Author mmiller5373 Posted January 21, 2011 Author Posted January 21, 2011 Well she obviously had more respect for you than she did this guy. Just remember, marriage and having a baby doesn't always help a relationship. She either respected me and what we had... or she didn't respect me at all... I'll never know.
Author mmiller5373 Posted January 21, 2011 Author Posted January 21, 2011 I agree. If it's religious for her not to sleep with you, then she shouldn't break her faith and slept with another guy, unless it's just an excuse because she has never been into you in the first place. I'm happy she's gone. You deserve a life with a girl whose totally into you instead of stringing you along as a backup plan. You are right. I do deserve someone who knows what they want and doesn't use people. The last year or so of our relationship she really did string me along. Honestly, I do believe she was seeing this guy behind my back for a while.
Author mmiller5373 Posted January 21, 2011 Author Posted January 21, 2011 ok,not trying to be 'catty'. I suggest to the one who posted the thread to go to another site and hopefully get better support than this. Some of these answers or response doesnt seem encouraging,so what if its 5 months,since when is there a time limit on grieving a loss,even if it is a relationship? We live in a get over it society,someone dumps you, its two months get over it, God forbids some tragedy happens,get over it. Would you believe the 9/11 widows were blasted for dwelling on their tragedy after a year? Of course its unhealthy to dwell on the past, and hurts when one seeks out what their ex are doing. But show me one person in this site who doesnt check up on FB for their exes status. This seems a very painful breakup for this poster,just like others. My opinion,He needs better support than this. Maybe talk to a counselor,trusted friend,websites like these,where you get a vague response or two,i dont see how it helps.. What his ex did was very selfish,how can one get over that so quick?Just my two cents. I agree with you 100%. There are some people on this board that have no idea what they are talking about and the advice spatted here shows this. I was miserable for three months... I had a major set back and then someone who I thought respected and loved me breaks my heart. She left me for another guy and couldn't even give me the truth about the real reasons. She left me hanging on during a trying time in my life. Yes, I've wasted plenty of time dwelling on it, analyzing it, and blaming myself. All of you, put yourself in my shoes and try to understand what I went through and what I'm going through. I WILL COME BACK FROM THIS STRONGER.
Author mmiller5373 Posted January 21, 2011 Author Posted January 21, 2011 OP, I completely understand your point of view. I have been looking for work for a month now post breakup & I have seen first hand how it can slow down the healing process. If you had more time in the first few months to keep busy then you most likely would be farther along- but when your esteem is in the crapper it's hard not to dwell in a dark place when you are left alone in your thoughts. Don't let anyone tell you where you should be in the healing process. Thank you. Yes... I put myself through college for 4 years. I worked hard to get that degree in May and when I thought I had a job lined up, they ended up going with someone else. I had bills to pay, but only a stupid part time job in a restaurant. I had to move in with my mother and I searched for work from May - October... applying to 200 companies and only receiving 2 call backs. Yeah, 2 call backs. Think about how that made me feel? I'm living with my mom, have no money, no social life... and then my girlfriend leaves me. My world came crashing down and all I could focus on was the breakup. It consumed my life for a while... but guess what, I bounced back and did something impossible. I got a job at a local TV station and now all of my classmates are jealous. They can't even land jobs where I did. I lucked the hell out. And as for the news, you dodged a bullet, that could have been you. And by the sound of it, the girl sounds manipulative. Girls like that, who get pregnant on purpose to "keep a guy"- well they find out the hard way that not even a baby can save a relationship. I had a few friends in high school that got pregnant on purpose, and none of their relationships lasted. It's sad really, because I could have told them it wouldn't be their saving grace, instead would push them farther apart. I honestly feel bad for her. I don't understand how she can go from a relationship with me (a nice, decent guy who respected her) where we were recently talking about marriage... to getting knocked up by some piece of crap d-bag that doesn't care about her at all. He's going to leave her and because I'm a good person, I feel bad for her. She will be in my prayers. Try to keep busy, and don't be surprised when this guy disappears and she tries to turn to you for support. Keep doing NC. God, I hope I never hear from her again.
