screwup Posted January 20, 2011 Posted January 20, 2011 I'll try to keep this as detailed but succinct as I can to spare you a bunch of reading. I met this girl maybe 7-8 years ago and we hit it off big time.. our sense of humor clicked, she wasn't judgmental, could tell her anything, similar religious views, and she's highly intelligent.. coolest chick I had ever met. Well, I was young and had no confidence and when she asked me out, I said no. Terrible mistake. We remained friends for awhile but I stopped hearing from her. Years go by and I never hear from her. I date girls here and there but nothing ever serious, usually over within a month. Well, recently we reunite and she's as perfect as ever. This time I had the confidence to pursue and did so with haste - it succeeded. Our sense of humor is still going strong, I can tell her everything with confidence, she's still very accepting of some of my negative traits and things are rapidly developing. I'm completely falling in love with this girl and it seems like she's doing the same to me. Everything's going well but we don't get to see each other in person much, but making plans of changing that. For now, most of our communication is done over the phone, through text or AIM. We get along so well but naturally we disagree on musical tastes, or some political thing or this and that.. no big deal, normally. Well, I'm a fairly pompous jerk and would unintentionally be condescending to her without realizing it completely.. or sometimes I'd say something offensive and I wouldn't understand the full impact of what I said or her response. The tone and seriousness can be confused in text or maybe sometimes I'd blur what you'd say to a friend, what she used to be, and what you'd say to the woman who said she wants to have your kids. I never realized it until I sat in tears thinking about it, but I always talked down to her when we discussed things we had disagreements on. I later find out, this had been chiseling away at her. Sometimes I'm a very bitter person and a toxic personality. One recent Sunday she goes out with her friends and I don't hear from her all day. She told me she did, but I guess the text message didn't go through. Time goes on, and I send a rude text like, "why are you ignoring me like an ***hole?" Well, she later on tells me why and probably thinks I'm weird. A few days later I ask her when she wants to see each other again, something we're typically very eager to do and she says, "I don't know. I need to lay low." and I don't hear from her anymore. Through the night and the rest of the day, I go uncharacteristically INSANE through texts, IMs and e-mail. I said some of the most hurtful things you could possibly imagine and I didn't mean a single word of it. It was a very poor response to rejection. I come from an abusive childhood, a family of no communication, very destructive and criminal teenage years and all of that dysfunctional behavior came out in a completely insecure rage. I said and acted like a total psycho.. The things I said were just completely atrocious and I'm totally ashamed of myself. She eventually starts replying to me and tells me it's over. If not before, definitely now. She then tells me where and when the breakdown started. I've done nothing but cry, reflect on why I acted how I did with my condescending remarks and psychotic outburst and I know I can change why I act like that, but I can't undo that stuff I said. This girl was also very into me.. we were making plans of living together soon and I never once imagined this coming to an end. I've met a lot of girls and talked to a lot of people and she's the best friend I could ever imagine having and I want to share my life with her. I'd do anything I can to save this but I'm clueless.. After my initial 24 hour stalker-esque bout of insanity, I'm afraid to keep trying to contact her. I want to redeem myself and let her know I really think this is worth trying to save, but I don't want to make it worse. Thanks.
D78 Posted January 20, 2011 Posted January 20, 2011 screwup, Did she ever tell you that your tone or your remarks hurt her, I mean before the break up? I think she probably understands that you didn't mean all the things you said to her when you went insane. Have you been able to apologize?
Hhhh Posted January 20, 2011 Posted January 20, 2011 Give it some time, then deliver a sincere apology and see if you can try again. You need to fix that issue though, It's not cool to explode when someone doesn't want to see you anymore. Firstly it will decrease your chances on reconciling and makes you look like you cant handle it like an adult Trust me, been there like 4 months ago, i'm just boomeranging the information found on LS
Author screwup Posted January 21, 2011 Author Posted January 21, 2011 Thanks for reading. Yes, I sent an apology probably as long as my original post on this thread but never got a response. I'll elaborate more when I get home, I'm at work right now.
Author screwup Posted January 21, 2011 Author Posted January 21, 2011 (edited) Okay, I'm home. I left that big apology and haven't contacted her since. I want to give her room and show her that I can exercise some self-control. That was obviously a problem so now maybe this will be an opportunity to prove it. This seems like a good thing to do. Yeah, she told me some of the things bothered her and I tried to explain to her that I was joking. I'm friends with nothing but guys and I think what some women can see as being talked down to, a male friend would just see as breaking balls and having some fun. I tried to explain that I was joking, but she thought it was a cop-out. I apologized but it was probably too late. I really do hope she knows I didn't mean those things. It bothers me that when I read over what I said to her, they are mostly just projections of things I've done to others in the past, or something that I would do to somebody. Things would probably be fine right now if it wasn't for my outburst.. I'm willing to work on any and everything she has an issue with about me. I love her and hopefully time will help handle some things. Maybe I'll try to talk to her again sometime this weekend or next week. Edited January 21, 2011 by screwup
D78 Posted January 21, 2011 Posted January 21, 2011 (edited) ...I left that big apology and haven't contacted her since. I want to give her room and show her that I can exercise some self-control. That was obviously a problem so now maybe this will be an opportunity to prove it. This seems like a good thing to do... I think this is all you can do. ...Things would probably be fine right now if it wasn't for my outburst.. I'm willing to work on any and everything she has an issue with about me. I love her and hopefully time will help handle some things. Maybe I'll try to talk to her again sometime this weekend or next week... I would wait until she contacts you. Edited January 21, 2011 by D78 spelling
Author screwup Posted January 21, 2011 Author Posted January 21, 2011 I couldn't wait. Left her a message asking her to talk it over..
Author screwup Posted January 22, 2011 Author Posted January 22, 2011 I left her an offline IM asking her for a chance to talk things over and later on in the day she sent me a text saying she got the IM and that she won't be available until late tonight or we could talk tomorrow.. I told her I have to work all day tomorrow and also informed her that the new job I was going looks like it might come through for me and she told me congratulations.. I'm thrilled...
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