darran Posted January 20, 2011 Posted January 20, 2011 (edited) Sorry to rehash... I need solid advice on what's going on here. Thanks guys Quick run down. We split up 4 months (roughly) ago over fighting and arguing... she very much loved me till the day she got out. She got with new guy after 4 weeks. Still with him. He's completely the opposite of me, in every way! He left her for a month... this is now and she has been talking to me every now and then. Generally she hits me up on MSN, we chat about everything and anything. I don't really hassle her about trying again... I have said would you like to try again but was met with hostility, rage and a very spiteful woman! So yep... bad idea lol. When she'd hit me up on MSN we'd end up on the phone... this is where she would constantly compare me to this "new" fella...and she'd constantly say how happy she is, constantly bring the past up, constantly say why she'd never get back with me...if I try to reason with her and calm her down she'd again constantly go over the same old. When I try to reason with her I say "look, lets just take a few months out and see what happens then as now we always end up arguing over petty things"... I tell her I am not happy she is with someone, nor am I happy how quickly she got with him but I am happy that we at least are able to talk again. As well as arguing we do have some fantastic talks. Anyway, today...she called. Again going over why she couldn't come back (bare in mind - I didn't initiate this) and what I did to hurt her... however, again I calmed her down and we ended up having another nice chat. She said I annoy her, irritate her, make her mad and that at one point she hated me... strange I must say. But out of this I got a smile and a laugh as she was spluttering her words out. She has unblocked me and said that we will keep in touch but incognito! No one will know about it, her words and for me not to tell anyone...again strange coming from someone who clearly, as she put it "moved on". She is apparently speaking to her friends about me ALL THE TIME, saying things like "I cant believe I don't miss someone I loved that much"... em... why then are you talking about me? She asks me about my love life... when I tell her, even the most smallest of details... nothing at all sexual... she is clearly VERY angry and jealous. She over exaggerates her current relationship and constantly compares me with him... why all this if she has moved on? What I want to know is what the hell is going on here? Some of my friends think we're both nuts and will end up together again and some say just leave it. The problem is, I actually love her! I find we're addicted to this contact we've got going... I mean yea, I am sleeping with other girls and of course if I meet someone who I genuinely like I would like to stay with them but why is she behaving like this? Edited January 20, 2011 by darran
PowerOfOne Posted January 20, 2011 Posted January 20, 2011 For someone that doesn't miss you and is so irritated by you she seems to keep in a bit of contact. Me thinks thou doth protest too much! Sounds like she's putting on a show for her friends. That's not to say that she wants to have another go at it mind you. I think she's trying to fish for some power back that she lost by rebounding and being dumped!
Author darran Posted January 20, 2011 Author Posted January 20, 2011 Thanks for response dude! Yea, I probably do protest too much... and yea, we are in contact, excluding the 2-3 days here and there, almost every day and NO ONE knows about it! I love her to death! Maybe not in love anymore - definitely think we are maybe not good for each other but there is a passion between us that I actually really enjoy. And yea we, believe it or not, when you remove the fighting over nothing business actually really do get along great! Its all very strange... I dunno... I think I might just keep LC and see where it goes (without arguing) and then remove myself to allow her to figure out me or him... well that is if I don't happen to meet someone that really rocks my boat.
Karma20 Posted January 20, 2011 Posted January 20, 2011 Sounds like she just likes the attention you give her. She has a new bf you should just let her be. If she's sneaking around behind her boyfriends back talking to you wonder what she was doing to behind your back.
Author darran Posted January 20, 2011 Author Posted January 20, 2011 (edited) Karma20, maybe man... maybe you're right! Nah, she isnt that type... I've known her for quite some time. Of course she flirts, this is kind of different - famous last words... but seriously it is different. I was her first long term live in relationship and she was prepared to marry me! That kinda thing. It was ALL my fault she had to end it. Thing is I just cant really believe what she says.... her new fella... I dunno... I honestly think (thats why I'm here asking for different opinions) she is doing this to prove a point. That she neither needs me and can move on! But its funny as her moving on all seems a bit over exaggerated and played up! I wonder if I just cut all contact... but my problem is when she contacts me!!! I just cant ignore her. Any ideas on how not to just ignore her but also leave that door open... I can see this going like this. 1) she will come back again eventually - 6mths, 8mths a year down the road 2) she wont come back but we will end up like we were. good mates Either way this is not a quick thing that's gonna happen. I know that. thanks folks... yea don't mean to harp on about it Edited January 20, 2011 by darran
Karma20 Posted January 20, 2011 Posted January 20, 2011 Karma20, maybe man... maybe you're right! Nah, she isnt that type... I've known her for quite some time. Of course she flirts, this is kind of different - famous last words... but seriously it is different. I was her first long term live in relationship and she was prepared to marry me! That kinda thing. It was ALL my fault she had to end it. Thing is I just cant really believe what she says.... her new fella... I dunno... I honestly think (thats why I'm here asking for different opinions) she is doing this to prove a point. That she neither needs me and can move on! But its funny as her moving on all seems a bit over exaggerated and played up! I wonder if I just cut all contact... but my problem is when she contacts me!!! I just cant ignore her. Any ideas? thanks folks... yea don't mean to harp on about it She isn't the that type? Yeah she is since she's doing it to her new bf. Cut contact with her, ignore her. You are only prolonging the healing process. If she wants to be with you then she will leave this guy and be with you, until then you are just a fallback guy. Would you want your gf talking to this way behind your back to her ex? No! So cut contact, its hard at first but it gets easier.
marqueemoon4 Posted January 20, 2011 Posted January 20, 2011 I reckon you need to stop conversatin' with her. like, immediately.
Author darran Posted January 20, 2011 Author Posted January 20, 2011 Karma20... yea, I mean when you put it like that! lol marqueemoon4, thanks... I think today was left on a high note. You guys see it differently. Yea, I have to stop this contact. Its not good, and yea, as much I don't like this fella, if she did that on me I'd be pissed off... but that shows, she doesn't really respect him that much if she is secretly talking to me!!! hmmm.... the thought cogs are turning!
Karma20 Posted January 20, 2011 Posted January 20, 2011 She doesn't respect you that much either if she saying don't tell anyone we talk. She should be proud of you not hide you. CUT CONTACT!!!
FreeToBe Posted January 20, 2011 Posted January 20, 2011 Wow! She sounds like a mess to me. If I were you, I'd work hard to erase every feeling of 'love' I had for her. There will be others who have some respect and will treat you right, she doesn't sound like one of them. Like some of the others said, I'd stop all contact with her. Close the door - do not leave it open... Ironically, this is the only potential way you will either get her back, or lose her forever. If you keep contact, you will never get anywhere with her. It sounds like she's a winner at that blame game and you are not gaining any ground... Try to be excited about what the unknown future holds for you and leave this one in the past.
Author darran Posted January 20, 2011 Author Posted January 20, 2011 (edited) very blunt but straight advice! not what I was expecting. but thanks... I think I need to hear that to be honest and stop kidding myself. You guys are right. Respect is out the window! She's with someone else and secretly talking with her ex and kind of dangling a piece of cheese in front of me and I am falling for hook line and sinker! I will try... I say try cos I truly don't know what way I will react next time I get a popup, txt or call! As this will happen, going by last attempts of NC. Edited January 20, 2011 by darran
Wilie Posted January 20, 2011 Posted January 20, 2011 Seriously, why are you bothering with her? Think about it.. you know the answer.. set your boundries man... Will
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