SeriousBob12 Posted January 22, 2011 Posted January 22, 2011 She left you 5 months ago dude, time to move on. Dwelling on it, trying to figure out what shes doing and who she is doing it with is not helping you and your life one bit. WHo cares where she is, or what shes doing, shes doing her thing. And its mad weird that you didn't have sex with her after 2 years... makes me wonder if she was just using you like an emotional tampon. In which case you should be thankful shes out of your life and let her go. This is one of the worst posts I've read in my time here. No clue who you are billy, but posting garbage like this isn't supportive or necessary.
Art_Critic Posted January 22, 2011 Posted January 22, 2011 All of the advice on this thread is valuable to the OP.. It doesn't necessarily mean he should follow all of it as he gets to pick and choose what advice fits him better but it is wrong for posters to tell other posters that their advice sucks.. It is good for posters to hear all sides and type of advice.. Remember too that not all people posting are posting with English being their language of choice.. Just ignore any advice that isn't relevant and pick the advice that fits..
Billy_Boy Posted January 22, 2011 Posted January 22, 2011 This is one of the worst posts I've read in my time here. No clue who you are billy, but posting garbage like this isn't supportive or necessary. Yeah because your advice was much better.
Author mmiller5373 Posted January 22, 2011 Author Posted January 22, 2011 I don't care what anyone says, I came to this board to get the help and support that I need. To vent and get some good replies... some honest advice from people that have been where I was and currently am at. Umm... "Move on and quit dwelling on it..." no sh*t, Sherlock. Think I didn't know that already? Posts like that are useless...
SeriousBob12 Posted January 22, 2011 Posted January 22, 2011 Yeah because your advice was much better. Oh no you got me!!! ...Because calling you out, was really advice. You sir sound like an idiot, and judging by that laughable avatar photo you have (that pose? hahahaha), look like an utter douche too.
Art_Critic Posted January 22, 2011 Posted January 22, 2011 Posts like that are useless... Oh no you got me!!! ...Because calling you out, was really advice. You sir sound like an idiot, and judging by that laughable avatar photo you have (that pose? hahahaha), look like an utter douche too. You are now guilty for the same thing you called him out on.. Why not post to the OP rather than to try and insult each other ?
Hhhh Posted January 23, 2011 Posted January 23, 2011 4.5 months since my break up, been NC since day one, still hurting, of course not as much as i use to but i am still hurting. My point is we all have different recovery times, no one should tell anyone when they should stopping being angry, stop crying or stop hurting. Miller you seem to be doing everything you really can do to move on, if i'm wrong, you probably already know what your doing wrong. I guess you all you can do is slowly adapt to your new life and wait for love to find you again. I also have a a hard time adapting to change. That's probably its taking me a long time to get over my ex
Author mmiller5373 Posted January 23, 2011 Author Posted January 23, 2011 I hate change. I don't like dealing with new situations and I don't like dealing with the unexpected. I'm a planner. I planned on going to college, meeting a girl, getting married, and starting a family. I thought it was going to be with this girl, had everything planned in my mind, and she threw a freaking monkey wrench at me. I didn't see it coming (yeah, I was blind)... but now I know that I deserve better than her. I can be glad it's not my kid, not my problem.
broken-and-lost Posted January 23, 2011 Posted January 23, 2011 Just keep going m8, no one can tell you how long it takes to heal, you can only do the best you can over the time it takes. i would be gutted to find out that my ex got preg and got married. I can understand what billy boy is trying to say about moving on, but not everyone here can move that fast... good for him, but everyones situation is different. Just believe in yourself and that you have control over your own life and at some point in the future you will have moved on.
