rudereds Posted January 19, 2011 Posted January 19, 2011 Hi all... Kinda new here... Looking 4 a way 2 help get over this pain... I was in a relationship with my ex since we were teenagers (I was 14 and he was nearly 16). If we had still been together, New Year's Day would have been our 11th anniversary. We have a son who turned 7 last month. May 4th, 2010, he left me for someone else (a girl he had met 3 wks before who apparently had sent him quite a few naked pics of herself). That started 8 months of the worst kind of pain I've ever felt. He treats me horribly. He talks to me like a dog. As stupid as it was, he even got to have sex with me a couple of times only 4 me 2 realise he'll go back to telling her she's the love of his life (I know now how dumb I was). Everytime I try the NC, after a couple of days he keeps trying to contact me and I end up breaking it only to regret it after. She recently left him and he called to say he was seriously thinking about at least trying to let me see how sorry he was for everything he had done. I then found out he's still trying to get her to come back to him. He has changed so much now towards our son and I. We were so happy with our little family. Now, not only does he talk to me badly but when our son is by him he comes back complaining that his dad doesn't spend time with him and tells him hurtful stuff when he acts out as most children do when they want attention. I've tried telling him that the main reason our son acts out so often is because he wants attention from him because my son doesn't do that when he's at home with me. He doesn't wanna hear it. I'm wondering now if I should just do the NC 100% (child or no child). I could probably buy a cellphone and let our son call him to let him know anything. That way I won't have to contact him at all... Basically I just wanna know.... How do you stop it from hurting so much? I know I should try moving on but it's so hard... Anybody have any advice on how to just let go and move on?
Rose T Posted January 19, 2011 Posted January 19, 2011 I'm so sorry for your pain, rudereds. There are a lot of wise people on these boards - I also rate Loveshack the highest of all the sites because posters here tend to cut throught the BS and tell you what you need to hear. No contact really is such a powerful tool; it enables you to survive the pain, move into a state of coping and eventually into the healing phase. I know all that sounds difficult at the moment and I appreciate that with a child its much more complicated, but in terms of protecting yourself, try and implement NC. If you think the solution of giving your child a cellphone to communicate with his Dad, give it a go. You need to get yourself into a better place and all this contact isn't helping. My ex left me for another girl 6 weeks ago so my pain is raw, but I have avoided seeing him and avoided contact for the most part, which is having a strong coping / healing effect. Get that man off that pedestal, though - don't listen to his lies and try to process what an unhealthy person he is for your life. He needs to take responsibility for the choices he made and you have to leave him to wallow in his loneliness. Keep coming back to Loveshack because there are some amazing wise old (and young!) birds on here and the past threads will also give you good coping strategies. I don't have enough experience to tell you how to protect and help your son in these difficult times, but I'm sure someone will come along that can give you some good advice. Good luck, protect yourself, and please stay away - I know you have been with this man for a very long time, but you need to start detaching yourself. First to heal, then one day, to meet a good man. Take care.
Recommended Posts