Does anybody else not want kids?

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

I personally don't want to be a father. I have enough problems taking care of myself, that I wouldn't be good at taking care of a child (that depends on me.) I am a good "cat parent", but they are slightly more self sufficient than a child.

 

Also, I don't want to spoil my golden years by having to clean up diapers or listen to screaming and crying from the other room. I have a sister, who has 5 kids, and believe me I never want to be in that situation. I'd go crazy even taking care of one child!

 

Anyway, can anybody relate? Once you get married, does your perspective change? Or will I always feel this way?

 

Oh, and by the way, I've felt this way all of my life. I've never wanted children, even when I was a child myself.

[Duckduckgoose]

I am a female who is leaning towards not wanting my own kids. Not biological.

 

I think I would like to adopt in the future AND I definitely want to spoil my brother's kids and friends' kids and babysit them sometimes and be a good aunt.

 

But I would probably agree to one biological child if I found the right man. If not, I would be fine with adoption and being a good aunt.

 

One of the things I have been taking into consideration when I plan my future is having a house and land that I could have room to babysit kids sometimes if my bro or friends came over needing a break.

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

I don't even want to adopt. Or if I did have children, they would be adopted.

 

There are just too many kids in this world, and not enough good parents.

[stillafool]

I've never wanted kids and still don't regret it. I've been married more than once and marriage never changed my attitude towards wanting kids. I think people are starting to accept the fact that a lot of women these days don't want kids. When I was married the first time at 21, everyone looked at me as if I had horns growing from my head when I stated I never want children. Thank God people are more accepting of others choices now.

[I Luv the Chariot OH]

You are definitely not alone Muse. It may be vain, but I'd like to think I have a nice body, and I don't want to ruin it with child-bearing, lol.

 

I so agree about the "too many kids, too few good parents" sentiment. I wish there was some way to force education on future parents. I think everyone wants to think they're going to be a good parent, but only a fraction of those people actually will be, and it's so selfish to bring a child into the world based on yout own ignorance. So I'm not playing games with myself, I KNOW at this point in my life, I would not be a good parent. If that changes in 10 or 20 years, I can always adopt. But might as well be responsible for now.

[quankanne]

it's always interesting to see these posts here, because after nearly two decades of marriage and no pregnancies (not for lack of trying!) I'm curious as to what would make a person willingly remain childless throughout their adult life.

 

for the most part, I think most people respond just fine when hit with a surprise pregnancy, whether they planned on being a mom/dad or not, but I also think that has much more to do with the fact that they're capable of sharing the love they have within themselves.

 

you may just surprise yourself when it comes down to base, and there is an actual child in your life and not a hypothetical one ...

[Duckduckgoose]

it's always interesting to see these posts here, because after nearly two decades of marriage and no pregnancies (not for lack of trying!) I'm curious as to what would make a person willingly remain childless throughout their adult life.

 

I have a few friends and a cousin that are trying hard to conceive. One friend has wanted kids forever and ever. She would be an excellent mom, and sometimes I wish she was my mom (lol).

 

I've offered to donate my eggs to them if they need it. They don't get upset at me for not wanting kids, they get more upset about people having multiple abortions as the primary form of birth control. The friend who has been trying for a while even told me that if she finds out she can't ever get pregnant and she has to deal with a mom that has been having multiple abortions (she's a post-partem nurse) she wouldn't be able to handle it.

 

I think that's part of why I told her she can have my eggs. That and I know how much she and her husband want kids. It would be nice to see them so happy with a family and know that I helped make it possible

[sb129]

thats a really nice thing you've offered there DDG.

 

To each his own- I am not bothered by people choosing not to have children, the only thing that irks me about it is I have a few friends who desperately want kids and can't- and the pain that causes upsets me.

 

The "too many kids, too many bad parents" argument doesn't wash that well either- if you have the brain to think that, then chances are you'll be a good parent, and the world needs MORE good parents, not less.

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

if you have the brain to think that, then chances are you'll be a good parent, and the world needs MORE good parents, not less.

 

Well said.

 

Perhaps I'd be a good father. I certainly am a good uncle to my sis's five kids.

[denise_xo]

Anyway, can anybody relate? Once you get married, does your perspective change? Or will I always feel this way?

 

Oh, and by the way, I've felt this way all of my life. I've never wanted children, even when I was a child myself.

 

I feel the same way, I have never wanted children or felt any sign of that infamous biological clock. Getting married had no influence, on the contrary I worked pretty hard to establish with my partner that we would not be trying for kids - it's one of those things you really need to agree upon up front, because there's no compromise solution if you're not in sync there.

