stepka Posted January 21, 2011 Posted January 21, 2011 I posted on this same subject over a year ago, but must confess that I'm no closer to being enlightened than I was then. I was married for half my life to a man who could never have loved me b/c as it turned out, he was gay. Now I'm over 50 and I figure my chances of finding someone who will truly love me are narrowing and I've never had that. The thing that is confusing me though is that I can't seem to figure out if I'm really attractive, or not at all. If I were average I think I'd know it, and I feel in my heart that I am, but it would seem that many people my age tend to overestimate their attractiveness and state of preservedness--esp when we've been married for too many years. What makes me think I might be extremely attractive: * I'm constantly being told that I look just like Meryl Streep. * I'm often told that I'm extremely pretty and could date anyone I want. * Very handsome men often flirt with me. * People will sometimes drop in to my OL profile and tell me I'm stunning--just had a married man tell me that about 5 minutes ago. He was just being nice I think. * Some of those people are much younger than I am. * Sometimes when men try to talk to me they act very nervous, like they're going to get shot down or something even though I'm very kind. What makes me think I'm not at all attractive: * I almost never get approached for a date from my OL profile and one rather homely man told me that he never approaches women unless he's pretty sure they'll respond. I thought women were supposed to get a lot of mail from men in OL dating, but that's not happening for me. * I joined a dance group and after 2 months, not one man has asked me out, though many have been flirtatious, including the handsomest men there. * An old boyfriend that I used to love and who was never a handsome man himself, got back in touch with me, but I haven't heard from him after the exchange of pix. What made me feel bad was that he aged very poorly, but maybe he doesn't know that, lol. * I'm overweight by about 20 lbs. * I had a date in Dec. with a good looking man that I met at a concert and he told me it wasn't going to work b/c he had a hot 30 yr. old going. It was our 3rd date. I suppose you all are wondering why I didn't post a pic. The reason is b/c I want you to judge based on the evidence here. I guess this all sounds pretty shallow, and maybe everyone else is just as confused, but I'd appreciate any insights that anyone can offer. I just want to know what my league is I guess so I don't make an ass out of myself.
badshayshay Posted January 21, 2011 Posted January 21, 2011 I may not be as experienced in relationships because I have went through many latly, but in my opinion it really shouldn't be about the looks. I got to thinking about my future and I thought that even if I didn't have a significant other it would be okay as long as I'm still having fun. I think that you should still try to find someone, but I think that you should also just try to have fun, go out with your friends and family and just have a great time to take your mind off of things. Guys should look at you for you personality, not your looks. (I mean this reply in a nice way, so please don't take this wrong) I hope I helped
Author stepka Posted January 21, 2011 Author Posted January 21, 2011 I may not be as experienced in relationships because I have went through many latly, but in my opinion it really shouldn't be about the looks. I got to thinking about my future and I thought that even if I didn't have a significant other it would be okay as long as I'm still having fun. I think that you should still try to find someone, but I think that you should also just try to have fun, go out with your friends and family and just have a great time to take your mind off of things. Guys should look at you for you personality, not your looks. (I mean this reply in a nice way, so please don't take this wrong) I hope I helped No I didn't take that badly or rudely at all, but I also know that men don't usually take us out strictly for our personality, since they are much more wired to take women for their looks. I am out there having fun right now, but I want to date, and it just seems strange that if I'm as good looking as people tell me I am, I'm not getting approached on OL dating or asked out IRL, though many are quite flirtatious, and I flirt back. I'm kind of a quiet person, but I'm not backward, and I'm easy to talk to in a one-on-one situation--still, who would pick up on that on an OL profile. Perhaps I talked about reading and traveling too much? Would men find that a turn-off?
Emilia Posted January 21, 2011 Posted January 21, 2011 I am out there having fun right now, but I want to date, and it just seems strange that if I'm as good looking as people tell me I am, I'm not getting approached on OL dating or asked out IRL, though many are quite flirtatious, and I flirt back. I'm kind of a quiet person, but I'm not backward, and I'm easy to talk to in a one-on-one situation--still, who would pick up on that on an OL profile. Perhaps I talked about reading and traveling too much? Would men find that a turn-off? some do some don't. it's not about what you think you should be doing, it's about working out what you want and finding the right partner for that. the best way is by being honest about who you are (I know you know that, just wanted to emphasise it). you sound like a very decent person, a lot of guys out there would give a lot to meet someone like you. a lot of men that are more mature will want a good woman on their arm and will be very happy with the fact that you read a lot it takes a while to find someone but dating - including online dating - should also be about working out what YOU want. enjoy the chit chat and the social interaction and don't expect too much. there is no way of telling what a person is really like until you meet them in person, do not put too much emphasis on their online yadda yadda I suppose your age also means there are probably fewer suitors online, it's a generation thing
Author stepka Posted January 21, 2011 Author Posted January 21, 2011 I suppose your age also means there are probably fewer suitors online, it's a generation thing Thanks Emilia, those are kind words, and I have wondered whether it's an age thing. One thing that I wonder too--if I am as attractive as people say I am, then could it be that the better looking men are dating younger women but the not so good-looking are too intimidated to write? I mean, I do get some stupid stuff like 24 yo popping up to say, "hi cutie!" or a 29 yo lesbian trying to get me to convert, but perhaps everyone gets that stuff? It's not like no one writes, but I get maybe one email a week and the one from yesterday was a married man looking for someone to hold his hand! Sure buddy. Also, at my dance group, the three best looking men have been rather flirtatious, but one is on the rebound, one is already with someone, and the third either acts a bit shy with me or not quite interested enough--I can't tell. Of those who would ask me out if I gave them a chance--1. is 20 years my senior, 2. is creepy and backs me into a corner every time he gets a chance and 3. is a weenie and got mad and left when I didn't give him the rest of the night's dances. Meanwhile, several of the women have been quite chilly with me, and I haven't even had a date! Oh well, I'll surely keep trying, but I just don't know what to think and you can see why I'd be confused. I suspect I lack some basic social skills that I need, but I'm still quite new at this.
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