pandagirl Posted January 21, 2011 Posted January 21, 2011 Honestly, I feel like all my girlfriends are much more attractive than me (there is empirical evidence of this), which in turn, lowers my self-esteem a bit. Anyone else feel this way?
elaina Posted January 21, 2011 Posted January 21, 2011 Honestly, I feel like all my girlfriends are much more attractive than me (there is empirical evidence of this), which in turn, lowers my self-esteem a bit. Anyone else feel this way? Lol I just posted a bit about that in the hot girls thread. Yes I have some friends who are drop dead gorgeous and yes I work on not feeling wilted around them. It surprised me that when I talked to one of my best friends about this, she had no idea that I felt that way or why! She just is natural and she's not stuck up about her appearance, though she makes sure to take care of herself and is very fashion conscious. Have you ever talked to your friends about it? It does help to talk about it.
elaina Posted January 21, 2011 Posted January 21, 2011 (edited) You shouldn’t think this way. Some guy is going to see you as his number one, and you’re just going to annoy him with this kind of thinking. Yeah don't talk to friends that are guys about it and definitely not to your boyfriend!!!... it does just annoy them lol. Just talk to your girlfriends about it. They can give you lots of hugs and encouragement and advice. Edited January 21, 2011 by elaina
alethean Posted January 21, 2011 Posted January 21, 2011 I know how you feel! Many of my friends are attractive, some drop-dead gorgeous, and all of them either have guys calling them all the time or are in long-term relationships with Mr. Perfects. I grew up an Ugly Duckling and never thought I became the Beautiful Swan. However, there was a brief period of time (like six months, a year maybe?) where I felt so great about everything about me. I thought I was a smart, sassy, sexy mama. And that was the time when I had so many guys approaching me, even more than my most attractive friends. Unfortunately, I've gone back to feeling unpretty and I'm back to the way I was before, when no one noticed me.
refurb Posted January 21, 2011 Posted January 21, 2011 First off, women are terrible judges of what men find attractive. Second, each person finds different things attractive. RF
Billy_Boy Posted January 21, 2011 Posted January 21, 2011 Get some uglier friends! That reminds me of a joke by Rodney Dangerfield, you want to look hot? Hang out with ugly people, want to look thin? Hang out with fat people.
carhill Posted January 21, 2011 Posted January 21, 2011 Anyone else feel this way? Never gave it much thought. All my close friends are people with whom I have synergy. Their appearances are all over the map. Their value to me is unparalleled. Since they're all married, some for more years than you've been alive, I would assume that someone found them to be pretty good-looking at some point However, to translate stereotypes, nearly all my close friends are far more 'successful' by society's measures than I am. I've found, by aligning with successful people, I learn more and am exposed to more new challenges and experiences. This aligns with what I want out of living. Hope it works out
depplover_1980 Posted January 21, 2011 Posted January 21, 2011 That reminds me of a joke by Rodney Dangerfield, you want to look hot? Hang out with ugly people, want to look thin? Hang out with fat people. You want to sound smart? Hang out with dumbasses!!
Kamille Posted January 21, 2011 Posted January 21, 2011 Been there thought that and I would definitely like to challenge whatever empirical evidence you feel supports this perception. Are you sure the difference isn't on how you interact with men? Maybe the fact you lack a bit of self-esteem in the looks area means that you tend to approach men on a "friendly" basis and not so much on a flirtatious one? (I would be ready to wager a bet that you do this). Men are going to flirt and call women if they feel encouraged to do so. If they think you mostly think of them as friends, they're not likely to "risk" potential rejection. So switch things up a bit. Learn to flirt. Observe how your friends interact with men and force yourself to mimic a little. (Or better yet, do like I did and ask your friends to teach you how to flirt). You'll never wonder about your looks again.
