thomasb Posted January 20, 2011 Posted January 20, 2011 I thought it would be interesting to talk about the behaviors of the OP after the affair, since there has been so much stalking talk around here lately. After I dumped the OW, she turned on my family. We had months of crazy behavior exhibited on her part. She even visited with my step son at the bus stop once! She showed up everywhere my wife went alone, until one day our 17yo pulled up to the store after my wife and saw her. He confronted her and called her a whore very loudly and humiliated her. We eventually had to go to the police... who knew what was going on already because my wives' cousin is the dispatcher. What were some of the things that happened to you all?
Duckduckgoose Posted January 20, 2011 Posted January 20, 2011 It would be funny if everytime she stalked any of you that you drove to the mental hospital and parked right up front. I wonder if she would get the hint?
bentnotbroken Posted January 20, 2011 Posted January 20, 2011 More than I care to remember but my kids were involved.
Author thomasb Posted January 20, 2011 Author Posted January 20, 2011 Bent, so were my wives. I know the shame from having put that into my families lives. It was really bad. I really didn't deserve my wives forgiveness.
Alas Posted January 20, 2011 Posted January 20, 2011 I really have to be grateful for the stalking. It's how I found out about the affair. The relentless calls and texts became so obvious that he finally confessed, not whole heartedly, all spin.
theycallmeprincess Posted January 21, 2011 Posted January 21, 2011 Bent, so were my wives. I know the shame from having put that into my families lives. It was really bad. I really didn't deserve my wives forgiveness. Exactly how many wives do you have??? :eek:
Author thomasb Posted January 21, 2011 Author Posted January 21, 2011 Exactly how many wives do you have??? :eek: Sorry, my bad. Just one. Can't inagine any more!
Spark1111 Posted January 22, 2011 Posted January 22, 2011 I really have to be grateful for the stalking. It's how I found out about the affair. The relentless calls and texts became so obvious that he finally confessed, not whole heartedly, all spin. Great point! And it explains WHY those texts from her ratcheted up on vacations! maybe, I too, should feel some gratitude! After DDAY...hangs up at work and at home....drive-bys at work and at home. Not her, but friends of her's. Eight months later, I called her to extend an olive branch. They both worked for the same company but not in the same office anymore, and I did not want to bump into her at a company event without closure. She ignored my three calls. But called my H at work and told him I had been vicious and that she was considering running for office. What??? 2.5 years later she waltzes unannounced into his office to ask demurely if she should continue a new relationship with a man she had met in a bar (hint, hint: are you still interested in me?) He told me about it. I called her direct line at work, where she could NOT avoid me, and told her to please stay away from us. She went bat!S**t crazy: screaming, raging, crying....just nuts! It was the most melodramatic, histrionic three minutes in my entire life. For some people, the drama is most exciting thing in their lonely, little, lives.They get attention and sympathy and they crave that. I'm not sure why. I was surprised to learn she was ABSOLUTELY nothing like me: a lonely, drama queen....who lies a lot....behind a facade of a stabile, friendly, career woman. Angry, bitter and hateful beyond belief towards he and I. Well....that was that week. During the course of reconciliation, we learned of so many half=truths and outright lies she had told about her past..... so many. And in many ways, she was so competitive with me, disparaging me every chance she could to my H. She tried to convince him that I MUST have a boyfriend. She worked very hard to poison his feelings towards me. He would never say a bad word against me....she hated that, and tried to bait him or convince him she would be the better partner. After DDAy, she still tried to get him to spring for a major trip for her and her son! NOT your typical OW. More like a black widow OW. Scary stuff!
Iconoclast Posted January 22, 2011 Posted January 22, 2011 After I dumped the OW, she turned on my family. We had months of crazy behavior exhibited on her part. And you knew this was possible going into it and did it anyway. Seems kinda sh**ty to disparage her when it's a problem you caused.
Rubys Posted January 22, 2011 Posted January 22, 2011 And you knew this was possible going into it and did it anyway. Seems kinda sh**ty to disparage her when it's a problem you caused. This exact line of thought ran through my mind when I read that post. Somehow, I felt sorry for the mental state of a woman who was clearly dumped without compassion (according to the post I read, anyway).
vtbrokenhearted Posted January 22, 2011 Posted January 22, 2011 I know it's not super crazy, but when I told my stbx I was filing for an annulment, he ran out of the house and didn't come back for a while. In the meantime, there was entire week where the OW would call our house and leave messages of her being silent but you could hear her baby in the background, sometimes cooing, sometimes crying. It broke me down so badly. That's when I hit my angriest point. I would call my stbx's work and beg for him to tell her to stop calling. It was horrible.
moloko Posted January 22, 2011 Posted January 22, 2011 And you knew this was possible going into it and did it anyway. Seems kinda sh**ty to disparage her when it's a problem you caused. he didn't cause a problem, unless he lied to her that he was married. if she knew he was married and willingly bed him down anyway, then tough crap for her. its her problem, not his. Just like all the OM/OW will say they have no responsibility to the wife or husband and feel entitled to help themselves to someone elses spouse. He is responsible for what he did to his wife. If his OW knew he was married, then its her own problem.