 

Theoretically, I guess that bio clock could still just turn itself on and I'd wake up one day and want to get pregnant. But I find the thought unlikely.

[Vesna]

I found the idea of motherhood very demeaning from the age of about 13. I was presented with so many resentments to the point of being blamed for my mother not having a sex life.

 

It would be lovely if I could meet up with other childfree women so we can do childfree things.

 

I am too unwell and getting too old to have kids and I still don't want them. I thank myself frequently and enjoy uninterupted sleep.

[stillafool]

it's always interesting to see these posts here, because after nearly two decades of marriage and no pregnancies (not for lack of trying!) I'm curious as to what would make a person willingly remain childless throughout their adult life.

 

Well I can't speak for everyone but for me the thought of being a mother didn't sound appealing. My mom (and Dad)worked like a dog for us and it seemed nonstop. I was tired just watching them. Also they had friends who didn't have kids and whenever there were barbeques and such, the couples without kids seemed more relaxed and happy than the ones who had kids. When I became grown I saw how motherhood seemed to age my girlfriends who were the same age as me. It just didn't look appealing. I love little kids though. They are so much fun and I enjoy my nephews; but at the end of the day they go home to their parents.

[DaisyLeigh]

Most of my girl friends do NOT want children. One of my friends had three abortions, and called her second and third one a "spiritually cathartic experience."

 

I don't even like to talk about wanting kids anymore, because so many people are down on it. I think these days it is much more common for people to not want children, so you are in good company.

 

I UNDERSTAND that your friend has a right to have abortions, and I don't mean to be rude. However if after three of them, she has not considered a more permanent form of birth control, I have to wonder what is going on.

 

She can get a tubal ligation or the Essure procedure and no more abortions.

[DaisyLeigh]

I am a mother of three. However, I have NEVER thought that people who don't want kids are strange or wrong.

 

My opinion is this: You know your own mind and heart. Not everyone is cut out to be a parent, and quite frankly, some folks who are parents are lousy ones.

 

Go with what you want, and don't cave to pressure from other people. If other people don't like it, tough ****.

[Billy_Boy]

I don't even want to adopt. Or if I did have children, they would be adopted.

 

There are just too many kids in this world, and not enough good parents.

 

Then why are there couples on 5-7 year waiting lists for adoption agencies?

[anne1707]

To each his own- I am not bothered by people choosing not to have children, the only thing that irks me about it is I have a few friends who desperately want kids and can't- and the pain that causes upsets me.

 

As somebody who wanted kids but highly unlikely that it will ever happen now, I am not hurt or disappointed by those who choose not to have children. To me they are showing responsibility for their actions and recognising what they do and do not want in their life. However I am incredibly annoyed (and hurt!) by those who have children without thinking about it

 

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-12252194

 

This is an extreme case but I do know a couple of young women aged approx 22 who are both on their third child each and all with different fathers. None of these pregnancies are planned and the babies are almost seen like playthings

[sb129]

Good point and distinction Anne- I agree, those who have children willy nilly are far more irksome than those who choose not to.

 

Thanks for the link to the story.

[Cee]

Just adding my name to the list of never wanted children and never will have them. With my extra time and money I can lavish my love on my niece and nephew.

 

I've contemplated getting my tubes tied, but I worry about STDs. I don't want dates thinking they can toss the condoms.

[sb129]

Just something else to throw into the argument- a few people on here who say they don't want kids have kids in their lives ie nieces nephews etc.

 

Last night, my daughter was being cheeky in a cute way to her dad and she was SO like me it was spooky. There really is something amazing in seeing yourself in miniature.

 

Of course its not enough of a reason to have children- having them as an ego boost is probably one of the worst reasons you can have them, but still, I underestimated how it would feel.

[stillafool]

Gah, really? The mothers I know are hot, hot, hawt. Especially the SAHM. I know many women my age who look many years older than me, but I attribute that to excessive sun exposure more than children.

 

I agree that women of today seem to take better care of themselves than the ones I saw in my region when I was growing up. Maybe if they had looked and acted like today's mom I may have had a different view on motherhood.

[Duckduckgoose]

Just something else to throw into the argument- a few people on here who say they don't want kids have kids in their lives ie nieces nephews etc.

 

Last night, my daughter was being cheeky in a cute way to her dad and she was SO like me it was spooky. There really is something amazing in seeing yourself in miniature.

