lovemehateme Posted January 19, 2011 Posted January 19, 2011 So my girlfriend is going rollerblading around town with her ex this weekend. She didn't tell me and I had to find out. I really think skating is more of an intimate thing. Besides I think last time they hung out, he grabbed on her breast. She told me about him grabbing her breast, I asked what did she do and she said that she told him not to do it again. I was pretty pissed when she told me that and I mentioned that I wasn't cool with that. She tells me she's done and over this guy, but I am pretty sure she still even initiates contact with him from time to time. WTF! I know this guy is still really into her. They were together for 3 years, and she tells me its done, and they are only friends now. What do you guys think?
Ladyblue Posted January 19, 2011 Posted January 19, 2011 So my girlfriend is going rollerblading around town with her ex this weekend. She didn't tell me and I had to find out. I really think skating is more of an intimate thing. Besides I think last time they hung out, he grabbed on her breast. She told me about him grabbing her breast, I asked what did she do and she said that she told him not to do it again. I was pretty pissed when she told me that and I mentioned that I wasn't cool with that. She tells me she's done and over this guy, but I am pretty sure she still even initiates contact with him from time to time. WTF! I know this guy is still really into her. They were together for 3 years, and she tells me its done, and they are only friends now. What do you guys think? Mmm, well, you've given us limited information. Is this an xH or xBF. Are you two supposedly in an exclusive R? Based on what you've told us, IMO she is playing with this guy, it isn't nearly as innocent as she would like you to think, and she is doing you wrong. Ditch her and find a woman with some scruples, who doesn't play grab-@ss with other men, and try to gaslight you into thinking there's nothing wrong. Unless, of course, you enjoy being gaslighted. Good luck.
carhill Posted January 19, 2011 Posted January 19, 2011 Hi OP and welcome to LS How long have you and your GF been together? How long ago did her ex grab her breast? Has she always shared with you when she and her ex were going to hang out, prior to this time? How long ago did she and her ex break up and, if known, why?
Author lovemehateme Posted January 19, 2011 Author Posted January 19, 2011 Mmm, well, you've given us limited information. Is this an xH or xBF. Are you two supposedly in an exclusive R? Based on what you've told us, IMO she is playing with this guy, it isn't nearly as innocent as she would like you to think, and she is doing you wrong. Ditch her and find a woman with some scruples, who doesn't play grab-@ss with other men, and try to gaslight you into thinking there's nothing wrong. Unless, of course, you enjoy being gaslighted. Good luck. I do not know what a xH is sorry. But he is her ex bf, and they dated for 3 years. I know that this guy was her first everything. He was the first relationship she ever took serious. She ended it last March with him, because of neglect and because it was a LDR. It's confusing, because she isn't the type to just flirt, ESPECIALLY when involved with someone. We recently just came back from a trip to NYC and I thought everything was going well. I am not exactly sure how often they communicate. I know that before we were together she would always have positive things to say about him as a person. We have been together since October. I know that this guy was a good catch to her, so I am kinda concerned because I really like this girl.
carhill Posted January 20, 2011 Posted January 20, 2011 Would you consider it reasonable and healthy for her to openly and proactively communicate with you regarding her contacts with her exBF? I recall, when I was dating my now exW, I met her second ex-husband and some of his family. Good folks. Have you met this exBF? In our case, we were sixty miles apart and they were a couple miles apart in the same town. Still, met the ex, shook his hand and enjoyed his company and got a few of my then GF's things left over from her divorce with him. Pretty simple stuff. They still shared a dog together, their beloved beagle, and he had 'custody'. TBH, if I wasn't completely confident to my satisfaction that she was 'done' with this ex, I wouldn't be with her. I know what I'd do. Up to you what you want to do.
Heather1 Posted January 20, 2011 Posted January 20, 2011 I wouldn't say rollerskating was intimate at all... My H was married before, and still was in constant contact w/ his xW. It was a really weird relationship because without me, she was really just stringing him along. I asked him to cut all ties with her for just a few months to give me a chance. I said they could be best of friends after I got my chance, but with her still in the picture I didn't have a shot. Hope that helps??
Author lovemehateme Posted January 20, 2011 Author Posted January 20, 2011 Would you consider it reasonable and healthy for her to openly and proactively communicate with you regarding her contacts with her exBF? I recall, when I was dating my now exW, I met her second ex-husband and some of his family. Good folks. Have you met this exBF? In our case, we were sixty miles apart and they were a couple miles apart in the same town. Still, met the ex, shook his hand and enjoyed his company and got a few of my then GF's things left over from her divorce with him. Pretty simple stuff. They still shared a dog together, their beloved beagle, and he had 'custody'. TBH, if I wasn't completely confident to my satisfaction that she was 'done' with this ex, I wouldn't be with her. I know what I'd do. Up to you what you want to do. I think it would help a WHOLE LOT if she were to openly discuss her ex bf with me. Maybe even introduce me or something, so I can feel apart of it. I guess I believe an ex is an ex for a reason. I guess I am just thinking of those times where he was trying to win her back, and she kept telling him no. I just don't understand. If you know how he feels about you, why remain in contact. BTW, today I just found out that she HAS been sending him texts every so often. Just asking "how he's doing". Maybe I'm weird, but I really do not see a point in trying to keep in touch with someone that you knows has feelings for you.
Ladyblue Posted January 20, 2011 Posted January 20, 2011 (xH stands for ex-husband) I just see so many red flags here. She KNOWS that he has feelings for her, she KNOWS that he would take her back, has even tried to get her back. She is "poking the bear." She is a tease. She is dishonest, in that she is EXCLUDING YOU from the friendship she and he have. That makes their "friendship" an exclusive relationship that she won't let you be part of. That is totally wrong if she has serious intentions with you. She is not putting all her cards on the table with you, so to speak. If her friendship was innocent, and on the up-and-up, she would invite you into it and include you in it. If she doesn't want you to be a part of it, I can guarantee you there is a reason why --- one you wouldn't like! She is also emotionally tormenting you. She knows it bothers you for her to have this friendship with this guy, which she won't let you join in. She is being inconsiderate and disrespectful of your feelings. She is treating your feelings as "less important than" her friendship with this guy. You are early on in your R (relationship). The "new" hasnt had time to wear off yet. She should still be all agog over you. She should at least have enough concern and respect for you to not worry you with some other guy in her life. Can you imagine planning activities with an ex-girlfriend who clearly still wants you, and excluding your current GF? We have two sayings here on LS (loveshack): 1.) ACTIONS speak louder than words. Look at what she does, not what she says. 2.) TRUST YOUR GUT! You know in your gut that something ain't right, or you would not have posted here. DON'T EVER IGNORE YOUR GUT FEELING! IMO, this woman is a player and a tease, she is inconsiderate and disrespectf of you, and she is gaslighting you to try and convince you everything is on the level, even though there is that niggling feeling inside you that says otherwise. TRUST YOUR GUT. Look at actions, not words. (btw, you might want to post on the dating, cheating, or infidelity board. You might get more feedback in one of those other forums.)
East7 Posted January 20, 2011 Posted January 20, 2011 I agree 100% with Ladyblue. BTW you sound young (most of people here are above 30). Anyway, in my opinion you have lots of Red flags. This relationship is still weak and her attachment to you is not strong enough. It sounds like a rebound relationship. I don't think she is emotionally completely over her xBF. If she was really into you, she wouldn't give a damn about her ex, let alone meeting with him. Plus she lied to you about meeting him, that's very suspicious, why did she need to hide that...? Be very careful, I hate to say this, but one day you might see her going back with her xBF and you won't even understand why.
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