Bookworm123 Posted January 21, 2011 Posted January 21, 2011 My friend posted his story on another site but asked me to post it here to get advice from LS' members. (As funny as this sounds, it really is for a friend. I've got my own dating-turned-horror story I'm going through that I posted earlier if anyone is interested to read and comment). Basically, he's infatuated with this girl he goes to school with. He asked her out twice, and she turned him down both times. Once she said she didn't know him well enough (they’ve only spoken a few times), and once she said she was busy. He’s hung up on her (though she barely knows him) because he thought she was cute and asked their mutual friends a lot about her. He thinks they’d be perfect together, and everyone that knows them agrees, including her friends. They have a LOT of similar interests. So should he give up? For whatever her reasons, she doesn’t seem interested, but he thinks she’s the one. He’s dated enough to know what he’s looking for in a girl and though they haven’t gone out yet, if he thinks she’s the one I’m gonna believe him. She never firmly rejected him so he wants to keep pursuing, but he doesn’t want to be known around school as that creepy guy that won’t go away. What does everyone here think?
quankanne Posted January 21, 2011 Posted January 21, 2011 he needs to get out of that fantasy mindset, first and foremost, and deal with reality. In his particular case, he becomes the creepy guy if he keeps asking but never does anything to get to know her. A good solution is to spend little bits of time getting to know her if he ever finds himself in the same room. After all, if he's a really decent guy and she thinks he's attractive, she'll be interested ... and not think of him as some obsessive stalker! it's kind of sweet, but again, he needs to find ways to show up on her radar so that she becomes familiar with him.
LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted January 21, 2011 Posted January 21, 2011 My cousin married his one-itis recently. He was friendzoned for ten years, and then, suddenly, she realized that she was starting to feel the same way he felt about her for all those years. Cue wedding bells, and now they're expecting a baby. Obviously, that is quite rare, but it proves that sometimes the person who we think is not right for is, is actually Mr/Mrs right. I wouldn't suggest that your friend should give up on this girl, but he should tone it down. We don't need a restraining order filed.
Author Bookworm123 Posted January 21, 2011 Author Posted January 21, 2011 I know what you're saying. He's tried to get to know her through their mutual friends. His friends aren't really her friend but they may have had class together so they know some stuff about her. His big hope was her friends, but they don't seem interested in helping. He wanted to have a group outing or something like that, but they haven't helped him. He asked them how she feels about him but they don't really give a straight answer either. It's almost as if they don't want to get in the middle because they'll get blamed if it goes wrong. That's just a guess, I really have no idea. Unfortunately too, it's as if he's already branded as rejected so he's not sure if he can change her mind even if they have a chance to hang out. I hope she's open minded enough to get to know him, but who knows. He's not confident he can change her mind, but he wants to continue because he really thinks they could be special. I hope he gets his chance, but I kinda feel for the guy and makes it hard to watch.
Author Bookworm123 Posted January 21, 2011 Author Posted January 21, 2011 To Leaning, I should have made myself more clear. I know it sounds like he's aggressive but he asked her out twice over a month, which I don't think is too much. Do you know the advice you would have given to your cousin ten years ago when he was put into the friendzone? To be honest, I think we all would have thought after a year let alone ten that it was time to move on, but I'm glad to hear he eventually got what he wanted. It's stories like this that make my buddy want to keep trying.
LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted January 21, 2011 Posted January 21, 2011 To Leaning, I should have made myself more clear. I know it sounds like he's aggressive but he asked her out twice over a month, which I don't think is too much. Yeah, that's definitely not too much. He isn't aggressive at all; it would be one thing if he kept on asking, over and over, but since he isn't, that proves that he's not going to be perceived as 'the creepy stalker.' Do you know the advice you would have given to your cousin ten years ago when he was put into the friendzone? To be honest, I think we all would have thought after a year let alone ten that it was time to move on, but I'm glad to hear he eventually got what he wanted. It's stories like this that make my buddy want to keep trying. I don't know enough about my cousin (he lives 3,000 miles away, and I get to see him once every 7 years), but I don't think I would have given him any advice. Whatever he did, worked for him. Obviously not every girl will respond the same, so in the case with your friend, I'd just treat it lightly. If he wants to take the same route, he should be-friend the girl, but don't get in too deep. If she decides to come around, she will. If not, there's always another girl. Most of all, I'd suggest to your friend to not obsess over this girl. There is no "the one", there is only "girlfriend" and "possible girlfriend." As long as he takes this mentality, he won't be too easily burned.
Author Bookworm123 Posted January 21, 2011 Author Posted January 21, 2011 Unfortunately we're past the point of easily burned. He's head over heels infatuated with her. I think she's scared to befriend him though because she already knows he likes her. Maybe that's the next step. How to befriend a girl who already knows you like her?
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