books 'Why Men Love Bitches', 'Why Men Marry Bitches' and 'He's Just Not That Into You'. I was like this right up until my mid-twenties. Contrary to societal beliefs, in long term relationships, looks don't matter to guys, as soon as they see you're an 'easy mark' they'll disrespect you to see how much you'll take. They've had women 'take' it from them all their lives. This is a man's world. As soon as they see you're eager for their time and affection, it's like having 'doormat' tatooed on your forehead. Ever wonder how incredibly plain girls get gorgeous guys chasing them like lapdogs? These girls respect themselves and don't take cr@p. You teach people how to treat you. Get the books, you won't be sorry. Good luck. Not that many guys arent complete dbags, but this is a dark, and sinister view of what actually happens, contrary to what you believe a lot of guys are actually monogamous, and want something with meaning, something real that gives purpose to their lives. The overly picky/hot girls usually miss them because of a supposed lack of confidence, when in reality they just dont feel a need to boast and strut like all the other simians and their outdated mating rituals.
Billy_Boy Posted January 21, 2011 Posted January 21, 2011 Ive been alone pretty much all my life and im 32. I thikn when I was 22 it was really starting to get to me. I couldnt deal with it--I also had few to no friends and as college ended most of my friends left, and then I was totally alone. On top of that-- then my life went to hell and terrible things began happening to me and I went through extreme phases of suffering and loneliness...people I know doing bad things to me and my life, total loneliness etc. In all those years--I never had a boyfriend, relationship, though I desperately searched---online, anywhere. Desperate isnt even what u call someone like me. I dont just sit around hoping for someone to drop by. Ive met 100's of guys off the internet....im a really beautiful girl...you'd think "some" guy on this planet would want to date me, me get lucky and meet a guy--something somewhere....but so oddly it never happened. It happens for every other human but me. Also you think, beautiful girl--guys would be chasing her--not the case. I mostly get abused by guys..and men....and most guys dont hang around longer than like 3-4 days and bail and never talk to me again cuz they either want sex or who knwos what. First off, i jsut want to know how the hell meeting people just 'happens' for every other human but not for really pretty women like me....who are abused tormented harassed made fun of etc....by people....basically for being pretty ive only been abused by people and not much else and everyone is jealous of me and hates my guts....but even women who have 'jealosu others' can still manage to get a boyfriend right...of course every other woman just not me. The irony is that no matter what i cant meet a guy for the life of me yet im beautiful and theres nothing i can do about it b/c its my awful fate apparently. I put myself out there everyday-- i meet guys online, but for the most part every guy either wants a quick lay, or never talks to me again, or insults/dominates/degradse me in some form then bails. I even met a cop recently....he started talking about how maybe we 'both met each other for a reason' then said "well even if we never talk to each other again." We were texting each other for a few days, and he was being really mean and rude--then of course he bailed. He even said "lol u probably hate me by now." ie most guys try to sabotage their own fate with me and just treat me like dirt then bail---why...not that I really liked him but you'd think guys would respect women but in my case they don't. They respect other women though just not me cuz im 'beautiful' so they feel they can disrespect me. Plus im cursed since it doesnt happen to other women like this. So the question is--loneliness plus suffering and hell after 12 years has taken its toll...ive suffered been put through major hell...tons of things...been alone through it all no guys---sexually tormented....i cant even get a guy to have a fun intimate encoutner with--ive tried its all a nightmare....guys even reject me make fun of me, wont do normal things to me---what ive experienced is that being a beautiful woman ive suffered in extreme ways cant get normal fun sex, men just torment reject and degrade me run away make fun of me and women despise me and of course would never be friends with me and just ignore me talk bad about me etc....so im kind of ****ed in life-- i cant make friends, cant get a boyfriend but im super beautiful and 98% of people abuse me and treat me so badly and feel its their right to....the dating part hurts the most....and i cant deal with being alone but its my fate and i cant change it no matter how hard i try-- i only meet the "WRONG" guys....even guys who i think are cute, or would be good for me-- they are the first to reject me....even on dating sites---anyone who i have a connection with, just rejects me and then bails....other guys, who i have nothign with try to get laid, then just bail. Others try to use and degrade and abuse me then bail....and the rest feel they are entitled to geting sex off me and if i dont give it to them then im a user and evil and they bail....no guy acts liek "wow you are an amazing beautiful nice awesome girl...let's try to date." not a single guy in so many males out there....if anything a guy will meet me, insult me...or hang out with me, then say something bad about me or do anything just to do something very abusive to me....one guy i met once i asked him...what do u think of the date/me..he said "i think youre amazing and caring and would make a wonderful wife and teh guy that gets u will be lucky"...then he never talked to me again....wtf?? i dont really get how amazing beautiful women can be eternally single...and worse...how can any human deal with being alone all their life...while searching, suffering and hearing about how every other human can meet any person on this planet...have a relationship yet u can't....the loneliness is unbearable horror...along with the extreme prior suffering and current...so its loneliness plus trauma plus sexual frustruation and horror....and being a virgin with men only trying to use u and bail or mock you.....how do people deal with being abnormally alone....in a society with such narcissistic weird people....cant meet anyone and jsut alone and more alone...while others are having the time of their life...and living normal lives but u cant meet anyone.... If you are as beautiful as you say, then the flaw is something in your personality or with every male on the planet, which seems most likely to you just statistically speaking? That a few billion men are all nuts, or you got issues? Can you post a picture so I can see what your working with? Also I asked you a barrage of questions in another thread you posted in the same vein.
