paddington bear Posted January 19, 2011 Posted January 19, 2011 Wrote here a while ago about a first date that ended in sex and was wondering if the guy would contact me again or not. He did. (Relief). Seemed proof that it wasn't just a ons as normally you hear nothing ever again. So going on this theory I (no doubt stupidly) invited him out. Got a message a day later saying he was out of town on business, but he should be back soon. No mention of 'sorry I would have liked to see you' or nothing like 'I'll be in touch with you when I'm back. Logically, I realise it was just a ons, the guy was being polite, rather than not replying at all. Logically, I realise that if he wanted to get in touch again he could. Logically, I realise that he is abroad right now (or so he said...). However, logic doesn't seem to be working at all in containing my emotions. I really liked this guy and feel like my intuition on how well we clicked was obviously waaaay off (I know sleeping with him was a terrible idea, so you don't have to tell me that...even if we hadn't, I'd still be hoping for some contact from him). Sigh. I notice my stupid woman's brain thinking stuff like "but maybe he was waiting for a reply to that message, maybe he thinks I don't like him any more. I should probably message back just in case"... but I know for sure, if I do that, I will be tenderhooks waiting for a response and then either a) getting a response which will get my hopes up, (perhaps for nothing). Or, b ) getting no reply and I will just prolong my agony. Please confirm that I did the right thing by not responding to this message. It's been a week now since last contact. I need to draw a line under this. Driving me totally nuts.
tinktronik Posted January 19, 2011 Posted January 19, 2011 You've done the right thing. Go take a long, fast walk and sweat this out.
Jazzari Posted January 19, 2011 Posted January 19, 2011 If you had replied right away, I probably would have responded with something short, light and chatty. Maybe mention that I hate to fly (or tell some short funny story of one of my own flights). I'd end up wishing him a good trip. I wouldn't have mentioned getting together again but the implication that I liked him would be there since I took the time to reply and was friendly. It would also have let him know that I wasn't going to be pushy. But I don't think not replying was a big mistake. If he was into you, he wouldn't let that stop him. Since its been a week, I'd give it a bit longer before sending him a reply. It's not a good sign that he didn't say when exactly he would be back.
northern_sky Posted January 19, 2011 Posted January 19, 2011 DO NOT SEND IT. I promise you it will accomplish nothing.
carhill Posted January 19, 2011 Posted January 19, 2011 Interesting how he contacted you while abroad with no disclosed definite time of return. Sometimes I wish I was wired for ONS. I'd be good at this. Do not contact him further. He can call you and set up a date, meaning something which keeps clothing on and genitals holstered.
810 Posted January 19, 2011 Posted January 19, 2011 Wrote here a while ago about a first date that ended in sex and was wondering if the guy would contact me again or not. He did. (Relief). Seemed proof that it wasn't just a ons as normally you hear nothing ever again. So going on this theory I (no doubt stupidly) invited him out. Got a message a day later saying he was out of town on business, but he should be back soon. No mention of 'sorry I would have liked to see you' or nothing like 'I'll be in touch with you when I'm back. Logically, I realise it was just a ons, the guy was being polite, rather than not replying at all. Logically, I realise that if he wanted to get in touch again he could. Logically, I realise that he is abroad right now (or so he said...). However, logic doesn't seem to be working at all in containing my emotions. I really liked this guy and feel like my intuition on how well we clicked was obviously waaaay off (I know sleeping with him was a terrible idea, so you don't have to tell me that...even if we hadn't, I'd still be hoping for some contact from him). Sigh. I notice my stupid woman's brain thinking stuff like "but maybe he was waiting for a reply to that message, maybe he thinks I don't like him any more. I should probably message back just in case"... but I know for sure, if I do that, I will be tenderhooks waiting for a response and then either a) getting a response which will get my hopes up, (perhaps for nothing). Or, b ) getting no reply and I will just prolong my agony. Please confirm that I did the right thing by not responding to this message. It's been a week now since last contact. I need to draw a line under this. Driving me totally nuts. i understand this frustration. the agony is unbearable. i suggest that it's always best letting him have the last word (whatever he wrote) and leave it as that. I've been on the same boat. i know it's not a game playing thing; it's the "i think i know how it's going to end." you can like a person so much but it takes two to make a date. what i did was i text my friends whenever i had the urge to text the guy i knew it wouldn't work out but really liked him. you can do what i did. you can text me if you have no one to text. just pm and i'll send you my #. i understand how hard this is. hang in there. *hug*
northern_sky Posted January 19, 2011 Posted January 19, 2011 this guy is a loser, paddington. i hate it when men do this.
Author paddington bear Posted January 19, 2011 Author Posted January 19, 2011 Thanks everyone. I'd forgotten how hard this is. You know when subconsciously you think "I can handle this"? And then TOTALLY cannot handle it at all. The last time this happened to me was about 5 years ago. I'd forgotten how utterly frustrating it is, the waiting, the hoping, the getting a sign of life, the hoping and then the crushing realisation that you are a bloody idiot, but also that you will never, ever see someone again that you really, genuinely liked. Not easy or often to meet someone that you like that much. Add to this the beating myself up for sleeping with him and you have a very angry bear. And yes, Carhill, I 'like' the non-specific timescale. I know I'll not hear from him again. I just have to somehow get over that fact. A week later is long enough to know. But I'm still hoping. How utterly dumb is that? Other things in my life are going horrendously badly right now, so I have too much time to think about him and his silence, which is not helping matters. Anyway, no buttons have been pushed so far (apart from the make PB a very very angry, bitter, rejected, mournful girl button)
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