anastarija Posted January 21, 2011 Posted January 21, 2011 I’ve been lurking here for some time and finally decided to ask a question. Do you think that if you love someone, you automatically find his/her body attractive? That the person who truly loves you will love your body because it is yours?
LittleTiger Posted January 21, 2011 Posted January 21, 2011 Romantic love is based on sexual attraction. Sexual attraction, however, is not based on the purely physical. We can be sexually attracted to somebody for all sorts of reasons eg sense of humour, compassion, enthusiasm for life, which has nothing to do with our bodies. Therefore, you can 'fall in love' with somebody and feel a strong attraction for them without knowing what they look like. (Before anybody jumps on me for this I would like to remind you that there are many blind people in the world who fall in love - and my own man fell for me long distance before he'd even seen a photograph ). I therefore believe that in truly loving relationships the physical beauty of the beloved is much less important - not irrelevant but less important. When my man and I met for the first time, he could have been turned off by me physically - fortunately the physical attraction was very powerful on both sides. However, we'll never know if that physical attraction would have been the same if we weren't already strongly attracted to one another mentally and emotionally. Of course, we are all different and therefore some people will be more concerned with physical perfection than others. If we marry someone we perceive as physically beautiful in our twenties, we can't expect their body to be the same thirty years later but, if the attraction and love is based on something more than physical lust, then it will endure despite the physical changes that occur with age. (I'm not referring to changes such as excessive weight gain/loss which are outside the normal 'ageing' process). To take your question more literally ie if you love someone will you 'automatically' find their body attractive, I think the answer is probably 'no'. There are too many variables governing attraction for it to be that simple. If my man (who I admit still has a very beautiful body at 45) suddenly became obese through no fault of his own, yes I would still 'love' his body because I love him BUT I can't imagine finding him physically attractive in the way that I do now.
Eeyore79 Posted January 21, 2011 Posted January 21, 2011 You don't lose all aesthetic sense just because you love someone; you can still see if your beloved is overweight or doesn't look exactly like Brad Pitt. But if you love them, you don't care - you still love them, their body, and everything about them even if they're not beautiful.
Duckduckgoose Posted January 21, 2011 Posted January 21, 2011 When you love someone you kind of look at the grey hairs and maybe a wrinkle on their forehead and just snuggle them more for it. When I was with my stbxH I started noticing a couple grey hairs on his head when I would scratch/rub his head. I would get tweezers and pull them out. When we were in bed together I would look at him and wonder what he would look like when he was old, what I would look like... what we would look like together. I didn't find him sexually attractive at first, I will admit that... but I grew to be sexually attracted to him... I enjoyed telling him he was sexy to me. He would say something along the lines of that he wasn't. I told him it didn't matter if other girls found him attractive he was attractive to me and that's all that mattered.
Author anastarija Posted January 21, 2011 Author Posted January 21, 2011 Thanks for your replies guys. I was thinking in the context of LTRs, where people change, age, get sick, get depressed, get fat, get skinny,… I know people (both genders) still can (and often do) LOVE someone through many changes and many years, but do they necessarily find them physically attractive? I mean specifically, when they are naked together, do they get turned off by certain ‘ugly bits’? Do they have to close their eyes, or perhaps divert attention from their partner’s flaws to something else? For example, all boobs sag over time. That is inevitable and happens to every woman, sooner or later. Gravity wins every time. Now, no man PREFERS droopy boobs. Men often say they don’t mind. I would like to understand what that means, exactly? How does that work? Do they just ignore them? Or what? I guess don’t understand that feeling of ‘not minding’ something that should turn you on?
xxoo Posted January 21, 2011 Posted January 21, 2011 For example, all boobs sag over time. That is inevitable and happens to every woman, sooner or later. Gravity wins every time. Now, no man PREFERS droopy boobs. Men often say they don’t mind. I would like to understand what that means, exactly? How does that work? Do they just ignore them? Or what? I guess don’t understand that feeling of ‘not minding’ something that should turn you on? To the bolded, that isn't necessarily true Even those who might prefer perky can get very aroused by droopy breasts! Generally, a person of maturity, in love, can see the beauty in a variety of healthy shapes and sizes, and be very turned on by their partner even if they do not look like a cookie cutter image from a magazine (or especially because they don't!). I would be careful not to partner with someone who had a very narrow definition of attractive or sexy.
Author anastarija Posted January 21, 2011 Author Posted January 21, 2011 For example, all boobs sag over time. That is inevitable and happens to every woman, sooner or later. Gravity wins every time. Now, no man PREFERS droopy boobs. Men often say they don’t mind. I would like to understand what that means, exactly? How does that work? Do they just ignore them? Or what? I guess don’t understand that feeling of ‘not minding’ something that should turn you on? To the bolded, that isn't necessarily true Really? Seriously? Are you sure?
LittleTiger Posted January 21, 2011 Posted January 21, 2011 anastarija, there isn't a single physically perfect human being on this planet - there are millions and millions of us. We are all physically perfect and beautiful in our own way, it's just that only certain people will see that beauty and appreciate it. It is possible to view people as a collection of body parts stuck together but, in reality, we are so much more than the sum of our breasts, butts, legs etc. As I said before, romantic attraction is based on much more than how we look. A man who truly loves you will love all of you, probably because of your imperfections and not despite them. He will certainly not be 'turned off' by droopy breasts, cellulite or stretch marks or have to avert his gaze from your perceived 'bad bits' in order to maintain his erection. Love and desire just doesn't work like that. The brutal truth is that there are some people who are very shallow and who will always choose physical lust and a nubile body above love and devotion. However, most of us are looking for a lifetime companion and, as such, physical perfection is not usually a high priority. Add to that the fact that we all find different things attractive (yes it's true, not all men prefer perky boobs) and there becomes little point in worrying about our less than ideal body parts or our fading looks. I wonder if the question you really want the answer to is 'when you truly love someone, will you automatically desire them', in which case I believe the answer is a resounding 'yes'.
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