richbad08 Posted January 20, 2011 Posted January 20, 2011 Girls understand each other better then guys so maybe you see what she's thinking. Help me understand please. But if your a guy and has advice feel free to say something. So after 2 years or dating she ended the relationship because she felt like we were drifting apart. Its been 5 months and we hardly talk. She happens to call me more often so Im sure thats a good sign? Still she doesn't want a relationship because she doesn't want a guy telling her where she went out or who's she's hanging out with. When we did hangout she didn't have a problem telling me about hanging out with guys or even having sex with some of them. After ignoring her for awhile she kept calling me and finally I gave in and told her I cant see her as just friends. She would say she misses me and she wants to see me but still she doesn't want a relationship. So what I don't understand is I know I treat her with respect and I was a good boyfriend to her so why not be with me? Neither of us cheated or anything. And she seems to be talking to someone new almost overtime we do talk. She also says she doesn't have a problem having sex with a friend and supposedly it wouldn't be weird if they saw each other the next day because sex is just sex. So if she still calls me once in a while and says she misses me but doesn't want a relationship whats the deal with that?
Nightsky Posted January 20, 2011 Posted January 20, 2011 You don’t have to be an expert on girls to see what’s going on here. If she calls you and says “she misses you but doesn't want a relationship” then that is exactly what she means. It would be great if she could look out for your best interest and be all in or out. Don’t expect that to happen because that’s your job. You need to look out for yourself and not allow her to use you.
pookster72 Posted January 20, 2011 Posted January 20, 2011 i'd stop talking to her unless she makes it very clear that she's ready and willing to give you exactly what you want in this relationship, too.
Flgirl44 Posted January 20, 2011 Posted January 20, 2011 I think she wants to have her cake and eat it too. She's stringing you along until she finds something better while using you as a ego boost because you're still there for her. Don't be there for her anymore. Plain and simple, stick to your guns about not being able to be friends with her, and stop talking to her until you have moved on. You moving on is the only chance you have of her taking you seriously enough to give it another shot, but even then I would question the motives.
Author richbad08 Posted January 20, 2011 Author Posted January 20, 2011 Its been 5 months and she's still single. For a while she was just friends with all her guy friends because she's still single I just don't get what she really wants and I know she wants a relationship because she was told by one of her friends that she sees her having love/romance from some guy at her university sometime this year and she got excited when she heard that news. Maybe it is over.
Kansas Posted January 20, 2011 Posted January 20, 2011 She's stringing you along. You're the fall back guy until she meets someone better. Definitely initiate no contact. Don't be surprised if when you do, she suddenly panics and you start hearing from her more. This is the harsh reality ... when she goes out with her girlfriends she'll tell them all about the other guys that she's seeing etc. When the conversation turns to you (if it turns to you), they'll all look at each other and say, well at least you can always go back to him. And she rolls her eyes and says 'whatever', but uses you nonetheless. She's the type of girl that can't handle being by herself, needs constant attention from guys and more than likely needs to overlap relationships because she is so insecure being on her own. She's hanging on to you right now b/c she hasn't found anyone better. Don't let her do this to you. She's not worth it at all.
Author richbad08 Posted January 20, 2011 Author Posted January 20, 2011 She's stringing you along. You're the fall back guy until she meets someone better. Definitely initiate no contact. Don't be surprised if when you do, she suddenly panics and you start hearing from her more. This is the harsh reality ... when she goes out with her girlfriends she'll tell them all about the other guys that she's seeing etc. When the conversation turns to you (if it turns to you), they'll all look at each other and say, well at least you can always go back to him. And she rolls her eyes and says 'whatever', but uses you nonetheless. She's the type of girl that can't handle being by herself, needs constant attention from guys and more than likely needs to overlap relationships because she is so insecure being on her own. She's hanging on to you right now b/c she hasn't found anyone better. Don't let her do this to you. She's not worth it at all. Wow this sounds like its totally her. This is definitely an eye opener. For some reason this sounds to me like its 100% true. Forget that I don't need a girl to be like that to me when I know I deserve better. I have a great family and I have goals in life. Its her lost then. The sad part is we never even had a messy break up or anything or even cheated or lied about any certain person when we were together. How weird.
tobydog1 Posted January 20, 2011 Posted January 20, 2011 Well, as a girl I think she wants you back.......
