hopeful85 Posted January 20, 2011 Posted January 20, 2011 Today marks 5 months since we broke up (he broke up with me, I didn't see it coming). Yesterday I sent him an email telling him that I could not continue to just be "friends" with him and that it was too hard and painful. That being in limbo was just not allowing me to heal or forget about him. For the past 5 months we have gone NC, then one of us will break it, meet up for lunch or dinner, and then go NC again. I asked him to please not contact me unless it was to get back together, and I told him I would not contact him as well. I poured my heart out in the email. I knew he wouldn't respond, but I have to admit that it really does hurt to not hear back from him. When I sent it, I felt a sense of relief that I had gotten everything off my chest and said what I needed to. This morning I feel so low and heartbroken. When does it ever end? Why can't I get over him after 5 months? It still feels like the same pain it did when he first broke up with me.
is2008 Posted January 20, 2011 Posted January 20, 2011 hey hopeful, i think because you've been keeping contact it's made it very difficult for you. i'm on day 2 of NC from a 7 year LDR. i'm already seeing the benefits of NC, i'm starting to think more clearly and understanding why we broke up, almost to the point in questioning whether i'd take her back if she came back. i've spent the past few days to weeks reading posts, thinking about the possibility of her returning. the best thing you can do is give up hope completely and move on with your life. everything happens for a reason and if it was meant to be, it'll be. in my case, i doubt it'll happen. she's too stubborn to apologise. so to answer your question, go cold turkey, complete NC. allow yourself time to heal. i'm still waking up in the night thinking of her but i devoted 7 years, no more.
cerridwen Posted January 20, 2011 Posted January 20, 2011 (edited) When does it ever end? Why can't I get over him after 5 months? It still feels like the same pain it did when he first broke up with me. This is a great example why people will stick to NC-to avoid what you're feeling. Going back and forth is slow torture. It's ripping the wound open over and over again. It delays the inevitable and keeps you in a loop of pain. I am guilty of doing the same thing early in my breakup so I'm not trying to harp on you, just point something out. Have hope OP. Sending the email was good because you have less to carry now.Time for you to heal. The sooner you start, the sooner you'll feel better. Read through the guides here of how to do NC correctly. Post often for support. Know this is the painful stage but it passes because other stages come. You just have to wade through this one first. Edited January 20, 2011 by cerridwen
2sunny Posted January 20, 2011 Posted January 20, 2011 When does it ever end? it ends when you stop wasting time and energy on the illusion that something is there. IF a person wanted to be with you - NOTHING would stop them. when they don't make a huge effort - it means they aren't interested. accept it - move forward. do not spend any more time or energy thinking about it.
dng Posted January 20, 2011 Posted January 20, 2011 it ends when you stop wasting time and energy on the illusion that something is there. IF a person wanted to be with you - NOTHING would stop them. when they don't make a huge effort - it means they aren't interested. accept it - move forward. do not spend any more time or energy thinking about it. And if I may add something to those very true statements: words are not huge efforts. Words are easy. Actions are efforts.
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