Fee Posted January 21, 2011 Posted January 21, 2011 Not that many guys arent complete dbags, but this is a dark, and sinister view of what actually happens, contrary to what you believe a lot of guys are actually monogamous, and want something with meaning, something real that gives purpose to their lives. The overly picky/hot girls usually miss them because of a supposed lack of confidence, when in reality they just dont feel a need to boast and strut like all the other simians and their outdated mating rituals. I agree with you. I never said there aren't men that are monogamous or interested in serious relationships. What I was saying was, these men are interested in a woman with self-respect. The books I mentioned are empowering, and they give you the tools to SPOT and WALK AWAY from utter douchebags without giving them the chance to ruin your day, let alone anything else. I know my view is sinister and dark, but there is also truth there. It is human nature, even if you are a 'nice guy', to reject someone that comes accross as too eager to please.This is not the way to be, in life or in dating. As soon as you make your bottom line clear, douchebags will move on to the next easy mark, and good guys will see you're someone with self-worth, which is very attractive.
Billy_Boy Posted January 21, 2011 Posted January 21, 2011 I just think its nuts that women trick themselves into somehow thinking that men have motives when it comes to relationships, namely a place to bury thier.... uhh bone...r. Sorry had to... but in all seriousness, yeah those books can be empowering, but they can also be taken to an extreme and produce a hatred for males, I have seen many a male basher citing those works as their justification for shady actions and wallowing in self pity and despair. As far as Dbags, well... given their namesake, many of them will just stick it out and play the part of a good boy just to get what they want. Make no mistake the majority of men know that the majority of women want something real. So the bottom line is already known. As for being a doormat, I dunno that is just a personal thing. If she is being used as one, I wouldnt blame the dudes, I would blame the way she puts herself across, but now I think we are agreeing with each other lol! Thusly rendering this post pointless, except to feel good, with that, immmmmm ouuuuuuut.
bac Posted January 21, 2011 Posted January 21, 2011 how do people deal with being abnormally alone....in a society with such narcissistic weird people....cant meet anyone and jsut alone and more alone...while others are having the time of their life...and living normal lives but u cant meet anyone.... I believe you that you are pretty. And, I agree that when it comes to a serious relationship looks do not matter at all. BTW, from my experience, the more a guy wants to get laid, the more he gets generous about how beautiful a girl is. As for you, you sound kind of desperate, clingy, insecure, depressed, needy. But, It it better to present yourself as a winner and a prize. Also, do not present/see yourself as a beautiful sex object. You do not have to confess all the sad things about your past including your loneliness to any guy. When you present yourself as a lonely girl who has all the issues, a guy is positive that there is smth very wrong with you. Why would a guy want to have a GF who has been rejected by all the 100 guys? He would probably think that he can do better than that. Anyway, if you present yourself as a victum, only an abuser would be interested in you. Because a victim and an abuser is a perfect match. A guy can abuse a girl only if she lets him to abuse her. As for online men, they mostly looking for FWBs/ONSs. Therefore, it does not matter how many guys you meet there, they mostly want only sex from any girl, including you. If you are looking for a relationship, you might want to forget about sex at all for a while and first focus on emotional/intellectual connection. You should build the connection first. Building emotional/intellectual connection will result in having a BF. Sexual connection will result in ONS or a short-term FWBs. If you have sex with a man during first 5 dates, he would never see you as GF material. He would see you as an used sexual object. And, it is a blessing to any normal girl that most of the online guys will vanish into thin air during the first 5 dates because of no sex. They are not a BF material for anyone.
