spiderowl Posted January 21, 2011 Posted January 21, 2011 I'm curious to know what you've tried to get to know someone you've never met before. Suppose you see a girl/guy across a room that you are attracted to, how do you get to know them? I know it's a common problem, but I wondered what posters had already tried that had worked or failed? It would be great to have some examples or tips from real experiences. I've had the experience of guys appearing from nowhere and starting to talk to me, which I found a bit scary when I was younger. I've also found they've edged into my social circle and eventually we've got talking. How much of this was deliberate on their part or just coincidental, I'll never know.
counterman Posted January 21, 2011 Posted January 21, 2011 Let's see... I have sat near or next to girls before and just said hi and spoke about, for example, a class we were taking. I have had girls in my class who I have never spoken to before and waited after class to go up and just say hi. Some girls do find it intimidating and it does make some uncomfortable, but I'm just there to talk. I have friends introduce me to their other friends and it starts from there. I've tried cold approaches with mixed results. Most of the time I have been too hesistant to just ask the girl out on a date so I settle with her phone number. I don't like the whole trying to be her friend and then waiting until she's interested business. I am usually upfront, even though some don't like it. As for those guys who have edged into your circle of friends, you don't know if they had any ulterior motives. Though, I have seen it happen before where the guy tries to get closer to the girl by becoming closer to her friends and other variations of that. I still have issues just trying to get to know someone I've never met before...but it's a working progress
Miko Posted January 21, 2011 Posted January 21, 2011 I guess, as a guy It would have to do how old I were at the time. In my teens I was sooo friggin nervous all the time that I just hoped they thought I was good looking or something and that was that. It worked occasionally but I usually blew it since I didn't understand girls and was more interested in getting what I wanted than giving them a good time. I thought that if they liked you, that was it and you didn't have to do anything but be good looking. Wow was I wrong. In my early 20's I tried my best to look "cool" be a show off. That attracted the wrong type of girl. Also at the same time I was trying to be "best friends" with girls. That was a damn disaster too, all give and no take really. Still at this point would never just walk up and talk to a random girl bc I had no idea what to say. Would try to act cool and look either cocky as he!! or insecure, or both. IN addition to that, when I DID have a girl I liked interested I would have no idea and would never take it to the next level. Still kicking myself in the a$$ for one or two missed beauties. Mid 20's, started to realize that 1. It's not what you say, it's how you say it. 2. If you have fun with a woman you're most of the way there. This helped a lot. Still didn't have the logistics of dating figured out. Was frustrated by flakiness and didn't understand that you could be persistent without being creepy. I would call a girl once and if I didn't get ahold of her I would just quit. Late 20's. Getting smarter, though had a quarter life crisis (i.e. pissed that I wasn't 21 anymore lol). Up until this point I didn't enjoy going after women, it was more like work, I just wanted what I wanted and saw it as a chore. Now it feels good to put myself out there. Good or bad, I enjoy feeling all goofed up inside and can still function in that state. Which basically means If I'm interested I could just walk up and say "hey, you're cute, can I get you're number". Social circle type game doesn't work so well these days as many of my friends are married. All the women we know have been dated by close friends or have disappeared. All the women my friends wives know are either not desirable, married, "not good enough for you", have a boyfriend, "not ready yet bc they just broke up" or some other crazy excuse. Basically at this point you've got to steal somebody's wife or girlfriend....OR...get out there and go after lower 20 somethings...which honestly...is MUCH easier at 30 than at 20. I was just telling my friend yesterday that being 30 is sooooo much cooler than 20. For so many reasons...options...confidence...skills...money and more.
Questionis Posted January 24, 2011 Posted January 24, 2011 Getting to know my circle of friends Randomly getting into conversation with me. One guy just awkwardly collided with me( he said he had been trying to catch my eye for over an hour but I just wasn't paying attention.) In all the situations I was slightly taken aback but I found the guys attractive and their personalities nice so I didn't mind. Just basically do whatever the situation allows you to do...If they like you they will not reject you or make you feel silly
SmileFace Posted January 24, 2011 Posted January 24, 2011 I remember when I was in high school I rearranged most of my classes to be around this boy I liked. It was silly - I laugh when I look back at it but I cherrished having class with him back then. I could have told him - but i didn't think about that then. Sadly enough most of the teachers throught we were an item, haha. We are still great friends. I plan to mention it to him one day. I wonder if he ever noticed. Now when I see someone I am attracted to I smile more than usual. I mean full blushing. It is hard for me to hide that so a guy usually knows . I never approached a guy, shrugs.
Author spiderowl Posted January 24, 2011 Author Posted January 24, 2011 Thanks, it's really interesting to hear what people have tried and what worked and what didn't. I've never approached a guy myself, they always did it, but I do appreciate them making the effort now. When I was young, it scared me and I didn't know what they wanted. I just said no to any invitation and wished they'd go away. Now I regret doing this but I was naive and hadn't a clue. I got pretty paranoid about these approaches and for a few years felt I couldn't go anywhere without it happening. I was approached in the street, on the bus, while eating, on the train, in the station, at dances. Now I'm older it doesn't happen very often though guys do introduce themselves when I'm out socially. Maybe they are just being friendly now. I still haven't got the hang of it!
Disillusioned Posted January 24, 2011 Posted January 24, 2011 Being myself... but then I learned the hard way that women don't like men who make things and fix things. OH WELL...
Author spiderowl Posted January 25, 2011 Author Posted January 25, 2011 Oh, but they do! Guys who mend and fix things are quite rare.
Recommended Posts