irc333 Posted January 20, 2011 Posted January 20, 2011 I have seen this said by singles all over....and it's REALLY up to interpretation. Sometimes, I'm wary of people who call others clingy, becuase it might say they want their cake and eat it to, or perhaps even commitment phobes even? I could be4 wrong. Okay, I saw this profile of a woman that says, "Clingers need not respond, must have own life and ambitions" Now, what is "Clingy"? And the person who states this, how "busy" is she? Sometimes "clinging" happens to a certain extent. Usually, I find people who express this tend to be commitment phobic, and call other's "clingy", and it's just due to their selfish nature they'd put their hobbies/activities before their mate and not join them along in the experience?
GivenUp0083 Posted January 20, 2011 Posted January 20, 2011 I have seen this said by singles all over....and it's REALLY up to interpretation. Sometimes, I'm wary of people who call others clingy, becuase it might say they want their cake and eat it to, or perhaps even commitment phobes even? I could be4 wrong. Okay, I saw this profile of a woman that says, "Clingers need not respond, must have own life and ambitions" Now, what is "Clingy"? And the person who states this, how "busy" is she? Sometimes "clinging" happens to a certain extent. Usually, I find people who express this tend to be commitment phobic, and call other's "clingy", and it's just due to their selfish nature they'd put their hobbies/activities before their mate and not join them along in the experience? Sorry man, I've done a ton of dating, clingy is prety standard and it's not really up for that much interpretation. What these women are talking about is a guy who is always around them and doesn't have a life of their own. As much as it's nice to spend a lot of time with someone, these women are saying they want a guy who is also independent and has other things going on in their life. This way when she's busy doing something not involving her man, she won't feel guilty that you're sitting at home by yourself just waiting for her to get home, instead she'd like to know you're out doing something fun for yourself as well. This is also another way of women saying they want a guy who is a challenge. Women (and men) don't want someone who NEEDS someone else to be happy. They want someone who is already happy with their life and has things going on as it makes you more attractive and unique to them. They want someone who is already happy so they can be happy with them, not someone who is desperate for a relationship to make them happy. I get the feeling you come across as desperate and think women owe you something when you need to start looking at yourself and deciding what it is you can offer them.
denise_xo Posted January 20, 2011 Posted January 20, 2011 What these women are talking about is a guy who is always around them and doesn't have a life of their own. As much as it's nice to spend a lot of time with someone, these women are saying they want a guy who is also independent and has other things going on in their life. This way when she's busy doing something not involving her man, she won't feel guilty that you're sitting at home by yourself just waiting for her to get home, instead she'd like to know you're out doing something fun for yourself as well. This. In my current relationship this has been a challenge, and it's really not very helpful for relationship dynamics.
Author irc333 Posted January 20, 2011 Author Posted January 20, 2011 (edited) Good points, I know of a married couple, that are joined at the hip, me and some of my friends hadn't seen the husband in a while, and we asked he join us to see a new flick at 8pm He said, "Well my wife comes home from work at 9, so I won't able to make it" And I'm thinking, "So what?Y ou come home a little later?" But I guess they are "both" clingy with each other, so that works for them I suppose, but I also wonder if it'll be their undoing...and people on the outside looking IN see them as clingy as well. Where I live, most couples are doing things together all the time, once they get married or coupled up seriously, they mostly are focused on each other Edited January 20, 2011 by irc333
GivenUp0083 Posted January 20, 2011 Posted January 20, 2011 Good points, I know of a married couple, that are joined at the hip, me and some of my friends hadn't seen the husband in a while, and we asked he join us to see a new flick at 8pm He said, "Well my wife comes home from work at 9, so I won't able to make it" And I'm thinking, "So what?Y ou come home a little later?" But I guess they are "both" clingy with each other, so that works for them I suppose, but I also wonder if it'll be their undoing...and people on the outside looking IN see them as clingy as well. Where I live, most couples are doing things together all the time, once they get married or coupled up seriously, they mostly are focused on each other It's different if you're married dude. You have to DATE and get to know each other before you can get to a stage like marriage where you are joined at the hip. After you've been romantic with someone for years then they will want to be joined at the hip as that's what marriage is. You're talking about girls on online dating profiles. Initially, when dating, they want someone independent and not clingy. There's plenty of time to be "clingy" later on if it goes well. What country are you from? I feel like you have absolutely no experience with women and relationships....
denise_xo Posted January 20, 2011 Posted January 20, 2011 I feel like you have absolutely no experience with women and relationships.... One of the points of coming here for advice is that you can ask about things you don't have experience with. No need to put others down over that.
