Hacker Posted January 21, 2011 Posted January 21, 2011 I have dated the same woman for 7 years, we were college sweethearts. We had some good times and bad times. We had such love between us, such passion. I have hurt her a bit with my addiction in the past by lying and so forth more than once about doing drugs. I have been clean for quite a while now. We had found a great apartment away from the drug infested environment we had used to live. I have been doing great, have a stable job and finally at this new place of ours I am able to function as a normal person which was what I had wished for so so long. About 3 weeks ago, she had told me it was over, no warning, no precept and no joke. She had told me she had met someone at work and is interested in him. 2 days later, she had told me she had slept with him. This was the most hurtful thing I can remember in my life. We had only been with each other for 7 years, and after 2 days of telling me its over, she is already sleeping with him. Is it just me or is this wrong? We still live together, in the apartment we love, however, she wants me to move out. She wants me to move right next door, for our daughters sake. She had promised me that she will not be intimate with him again for a while to honour my request. I had ask her to give me some time to prove that I am different here, that I am motivated, that I am in control of my faculties. She keeps saying that she does not know if she can feel about me as she once did. We still sleep in the same bed, hold each other at night, be intimate sometimes. But she insists that she does not feel about me the same and doesn't know that she could again. She had told me she was thinking about this for 3 months (breaking up), but never told me. She would look for things to instigate arguments in order to have a reason to leave the relationship, mind you we have a 3 years old little girl whom I love to death. She had made a promise to me that she will not be intimate with him for a while, she is apparently keeping her promise and I believe her. She consistently goes to his house after work (he lives right next to work where she works). She punches out early and goes to see him. Let me say that she had promised after the first time (2 days after we broke up) not to sleep with him for a while...but did it anyway a day later. She is now promising that she will not do it again for a while. I love her, she is such a part of me...please give me some feed back. There is more to this story, just ask.
JusChill Posted January 21, 2011 Posted January 21, 2011 From what I read, it seems like your are ok with her sleeping with another guy. And this is wrong. I know you are doing this for the sake of your daughter, and I can see very well that you are attached to this relationship. But you gotta face reality, no matter how much you love this woman...currently she has lost feeling over you. I know this isn't as easy as it sound, but stop clingy on to her...your making it hard on her and on yourself. No matter how much it breaks your heart, and how much you wish to die right now. Live for the sake of your daughter. Your wife is immature... if she really cared about you and your daughter, she wouldn't have slept with the other guy. Be selfish, love yourself...tell yourself that you will find a woman that loves you. Move away if you have too, work, work and work. I garanty with my life that your wife and the other guy won't last long, the guy is probably just using her for sex. Trust me, not many men these days would want to take care of someone else daughter. You are alive, you are not disabled and you don't have any diseases...you r far better off than alot of people in this world... life is too short to stay emo. Be strong, show her that she isn't the only woman in this world. Let her do what she wants. One more thing...she told you to move next door so you can hear them ****? hell no, you'll be so miserable if you do that, i'd pity u. ... if your thinking well, she was the love of my life, buddy this is reality... not all the woman can commit to a relationship. Cheer up my friend.
Author Hacker Posted January 21, 2011 Author Posted January 21, 2011 (edited) From what I read, it seems like your are ok with her sleeping with another guy. And this is wrong. I know you are doing this for the sake of your daughter, and I can see very well that you are attached to this relationship. But you gotta face reality, no matter how much you love this woman...currently she has lost feeling over you. I know this isn't as easy as it sound, but stop clingy on to her...your making it hard on her and on yourself. No matter how much it breaks your heart, and how much you wish to die right now. Live for the sake of your daughter. Your wife is immature... if she really cared about you and your daughter, she wouldn't have slept with the other guy. Be selfish, love yourself...tell yourself that you will find a woman that loves you. Move away if you have too, work, work and work. I garanty with my life that your wife and the other guy won't last long, the guy is probably just using her for sex. Trust me, not many men these days would want to take care of someone else daughter. You are alive, you are not disabled and you don't have any diseases...you r far better off than alot of people in this world... life is too short to stay emo. Be strong, show her that she isn't the only woman in this world. Let her do what she wants. One more thing...she told you to move next door so you can hear them ****? hell no, you'll be so miserable if you do that, i'd pity u. ... if your thinking well, she was the love of my life, buddy this is reality... not all the woman can commit to a relationship. Cheer up my friend. Absolutely not, I am not ok with this. I had even got her to promise not to sleep with him again until at least she has assessed our feelings. She HAS been keeping this promise. I do live for my daughter which is why I am putting my feelings aside. You have to understand that my little one loves her daddy and not to see daddy and mommy together makes her cry. So I am stuck... Secondly she is not my wife to clarify, we simply never had enough money to get married although we had discussed it. Next, believe me when I tell you that this other guy is not just out for sex, he is really into her telling her things like "I want go give you the world", "I look forward to spending a long time with you" and so on. On another note, he is divorced with a daughter in which his prior wife cheated on him, does this not say he will eventually get boring. He is a lonely guy who found a hot girl interested in him and is so excited because he hasn't had a real woman in a long time. How can you say such things like "I want to give you the world" after only a few times seeing each other...despite the 2 times they had sex. Next, as for moving next door, I have no choice. My daughter at night wants to sleep on daddy's chest and for me not to be there for her would be devastating to her. I hate the fact that maybe she would be over here sleeping with him...I have to put that aside for my daughters sake and happiness. Why am I doing the right things while she exploits my responsibility to my daughter? Finally, she did commit to a relationship for 7 years....I am stuck between pain and keeping my daughter happy...I have to choose my daughter and suffer.... Edited January 21, 2011 by Hacker
Flgirl44 Posted January 21, 2011 Posted January 21, 2011 It seems as though you guys have been through a lot in the past with drug addictions and lies. I know that sometimes when you have had bad history with someone and it takes a turn for the better, it can actually make you realize how bad things were, how much damage was done, and makes you re-evaluate your feelings for the person. Does she know that you are sorry for the past? Or that you are hopeful for the future together? I think she might harbor some resentment and that is stifling her love for you.
Author Hacker Posted January 21, 2011 Author Posted January 21, 2011 Oh yes, she knows I am sorry wholeheartedly. Yes she knows I am hopeful for the future, she has told her sister-in-law that she has not ruled things out between us. I am sure she does harbour resentment for the past, but I think she is using it to justify her fling with this new man. She has told me that she doesn't know if she can feel about me the same way she had in college. I have told her to give me time to prove myself but she still wants to see this guy!
Jonno_S Posted January 22, 2011 Posted January 22, 2011 She keeps saying that she does not know if she can feel about me as she once did. Wow, rough story. Tell her that there is much more at stake that depends on just a "feeling." Was there any sort of expressed commitment between you two like married people have? Maybe you could appeal to her ethical sensibilities to try to make it work.
Duckduckgoose Posted January 22, 2011 Posted January 22, 2011 Whoa... she wants out of the relationship she can leave the apartment. Don't let her dump you then tell you to move. She's the one cheating here. Blatant cheating. She can sleep on the couch... better yet she can move into her new man's place.
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