irc333 Posted January 20, 2011 Posted January 20, 2011 For some reason....the forum wouldn't let me post something in the Title, so it doesn't make any sense, lol It's suppose to say, "Women friends won't help you in dating" In the past, I had people tell me that female friends will not help other male friends get to know their friends for dating purpose, nor even introduce them for that matter. I used to think by getting to know women, esp. if they FZ'ed, you can think, 'Hey, she FZ'ed, so what, I can get to know her friends if she introduces me." Any feedback on that? Now I'm not talking about "setting up", but let's say if a woman were to go out on the town, if she was a good friend, she'd ask a male friend to join her and her friends?
Titania22 Posted January 20, 2011 Posted January 20, 2011 I guess it depends on the woman. I know I am more than happy to introduce my single male and female friends if they are both willing. For example I had a girlfriend celebrate her birthday just recently, about a dozen of the guests were single women, and I brought a single male friend and one of his buddies. They all had a great time, and my girlfriend tells me if ever she throws another party, I have to invite those guys again. The way I see it, if my male friends are occupied with other women, I can worry less about them getting ideas about me.
EasyHeart Posted January 20, 2011 Posted January 20, 2011 IME, married female friends will try to set you up; single female friends will not. I don't know why.
Author irc333 Posted January 20, 2011 Author Posted January 20, 2011 (edited) Yeah, I heard thata lot SINGLE women won't make an effort to help male friends, because they figure if they aren't interested in the guy personally, they figure their friends won't either. Or it's a competition thing. They're really just cutting their nose to spite their face, or don't SEE the benefits of doing this. IME, married female friends will try to set you up; single female friends will not. I don't know why. Edited January 20, 2011 by irc333
GivenUp0083 Posted January 20, 2011 Posted January 20, 2011 For some reason....the forum wouldn't let me post something in the Title, so it doesn't make any sense, lol It's suppose to say, "Women friends won't help you in dating" In the past, I had people tell me that female friends will not help other male friends get to know their friends for dating purpose, nor even introduce them for that matter. I used to think by getting to know women, esp. if they FZ'ed, you can think, 'Hey, she FZ'ed, so what, I can get to know her friends if she introduces me." Any feedback on that? Now I'm not talking about "setting up", but let's say if a woman were to go out on the town, if she was a good friend, she'd ask a male friend to join her and her friends? See this is where I'm skeptical of you, because in real life you must be a major creep if girls won't set you up, let alone let you hang out. Sometimes girls like to do their "girls' night out" thing and they don't want any guys around, but sometimes they would love if a guy who is funny and fun to be around would crash their dinner party. However, you have to become pretty good friends with a girl for her to let you into that circle. You can't just ask women you are acquainted with to start introducting you to her friends and ask her to let you hang out with them. You need to be invited. But based on your posts and what I'm gathering about you, I don't see how that's ever going to happen unless you completely change your mindset. Good luck in your small town.
Author irc333 Posted January 20, 2011 Author Posted January 20, 2011 Dude seriously...I dont now where you egt these ideas Actually, the woman in question is a close friend, we go to movies together and such (but as friends), I just think of her on a deeper level. Maybe she thinks that her friends won't be interested in me? See this is where I'm skeptical of you, because in real life you must be a major creep if girls won't set you up, let alone let you hang out. Sometimes girls like to do their "girls' night out" thing and they don't want any guys around, but sometimes they would love if a guy who is funny and fun to be around would crash their dinner party. However, you have to become pretty good friends with a girl for her to let you into that circle. You can't just ask women you are acquainted with to start introducting you to her friends and ask her to let you hang out with them. You need to be invited. But based on your posts and what I'm gathering about you, I don't see how that's ever going to happen unless you completely change your mindset. Good luck in your small town.
GivenUp0083 Posted January 20, 2011 Posted January 20, 2011 Dude seriously...I dont now where you egt these ideas Actually, the woman in question is a close friend, we go to movies together and such (but as friends), I just think of her on a deeper level. Maybe she thinks that her friends won't be interested in me? That's probably true. See? You answered your own question.
Cee Posted January 20, 2011 Posted January 20, 2011 Everybody made really good points. I am a single woman who has single male friends so I can share my experience. I am perfectly happy to invite everybody out together and see what happens. I've had friends hook up at parties of mine. I like that stuff as long as there aren't fights, jealousies, or drama. And that I get to stay friends with everybody. I'm not picking sides when the inevitable break up happens. Here's my philosophy on my single friends. I can take a horse to water, but can't make them drink. I invite people out, but I don't babysit. If one of my friends can't carry a conversation and flirt, then I'm not going to carry them. I have a close male friend who I never fix anyone up with. His taste in women is completely irrational and unrealistic. I try to gently tell him that, but he's adamant. And he will reject a perfectly good woman in pursuit of his fantasy woman. If he wants to chase women who are 20 years younger than him, fine. But I'm not introducing him to my young female friends. He comes across as a little creepy, imo.