WiseOne1 Posted January 23, 2011 Posted January 23, 2011 She either respected me and what we had... or she didn't respect me at all... I'll never know. Please don't buy into what that poster said, thats the biggest myth I've ever heard. No she does not respect you, no im not trying to be mean, I went through the EXACT same sistuation. The Ex and I dated for 2 years..of those 2 years we didn't have sex either, she was a virgin and wanted to wait until marriage..I was the nice guy also. Her previous BFs that she had dated would break up with her if she didn't give any out. So i respected her and her beliefs...even though I was one horny dude, and most dudes that I do know that date virgins are always getting some on the side from some other girl, so really they still aren't going without!!!!!! Here we are though, being nice, faithfull guys, and we got ran over. And alot of posters here might not understand, but a guy has to be head over heels for a girl to be with her without sex, not saying it can't be love, but saying it takes a really great guy. So anyways, around 7 months after the relationship between my ex and I ended, a mutual friend, her (BEST friend) told me that she had lost her virginty to the new bf. He dogged her out during valentines day, he would tell her that he didn't have any money to buy her a valentines day gift...(which I had always brought her very expensive gifts) turns out...he brought ANOTHER GIRL a valentines day gift. In the last 8 months, shes been trying to get back together with me, she sent me 8 friend invitations on myspace and sent me 5 messages trying to ask for a date or my new cellphone number. She got it from the mutual friend once, and I hung up on her. There was a time that I couldn't talk to her unless I had a appointment (her ego had gotten so BIG). I was truly a great guy..did everything possible for her.
Author mmiller5373 Posted January 23, 2011 Author Posted January 23, 2011 WiseOne... All I can say is Wow. Sounds like you and I lived the same relationship. I honestly don't understand how she could give it up only after 3 months of dating (supposed, we know she knew this guy longer than that though). Even the family letting the guy move in makes no sense when they don't even trust him to the point that they had him followed. I did so much for this girl. Bought her expensive gifts, took her out all the time, wrote her loves letters, took 2 Spanish classes so i could speak to her family, and respected her virginity... And she goes and f**** this piece of s*** guy? I know, I know... I dodged a bullet. I know I deserve better. I'm glad I don't have to deal with all of this drama. Yet still, I feel so heartbroken and used... Like what I did and what we had didn't matter to her.
WiseOne1 Posted January 23, 2011 Posted January 23, 2011 Exactly, these girls just didn't appreciate a good thing. My ex gave it up to her new BF maybe in the first 4 months of there relationship. Boy has my ex gone down the drain, she use to look like a model, I mean all the guys wanted her. She's one of those girls that usually gets stalked by guys everywhere she goes, thats all gone now...since the last time I talked her, shes gained 250lbs. Lol i'm like WOW. Her ego has also evaporated, and now she has NO GUYS interested in her, sad thing is, I would have still loved her even without the model body and with the extra 250lbs
WiseOne1 Posted January 23, 2011 Posted January 23, 2011 I hate change. I don't like dealing with new situations and I don't like dealing with the unexpected. I'm a planner. I planned on going to college, meeting a girl, getting married, and starting a family. I thought it was going to be with this girl, had everything planned in my mind, and she threw a freaking monkey wrench at me. I didn't see it coming (yeah, I was blind)... but now I know that I deserve better than her. I can be glad it's not my kid, not my problem. Im also a planner, I hate changes, I plan everything, I don't like starting new relationships, it's to far and too much work to build them up, so when I find something good I try to hold on to it, like I did with my ex.