mo mo Posted January 21, 2011 Posted January 21, 2011 First of all, I'd just like to say I agree with Fee's las post. Most men love women with self respect and self worth. Even the good guys do not want to be around a super-needy woman that is pleased easily with simple words and affection. Billy Boy is also right though, sometimes people take advice from written works too far. See the movie "Fight Club" as an example of people taking advice and a way of life too far, even if it all made perfect sense to them at some point in their lives. That said, let me address this here. If you are as beautiful as you say, then the flaw is something in your personality or with every male on the planet, which seems most likely to you just statistically speaking? That a few billion men are all nuts, or you got issues? Can you post a picture so I can see what your working with? Also I asked you a barrage of questions in another thread you posted in the same vein. I think I know what the issues are, or at least 2 of them. She has been posting several threads with the same issues and the same walls of text. People come in and respond to what she says, give her something to think about, and instead of really thinking about them, she disappears completely and creates another thread. Perhaps some of these guys see something off about her, and when she refuses to acknowledge them they probably decide they might as well try to get their balls beat. The second issue is that at this point she has these preconceived notions about men being single minded douchebags, so even if Mr. Right landed in her lap, he would be at a disadvantage because she would be trying to get him to prove to her that he is worth her time. She probably wouldn't even realize his awesomeness.
Billy_Boy Posted January 21, 2011 Posted January 21, 2011 There is definitely something "off" about her. TBH I am kind of a dick and always assume the worst case, that she insists on calling herself beautiful obviously leads me to think she has image and self esteem issues and she has learned to chant I am beautiful like a Christina Aguilera song-mantra... I am thinking she is probably way less attractive then she is leading on and that she has serious self esteem issues which is why the guys she is talking to a running screaming. And instead of taking mental stock and doing some introspection she is blaming the issues on other people when the problem lies in her mind... what you said about her no responding to people honest inquiries and questions and advice and instead restarts the thread would also align in that pathology. Someone else mentioned that she is likely young, based on her speaking style etc I would have to agree, and the 92 in her screen name does seem like a birth year, so I doubt she is 30. In essence she is looking to have her feelings validated which is why she refuses to answer questions or face an introspective perception of herself. These tidbits of data smack of am immature and emotionally under developed female teenager. IMO.
angelboots Posted January 23, 2011 Posted January 23, 2011 Shawna, i again, after reading this would suggest a good therapist to help you figure out the roots of your problem so to speak, i cant stress enough how important it i for you to talk to someone in the real world about the issues plaguing your life at the moment.
Stonewall Posted January 23, 2011 Posted January 23, 2011 I know why you're alone Shawna.... It is simply your refusal to use a beautiful invention called PARAGRAPHS.
Cora Posted January 23, 2011 Posted January 23, 2011 I can relate to how you are feeling. I too am tired of always being alone...always feeling so lonely. It's tough and sometimes it gets me so damn depressed if I let it. But...sometimes you just gotta keep moving on and keep believing that your time will come when it's right and meant to happen.
Truly Lost Posted January 23, 2011 Posted January 23, 2011 You focus a lot on being really beautiful. I don't know if you come across as being vein to the people you meet, but vanity won't find you love. If what you look like is supposed to find you love, well then, you will be disappointed for many more years to come. Of course guys will want to hook up with you, if you are gorgeous, but strong mental substance is what guys, who are looking for love, will ultimately be attracted to. It takes effort from both sides. You can't just put yourself out on display and expect to instantly fall in love. You gotta be able to connect intellectually, emotionally, etc. A good personality will take you a long way, unless you have no personality. It takes effort from both parties. It sounds like you just put yourself out on display, but don't offer too much else. Why don't you just start scouting out guys and then when one takes interest, charm him with your intelligence and life experiences, not your beauty.