GivenUp0083 Posted January 20, 2011 Posted January 20, 2011 Everybody made really good points. I am a single woman who has single male friends so I can share my experience. I am perfectly happy to invite everybody out together and see what happens. I've had friends hook up at parties of mine. I like that stuff as long as there aren't fights, jealousies, or drama. And that I get to stay friends with everybody. I'm not picking sides when the inevitable break up happens. Here's my philosophy on my single friends. I can take a horse to water, but can't make them drink. I invite people out, but I don't babysit. If one of my friends can't carry a conversation and flirt, then I'm not going to carry them. I have a close male friend who I never fix anyone up with. His taste in women is completely irrational and unrealistic. I try to gently tell him that, but he's adamant. And he will reject a perfectly good woman in pursuit of his fantasy woman. If he wants to chase women who are 20 years younger than him, fine. But I'm not introducing him to my young female friends. He comes across as a little creepy, imo. BAM! I called it IRC....you're not getting introduced because she thinks you're creepy (your friend, not CEE)
Author irc333 Posted January 20, 2011 Author Posted January 20, 2011 Whatever dude...you don't know me....and you don't know how possibly my friend could think of me that way. BAM! I called it IRC....you're not getting introduced because she thinks you're creepy (your friend, not CEE)
sally4sara Posted January 20, 2011 Posted January 20, 2011 I've set friends up before, two are even married now. But the most I do is bring them around each other and if they want something to happen, they have to sort it out amongst themselves. I ran into one of my guy friends when I was on my way to meet up with a fem friend. I had not wanted to bring him around her because I knew he was her physical type. She saw us say good bye before I went inside and asked about him. I told her that this particular friend was someone she might have fun with for a spell so long as she could not try to make him her BF. I told her he was only going to be a headache if she tried that, but she still wanted to meet him. I knew it was bad news but it wasn't like I was going to stop her. They hit it off, but in the end she didn't listen and got burned. If none of your fem friends are introducing you to other women they know - they don't just find you not appealing romantically, they think something is wrong with you. I did introduce the same fem friend to her next BF, but he was a relationship type guy.
GivenUp0083 Posted January 20, 2011 Posted January 20, 2011 Whatever dude...you don't know me....and you don't know how possibly my friend could think of me that way. Oh really? She's a single friend and she has zero romantic interest in you...AND she made it very clear she doesn't want you hitting on her friends. That can mean only one of two things: 1. She wants you for herself (clearly it's not true if you're still only friends). or 2. She thinks you're creepy and doesn't want you creeping out her friends. You're sexually insignificant to her and her friends if you go out with them.
Author irc333 Posted January 20, 2011 Author Posted January 20, 2011 Guess I need to find new friends then. But, it is a matter of opinion who might consider someone creepy, her friends might not think otherwise, so she's passing judgement on me before introducing me...which makes for a crappy friend. Oh really? She's a single friend and she has zero romantic interest in you...AND she made it very clear she doesn't want you hitting on her friends. That can mean only one of two things: 1. She wants you for herself (clearly it's not true if you're still only friends). or 2. She thinks you're creepy and doesn't want you creeping out her friends. You're sexually insignificant to her and her friends if you go out with them.
Eeyore79 Posted January 20, 2011 Posted January 20, 2011 If I (as a girl) introduce a guy to my female friends, it reflects badly on me if he's unattractive. My friends are like "Eww, you thought we'd be interested in him?" and they question my taste in men, and they also question my loyalty because I tried to set them up with a creepy guy. I might think he's a lovely person, we might be good friends, but if he isn't attractive then I won't introduce him to my friends because doing so reduces my social value. If he was attractive I probably wouldn't introduce him to my friends either, because I'd want him for myself! The only exceptions are a)If I'm already taken I'd pass an attractive guy on to my single friends, or b)If he's attractive but not my type I'd pass him on to my single friends. Both situations require the guy to be attractive though. If he's not attractive, no way am I introducing him to my friends, otherwise I'll get a reaction like "Omg you're such a crap friend, I can't believe you tried to introduce me to that creep!"
Emilia Posted January 20, 2011 Posted January 20, 2011 I don't introduce my female and male friends, I don't need the drama to be perfectly honest. I had a female friend that wanted to meet a couple of my flatmates (who are also friends of mine) but I knew they were players and would have treated her badly. I also knew she wasn't really their type (she wasn't very pretty) so they would have probably rejected her. She got upset with me but frankly people should get their own meat. I like my peace and quiet and quality time, don't need a s**t storm when I'm out with friends or chilling in my own house. If someone thinks less of me for that then he or she probably isn't independent enough.
GivenUp0083 Posted January 20, 2011 Posted January 20, 2011 I don't introduce my female and male friends, I don't need the drama to be perfectly honest. I had a female friend that wanted to meet a couple of my flatmates (who are also friends of mine) but I knew they were players and would have treated her badly. I also knew she wasn't really their type (she wasn't very pretty) so they would have probably rejected her. She got upset with me but frankly people should get their own meat. I like my peace and quiet and quality time, don't need a s**t storm when I'm out with friends or chilling in my own house. If someone thinks less of me for that then he or she probably isn't independent enough. Wow, you're a nice friend, I wish I knew someone in real life as selfish and uncaring as you.