GivenUp0083 Posted January 20, 2011 Posted January 20, 2011 One of the points of coming here for advice is that you can ask about things you don't have experience with. No need to put others down over that. I'm not trying to put him down, I'm trying to get a little background on the guy. I understand asking for help, I've asked as well, but he's asking things that make no sense and that your learn at like 12 years old. In case you haven't noticed he likes to generalize and point the finger at others as justification for his shortcomings in finding a relationship. I was the same at one point, not as clueless, but I used to be bitter and generalize women. Then I decided to look at myself, see someone about it, improve my lifestyle without the goal of finding someone, and now I'm much more well rounded, happy on my own, and self-realized than I was. Now I met a girl that is absolutely wonderful and I would not have been able to land her as my gf if I hadn't done something to change myself and better myself.
Eeyore79 Posted January 20, 2011 Posted January 20, 2011 I can kind of understand this, because I have hobbies so I'm out 2-4 evenings per week. I'd prefer a guy who also did something constructive with his time; it feels weird if I'm out doing something and he's just sitting at home the whole time. It usually results in him complaining that I go out too much! Also because I'm always doing stuff I feel like I have less respect for a guy who just sits on his ass. Ambitious women want ambitious men; I want to be successful in life and I feel that I'd be held back by a man who didn't make a similar effort. Like attracts like
Author irc333 Posted January 20, 2011 Author Posted January 20, 2011 I have my hobbies as well, but I'm mostly doing them on the weekends, like hiking or board games with friends. I guess it depends on how much a hobby is taking up someone's time. I know this one woman, she says she says she only works a typical 9 to 5 job, but claims to have her weekends chuck filled with FULL day, weekend long back to back events with what she does. She admits to being in her 40's and never married DUE to her selfishness (yes, she admits to it)...and apparently this lifestyle has caused long term relationships to dissolve. Remember Scrooge? Though it's a tale, he was more focused on making money and being successful than to spend time with his fiance'. Not just a couple or few hours though. Even when she's not participating in the events, she attends them anyways as a volunteer or something. I can kind of understand this, because I have hobbies so I'm out 2-4 evenings per week. I'd prefer a guy who also did something constructive with his time; it feels weird if I'm out doing something and he's just sitting at home the whole time. It usually results in him complaining that I go out too much! Also because I'm always doing stuff I feel like I have less respect for a guy who just sits on his ass. Ambitious women want ambitious men; I want to be successful in life and I feel that I'd be held back by a man who didn't make a similar effort. Like attracts like
Gettingtired Posted January 20, 2011 Posted January 20, 2011 I can kind of understand this, because I have hobbies so I'm out 2-4 evenings per week. I'd prefer a guy who also did something constructive with his time; it feels weird if I'm out doing something and he's just sitting at home the whole time. It usually results in him complaining that I go out too much! Also because I'm always doing stuff I feel like I have less respect for a guy who just sits on his ass. Ambitious women want ambitious men; I want to be successful in life and I feel that I'd be held back by a man who didn't make a similar effort. Like attracts like So going off what you have said here, the fact that I go to the gym on a Monday/Wednesday & Friday morning before work, then work 9am - 5pm 5 days a week. Also go Taekwondo training Tuesday/Wednesday & Thursday nights, and Saturday mornings is more appealing to women than someone who would do half of what I do if not less?
Author irc333 Posted January 20, 2011 Author Posted January 20, 2011 Well, some or most people join their sig. others in their hobby (ie TKD class) or other hobbies / activties anyhow, which probably would make things more appealing. Most couples are doing things together anyhow. So..it's moot. So going off what you have said here, the fact that I go to the gym on a Monday/Wednesday & Friday morning before work, then work 9am - 5pm 5 days a week. Also go Taekwondo training Tuesday/Wednesday & Thursday nights, and Saturday mornings is more appealing to women than someone who would do half of what I do if not less?