Kansas Posted January 20, 2011 Posted January 20, 2011 It's not a philosophy that personal subscribe to, but being a girl, being around girls and seeing how they talk and act - it's no mystery. I can't even begin to tell you how many times I've heard: "Is he the one? Or is he the one for now, until you find something better". She sounds super insecure. It's common for girls who are insecure to play games like that - she tosses you just enough to keep you interested (and frankly, ****s with your head), while she plays the field. Hell, I bet from time to time she has (or would) use you as a ploy to make someone else jealous. It's BS. And WAIT ... I bet she was the jealous type when you were together, right? I'm no psychic, but because she knows she can't be trusted, she can't trust anyone else. Don't get sucked into the game. You sound like a really nice guy but she will never appreciate you until way down the road when she gets into a few relationships with some losers and crappy men. THEN she'll appreciate what she had. By that point it will be much too late. You deserve so much better. Good riddince!
Author richbad08 Posted January 21, 2011 Author Posted January 21, 2011 Well, as a girl I think she wants you back....... But if she wants me back how come she doesn't want a relationship? New years eve party I had with my family she and her friend were there and when my ex went to the bathroom i asked her friend, hey straight up what does she really think of me and her friend says honestly she thinks your the girl in the relationship. So She didn't say she's not into you anymore or anything like that so i don't know.
Flgirl44 Posted January 21, 2011 Posted January 21, 2011 "she thinks you are the girl in the relationship" She doesn't have respect for you if that's what she is telling her friends about you. And unless she's a lesbian she doesn't want to be in a relationship with a girl....therefore you aren't really in the running are you? What she secretly wants is to be treated like how she is treating you.....expendable, not worth your time, better things to see/pursue. It is the only way she will realize you have self respect and some bollocks. You have a great family and goals in life and focusing on that will help you through. Focus on yourself and not her. I can't stress this enough, every second you spend dwelling on her, what she's thinking etc. is one more second you spend burning your wheels getting over it.
Author richbad08 Posted January 21, 2011 Author Posted January 21, 2011 "she thinks you are the girl in the relationship" She doesn't have respect for you if that's what she is telling her friends about you. And unless she's a lesbian she doesn't want to be in a relationship with a girl....therefore you aren't really in the running are you? What she secretly wants is to be treated like how she is treating you.....expendable, not worth your time, better things to see/pursue. It is the only way she will realize you have self respect and some bollocks. You have a great family and goals in life and focusing on that will help you through. Focus on yourself and not her. I can't stress this enough, every second you spend dwelling on her, what she's thinking etc. is one more second you spend burning your wheels getting over it. Thanks for your honesty and your advice. What a shame but yes Im going to man up and start treating her like she's treating me. Im gonna try going no contact. I do have one more question. If she keeps calling me or texting me or trying to get a hold of me in anyway then is it not mature to at least see what she wants? I don't plan n given in that easily but say she was trying to contact me in anyway should I at least reply to her eventually?
Billy_Boy Posted January 21, 2011 Posted January 21, 2011 Girls understand each other better then guys so maybe you see what she's thinking. Help me understand please. But if your a guy and has advice feel free to say something. So after 2 years or dating she ended the relationship because she felt like we were drifting apart. Its been 5 months and we hardly talk. She happens to call me more often so Im sure thats a good sign? Still she doesn't want a relationship because she doesn't want a guy telling her where she went out or who's she's hanging out with. When we did hangout she didn't have a problem telling me about hanging out with guys or even having sex with some of them. After ignoring her for awhile she kept calling me and finally I gave in and told her I cant see her as just friends. She would say she misses me and she wants to see me but still she doesn't want a relationship. So what I don't understand is I know I treat her with respect and I was a good boyfriend to her so why not be with me? Neither of us cheated or anything. And she seems to be talking to someone new almost overtime we do talk. She also says she doesn't have a problem having sex with a friend and supposedly it wouldn't be weird if they saw each other the next day because sex is just sex. So if she still calls me once in a while and says she misses me but doesn't want a relationship whats the deal with that? To me it sounds like she likes your personality, and she trusts and feels safe with you, but what you want is fundamentally different. Are you in school? Work a job? What does she do? Whats your financial situation like?
Author richbad08 Posted January 21, 2011 Author Posted January 21, 2011 To me it sounds like she likes your personality, and she trusts and feels safe with you, but what you want is fundamentally different. Are you in school? Work a job? What does she do? Whats your financial situation like? Yes we are both In school. Im 20 and she's 18. She just started college this year while i have been in college for 2. I have a job. So does she. She likes to prove to be an independent person for example she technically doesn't have to have a job ( because her mom makes a lot of money to pay for everything) but she does so she can pay for her own things. My financial situation is the same I pay for all my bills and still have money to save. Iam a student so I don't make a whole whole lot but money has never been an issue to her or me as far as if we both went out or paid for our bills.