 

Of course its not enough of a reason to have children- having them as an ego boost is probably one of the worst reasons you can have them, but still, I underestimated how it would feel.

 

How it would feel takes a really sloppy second place to financial concerns, lifestyle preferences, personality conflicts (no patience for example), mental state, maturity, etc. Trust me, people have used all kinds of lines on me about how much I would want kids and how they are the best thing etc etc.

 

Many who hear that a certain person does not want children will say "Oh you'll change your mind as you get older". Really... the people I know that have/want kids wanted them for a long time, when they thought about their future they always saw a family involved. Some people just don't see that.

 

And of course looking at the break-up and divorce boards... the trauma that ending a relationship puts on kids is just unbearable. I am not sure I could do that to a child... they are our future I don't want to mess the future up any more than it already is.

[jenifer1972]

All my life people have patronized me saying, "oh you will change your mind, just wait, blah, blah", and I said no I won't. Never have, never will want kids for more reasons than I can count.

 

Many people are almost religious in their zeal to get you to change your mind on this. I've never understood this. The world is a very cruel nasty place, and I personally can't think of anything worse than bringing a sweet innocent creature into the world and then having to dash every naive hope they have with the realities of this existence.

 

I especially don't get women who want kids because they "want someone to love them"..ah, that's the other way round. You are the giver as the parent, at least you are supposed to be.

[health]

I personally don't want to be a father. I have enough problems taking care of myself, that I wouldn't be good at taking care of a child (that depends on me.) I am a good "cat parent", but they are slightly more self sufficient than a child.

 

Also, I don't want to spoil my golden years by having to clean up diapers or listen to screaming and crying from the other room. I have a sister, who has 5 kids, and believe me I never want to be in that situation. I'd go crazy even taking care of one child!

 

Anyway, can anybody relate? Once you get married, does your perspective change? Or will I always feel this way?

 

Oh, and by the way, I've felt this way all of my life. I've never wanted children, even when I was a child myself.

 

I see. Me too. I don't want a kid either if I did I would only want one. The conditions would be these:

- Provide the childhood I never had

- Have an excellent relationship with the mother/wife

- Earn at least $60, 000 a year - which I am not

(Able to provide for myself and my child in case of divorce or widowhood - I can barely support myself! Alot of people cannot and delude themselves)

- have a condo in a nice area

- provide my kid with it's own room

- support - listen to the child, be an excellent example

- Have read several books on parenting prior

- The mother having a "pure" good hearted history - as My Mom did - a principle centered conscience driven life - that means alot to me

 

I'm in the same boat as you.

[HeavenOrHell]

I'm female, always knew I'd never want kids (or marriage, prefer LTR's, ie I was in one for 18 years), babies bore me and I find many kids intensely irritating and disrespectful, and my impression of them from school is that many of them are spiteful, although there are some nice kids out there of course, I guess I don't get the whole thing of we're supposed to find babies or kids cute just cos they're young humans, ie naive and therefore 'cute'. I have no idea what to do when someone expects me to coo over their baby. Yawn. I've had to feign interest with friends' kids, I tend to veer towards making friends who don't have kids.

Other reasons for not wanting any; the Earth is overpopulated, and is way too harsh a place to bring kids into. I guess many people have kids as they want something to love and love them back, or they want their genes to carry on, I have no desire to have my genes cary on, I don't have an ego that big One of the worse reasons for wanting kids that I've heard a few times is cos they want someone to care for them in old age! wtf?!

I also find it hard enough to take care of myself, let alone be responsible for someone else. I suffer with anxiety and I can be impatient, I would not want to inflict that on a child.

I have been with partners who were perfect for me, and I for them, and part of that is that they didn't want kids, I've no idea if I would have felt differently if they'd changed their mind and wanted kids.

I wish more (potential) parents would be responsible and actually think like me before having kids and realise that they will not make good parents, no wonder there's so many f***** up kids (and adults).

Having said all that, I always felt that if I'd become pregnant accidentally I don't know if I could have had a termination, although I am very much pro abortion. I would have had to think so carefully about whether I/we could do a good enough job of bringing him/her up. Friends always said I would make a wonderful parent, but my self esteem is low, so I can't see it.

A subject close to my heart you may have gathered!

[HeavenOrHell]

PS I have a warped view of kids as my best friend was so badly bullied at school by whole classes, I'm not proud of the fact I don't like kids, but it's not my reason for not wanting any. I know many kids are lovely anyway. I also know that kids bully or tease because they are miserable. I also know I would be so loving towards mine.

I do care about kids welfare, I just don't want any myself.