Mme. Chaucer Posted January 20, 2011 Posted January 20, 2011 She admits to being in her 40's and never married DUE to her selfishness (yes, she admits to it)...and apparently this lifestyle has caused long term relationships to dissolve. A person who is deeply involved in something that is meaningful to them is much more attractive to me than someone who is not. If a person has a passion that is very demanding of time and energy, it certainly can be a hinderance to a relationship. Still, if it is important to her, I am sure that by her age she is aware that she's either going to find a man who accepts this about her, or she will be alone. I have a lifestyle like that. In my case, I could not abide "clingy" (not because of my lifestyle, I just find it a turn off), but men who were as involved with their own thing as I was with mine would not work either. We'd never, never be together. Fortunately, at last I did meet a great man who "fit." Anyway, people who come off as "clingy" might be flattering at first but in general they are annoying, whether they are men or women.
Emilia Posted January 20, 2011 Posted January 20, 2011 So going off what you have said here, the fact that I go to the gym on a Monday/Wednesday & Friday morning before work, then work 9am - 5pm 5 days a week. Also go Taekwondo training Tuesday/Wednesday & Thursday nights, and Saturday mornings is more appealing to women than someone who would do half of what I do if not less? no you both have to compromise to be able to spend enough time together but the other person needs regular hobbies/interests to remain interesting. men that sit with a beer on the sofa watching the telly as a pastime are usually boring and fat
NG85 Posted January 20, 2011 Posted January 20, 2011 I've dated girls who are both clingy and independent, and I have to say that as I get older I enjoy being with someone who's more independent. My last relationship had a lot of issues because I had a ton of hobbies and ambitions, while my girlfriend didn't, and she just wanted to be together 24/7. A few times she even told me she wished I was more needy or co-dependent. Before we broke up she kept telling me we had nothing in common. We did have a lot in common, but it was in more general terms. But she wanted me to like the same exact bands she did, like the same exact movies and TV shows, like the same exact activities, etc. To me that's a bit boring, and it's not healthy to change all of your likes and dislikes to appease someone. There were a few movies she liked that I hated - I wouldn't be pleased with myself if I all of a sudden liked The Notebook just to make her happy. Likewise, I wouldn't force her to like Rambo. I've also been the clinger in relationships, and needless to say those relationships didn't last long. You have to find a good balance. You can't be entirely absent mentally or physically or else there's no point in being with your partner.
LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted January 20, 2011 Posted January 20, 2011 What about those that like solitary activities? Like me? I certainly would rather curl up with a good book than go out clubbing. For one, the loud music hurts my ears, and secondly, I have a crowd phobia. Introverts are better off dating other introverts. And women that say this usually aren't introverted.
Mme. Chaucer Posted January 20, 2011 Posted January 20, 2011 What about those that like solitary activities? Like me? I certainly would rather curl up with a good book than go out clubbing. For one, the loud music hurts my ears, and secondly, I have a crowd phobia. Introverts are better off dating other introverts. And women that say this usually aren't introverted. I am an introvert as well as an avid reader and writer. The "clingy" resented and impinged upon my cherished alone time as much as they did my active outside hobby.
NG85 Posted January 20, 2011 Posted January 20, 2011 What about those that like solitary activities? Like me? I certainly would rather curl up with a good book than go out clubbing. For one, the loud music hurts my ears, and secondly, I have a crowd phobia. Introverts are better off dating other introverts. And women that say this usually aren't introverted. I also agree with this. I do enjoy my alone time, mixed with my social time. It was tough in my last relationship when I was spending the weekend with my ex and trying to take a break to enjoy a book or write emails. She'd pop in every 5 minutes wanting to go out to eat or wanting to ask me a question or trying to get me up from the couch and do something with her. Sometimes we'd sit together and read separate books, but then again, every 5 minutes she'd want to talk about something she read, or point out how stupid something was in a magazine just so I could put my attention on her.
bonerman Posted January 20, 2011 Posted January 20, 2011 This is a very eye opening thread. A lot of you may think the things being said in this thread go without saying, when just hearing them spoken is what I needed.
Author irc333 Posted January 20, 2011 Author Posted January 20, 2011 Right, there are always EXTREMES. But everything should be done in moderation, in her case, it wasn't moderation. A person who is deeply involved in something that is meaningful to them is much more attractive to me than someone who is not. If a person has a passion that is very demanding of time and energy, it certainly can be a hinderance to a relationship. Still, if it is important to her, I am sure that by her age she is aware that she's either going to find a man who accepts this about her, or she will be alone. I have a lifestyle like that. In my case, I could not abide "clingy" (not because of my lifestyle, I just find it a turn off), but men who were as involved with their own thing as I was with mine would not work either. We'd never, never be together. Fortunately, at last I did meet a great man who "fit." Anyway, people who come off as "clingy" might be flattering at first but in general they are annoying, whether they are men or women.
bonerman Posted January 20, 2011 Posted January 20, 2011 This is the thread I have been looking for ever since I started coming to this site.
LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted January 20, 2011 Posted January 20, 2011 I also agree with this. I do enjoy my alone time, mixed with my social time. It was tough in my last relationship when I was spending the weekend with my ex and trying to take a break to enjoy a book or write emails. She'd pop in every 5 minutes wanting to go out to eat or wanting to ask me a question or trying to get me up from the couch and do something with her. Sometimes we'd sit together and read separate books, but then again, every 5 minutes she'd want to talk about something she read, or point out how stupid something was in a magazine just so I could put my attention on her. I am the same way. If someone invited me to a concert, or to go have coffee/dinner/lunch/breakfast with them, I'd go. Or to a movie. I love movies. However, if they're acting like your ex, that would drive me mad! It's not that I don't like people, or being social, but I don't require it to be happy. It's snowing outside today, and I just feel like staying in and listening to Beatles records all day. That is my definition of fun. I don't care about the latest trends, or what celebrity is having sex with who, or etc. I simply just know what I like (and I like what I know, as Genesis would put it!)
Woggle Posted January 20, 2011 Posted January 20, 2011 I used to be somewhat of introvert but that is changing. I am starting to hate winters because I just want to leave the house and do something but there is nothing to do.
bonerman Posted January 20, 2011 Posted January 20, 2011 I think a big part of the problem is a lot of people, like me, either don't really enjoy things that are attractive or don't know what they would enjoy that they aren't already taking part in. For instance, I like to post on forums and play video games. That is all I do outside of going to college. How am I supposed to attract girls with this lifestyle?
810 Posted January 20, 2011 Posted January 20, 2011 I have seen this said by singles all over....and it's REALLY up to interpretation. Sometimes, I'm wary of people who call others clingy, becuase it might say they want their cake and eat it to, or perhaps even commitment phobes even? I could be4 wrong. Okay, I saw this profile of a woman that says, "Clingers need not respond, must have own life and ambitions" Now, what is "Clingy"? And the person who states this, how "busy" is she? Sometimes "clinging" happens to a certain extent. Usually, I find people who express this tend to be commitment phobic, and call other's "clingy", and it's just due to their selfish nature they'd put their hobbies/activities before their mate and not join them along in the experience? I don't have a super busy life but my time is valuable. People whom I don't consider my friends (i.e acquaintances) I see them every 2 weeks. It might sound like a doctor's office appointment but it's hard for people to book time in with me. Whenever I have free time, I would call someone who is closer to me to hang out. clingy is relative. if it's a person you like, you want to spend time with him/er all the time...and it doesn't view as clingy. however, if it's a person you don't really care for then whatever they do...it will be viewed a clingy. (same as the definition of stalking.) You and I have a similar view on this subject because I like to include my SO in my hobbies and activities. It's how I check the compatibility with that person. I like to find a common ground with people and build relationships on it. It doesn't hurt to ask the person to join either.
Eeyore79 Posted January 20, 2011 Posted January 20, 2011 So going off what you have said here, the fact that I go to the gym on a Monday/Wednesday & Friday morning before work, then work 9am - 5pm 5 days a week. Also go Taekwondo training Tuesday/Wednesday & Thursday nights, and Saturday mornings is more appealing to women than someone who would do half of what I do if not less? A girl who also did Taekwondo would probably find it to be a bonus if you could spend a couple of nights per week together doing a shared hobby. In fact, any woman who had hobbies which took up a few week nights would be happy that you were doing something while she was busy. A girl with no hobbies would probably find your constant busy-ness to be annoying, hence why you'd be better suited to an active woman. I am busy at least 2 nights per week, sometimes up to 4-5 nights per week. Occasionally I go away for the whole weekend or I'm tied up every single night for an entire week. This drives most boyfriends crazy! Luckily my boyfriend and I share a couple of hobbies, otherwise we probably couldn't maintain a relationship. He is typically busy 3-5 nights per week, but 2-4 of those nights are things we have in common, so we go together. Stuff that takes up a whole weekend is often a shared activity too, and we usually have weekend nights free if we want to hang out. So we actually get to see each other at least 3 nights per week, usually more. I think each of us would find it difficult to date a less active partner, or one with whom we didn't share any hobbies.
Recommended Posts