Emilia Posted January 20, 2011 Posted January 20, 2011 Wow, you're a nice friend, I wish I knew someone in real life as selfish and uncaring as you. :rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes:
somedude81 Posted January 20, 2011 Posted January 20, 2011 If none of your fem friends are introducing you to other women they know - they don't just find you not appealing romantically, they think something is wrong with you. If I (as a girl) introduce a guy to my female friends, it reflects badly on me if he's unattractive. My friends are like "Eww, you thought we'd be interested in him?" and they question my taste in men, and they also question my loyalty because I tried to set them up with a creepy guy. I might think he's a lovely person, we might be good friends, but if he isn't attractive then I won't introduce him to my friends because doing so reduces my social value. If he was attractive I probably wouldn't introduce him to my friends either, because I'd want him for myself! The only exceptions are a)If I'm already taken I'd pass an attractive guy on to my single friends, or b)If he's attractive but not my type I'd pass him on to my single friends. Both situations require the guy to be attractive though. If he's not attractive, no way am I introducing him to my friends, otherwise I'll get a reaction like "Omg you're such a crap friend, I can't believe you tried to introduce me to that creep!" Informative posts. They do a very good job of explaining why my female friends have never introduced me to any of their friends. BTW, I love how being more concerned with ones social value is more important than helping a friend out
Kamille Posted January 20, 2011 Posted January 20, 2011 Dude seriously...I dont now where you egt these ideas Actually, the woman in question is a close friend, we go to movies together and such (but as friends), I just think of her on a deeper level. Maybe she thinks that her friends won't be interested in me? So you're speaking about one specific woman but are trying to make her behavior into a general rule about all women? My circles of friends have always been mixed and we're generally very open to inviting people in. Like any normal human being, however, we invite people to join us when we feel they'll be a good fit. Hook ups happen. Of course. Maybe your friend doesn't think you'll be a good fit with her circle of friends. Or maybe she likes to separate "girl time" from "guy time". Only she knows. Maybe you could be assertive and ask her about it, instead of trying to rely on a forum to confirm or infirm a pseudo-scientific rule about all women.
carhill Posted January 20, 2011 Posted January 20, 2011 OP, pretty common. Men are often lonely hunters. Sure glad I'm not young anymore. Your female friend can likely give you honest feedback on your style, but you're on your own to implement and pursue. TBH, the only time I 'met' anyone relevant to friends was when my married friends had large get-togethers and other singles ended up at the party. Purely incidental. I had a female best friend for many years. I never asked her to 'set me up' nor did she. We enjoyed our friendship. That's it. Good luck
OldSkool Posted January 20, 2011 Posted January 20, 2011 Hey, Given Up! I don't know what your problem with IRC (or life in general) is, but you should know that your nastiness, bitterness and hostility are very clear in your posts. Get over yourself, you are not that great.
sally4sara Posted January 20, 2011 Posted January 20, 2011 Informative posts. They do a very good job of explaining why my female friends have never introduced me to any of their friends. BTW, I love how being more concerned with ones social value is more important than helping a friend out Uhh piss off? I was mostly concerned with my friend being mistreated, not my social standing. I'm perfectly aware that someone I don't think is attractive might be attractive to someone else. For me it really doesn't matter if I think they look good or not, its the quality of their character in regards to dating and the potential for drama fall out if they really screw over someone they met through me. I don't want someone I care about upset and down because some guy I knew better than to date got in under her radar for seeming vetted by me.
Woggle Posted January 20, 2011 Posted January 20, 2011 Does anybody have experience with their spouses wanting to set up their single friends? My wife sometimes tries to do it and I tell her that most of my friends who are good relationship prospects are already involved
Kamille Posted January 20, 2011 Posted January 20, 2011 There is a clear difference between asking to be set up with friends and hoping to be included in group outings as a way to meet more women. I understood IRC to be wanting the latter. I never "officially" set up people. I might purposefully invite two people I think will hit it off as part of a bigger social gathering. I will never inform either person that I'm up to something, but will simply introduce them using whatever it is they have in common. I think the second approach is much more classy than the first and allows people to initiate a spark their own, without the added pressure of a set up.
somedude81 Posted January 20, 2011 Posted January 20, 2011 Uhh piss off? I was mostly concerned with my friend being mistreated, not my social standing. Uh, did I bold a section in your post that relates to social standing? Does your post mention social standing anywhere in it? I simply quoted your post because "they don't just find you not appealing romantically, they think something is wrong with you" was informative... There is a clear difference between asking to be set up with friends and hoping to be included in group outings as a way to meet more women. I understood IRC to be wanting the latter. I never "officially" set up people. I might purposefully invite two people I think will hit it off as part of a bigger social gathering. I will never inform either person that I'm up to something, but will simply introduce them using whatever it is they have in common. I think the second approach is much more classy than the first and allows people to initiate a spark their own, without the added pressure of a set up. So what does it mean when female friends never invite you to any social gatherings either?
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