Author thomasb Posted January 23, 2011 Author Posted January 23, 2011 And you knew this was possible going into it and did it anyway. Seems kinda sh**ty to disparage her when it's a problem you caused. I have accepted the responsibility for the choice to engage in the affair. I have no responsibility or guilt for her choice to act like a delusional crazy person after it ended. My choices, my problem... hers were hers alone.
bentnotbroken Posted January 23, 2011 Posted January 23, 2011 And you knew this was possible going into it and did it anyway. Seems kinda sh**ty to disparage her when it's a problem you caused. This exact line of thought ran through my mind when I read that post. Somehow, I felt sorry for the mental state of a woman who was clearly dumped without compassion (according to the post I read, anyway). :confused:These posts seem to imply that he is responsible for the choices his AP made. He has no more responsibility and equal right to disparage his AP as an OW has to disparage the MM when he doesn't follow through with his promises. When both parties know that one or both are married, then whatever comes after that is a possibility...including having nasty comment made about them.
Spark1111 Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 FS, it seems like you to got one of those crazy Black Widow spider OW! Scary stuff! How they talked about their x, if there is an x, is exactly how they will talk about your H, or you, when you are not around. My H's fOW absolutely hated her xH after he divorced her to marry his OW. They still were raging in the courts about assets. I suppose in some circles, she is still raging about him, and now me.
whichwayisup Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 My husband still works with the woman he had his affair with which is hard, but , for a whole lot of reasons, we can't just "pick up and leave" so here we stay. It's not ideal, but I can accept it. I have read a lot of posts on here, and it seems as if most of the women/man who get involved with married people are not "bad people", they are just making bad choices. Most of them seem nice enough. But that does not apply in our situation. ( I know that sounds "bitter", but it's true. This woman has serious issues and she doesn't seem to care who she hurts. My husband was deployed a few months after their affair ended and we had started trying to repair our marriage. Again, not an ideal situation, but not one we could do a whole lot about. My kids took it really, really hard and were very frightened for their dad.I had finally gotten them feeling a bit better when we ran into her at the grocery store ( we live in a small town) and she came up to my kids and before I could stop her she asked them "how they liked their daddy being gone"- this started them crying again, and they were upset all over again. I was so angry, but said nothing as I didn't want to upset my kids even more so we just walked away. That made her mad. A few days later, she emailed him in Afghanistan and told him that she had heard that I was cheating on him ( I had been invited to their squadron x-mass party by the squadron where I ran into her again- she tried to make a scene, but again., I just walked away). He emailed me all upset about it and I had to get his warrant officer, etc. and even our baby sitter to email him to let him know nothing had happened ( I came home early and spent the night talking to our sitter). When she didn't get anywhere that way, she tried telling everyone they work with that I had cheated on him and not the other way around. She sent me emails telling me that none of what happened was her fault, that it was all my fault and that she was so upset that she felt like she was going to "hurt herself". I emailed her back and told her that she needed to own her part in the whole thing and accept responsibility for her choices...she emailed me back asking if we could be "friends" as she thought I was a nice person. When my husband got home and he went back to work with her he wasn't happy about it but there wasn't much he could do. Every once in a while she'll tell him that she is mad that he stayed with me and not her. She took a bunch of pictures of him with her phone and put them up on her facebook page ( he made her take them down) and she would try and get him to drive her home, etc. He didn't do it. We went to this years squadron x-mass party together and there she was again. I ignored her, which made her angry. We had to leave early to go to another party, which was fine with me, but after we left she was bad mouthing me to everyone. By now, most of them know what she is like and they ignored her. Got another email the other day from her with another "I'm going to hurt myself" message in it. I don't know why she bothers, as she doesn't get any reaction from me, and she has moved on to the next married guy. Your H's exOW is a piece of work and very cruel person. It brought tears to my eyes that she approached your children and upset them. WHAT A >....Insert the word here...!!!!! How bloody rude!! Block her email, and don't ever let on that she's getting to you. This exOW is off her rocker.
StoneCold Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 jezus.... Why cant people just f*ck and chill out
ggd4u Posted February 11, 2011 Posted February 11, 2011 As a manipulated OP, that put a stop to the affair by making the mm confess to his wife and then walked away I will say this… From your brief description she is made to sound like a “fatal attraction” type, for sure. However, you are obviously attracted to this personality style or you wouldn’t have had an affair with her. Therefore, it is ultimately your poor judgment that drew her into your life in the first place, which unfortunately, involves your wife and children. As it is widely accepted, there are two sides to every story, so I have to wonder what you could have possibly done to contribute to her alleged "crazy" behavior and what you could have done to prevent it. That is if you truly cared about anyone in your love triangle besides yourself.
Iconoclast Posted February 11, 2011 Posted February 11, 2011 :confused:These posts seem to imply that he is responsible for the choices his AP made. No. What I stated was that HE made the decision to have an affair. (And yes, the OM/OW is 50% - usually - of the affair). But... the consequences of an affair have been known through the ages. Everyone knows this. Disease, financial ruin, murder, stalking, abuse...etc. And he did it anyway. He knew what he was getting into could easliy cause devastation, drag his family through the mud, and he did it anyway. He rolled the dice and lost. He knew it could happen. And he did it anyway. Might as well make a post about those evil casinos stealing your money. My beef is any of these threads : "boy the om/ow sure are crazy haha".
Recommended Posts