selena_cat Posted January 24, 2011 Posted January 24, 2011 Please don't buy into what that poster said, thats the biggest myth I've ever heard. No she does not respect you, no im not trying to be mean, I went through the EXACT same sistuation. The Ex and I dated for 2 years..of those 2 years we didn't have sex either, she was a virgin and wanted to wait until marriage..I was the nice guy also. Her previous BFs that she had dated would break up with her if she didn't give any out. So i respected her and her beliefs...even though I was one horny dude, and most dudes that I do know that date virgins are always getting some on the side from some other girl, so really they still aren't going without!!!!!! Here we are though, being nice, faithfull guys, and we got ran over. And alot of posters here might not understand, but a guy has to be head over heels for a girl to be with her without sex, not saying it can't be love, but saying it takes a really great guy. So anyways, around 7 months after the relationship between my ex and I ended, a mutual friend, her (BEST friend) told me that she had lost her virginty to the new bf. He dogged her out during valentines day, he would tell her that he didn't have any money to buy her a valentines day gift...(which I had always brought her very expensive gifts) turns out...he brought ANOTHER GIRL a valentines day gift. In the last 8 months, shes been trying to get back together with me, she sent me 8 friend invitations on myspace and sent me 5 messages trying to ask for a date or my new cellphone number. She got it from the mutual friend once, and I hung up on her. There was a time that I couldn't talk to her unless I had a appointment (her ego had gotten so BIG). I was truly a great guy..did everything possible for her. Wow we need more stories like this,good for you Wiseone. That made me smile.
SithLord Posted January 24, 2011 Posted January 24, 2011 Don't feel bad, my x of many years left me when she move to FL and after a year of distance she met and got knock up by someone 13 years older and married I wanted to die, I had 3 years of No contact with her, after 3 years she was very much if not stronger in love with me...she learn the hard way of her mistake, a rebound gone very wrong. I got justice but at the end it didn't matter doesn't change the fact I went thru all that pain. This was back in 07.
Author mmiller5373 Posted January 24, 2011 Author Posted January 24, 2011 Don't feel bad, my x of many years left me when she move to FL and after a year of distance she met and got knock up by someone 13 years older and married I wanted to die, I had 3 years of No contact with her, after 3 years she was very much if not stronger in love with me...she learn the hard way of her mistake, a rebound gone very wrong. I got justice but at the end it didn't matter doesn't change the fact I went thru all that pain. This was back in 07. I'm kind of confused by this story... she got pregnant by an older guy who was already married? Or she married the guy who knocked her up? And you're saying after 3 years she came running back to you?
SithLord Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 I'm kind of confused by this story... she got pregnant by an older guy who was already married? Or she married the guy who knocked her up? And you're saying after 3 years she came running back to you? Sorry I wrote this on my mobile phone and it went haywire. What happened was I had years with my first love on and off until we got serious our lasted 2 years because she moved to Florida. She ended up meeting her manager at her job and caught the G.I.G.S since I was not present to fulfil her emotionally. She ended dumping me and I did everything in the textbook wrong to try to win her back, even her family turned on her which made things worse because she wanted to be with him even more, the taste of new. This guy was 13 years older than her. Well I did no contact for 1 month and she came back because she wanted her cake and eat it to. All this occur in 07....after months of talking to her she ended up getting pregnant by the guy and she cut me off without closure or notice. Fast forward to 2010, 3 years of no contact, i decided to contact her because I had inner demons because of her. she never contacted me again she thought i hated her, which she was right and spent everyday how much she thought i hated her and our unborn child. She was more madly in love with me than ever before, because the guy turned to be a deadbeat while I rose to greatness. I kept my intial contact with her short until she down memory lane, saying all the right things to stop me from leaving and stop talking to her. She told me she wanted to experience and then eventually come back to me and get married. We have almost a year of No Contact again as a result of her, because her cousin wanted me to go down with him to visit and celebrate his bday with his family since i knew them 5 years before i met her and they beg me to go, she wasnt thrill and started boycotting and starting drama, but the real reason she did not want to see me was that she didnt want her world to crash and be around me..she diss my ex girl and stating how much better she was, during the years I had no contact she would hack my emails, how did i know because i put a security code only she knew. My ex went through hell with this guy many times over and over and still is suffering because she is stuck and married to someone she doesn't truly love, but loves him because thats the father of her 3 kids. The point is am I still in love with her?, HELL NO, Did it really matter at the end? NO, does it bother me wont dont talk, HELL NO?. At the end things change especially if a EX comes back to you years later. Time heals all wounds.
