MidnightinMadrid Posted January 20, 2011 Posted January 20, 2011 (edited) Hi LS'ers! I have been following and reading LS's threads and posts hoping I can find some answers. I thought i should finally post I have been basically really good friends with a guy whom i've been corresponding with from Argentina for three years. basically an LDR. One summer I visited his hometown and we got to spend a week together say two years ago,it was great. i fell truly in love and have been hooked since then. Although I always had a bit reservations about his history; broke up with ex,had the hots and pursued his female coworker. I still went forward Shortly after our meeting met someone locally. From then on things went south basically changed into a totally different person and grew to somehow treat me with less respect. I understand he's with someone i accepted that and only respond contact when he intiated it. I also accepted his offer of friendhsip because he said he didnt want to lose me and still cared about staying in touch. his actions said otherwise, he has repeateldy cut me off,ignored my e-mails or IM's even after I responded to his. Ignore me whenever he saw me online,which before he always said hi at least. Once he blurted that he had a F**fest with his girl knowing that i still cared about him just bc I casually asked what has he been up to and I havent heard from him. to. This was two years ago and I remember that callous comment to this day. He can ask me whats going on with me,but cant ask him,oh well. He conducts this whole relationship in his term,even ignoring me when i told him about my graduation. So ongoing I've been getting dangled carrots by this guy when finally he threw me a whole carrot with bread when we once flirted earlier last year. He had a bad day, he got laid off and leaned on me emptionally., I was always a sounding board whenever he needs me,even when I was out with friends. He says he cant talk to his girl. So i accepted the role of therapist,crumbs wherever i can get it. Anything to keep him recapture the chemistry i thought I had with him . The flirt which was my dream since he hasnt done that an ages of course since he's with someone else turned out to be the end of our 3 year correspondence. He told me his girl found out so thats why he cut me off,even ignoring me on my Birthday when I foolishly IM'd him telling him thatits my Bday whats up? My Opinion Sure some may say well he cant keep contacting you he has someone,but know one really knows how mjuch this guy is so independent. He was raised by his uncle,bpth his parents dies when he was young. he had a long term relationship with his ex,whom he claimed wouldnt dare tell him what to do,and his friends mean alot to him no matter what. Okay this time its different,he's serious about this girl one may say,if thats the case,why does he confide how much he still wants to do his female coworker? I'm sure if these two flirted,if she ever gave him the time of day he wouldnt cut her off. I then agree it was wrong for us to flirt,being that I have someone in my life also,whom he does know about. However this person and I have more of a companion rarelty sexual relationship,which he knows that. i just agree that just as he has to respect his girls feeling,I have to do the same with the person i'm with. Why does he get to parade his relationship in my face to the point he made that unwarranted comment,and I have to pretend that I have no one myself. I believe there lies the problem,when a guy thinks you have no one else he can take you for granted/ Then he proceeded to tell me how much i lied to him my real relationship with my friend,how much I am a liar and a cheater. This is from a guy who cheated on his ex repeatedly and I reminded him that. Ok Maybe I shouldnt have,it just seems like he can dish it always and insult me soon as I stand up for myself,he cuts me off again. sometimes he would do it for no reason. I know he doesnt treat his friends this way and he prouds himself of having longtime friends all over the world. I was already mad that instead of telling me hey look we need to cool down my girl found out we were flirting he ignores me completely. Even though he contacted me he said he doesnt want us to stop being friends and we were alway right there supporting one another. So because i reminded him of his old cheating wild ways,just because he doesnt do it anymore,(how would I know he's in Argentina) he tells me he doesnt want to speak to me anymore and i havent heard from him since October of last year. I kick myself repeatedly for reminding him about himself,however I didnt appreciate him calling me dishonest and cheater..especialy when he crams how much he loves his SO in my throat when he doesnt want me to expect anything. So Here I am,New Year,relocated somewhere he would never guess,I want to contact him or at least extend the olive branch,which i have done before after he finds a way to shut me out. This wasnt the first time he's done this,however my last three throughout attempts were ignored . Need Advice This is driving me nuts I still miss and care for him at least to say Happy belated new Year but all my friends,even my therapist,(yes i've been in therapy ever since I've been dealing with him says to Not contact him. Any help,or support or true insights would be great right now:( Edited January 20, 2011 by MidnightinMadrid
Ajax Posted January 20, 2011 Posted January 20, 2011 he tells me he doesnt want to speak to me anymore and i havent heard from him since October of last year. I think that says it all. It bites that it hurts you, but he's got a life and for the time being doesn't want you in it. Also, if he's in Argentina, where are you? Would this be an extremely long distance relationship anyway?
selena_cat Posted January 20, 2011 Posted January 20, 2011 HE'S Bad News,toss this one out with the fishes
Trovador Posted January 20, 2011 Posted January 20, 2011 My guess is that you are in Madrid, well is not that far from Argentina... if he was a good guy and he isn't... you know what to do, what you don't know is why you don't do it... Why don't you do what I did? I found myself a nice girl in the flesh so I could get over a girl in, of all places, Argentina... that helped me a lot. If you speak Spanish maybe you have heard the saying "amor de lejos, para los pendejos"... so true, so true...
Author MidnightinMadrid Posted January 20, 2011 Author Posted January 20, 2011 (edited) Ajax I knew LDR would be tough,even he said so but I wouldnt mind being friends,but everyone here know what friends equals to crumbs and scraps. Trovador,no i'm not in Madrid,wish I were. I do love latin guys and my spanish is not so great but I think i know what you just said,sly fox:) Yes I know in a way what to do,which is not to break NC I just need LS's voice of reasons bc I'm fighting the urge to do so. Look where it gotten me before to those whose been thru that same path Edited January 20, 2011 by MidnightinMadrid
Author MidnightinMadrid Posted January 20, 2011 Author Posted January 20, 2011 Anyone has any responses? come on LS,thanks
GreenPolicy Posted January 20, 2011 Posted January 20, 2011 This guy is a toxic influence in your life. You will never have with him what you want to have, so you need to cut the cord and move on. Also, he's a cheater. There is always that capacity to cheat, no matter how much they say they've changed or seem to have changed. Always tread carefully with somebody who has cheated before.
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