Author pandagirl Posted January 21, 2011 Author Posted January 21, 2011 Been there thought that and I would definitely like to challenge whatever empirical evidence you feel supports this perception. Are you sure the difference isn't on how you interact with men? Maybe the fact you lack a bit of self-esteem in the looks area means that you tend to approach men on a "friendly" basis and not so much on a flirtatious one? (I would be ready to wager a bet that you do this). Men are going to flirt and call women if they feel encouraged to do so. If they think you mostly think of them as friends, they're not likely to "risk" potential rejection. So switch things up a bit. Learn to flirt. Observe how your friends interact with men and force yourself to mimic a little. (Or better yet, do like I did and ask your friends to teach you how to flirt). You'll never wonder about your looks again. Empirical evidence would include photos and the such, which I will not share on LS. Or that fact that they always have dates and boyfriends, while no one approaches me or seems interested. However, you are right that I approach men on a "friendly" basis and not flirtatious. I can be witty and charming, but I don't exude any sexuality in my mannerisms. That being said, if you are at a bar or a party, men who approach you do not "know" your personality, and approach you exclusively based on looks. Men approach my friends, not me. It's not that I think I'm a hideous beast. It's more that I know that I'm not super pretty or beautiful. Just average. And seeing all my pretty friends consistently get more attention than me, doesn't bode well for my self-esteem. Even on online dating site, my friends have more luck, which leads me to believe I'm not very attractive. Sorry! Been feeling kind of lonely and blah lately. I blame it on the snow.
Kamille Posted January 21, 2011 Posted January 21, 2011 That being said, if you are at a bar or a party, men who approach you do not "know" your personality, and approach you exclusively based on looks. Men approach my friends, not me. Again, I beg to differ. Bar approaches are not based solely on looks. Men approach women who seem approachable, ie, will smile at them, will be looking around the bar showing they're there to potentially meet people, will smile, will stand alone or at the outward corner of a table. There's an amazing array of small things you can do while in a bar to "up" your approachability. I'm, like you, somewhat average but the minute I figured out how to "flirt and be approachable", men started approaching me as much as my better looking friends.
iJester Posted January 21, 2011 Posted January 21, 2011 Sorry! Been feeling kind of lonely and blah lately. I blame it on the snow. Go snowboarding! I'll bang any girl on a board.
Author pandagirl Posted January 21, 2011 Author Posted January 21, 2011 Again, I beg to differ. Bar approaches are not based solely on looks. Men approach women who seem approachable, ie, will smile at them, will be looking around the bar showing they're there to potentially meet people, will smile, will stand alone or at the outward corner of a table. There's an amazing array of small things you can do while in a bar to "up" your approachability. I'm, like you, somewhat average but the minute I figured out how to "flirt and be approachable", men started approaching me as much as my better looking friends. I think maybe I'm scared to even put myself "out there." I grew up so self-conscious about my looks that I don't maybe know how to.
iJester Posted January 21, 2011 Posted January 21, 2011 That sounds like your problem. You probably seem closed off by your body language, so people are reluctant to approach you. Are there any activities you do that you're good at or would like to get good at? That will do wonders for you confidence and overall happiness and it will show in your body language and demeanor.
Negative Nancy Posted January 21, 2011 Posted January 21, 2011 Honestly, I feel like all my girlfriends are much more attractive than me (there is empirical evidence of this), which in turn, lowers my self-esteem a bit. Anyone else feel this way? I know exactly how you feel. External reactions even confirmed it, so it wasnt all just in my head either. Men would flock to my very good looking girl-friend and I was standing there feeling like I was a "left-over". I don't think I'm too bad looking, not even average, it's just that I'm a very special type. I don't have the classic face that makes one kind of everone's type. It is what it is. I do not find everybody attractive, in fact I don't find most people attractive, and a few people are very attractive. So just as only certain type of men appeal to me (see my avatar for a guess what kind of men i dig ), I'm positive that at least one man out there will think of me as his own personal 10. I can't be the only one in this world that thinks like "me" and likes what I like, so my match must be out there. If I haven't already found it...