Billy_Boy Posted January 21, 2011 Posted January 21, 2011 Yes we are both In school. Im 20 and she's 18. She just started college this year while i have been in college for 2. I have a job. So does she. She likes to prove to be an independent person for example she technically doesn't have to have a job ( because her mom makes a lot of money to pay for everything) but she does so she can pay for her own things. My financial situation is the same I pay for all my bills and still have money to save. Iam a student so I don't make a whole whole lot but money has never been an issue to her or me as far as if we both went out or paid for our bills. Yeah, you are entirely too young to be worrying about LTRs right now IMO... go play the field and lose her number, dont let her use you as an emotional tampon, if shes not going to reciprocate in kind. Why dont you suggest being FWB? She was smart to end it, at 18, she has a TON of stuff to look forward to, stuff that might not involve a relationship. WHy dont you put off the whole LTR thing until you are done with school? IMO I think that would be best for you, thats obviously what shes doing. I dont know anyone who is still with their highschool sweethearts. Look at it from her perspective... shes been with you since she was 16, she is now 18. She is still a teenager, who she is today and when she was 16 will be vastly differnt when she hits her mid 20s, in terms of maturity etc. I know it doesnt feel like it now, but she is doing you a favor by breaking up with you. If you try to lock her down, she is going to resist, she is free for the 1st time in her life at college. Remember what that was like? If she is truly meant for you, she will come back in time on her schedule, not yours... the best thing you can do now, is to NC her or just be friends but do you 1st and foremost. Hope this helps.
Author richbad08 Posted January 21, 2011 Author Posted January 21, 2011 Yeah, you are entirely too young to be worrying about LTRs right now IMO... go play the field and lose her number, dont let her use you as an emotional tampon, if shes not going to reciprocate in kind. Why dont you suggest being FWB? She was smart to end it, at 18, she has a TON of stuff to look forward to, stuff that might not involve a relationship. WHy dont you put off the whole LTR thing until you are done with school? IMO I think that would be best for you, thats obviously what shes doing. I dont know anyone who is still with their highschool sweethearts. Look at it from her perspective... shes been with you since she was 16, she is now 18. She is still a teenager, who she is today and when she was 16 will be vastly differnt when she hits her mid 20s, in terms of maturity etc. I know it doesnt feel like it now, but she is doing you a favor by breaking up with you. If you try to lock her down, she is going to resist, she is free for the 1st time in her life at college. Remember what that was like? If she is truly meant for you, she will come back in time on her schedule, not yours... the best thing you can do now, is to NC her or just be friends but do you 1st and foremost. Hope this helps. You do have a point there. I do remember her saying now in the beginning of our breakup that when she's older she has to be more mature and responsible with herself. So what you said makes complete sense. On the other hand I would love to keep having sex with her but i don't want her to have sex with other guys. I would even stop having sex with other girls if she and I were exclusive. Now since you figured this out quick in your opinion do you think If we stay in contact once in awhile it will drift her away or keep me in her mind and have her want to call and hangout with me? I feel like NC is a little immature but I get that in certain situations you have to. At the same time with me and her situation I feel like a little contact is going to keep us talking not everyday because thats overdoing it but just like once a week or so just so she keeps me in her mind. Still there is a little doubt to me that if I do that, it either can benefit us or not by her eventually meeting someone else and leaving me completely away. Don't know. I guess anything can happen in any situation.
Author richbad08 Posted January 22, 2011 Author Posted January 22, 2011 Where did you go? I just want your honest opinion on that last question I had. Or anyone for that matter.
Trovador Posted January 22, 2011 Posted January 22, 2011 You worry too much... she has been clear: she doesn't want a relationship with you and you should respect that, meaning that if you can't handle being friends with her, you should disappear gradually from her life if you are against NC... The fact that you'd love to keep having sex "only with her" implies that is not love the main force in your motivation to get back together with her, so it shouldn't be so hard to move on... I am a male btw...
Author richbad08 Posted January 23, 2011 Author Posted January 23, 2011 You worry too much... she has been clear: she doesn't want a relationship with you and you should respect that, meaning that if you can't handle being friends with her, you should disappear gradually from her life if you are against NC... The fact that you'd love to keep having sex "only with her" implies that is not love the main force in your motivation to get back together with her, so it shouldn't be so hard to move on... I am a male btw... Actually I was going NC for the first 2 months we broke up. She was the one calling me and added me on FB or getting in contact with me in any way. I didn't enjoy it but I knew I didn't want to hear or know what she was doing. I only gave in because I realize that it might be immature to go NC since we didn't have a messy breakup or nothing wrong happen. So I gave it a shot and see how it could work as friends. And no If you took it that way it was not meant to come out that way. I said to myself for the longest time I didn't want to have sex with her because we aren't together and I didn't want her with me for the wrong reasons. I didn't even plan on it when we did. It was only once and its been over for over 5 months since we did breakup. I just had a theory about staying close with her and I was asking if it was a good or bad idea thats all.
Flgirl44 Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 She won't miss you if you never give her a chance. NC~!
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