stillthinking Posted January 24, 2011 Posted January 24, 2011 [sIZE=2][sIZE=2]Hi Shawna92 I like fee and bacs responses too. [/sIZE][FONT=Times New Roman]I acknowledge your thoughts that part of the problem may be that you are really attractive (men or women can be intimidated or jealous of that), but it's really that people expect you to be more confident in your inner self and are looking for that in you. [/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman]It could be like my problem 1) probably genuinely a well-intended person who is too nice to people that you look easy even though you don't think you came off that way; and 2) have too much negative history piled high in your mind and probably too many negative people in your life. It seems like by your posts your thoughts are consumed 24/7. The nasty words and treatment have become your thoughts, and your thoughts have become how you feel inside. I can understand spending so much time trying to figure out what is wrong. I had no one to call a boyfriend in years. I’ve had not so nice friends date wonderful guys and be treated so damn well. I’ve watched on the sidelines as people meet someone, get married, get a house, go on vacations, get divorced, then jump right into their next serious relationship - while the entire time I have been single yet so many good qualities to offer someone, but it just doesn’t happen at all for me. I’ve also had other friends degrade me in front of new people I’ve met to try to screw up a first impression just to try get the attention focused on them, or I swear not want me to be happy by puttin me down in front of guys I’m on a date with saying oh she doesn’t want to get married, men are no good for her.[/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman]I think it is good you are considering counseling – I have been in the past months and it has really saved me. I woke up every day hating myself all day until I went to bed hating myself. I fought with myself every day the entire day on the verge of tears. It took me a few different counselors to find the right one who was on point to address my issues directly, like he stepped inside my head and pulled out my exact thoughts. He has consistently been able to identify with me and bring me through to more positive thinking. I hear your pain - I am afraid of trying because I've felt like my experiences in the ways guys have treated me, in my mind, has been the most extreme - used, neglected, verbally degraded then abandoned. [/FONT][sIZE=2][FONT=Times New Roman]I’ve had so many people treat me bad, I accepted all the bad apples because I haven’t had good experiences. [/FONT] So here’s what I’ve learned through therapy Stop expecting the world to be nice to you- the world is pretty sick so take care of yourselfAccept yourself and don’t waste your time in this world by putting yourself down in any way - don’t walk around in the fog your past experiences have brought to youTake your time, don’t be too nice or too eagerPeople will only have the power/control over you, mock you or throw you to the side, if you LET themYou do have THE POWER that you should be exerting with control over what is rightfully yours – If you don’t exert your power, sadly people like to exploit your weaknesses (uh-hum, being too nice) to make themselves feel better and have their fun walking all over you[/sIZE][FONT=Courier New][sIZE=2][FONT=Courier New][sIZE=2]o [/sIZE][/FONT][/sIZE][/FONT][sIZE=2][FONT=Times New Roman]Speak up to demand people show you the respect you deserve - insist on an explanation when people don’t talk/treat you bad IMMEDIATELY, not later, tomorrow, or next week after you’ve had time to think about the "right" thing to say so that you don’t ruin your relationship or hurt their feelings. If they really didn’t do the "right" thing to you – who cares … let them know you don’t appreciate it[/FONT] [/sIZE][FONT=Wingdings][sIZE=2][FONT=Wingdings][sIZE=2]§ [/sIZE][/FONT][/sIZE][/FONT][sIZE=2][FONT=Times New Roman]You’d be surprised how people will backtrack when you initially confront them AND maintain the pressure of a look/stance that you are not about to back down until they face their words/actions and CONSEQUENCES of how they treat you. I tried this with one of my negative friends recently (as practice) and within about a minute of my look, posture, and mouth, she was teary-eyed and wanted to slither out of her seat – so all this time she was all bark and no bite (while she’s had her cake letting me feel bad about myself!). Really she herself no real backbone!! It was soooo satisfying after the **** I’ve taken from her. I felt the power! She hasn’t disrespected me since.[/FONT] I wasn't a total bitch, so you don't have to do this in a bitchy way. You may not even feel you have confidence or self-esteem, but I'm sure you can muster up the conviction that you are not going to just let it go this time. If you do - this is what gives people (guys, friends, family, work) the green light you talked about to keep doing it to you Feel free to walk away from those who don't take you seriously [/sIZE][/sIZE]
mo mo Posted January 24, 2011 Posted January 24, 2011 Speak up to demand people show you the respect you deserve - insist on an explanation when people don’t talk/treat you bad IMMEDIATELY, not later, tomorrow, or next week after you’ve had time to think about the "right" thing to say so that you don’t ruin your relationship or hurt their feelings. If they really didn’t do the "right" thing to you – who cares … let them know you don’t appreciate it. AMEN. When someone does something that pisses you off you really should not sugar coat the way you felt about what they did. They need to know what runs through your head and they need to know that their behavior was unacceptable. I did something like that to someone who pissed me off with her actions a while back and everyone I explained the situation to was like "no no no, you were filled with raw emotion, that wasn't nice of you!" That was the idea. This person needed to hear that what she did caused a reaction inside of me. You’d be surprised how people will backtrack when you initially confront them AND maintain the pressure of a look/stance that you are not about to back down until they face their words/actions and CONSEQUENCES of how they treat you. AMEN AGAIN. The second you back down or give up your stance on the issue is the second that the person will try to manipulate you again. Regarding the issue I described above, I did not back down from the issue and I confronted her directly about it. She was so shocked that she couldn't even look me in the eye. She still has trouble with it to this day.
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