TinaniT Posted January 19, 2011 Posted January 19, 2011 I haven't posted in a while. Just wanted to let you all know things are going well. As possible, anyways, even after everything is final, there is nothing easy about divorce with children involved. My sweetheart handles it better than I do, though he loses more time and it does weigh on him a lot-- I'm the one who is the weaker and cries about it. Funny, since his situation was never abusive and mine was; but I suppose he knew he was going to leave before we met, and I did not. The mourning has to happen. My son is doing great though, better than ever, and his dad spends far more time with him than he used to and they are much closer, the crazy stuff he pulled dissipated once he realized it wasn't controlling me anymore. His BS has really come much further around. Her and I have talked a lot, mainly about how to handle things with the kids, and making sure I respect her wishes about my role now and in the future. No more suicide attempts. She is seeking counseling for the depression. I wouldn't say her and I are friends, of course, but it is at least comfortable. Faster than I would have thought, but then, in my situation everything has moved insanely fast from the beginning. It was an odd situation, with her having been in an affair first and all that... maybe that's why she was quicker to understand once she got on medication and started counseling? I am still in counseling, too. I don't think that will stop soon. The whole thing was hard - not so much the affair portion of it that I dwelled about, but the intricacies of two divorced people with children combining lives, period. Divorce, period. I see why so many people try so many things to avoid divorce, even if it is a sacrifice for themselves. A big part of me wanted to, but in the end I couldn't hurt my love like that. It was easier for him, the grand romantic, than for me. He had a steadfast optimism I couldn't have. So, things are not easy even still... I hate to give that impression because even still there are times I cry. Times all I want is my son with me and even any abuse would be worth not losing that time. However, I know that isn't in his long term best interest if he wants a normal relationship with women. Day to day life, though, is wonderful. We took advantage of the down market and bought a beautiful house in a wonderful school district. Things are easy and I don't stress what will happen if dinner isn't ready. If I fall asleep after putting my son to bed, he does the dishes. Not a word about it, ever. He still continues to be willing to move oceans for me. He is just a good, and solid, man. His kids are very fun and we have somewhat of a "friend" relationship, but they light up to see me and call just to talk to me even when he is not around. We are very busy with activities when they are here. My son, of course, still adores him. Still working on the wedding details; it gets out of control easily. I didn't have one the first time around, so no experience with this! He offered to hire a wedding planner but I want to take control of it even if it drives me nuts sometimes. So, for what it's worth, that's where things are with me. Things are busy for frequent updates. I recognize some of the names now, though not all. I hope everyone is doing well.
AngeletteX Posted January 19, 2011 Posted January 19, 2011 This is absolutely wonderful. Thank you for posting it - it lets people know EMAs aren't all negative, despite some bumps in the road. But that's life, right? Beautiful things DO happen when two people who are meant to be together, connect! Congratulations on your upcoming marriage and the life the two of you are forming!
Author TinaniT Posted January 19, 2011 Author Posted January 19, 2011 One dysfunctional relationship right into another. I wish you the best of luck. I disagree with your assessment of my current relationship. Though you are right that we have each brought our fair share of baggage in. That's why we both have attended individual and couples counseling to make sure it doesn't impact our life and that the happiness we feel always together perpetuates. But, assuming the latter half of your statement wasn't some malicious sarcasm, I thank you for the good wishes. I know that things cannot always be conveyed accurately without a constant picture. My psychologist certainly had plenty of questions about the details of our life initially.
Confused4Now Posted January 19, 2011 Posted January 19, 2011 One dysfunctional relationship right into another. I wish you the best of luck.How is this "Respectful and helpful"?
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