MissyLove Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 I think you should be 100% THANKFUL that it turned out this way. Everything definitely happens for a reason. I know you loved this girl but imagine you got her pregnant and THEN she fell for some jerk and left you and took your kid away? How awful would that be! She's seriously NOT a good person at all! Try to look on the bright side of this, you guys broke up without any baggage (kids) and now she's sufferng for the deceit and hurt she caused you. She will NOT live a happy life! You will go on to make another girl very happy
SithLord Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 I think you should be 100% THANKFUL that it turned out this way. Everything definitely happens for a reason. I know you loved this girl but imagine you got her pregnant and THEN she fell for some jerk and left you and took your kid away? How awful would that be! She's seriously NOT a good person at all! Try to look on the bright side of this, you guys broke up without any baggage (kids) and now she's sufferng for the deceit and hurt she caused you. She will NOT live a happy life! You will go on to make another girl very happy She was truly the one because we were one in all honesty. But that time is long gone and I don't care. I did get her pregnant but she aborted because we lived in two different states. I understood the decision. Yeah it could have been bad to have a child and gigs kick in. Then I had 3 years with my recent X the one who came after my first love. I left her because of frustration and then try to return back because of ego because she ran back to an ex thats stringing her along for the past 6 months. She came back to me after 2 months of No Contact another one that wanted her cake and eat it to. After we were cool for 2 weeks I told her I didn't want to be friends because I wasn't going to be a tool to be used and aid her emotions. Almost 3 weeks of no contact.
Author mmiller5373 Posted January 26, 2011 Author Posted January 26, 2011 I think you should be 100% THANKFUL that it turned out this way. Everything definitely happens for a reason. I know you loved this girl but imagine you got her pregnant and THEN she fell for some jerk and left you and took your kid away? How awful would that be! She's seriously NOT a good person at all! Try to look on the bright side of this, you guys broke up without any baggage (kids) and now she's sufferng for the deceit and hurt she caused you. She will NOT live a happy life! You will go on to make another girl very happy Trust me, I am thankful that it's not me with the baby coming. All of this almost seems like it was destined to happen... to keep us apart (even further... to keep her away from me). Yeah, I did love this girl and that's what hurts the most. My family told me they always had a fear that if we got married and had kids, one day she would just take off. She's going to have to live with her mistake forever now.
Author mmiller5373 Posted August 8, 2011 Author Posted August 8, 2011 (edited) So I'm coming up on the 1 year anniversary of the breakup and thoughts of the ex seem to be coming back. Some mutual friends inadvertently sent me some messages on FB a few weeks ago to tell me that they heard my ex girlfriend had her baby. They were wondering what happened to me and her. They didn't even know we broke up. When my ex broke up with me, she went complete NC on all of our mutual friends. Hearing the news about the baby broke my heart. I've spent the last few months out in the dating world with no luck. Had way too many last minute cancellations and met a lot of crazies along the way. I'm losing faith in ever finding somebody. Getting involved with my ex was the easiest thing in the world. There was no work. Dating seems to be way too much work and it's stressing me out. I'm over the relationship with the ex and I know I deserve someone better than her, but still, I think about her everyday. I still hurt over her, still have bad dreams, and still think about how she betrayed me. I've forgiven her for most of what she did, but I just can't get over the Gaslighting and lying during our last few months together. I've spent the last year focusing on myself. I've made a huge improvement. Good job. New friends. New apartment. Yet, my self esteem still feels so low. I've been NC with her for 8 months, though her brother-in-law still calls/emails to check on me every so often. What him and I discuss is between the two of us, it never gets back to her. About 2 months ago, I ran into my ex's uncles, and that was kind of awkward. As I look back at myself in 2007, before I met her, I see a happy, confident guy. After the relationship with her, I'm the complete opposite. Edited August 8, 2011 by mmiller5373
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