J0N Posted January 19, 2011 Posted January 19, 2011 (edited) Well guys, here I am. After 90 days of NC, I am alive and well. I thought at first that I wouldn’t survive this, but I have. It has been a roller coaster ride to say the least. I cannot say that I am over her totally but I have made a fair amount of progress. I have ‘purged’ everything she ever gave me, I donated all the clothes she gave me to Goodwill (thought it would be better than throwing them away). I left ‘our’ photo album on her doorstep the day we broke up, along with her stuff. Everything else I have thrown away, except for an autographed baseball she caught for me at a game, then had autographed by one of the best players in the MLB (hint: He plays first base, in the NL). I kept that but I have put it away where I won’t find it for a while. She is blocked on my FB, email, deleted off my phone, etc. I have even forgotten her mailing address. I am honestly surprised that I have not broken NC (I did write her a farewell email about a month ago, when I blocked FB/email, but at the end of the email I asked her not to respond). I have not spoken to her in person for 99 days (Oct 12). I would like to thank everyone on this website for all of your help and support through what has been the most difficult and emotionally draining times of my life. There were so many times where I was literally dialing her number and for some reason or another I stopped myself. The closest I ever came to breaking NC was about three weeks after we broke up, when she mailed me my stuff back. I wanted to call her and thank her, but for some reason or another I chose not to do anything. Through this experience I have learned a lot about myself. I am an emotional guy. I really did love this girl, but I have to accept this situation for what it is, and at some point I have to stop asking questions, because there are no answers. Through posts like ‘still pining’ and the many others I have written & read, I learned that it speaks volumes about a person’s character by the manner in which they leave you. My ex was a coward; she abandoned me to pursue greener pastures in California. When she realizes that everything isn’t how she dreamed, she better take her problems elsewhere because my door is SHUT! I think this will make me a better BF to somebody in the future, there are definitely things I wish I had done differently. However this breakup was not entirely my fault, now after all of the emotional fog has cleared I can see my ex GF and our situation for what it really was. There were red flags and other things that I just breezed over because I was blind. It is too bad that my relationship ended the way it did, but it is what it is. And that’s all I have to say about that. Best of luck to everyone on this board going through a similar situation, I know firsthand how hard it is. Thanks again for everything guys, I am sure I will be around for a while. I am not totally out of the woods yet.* - J0N Edited January 19, 2011 by J0N
strangeways Posted January 19, 2011 Posted January 19, 2011 Congrats on 90 Days J0N. I'm just over 100 so I know it's been a tough journey. I'm still getting there but now I know I'm going to be OK. It was hard to see it at the beginning. Seems such a long time ago now. Good job on learning your lessons. It's the most important aspect about these experiences. Moving on without learning those lessons just repeats the cycle. I suspect that's what both our ex's will be doing. Not our problem though thankfully. Keep up the good work.
Rose T Posted January 19, 2011 Posted January 19, 2011 You guys are legends!! I broke up nearly 7 weeks ago, was doing quite well at 23 days but I replied to an email on Monday and put my count back to zero.... Now I'm on day 2 and it's like pulling teeth! NC is SO AMAZING. When you break it, it really does set you back. I salute anyone with the willpower to get to 90 or 100 days - awesome. I know from past breakups that it's the only thing that accelerates healing and ultimately gives you the chance to break free and meet someone else! I worship in the church of NC!!!!!
AC06 Posted January 19, 2011 Posted January 19, 2011 Congratulations, 90 days is quite an achievement!
Author J0N Posted January 19, 2011 Author Posted January 19, 2011 I wouldn’t go so far as to say that NC is amazing. However, it IS the only way to get over somebody. It really sucks at times, especially at first. There are so many things I would like to say to her, but at this point they are probably better just left unsaid. I am more disappointed in her than anything. She was a great girl who took some advice from some dumb people and she will pay for it someday. She will never meet another guy who will take care of her and love her the way I did (DID, as in I DON’T ANYMORE!!!). NC has been a bit of a PITA too, because we had a lot of mutual friends. Some of whom still hang out with her regularly. This does irk me, but I cannot expect them to shun their friend just for my sake. I know none of them are trying to hurt me, but it still does bother me. Unfortunately, this has also resulted in them calling me to hang out less. Occasionally they mention how happy she is, and how she seems totally normal (this really bothers me and I have asked them to stop). Once she moves to CA though, this shouldn’t be as much of a problem. Distance will naturally separate a lot of them. I have been dreaming of her a lot lately, like I am with my friends and we get to talking and both realize that this is stupid and reconcile. I actually woke up this morning thinking that we had until I realized that it was just a dream. I know that at this point there is virtually no chance that we will ever reconcile, I am also assuming at this point that I will never see her again. This does make me sad, but there is nothing I can do. Even though we still live in the same city for at least 5 more months, she has already committed to taking the job in CA. This is a rather heartbreaking thought. I guess all I can do now is just stick to NC, and move on. I have made efforts to faze her out of my life but it hasn’t been a cakewalk not by a long shot. I am totally committed to myself and improving MY life, I am getting back into shape, and I am going to meet some new girls and go on some dates. *I think once it warms up where I live I am going to fix up my bike and start trail riding. One thing I have held on to this entire time is a quote I saw on someone’s signature: “NC is not a ticket to Heaven; rather it is a ticket OUT of Hell”
WTRanger Posted January 19, 2011 Posted January 19, 2011 Yep, as a fellow 90-plus day NC fellow myself I do agree that NC is not a cake walk. But it is the only way. I still miss her, but things just feel different. Dare I say normal?
Author J0N Posted January 19, 2011 Author Posted January 19, 2011 Yep, as a fellow 90-plus day NC fellow myself I do agree that NC is not a cake walk. But it is the only way. I still miss her, but things just feel different. Dare I say normal? I would say that things are starting to feel *somewhat* normal. I can actually have fun again, I think I will probably never forget about her completely though. When I meet someone new and fall in love with them, I am sure I will still think about my ex, but only once every 6 months or so. When people bring her up or even mention her it still stops me in my tracks. I am not sure why, but when i hear she is happy now it is like a kick in the nuts. It could be an act though on her part. When I hung out with her girl friends a while ago, I put on a really strong face and I never even mentioned her (even though I was dieing inside). Who knows... I think I am ready for a little casual dating. I want to get myself out of my comfort zone a little and experience the world. I am young, it is a virtual certainty that I will meet someone new. Congratulations to everyone who has decided to go NC!
Author J0N Posted January 20, 2011 Author Posted January 20, 2011 There is a frequently used word on this forum and I was wondering how it was pronounced. "pining" Is it pining like push pin, or pine-ing like pine tree? Silly question but I am curious
Stilicho Posted January 20, 2011 Posted January 20, 2011 im on day 12 NC, and i will admit, everyday brings new challenges, it is hard, but my confidence has mostly returned, and i have a much more positive outlook on life. what frightens me though is that in 12 days, NC will end, not by my choice though, as she is in 2 classes of mine next semester.
Author J0N Posted January 20, 2011 Author Posted January 20, 2011 Are the classes offered at other times? Sit on the other side of the room?
Stilicho Posted January 20, 2011 Posted January 20, 2011 unfortunately theyre not. one class is pretty big, so im not worried, the other though is tiny, with around 20 students(which is extremely small for my uni), so im not exactly sure.... if anything i can play the indifferent card....... hopefully
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