Nexus One Posted January 21, 2011 Posted January 21, 2011 Honestly, I feel like all my girlfriends are much more attractive than me (there is empirical evidence of this), which in turn, lowers my self-esteem a bit. Anyone else feel this way? An average, but funny/humorous and intelligent woman/girl can knock gorgeous women/girls out of the ballpark. If you're competing with women/girls that are merely attractive, then you can definitely "win" by being genuinely funny/witty, happy, intelligent and knowledgeable. But don't flaunt those things in an arrogant or sarcastic way, as negativity could be a turn-off. Men are attracted to happy women/girls. Naturally they notice beautiful women/girls, but that's just that, noticing. Guys that are boyfriend material also try to project a possible future with you. Any man wants a happy future. It's quite simple if you understand the following. Visual attraction is the first thing men go by yes, but stunning beauty doesn't "seal the deal", not by a long shot. Until a stunningly beautiful girl opens her mouth, she's just that to guys, a stunningly beautiful girl, but that actually doesn't mean anything. It just means they noticed her from a distance. Dressing nicely can also help. But for that you need good taste.
paddington bear Posted January 21, 2011 Posted January 21, 2011 I'm interested in the part where the OP said that when she acted like she was the business that she got just as much attention...it just goes to show that attitude plays a huge role. Aside from that. Oh I've been there. I don't look so bad myself. But I had two friends once who the guys just drooled over. It was horrible. Some guy would talk to me, catch sight of my friend and literally his head would do a double-take. Mesmerised, rabbit caught in the headlights kind of thing. And I would be ignored. One night. ONE BLISSFUL NIGHT. I went out with this one particular stunner of a friend and this guy sat beside us and he uttered the immortal words to her "you look lovely and all, and I don't want to be insulting, but your friend here is so beautiful that I can't take my eyes off her'. Never been so happy in my life. (unfortunately he was so drunk he could barely stand...but I take the compliments where I can get them )
Author pandagirl Posted January 21, 2011 Author Posted January 21, 2011 I am a skilled conversationalist. I really know how to talk to people and make them feel comfortable and at east. However, when I talk to a guy, I don't know if they are talking to me because they enjoy the conversation, or if it's because they are interested in me. Usually, I believe it's the former, because the interactions are non sexually charged or flirty. And at the end of the exchange, it's just over, no further talk of hanging out or asking for a number.
paddington bear Posted January 21, 2011 Posted January 21, 2011 I am a skilled conversationalist. I really know how to talk to people and make them feel comfortable and at east. However, when I talk to a guy, I don't know if they are talking to me because they enjoy the conversation, or if it's because they are interested in me. Usually, I believe it's the former, because the interactions are non sexually charged or flirty. And at the end of the exchange, it's just over, no further talk of hanging out or asking for a number. I would say the same for myself...but...(and this, I think is my personal problem) are you being simply that, a skilled conversationlist and nothing more. Or are you flirting too? You need to flirt as well. Are you waiting for them to flirt first? If you talk with a guy, just flirt anyway, while doing your sparkling conversational thing, that way he gets no friendly vibes off you. If I get friendly vibes from a guy, I back off. Mind you, sometimes I have been genuinely just friendly (perhaps obsessed with someone else) and just chatting to men with nothing else occurring in my head other than that the conversation is good and they start babbling about being married or having a girlfriend....I don't get it. The single guys, when I talk to them in the same way, never see it as a come on.
Author pandagirl Posted January 22, 2011 Author Posted January 22, 2011 Tonight, I dragged myself out of the apartment, into the snow, to see a friend and to meet her new bf. I said to her at some point in conversation: "I know I'm not the most beautiful woman in the world, but.." and she interrupted and said, "Are you kidding? Before you got here I was telling these guys how super sexy you are!" Yes, we're both heterosexual females, but it still made me smile.
Star Gazer Posted January 22, 2011 Posted January 22, 2011 Like attracts like. So if you think your friends are hot, you probably are too.
Author pandagirl Posted January 22, 2011 Author Posted January 22, 2011 Like attracts like. So if you think your friends are hot, you probably are too. Of course, I think all my girlfriends are pretty and beautiful. But you know, there is always that one busted one...
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